


Unstoppable Force

by Blu3sc0rpion



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Biting, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Eventual Happy Ending, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hostage Situations, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Masturbation, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Tension, Slash, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, obikin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-03-29 02:45:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 38
Words: 167,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13917738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blu3sc0rpion/pseuds/Blu3sc0rpion
Summary: After the first battle of Geonosis, Obi-wan is forced to confront the man his young Padawan has become, bringing deeply suppressed desires to the surface. In the wake of their ever changing relationship, a mission goes awry. Darth Maul is alive. With the aid of his subservient apprentice Savage, he plots his revenge on Kenobi with Anakin helplessly caught in the middle. What ensues will change both men forever, for better or worse. What will become of Master and Padawan when caught in a web of darkness?





	1. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan is forced to see Anakin for the man he has become  
> Edited and updated on 8/7/18

Night had fallen on Coruscant as Anakin and Obi-wan trekked back to their shared quarters. The last few weeks had proven to be tumultuous at best, hellish at worst. As if discovering a hidden clone army wasn't enough, the miss-hap on Geonosis sparked war through the galaxy like a bolt to a reactor core. It all seemed surreal in their sleep deprived haze, the two of them sinking into the couch beside each other, simultaneously letting out a sigh of relief. It had been too long since they had enjoyed the luxury of resting in their own quarters. It would be too soon that they would be called away again.

"Anakin, you have done well these past few weeks. I couldn't be more proud." Obi-Wan said to Anakin, reaching over to tousle his hair, genuine smile gracing his lips. He moved his hand down to hold his apprentice's braid in his hand. He paused pensively, something like sadness falling over his features only for a brief moment. “You are ready for your trials, I have no doubt,” he said, almost mournfully.

Unaware of the saddened tone his master had taken, Anakin's eyes lit up with pride, reveling in the praise his master had bestowed on him. It was not often to hear praise alone from his master- usually any positive expressions were drowned in so many reprimands. 

"Thank you Master!" He threw his arms around his beloved teacher with innocent glee. Withdrawing from the embrace, he placed his hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders as he took on an expression of solemnity. "I _won't_ let you down master." 

Obi-Wan gazed into his padawans eyes earnestly as he tried to give an assuring smile. It took a measure of effort to keep the longing he felt in his heart from showing. The brief lock of eyes had Obi-wan feeling exposed, as if just by looking into his eyes, Anakin might know the truth of how he felt. As a blush colored his cheeks, he quickly averted his eyes, changing the subject to things rooted in facts rather than emotion.

"The war effort needs generals of your mind, hopefully with your effort we can end this war before it turns into a long and drawn out affair." Obi-wan spoke truthfully, taking solace in factual matters to help him quell his rogue emotions. It wasn’t the Jedi way to be given to throes of passion. However he didn’t speak to the benefit of Anakin’s ego, although it certainly didn’t maim the boy’s pride. It was fact. They needed Anakin as a Jedi knight in full capacity to help gain an edge on the separatists. He had already proven himself worthy many times over, not to mention during the battle of Geonosis.

It was a testament to the fact that Anakin had grown up. There was hardly a trace left of the young slave his master had found on Tatooine. His soft boyish edges had become hard and muscular. His adolescent perspectives had begun to mature. Often times Obi-wan would catch himself in active denial of the leaps and bounds Anakin was making in his training, mostly because he was terrified to let himself dwell on the man that he had become- the man that Obi-wan had developed a deep longing for.

"I know I will make you proud Master" Anakin said still beaming from the recognition.

Obi-Wan nodded, distancing himself from his emotions. "Indeed you shall." Obi-wan spoke, rising up from the sofa, retreating from the object of his desires that tempted him so sweetly, so unknowingly. 

"The hour grows late my young apprentice, I’m afraid it’s time for me to retire." Obi-wan said, not daring to look his padawan in his eyes.

"Good night, master" Anakin said sweetly as Obi-Wan made way towards his private quarters. 

"You as well Anakin,” he said, cursing the way his emotions seemed to rule him so ruthlessly.

Of course it was all a ruse. Obi-Wan knew he couldn't sleep if he tried. His mind was too full of racing thoughts, ones that made him feel dirty and wrong. Thoughts of his Padawan…

He _should_ have been exhausted after the events of the last few weeks. So much battling, plotting, running. With the war on the rise, he might only get this one night to sleep in his own bed before being sent out in the field again. 

Still, with thoughts of the war came thoughts of Anakin. Because he couldn’t ignore his padawan’s competency any longer, not with him being so desperately needed by the war effort. It was time to accept the fact that he was no longer his little padawan. No longer dependent and reliant on him for help. It was time for transition. He would have to let go, give distance, release this problematic attachment into the force.

Not only was it against the Jedi code to form such emotional attachments- _liabilities,_ but it was grossly uncharacteristic of himself to let these types of things happen. The attraction he felt was so animal, so instinctual, it was a beast to be tamed that even to himself seemed to be insurmountable.

Just grazing the thought was too much for him to handle, stirring up so many urges and impulses. The fact that he should never have been fostering these desires only made them so much more powerful. It gnawed at him relentlessly as his member hardened, leaving him feeling hopeless and defeated, disgusted by these unstoppable chemical drives that refused to let up. At the heart of all was his padawan, the one that made him feel this way. The one that drove him to the edge of his self control. 

He desperately tried to ignore the pleasurable sensation, the anticipation in his loins. The more he willed it away, the more his length ached and pulsed, begging to be touched, seeding his mind with thoughts of Anakin, of all the ways he wanted him. 

Rapt by the animal drives that took over his senses, he reached out with the force to Anakin, hoping he too was having these same base desires. Or perhaps he was already pleasuring himself…

Just before Obi-wan reached Anakin, he instantly recoiled from him in shame. The sexual tension was too much for him to control, the congenital nature of it make his stomach twist with disgust. The shame he felt for it was massive, but only intensified his burn for release. 

Obi-wan let his hand wander down to the strangled erection beneath his robes. He gently compressed his manhood, sending waves of pleasure throughout his entire body. His body felt tender, hard niples dragging on his robes as his chest rose and fell at a quickening pace. 

With his eyes closed he fondled himself over his leggings, imagining what Anakin’s fingers would feel like gripping his girth. Obi-wan was so lost in fantasy that he didn’t even notice the strangled moan that escaped his lips as he freed his member from his leggings and began to stroke his length teasingly. If only Anakin could hear his body yearn for his touch. Those lips, wet, taking his length from stem to root. 

Pausing to moisten his hands with saliva, he resumed stroking himself, body already electric, embarrassingly close to orgasm. 

Tearing at his robes with his free hand he exposed his chest. Generously moistening his free hand he moved to tease his nipples, gently putting friction on the hard peaks as he worked his shaft faster. Pleasure welled deliciously in his belly as his breath faltered, his mind playing salacious fantasies as he worked his length, desperate moans mingling with one name that fell from his lips. 

“Oh Anakin,” As Obi-wan’s pleasure grew, his fantasy took over his senses, seeming so real as he lost himself to his most shameful desires. Beautiful pure blue eyes staring up at him lustfully as those lips, that tongue, teased and tickled his tip, prodding him to finish. 

He was panting, gasping for breath between whimpers and moans, not knowing the volume of his desperate sounds.

"Oh Ani, oh, don't stop..." 

Nearly reaching release his body was on fire, tortured by the thought of Anakin pleasuring him so seductively "oh..oh oh, Ani-" 

Obi-wan’s pace quickened, his grip becoming firmer as his orgasm crested, leaving him trembling from the electricity that tore through his limbs as he lost all control, completely absorbed in his basest fantasy. “Anakin!” He groaned loudly as he climaxed, seed spilling all over his exposed chest in a milky sheen.

Obi-wan was still reveling and squirming in orgasm when the door to his quarters ripped open as the young padawan rushed in, responding to the perceived shouts for help from his master. 

"Master!" Anakin shouted before his mind caught up with the situation. Obi-wan lied still, frozen on his sleeper with his softened member still exposed, seed spilled all over himself. As if he had seen something terrible, Anakin stumbled backward in confusion as the door shut between them. 

Timidly, Anakin climbed back onto his sleeper, terribly confused by what he had just seen. The stewing bewilderment and enlightenment kept Anakin up all night leaving him feeling a mix of disgust and shock. He felt as if everything he had ever known was to be questioned. The only thing he could know for sure is that the relationship with his master would never be the same.


	2. Tainted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin finds respite in the arms of his wife

Months had gone by since Anakin had rushed into his Master's quarters at the beckon of his name. There were times it proved challenging to rid the image out of mind, Obi-wan writhing in pleasure, shouting his name. The immediate feeling that rose in the moment had been acute bewilderment and repulsion. The two of them had never mentioned the encounter and they both tried hard to ignore what felt like a massive mistake. It was easier now that the two of them no longer shared a living quarters. Since Anakin was bestowed with knighthood in the Jedi order he was given his own personal quarters, although he rarely spent time there. Most of Anakins time was devoted to the war effort, or spending time with senator Amidala. It was challenging to keep their marriage hidden from the council, but it was not optional. Both of their careers, the fate of the galaxy even, hung in the balance. 

Anakin was arriving home for a short leave before his next assignment, and he could feel the need to rest and recover deep in his bones. Every victory left him emotionally and physically spent. Often times him and Obi-wan would collaborate in battle, and they had become a force to be reckoned with. With the list of victories growing, their faces quickly became holonet famous. Although they remained close associates mostly it was through necessity, Anakin resented the distance that had come between himself and Obi-wan. He had his own padawan to worry about these days, longed for guidance in how to teach Ahsoka in the ways of the force. Ever since the incident Anakin no longer felt free to approach his old Master. Obi-wan had grown aloof in their interactions and the shame was almost palpable. Obi-wan was like a father to him, and in that instant he felt like he had lost his mentor. There was too much loss in his young life to be able to bear loosing his master too. 

Finally reaching Padme's apartment, he let himself in the door. It was early afternoon and more than likely that the senator was away on business for the next few hours. He reached the bedroom and kicked off his boots to rest. Even in her absence the bed sheets gave off her scent, lulling Anakin off into a sleepy daze. Finally after too long on the battlefront he could close his eyes. 

Even in such a tired state he could not fully rest. The plight of being so distanced from his master was becoming more distressing over time. As his mind mulled over how to get past this barrier between them, those lewd images rose in his mind. They were always tough to escape once they surfaced. The thought of Obi-wan touching himself and yearning for him send odd feelings through his abdomen and shocks through his body, excitement mixed with disgust. The sensation confused him as he lay with his eyes wide open, afraid to think of the matter much further. 

The door to the apartment slid open and Anakin sensed Padme enter the space. Thankfully she was rescuing him from those disturbing thoughts. He sat up on the bed as she walked into the room. “Ani!” She exclaimed happily as she rushed towards him with open arms, embracing him warmly. A much needed and welcomed distraction from everything else. “I didn't know you were on leave,” She said, delighting in seeing her husband who was gone far too much for her liking. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise”Anakin said nestling his head in her neck, inhaling her fragrance desperately as his lips grazed her porcelain skin. She was a drug that made him forget about almost everything else. His hands gripped her hips as he pulled her to straddle him, then exploring upwards to loosen the clasps of her clothing. Padme let out a giddy sigh of anticipation as she drew his face up in her hands to meet her lips. A hungry moan escaped Anakin as he freed her of her garments. He loosened his pants as she tore his tunic off of him exposing his perfect flesh beneath. 

Sweeping her naked form up in his arms he laid her on the bed and positioned himself between her legs. His member was fully engorged, pulsating with pleasure and anticipation as he dragged his tip against her moist lips. She was already so wet for him, aching for him to fill her. He teased her like this for a moment as he took in her form. Delicate and soft, his eyes ravished her curves finally meeting her gaze. Padme's eyes were desperate and pleading... Just as Obi-wan's eyes had when-

“Oh Ani I miss you so much when you are away, I wish we never had to be apart” She said softy. Anakin lowered his body atop hers. 

“I'm here now my love” Anakin said as he brought his lips to brush her ear. Padme gasped as he gently entered her. Anakin groaned softly as he was overtaken by the sensations of his body. It had been so long since he had been inside her the pleasure was overwhelming. He began to pump rhythmically as Padme wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him into her and grinding on his shaft. As she neared the apex she tightened around his girth, sending shock waves of pleasure through their bodies. Her arms wrapped around and clawed at is back drawing red lines. His arms drew around her torso drawing her closer, moving her body on his cock. 

“Harder Ani!” She begged as he quickened the pace and began ramming her harder and more violently. They were both grunting and moaning liberally as they reached closer to orgasm. Anakin moved her to be on all fours as he entered her from behind wrapping one arm around to rub her clit and another to squeeze her breast. He wondered if Obi-wan wanted to take him like this...

Amidala clenched around him in orgasm as her body shuddered and reveled in the electric pleasure ripping through her body. “Oh Anakin, oh dont stop!” She pleaded as she rode the sensation. He thrust violently forcing her body down, moving his hands to her hips, guiding himself into her forcefully as he spilled his seed deep inside of her. Deep animal moans and gasps escaped his throat as his cock pulsed inside her. She made sounds of approval as the hot seed filled her enhancing her pleasure. He continued to weakly thrust inside her until his member softened and he withdrew, seed spilling out of her. 

Both of them were panting from exertion as they moved to hold each other, winding down from the pleasure they had shared. Padme almost dared not ask, “When do you leave again?”

“I'm not sure my love, but i'm sure it wont be before too long.” He said with undertones of disappointment. He wished he could escape just the two of them, but that would never happen, not as long as the war continued. They held each other and drifted off into a satisfying sleep.


	3. Loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan, Anakin and Ahsoka depart on a misssion

Anakin was only on Coruscant for three days when he was called for another mission. Word was sent of shady dealings involving the trade of force sensitive young lings through Tatooine. The arid wasteland planet was the perfect place for dealing in human cargo. Anakin knew all too well the horrors of slavery and how complacent the local population had become to the plight of anyone unlucky enough branded 'slave'. Rumors were that the separatists were paying as much as 20,000 credits per young-ling to anyone who would oblige bounty hunter and slaver alike. At such a high price the Jedi council had only grave ideas about what the separatists could be hatching up. This mission had to be done covertly and swiftly. That is why the council chosen to send Obi-wan along with Anakin and his young padawan, Ahsoka. The objective: locate the young-lings and discover why they needed them desperately enough to pay such a steep price.

Anakin stood beside his padawan and his former Master as their cruiser rushed through hyperspace. “We need to come up with a plan, do you have any suggestions Anakin?” Obi-wan asked, only briefly making eye contact before shifting his gaze. The rift would go undetected by anyone in passing but to Anakin it was a deep chasm that grew wider in each passing day. If Obi-wan even dared to reach out in the force to feel what Anakin was feeling, he might not have let the distance between them grow to such an extent. He would have felt his heartache, the loss of his best friend and the closeness they once shared. The fear of loss turned into reality everyday when he was reminded of the ever widening gap between them. This was all too much of a sore subject for Anakin; he was no stranger to loss.

Anakin had to be objective, this was not a time to try to mend the rift between himself and his former Master. This mission, like most of their missions, had innocent lives hanging in the balance. “We use Ahsoka as bait, go down to Mos Eisley, that's where the separatists will more than likely be buying from. I will pilot and you can go down to try to find the buyer, see if you can get anybody talking. Whether undercover or not we need to get the location of where they are taking these young-lings.”

Obi-wan countered “We cannot afford to loose our cover Anakin it is crucial that our disguise remains intact if we ever hope to find the young ones.” His quick tone of chastisement almost made things feel as if they were back to normal again. Usually this type of retort would annoy Anakin but now he felt comforted by it; remnants of what once was. 

Anakin spoke in patience searching out the eyes of his Master, “That is why I suggest you go and Ahsoka and I will stay with the ship while you scout for intelligence, get a location for an exchange and then we take them by surprise at the drop. We can have them lead us to the separatists. You are known for your skilled negotiations, are you not Master?” The familiarity in Anakins voice was bittersweet and left a heaviness in his chest as Obi-wan refused to meet his eyes. 

“When you say it, it almost sounds fool proof” Obi-wan said with a tone of sarcasm in his voice and eyes cast wayward looking at nothing in particular. 

“Well I think it sounds like a great plan Master. I love being the bait!” Ahsoka interjected with an edge of sarcasm coupled with excitement in her tone. She was used to danger at this point. Anakin always operated in a mode of spontaneity that often times led to dangerous close calls that always seemed to resolve in a favorable way. 

“I don't think I approve of your padawans enthusiasm to rush into perilous situations,” Obi-wan chided Anakin while glaring gently toward Ahsoka.  
….............

The cruiser exited hyperspace just out of detectable range from Tatooine. They were going to have to take the twilight down for this run. It would serve as the perfect disguise. As soon as all three of them were sufficiently disguised they departed. Anakin swiftly piloted them down to the surface in an eerie silence. He willed himself to stay mentally on task, but it became quite a challenge the closer they came to land on the surface of the planet. 'So here we are,' Anakin thought to himself sardonically, 'home'. If he had the power to erase this sand filled rock out of existence, he would have most certainly exercised it. 

The raw hatred Anakin held for this place sent waves in the force of such magnitude that even Obi-wan could not hide himself from feeling it too. Obi-wan knew this place brought much pain and suffering to young Anakin, and that those emotional ties had never been brought to an end. There was a time when Obi-wan would have counseled him on his emotional instability but the thought of saying such things brought him deeper shame. How could he council on matters of emotional attachments when he had lost control over his own passions and desires? Obi-wan could not stand to show himself as such a hypocrite. He hated himself for having these deep conflicting thoughts and in turn felt even weaker when he dwelt upon his own self loathing. The falling out and distance that had come between him and Anakin, it was his own fault for giving in to his own selfish desires. And now his own wounded pride held him from bridging the gap. He felt so raw and open in a very unpleasant way. Anakin had seen him that state, in a way no padawan should have to see their Master. Obi-wan could still see the look on Anakins face as he backed away as the confusion on his face gave way to shock. Neither he nor Anakin had brought it up even once. And like a wedge the silence on the issue had cleaved their closeness into two lonely and distraught halves. Obi-wan had been so deeply trenched in his own storm of emotions he nearly jumped when Ahsoka broke the silence.

“What is wrong with you two?” She asked innocently and annoyed. Neither of them knew how to answer the simple question. 

Anakin answered with more composure in his voice than he truly felt “This is my home world, snips. Lots of memories is all. But that's besides the point. We have to keep focused on the mission.” She accepted the answer with suspicion but decided to leave it for another time.

The freighter landed and Obi-wan was ready to depart. He fastened an ear piece and handed Anakin and Ahsoka over the corresponding communicator devices. “I will keep in contact. I suspect Chalmun's Cantina will be the place to find out where we can sell our young padawan” He said with a rogue grin that he quickly suppressed. 

“Good plan. We will be waiting for your transmission.” Anakin nodded as Obi-wan headed off. His old master was barely recognizable under the tattered maroon cape and leather strapped tunic. The goggles were the finishing touch. 

“What now master?” Ahsoka asked as she looked up at Skywalker. 

“Now, we wait.” He replied, eyes looking out over the desolate landscape as Obi-wan sauntered off into the distance, the dusk of the twin suns was bright, some might even say beautiful. He hated it and all that they reminded him of. He hoped that this mission would be over soon, or at least take them some place other than this filthy sand planet. 

“Master, I get the feeling you don't like it here.” Ahsoka said observantly. 

“What's to like? Nothing about this place is welcoming. It's a wonder that it's even inhabited.” Anakin said dismissively. Before She could continue with more astute observations he changed the topic. “You know snips it might be a while before Obi-wan has any leads for us to chase down. Why don't you grab a bunk and get some sleep?”

Ahsoka didn't have to be force sensitive to see he had no interest in divulging even the smallest details about growing up on Tatooine. She nodded obediently as she headed off to the sleepers although the likelihood of her actually sleeping was slim to none. 

Anakin was left on the bridge alone, staring out at the horizon as beings trickled down in the distance going every which way along the edge of the junk town. The way they would scatter and march about made him think of insects. Ironically the way that beings were treated on this planet was very much befitting of insects as well, he thought with a grim expression. 

The emotional torture of being on this planet had temporarily surpassed the agony of being so distant from Obi-wan and had even seemed to mute it in his mind for a short time. Anakin shifted his focus to his Master. They couldn't keep going on like this forever. The loss of his best friend, his mentor, was not something that he could accept. In the chasm of their friendship Anakins heart longed for his friend. He was desperate, and was ready to do anything at this point bring things back to the way they had been. He loved Obi-wan. What he had seen that night had been unsettling and repulsing but even that seemed pale in comparison to the way things were now. If only Obi-wan would reach out and hear Anakin's broken heart begging for his companionship. Anakin knew Obi-wan had shielded himself from him through the force. They once were nearly able to hear each-others thoughts and ever since then when Anakin would reach for him with the force it was as if he were invisible to him, even if they were standing right next to one another. It made Anakin feel disposable to him, as if his friendship was not worth getting past the shame of their encounter. 

Anakin didn't notice the tears rolling down his face untill Obi-wan's voice came through the com “I've got information on an exchange point 23 clicks out of town. It sounds like the separatists are camped there in secret. I'm heading back to the ship now so we can regroup and plan our next move.”

“Excellent we will expect you back shortly” Anakin's voice didn't give hints of his current state. He had become a master at masking his emotions. With the Jedi it was a necessary mechanism to keep his dissenters at bay. Most of the members of the Jedi council branded him overly emotional already and they didn't even understand a fraction of the depth of his feelings. At this point it was more than a mask to fool others. He needed to distract himself from his own emotions if they were to be successful in finding the young-lings. He wiped his face on his robes and went to inform Ahsoka on the mission update.


	4. Curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin confronts Obi-wan

Not many words were exchanged between the two elder Jedi upon regrouping. Obi-wan noticed the hint of red rimming Anakins eyes with pangs of guilt. He was reminded of the sea of emotion that boiled beneath those blue eyes. He knew instinctively Anakin was in turmoil but he dared not reach out with the force to look his grief head on. Obi-wan should have been the shoulder to lean on in times like this, not the reason for division. He was falling short of what he needed to be for Anakin. It was a downwards spiral of obligation and shame that dug Obi-wan into a ever descending chasm that seemed increasingly hopeless in prospect of ever changing.

Anakin broke the silence wearing a casually grim face. “You and Ahsoka can go, act like it's a normal exchange. I will tail you from out of sight. Keep your com on and I can be there in a moments notice. The objective is to find the young-lings.” Anakin handed Ahsoka a small vile of viscous blue liquid. “Drink these nano-trackers and we will be able to track you for up to 8 hours. You will lead us right to them and we will come and rescue you and the others. I need your lightsaber for now. It will be suspicious if you arrive with it in hand.” Ahsoka gave her master a look of disagreement. 

“It will be okay snips,” Anakin said giving her a warm smile, gripping her shoulder firmly. “We got your back. Besides- you've learned from the best. You can do this.” His encouraging expression was a stark contrast of his true feelings. Anakin had no doubt they would finish the mission successfully- that was not what was gnawing at the back of his mind. His padawan however still was wordlessly resistant to the layout of the plan. “Ahsoka I have faith in you. You must have faith in the force and in yourself.”

Shackles she could handle but Jedi were never supposed to be without their lightsaber. She could hear her Masters voice in her head reminding her 'Your lightsaber is your life'. Anakin had reassured her that this was of necessity but it left her feeling naked still. She tried to keep the fear out of mind, after all she did whole-heatedly trust her Master and Grand Master to conquer any obstacle. Any mission with Kenobi and Skywalker was bound to be somewhat unorthodox and risky, after all it was what they were most known for. It reminded her how lucky she had been to be Akakin's padawan. No other padawan was getting the training and experience quite like she had being at the forefront of so many important footholds in this war. She smiled with slight hesitation as she relinquished her saber to her master. She knew she had been learning from the best. There were likely no other padawan learners that could stand up against the same odds that she had learned to expect. “If you say so, Master.”

“Go ready the speeders and we will follow you shortly.” 

“Yes Master” Ahsoka agreed as she left towards the hangar bay to ready the two sand speeders for their trek across the desert. As his padawan exited the bridge Anakin could feel himself being given to the depths of his desperate anguish. Maybe it was the added pressure of being sent to Tatooine that had tipped the balance on his emotions, maybe it was just a matter of time. Which ever one it was, he knew that he was out of time. Anakin couldn't stand to ignore this any more. Obi-wan's absence left a deep wound on his soul that disturbed him. He shouldn't rely so heavily on his attachments but he couldn't be any other way. How do you just shut off such swells of feeling and emotion? It seemed inhuman. He even looked down on the other Jedi for their cold calculating nature. Anakin understood the pragmatism of cleaving emotion from action but could not ever imagine truly doing so. To remove emotion from himself would be like killing the man that he was. 

The two Jedi stood in silence with gazes cast towards the floor. The silence was both heavy and awkward as it drew out for what seemed to be forever. Anakin drew breath as if he were about to speak then changed his mind. Obi-wan pivoted away heading for the hangar without a word. Before he could take a stride towards the door Anakin rushed forward and grabbed hold of Obi-wan's shoulder. Anakin was frozen in an unsettling fear. He wanted reconciliation but his Master had not gone so far as to try to bridge the gap in the slightest. Every interaction he endured with his once close friend left so much want, and so much pain in the wake of what he had lost. To open up now and reach out tore his soul to the core and wrought such raw emotion his limbs trembled. Anakin swallowed hard as he tried to speak but sharp tears spilled from the edges of his eyes instead as he choked back a sob in a strangled gasp for air. In the absence of words Anakin embraced Obi-wan from behind burring his face in his shoulder. Once he let go of his emotions there was no reining them in. Anakin's body shook fiercely as he wept onto his Masters robes. 

Obi-wan was paralyzed with remorse. This was all his fault. He couldn't keep his lustful thoughts in check. He let his attachment grow out of control. He wanted Anakin so much but how was he to give into those desires even more when they were the ones ripping them apart? The closeness they had shared fostered desires in Obi-wan that he was wrong for having. He wanted to comfort Anakin, to hold him close. He wanted to tell him nothing would ever keep them apart again, and so much more. He thought about taking advantage of his former padawans state and kissing those soft desperate lips, and it sickened him. Even in the absence of their closeness his ravenous desires for Anakin were not quelled, it seemed quite the opposite. Obi-wan shuddered at his predatory thoughts and moved to withdraw from the embrace meeting forceful resistance from Anakin. His arms were like iron bars around his torso and his tears had saturated his tunic. 

A tortured plea escaped Anakin as his lips grazed Obi-wans ear. “Master- p-please, I cant stand this. I... I cant loose you! And I don't care about any of it! I just can't live like this Master, how can you just- just- cut me off?” As his sorrow turned to anger he released Obi-wan from his grasp. “You just treat me like i'm nothing, like we are nothing. You were my very closest friend and now you hold me at such a distance. Am I just disposable to you Master? You don't care about me any more!” Anakin was in the full throes of emotion and seemingly inconsolable. Obi-wan didn't know what to do or say to subdue him. What could he say? He turned to face Anakin and for the first time in a long time met his eyes without faltering or shying away, gazing into the fathoms of the boy's tormented soul. 

Obi-wan could no longer keep their force connection at bay and Anakins sea of affliction washed over him, physically bringing him down to his knees and his hand clutched at his chest. He felt weighed down by so many boulders. Streams of tears escaped down his cheeks “I'm so sorry,” he said staring into Anakins eyes. He had been so selfish shutting himself off from his emotions, leaving Anakin to suffer alone and in silence. 

As their force connection was restored Anakin could sense Obi-wans emotions as well. He could see the desperation in his Masters heart coupled with shame. The well of lustful desire and need shocked Anakin but he did not recoil from it. Obi-wan didn't want to force himself on him though his need was rampant. He didn't know what to do other than to shut himself off from him and try to quell his own desires. His efforts had been in vein. Anakin could sense the hunger even now, clawing at Obi-wan from the inside. An unstoppable animal impulse coupled with deep love and devotion to his former padawan. 

Anakin should have been repulsed by this. Instead he felt a strange sense of curiosity and acceptance. It had been apparent after their encounter that his Master had carnal desires for him but the full extent of it left him speechless. The thought had wandered across his mind before, just what his Master wanted from him. Obi-wan wanted all of him. He loved him, longed for him, but could not stand to act on his desires regardless of their overwhelming nature. He had cut himself off entirely rather than impose his intimate desires on Anakin. 

Entirely to his surprise Anakin felt longing rise in his heart that usually was reserved for his wife. His chest heaved with a nervous tension, an anticipation. Eyes still locked, Obi-wans expression shifted from sorrow to inquisitive. Anakin met Obi-wan on his knees and looked down into his Masters eyes. In Obi-wans absence he felt so much anguish and loneliness. Anakin realized he needed Obi-wan now just like Obi-wan needed him. It made Anakin tremble with nervousness to comprehend what he was feeling. He wanted to be with him in ways he had never been with anyone.

Anakin rested his forehead against his Masters and shifted apprehensively to meet his lips. Obi-wan readily met him with a gentle force moving his hands up to clutch Anakin's hair in his hands, pressing his face closer. Their lips parted as they excitedly explored each others mouths. Anakin wrapped his arms around his Master drawing their bodies close. His heart raced as he felt Obi-wans girth collide with his own swollen loins causing pleasure to swell there. A hungry moan escaped Anakins throat driving his Master even more wild with passion. The scratch of his Masters beard was different, he had never expected to want him like this, to need him like this. 

Obi-wan leaned forward against Anakin gently until his former padawan was laying beneath him. He withdrew from their embrace to ravish him with his eyes. Anakin stared up at him innocently with longing. Seeing Anakin under him like this was electric, his mind was on fire with all of the things he wanted to do to him, all of the things he wanted to make him feel. 

“Speeders are ready to go Masters,”Ahsoka spoke over the com. There was a brief silence before Anakin spoke to answer. 

“Alright Ahsoka we will be right there.” Both Anakin and Obi-wan sighed with resignation. This would have to wait. They stood reluctantly, fixing their tunics and heading down to the hanger bay, reunited in the force.


	5. Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission goes awry

Night had fallen on Tatooine as the three of them headed out across the desert. Ahsoka resented feeling so powerless in binders without her saber. She tried to will herself to relax, getting worked up would do her a disservice. She needed to be able to meditate clearly and effectively as it would be one of her only tools to avoid the imminent danger she faced once she was captured as planned. A number of situations could arise that would need her to be in full capacity to be victorious, and she doubted it would all be without incident. That would be a very rare and surprising occasion. 

“Our plan will work Ahsoka,” Her Grand Master assured her, as he sensed her silent unease. She wished she could feel as confident as Obi-wan sounded. The night air rushed past them, cooler but not quite refreshing. The dry atmosphere left Ahsoka feeling parched. She put it out of mind and tried to practice her meditations. A true Jedi would be able to meditate any time any place. It was of even more importance to be able to practice during times of physical duress or discomfort.

Anakin trailed the two of them at an unseen distance with a focused clarity. The newfound evolution between himself and his former master had stilled his usually busy mind. He hadn't realized just how noisy his head had been the last few months in the midst of their estranged relationship. It took knowing this peace of mind to see the abrupt difference. It felt as if someone lifted an impossible boulder off of his chest. Anakin reached out with the force to sense his Master traveling ahead of him with a sense of unity. Anakin was elated at the thought of Obi-wans touch. He revisited the sensations of his beard rough on his delicate skin. The way his Master gently but firmly met his lips sent shudders down his spine. He needed to be careful, this was not the time to become lost in fantasy. He willed himself to put his mind on task. After all there would be plenty of time to explore their new intimacy later. 

Obi-wan and Ahsoka neared their destination and Anakin stopped his speeder just shy of being seen from the separatist base. He brought night-vision goggles to his eyes to peer into the distance, keeping a watchful eye on the proceedings. The base was boxy and tall, with droids lining the edges atop the walls. Two super battle droids marched ahead of a neimoidian clad in standard officer dress. Obi-wan tried to disguise his voice as he spoke to the officer “Here is the young Jedi,” Obi-wan injected a callous tone as he held Ahsokas arm roughly. “I'm ready to collect my pay.” He said expectantly as any bounty hunter would be; thirsty for credits owed. 

The officer cautiously stepped forward towards Ahsoka with a collar. She gasped trying to wrench away from the contraption but Obi-wan held her in place as it was fastened about her neck. She grunted and tried to reach out with the force to remove it but she was met with sharp pain convulsing through her limbs. The more she resisted the worse it had become until she had given up, finding herself on the ground writhing in the phantom pain still searing her skin raw from the shocks she had endured. She met Obi-wan's regretful gaze. She didn't need to fight it, this might as well have been expected. How else were they to restrain Jedi slaves? She sensed his message: acquiesce to the demands, allow yourself to be captured. This was the plan. Some resistance though, was to be expected. Had she just fallen into their hands it might have been cause to raise alarm. She had done her part and Obi-wan had done his. The officer handed her Grand-Master a case of credits as he gave a look of gratification to the neimoidian. “It was good to do bushiness, Sir.” The officer lifted Ahsoka by the collar holding a blaster to her skull. Anakin's eyes widened. They had been expecting them. The trap had been sprung.

The neimoidians face widened with a sinister grin “Likewise, Jedi!” The battle droids engaged aiming towards Anakin's Master while simultaneously a fleet of droids materialized behind them flanking out to the sides. “Hand over your lightsaber or the girl gets a bolt to the brain!” Ahsoka was cut off from the force, bound, and void of her saber. She had never felt so powerless in her entire life. She was wrought with terror as she saw her Grand-Master comply with their demands. All she could do is watch, mouth agape in disbelief. 

Obi-wan tossed his saber towards the Separatist officer, eyes ablaze with disdain, no longer attempting to disguise his voice. “As you wish.”

“Get down on your knees!” The neimoidian cried switching from elation to fearful anger. “Don't try anything or the girl gets it!” The two super battle droids switched their aim from Kenobi to Ahsoka as the officer shoved her aside and went towards him with another of the same type collar he had forced on the padawan. Once clamped down on his throat the officer shoved him forward under his boot and bound his hands as well. Once the Officer was content that Obi-wan was no longer a threat the wicked smile returned to grace his lips. “On your feet Jedi!” Kenobi rose in response. 

Anakin watched on in helplessness as the droids marched back inside the walls of the compound with his two closest companions in hand. They were completely decommissioned and it was up to Anakin to save them. They had faced steeper odds before although it did little to still Anakin's tempest of emotions. He had to save them all, he thought with pangs of distress gripping at his heart. He had no choice this time. He had only just got his beloved master back, there was no way he was going to loose him again. Ahsoka hanging in the balance made the weight of their capture even more heavy on his shoulders.

Anakin kicked his speeder around and headed back to the twilight. Storming the compound by himself would be a fruitless mission. He could still track them though. The chances of his friends remaining on this dust ball would not be likely, he thought. He only hoped that no harm would come to his friends before he was able to reach them. With those blasted collars on their necks there would be no way to reach them through the force. Anything might befall them and no Jedi would be able to sense it. He could hear Master Yoda's proverb in his mind, 'Do or do not, there is no try.' He would not try to get to them in time. Anakin would reach them in time. There was no other option.


	6. Maul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin follows his friends, surprised to find an old enemy

The droid hoard paraded Obi-wan and Ahsoka through the separatist compound to the ship yard where they were immediately stowed in the brig of a transport. Not a single word was exchanged between the two of them, only foreboding silence. The cell was small, dark, and smelled grossly of iron and gore although there were no traces of organic remnants to be found. Two weequay orderlies with a brigade of battle droids exchanged their binders for shackles that held them elevated against the rear wall of the cell. It seemed odd to Obi-wan that the separatists should now employ pirates. He wondered what kind of wage must be keeping their sort under employ. This whole scandal was dripping in credits to anyone who would oblige labor or exploited force sensitive young-lings it seemed. Obi-wan meditated on this as the company departed leaving them alone in the brig. 

A flood of questions disrupted his thoughts. There was the obvious and original query, why did they need the force sensitives? Would any force sensitive do or did they need children? Were they favored because they had yet to realize their full potential, becoming a lesser threat than a full fledged Jedi? That would have been the simplest answer, yet not necessarily the correct one. Obi-wan had seen enough of this war to know that many things more often than not, were not as they seemed to be. The two of them hung in silence, bound and cleaved from their force connection. It was an odd sensation to be disconnected from the force, unable to reach out beyond the raw sensory input of their surroundings.

“Master, I hope you have a plan to get us out of here...” Ahsokas voice was intentionally quiet and rasped with effort. 

“I have no doubt that Anakin will come to our aid young padawan. Until then, we must remain patient.” Obi-wan whispered back, unsure of any listening ears in the vicinity. 

“Yes Master, but we need to find a way to get these collars off. We are defenseless if we cannot remove them.” Fear began to bleed through her voice. 

“Ahsoka I'm afraid there is nothing we can do in our current state. We must remain calm if we are to seize any opportunities that may present themselves,” Obi-wan cautioned. He was right, Ahsoka knew this. She had been feeling uneasy about this entire mission and although cut off from the force, she had a brooding sense of doom over this mission. From the very beginning as if an echo through time, she had a bad feeling about this. 

The shuttle hummed against their backs as the primary motivators came online. Soon they would be leaving this barren wasteland. This would have been a welcomed thing under different circumstances however the tables had turned against their favor. The cell rocked to and fro until the stabilizers kicked in. Soon they were being hoisted up into orbit. It was clear they had exited the atmosphere when the turbulence weakened until they were gliding in vacuum. Both Ahsoka and Kenobi wondered where they would be taken to, but only time would tell. Both Jedi had no doubt Anakin would find them and aid in their escape. Still a pit formed in the stomachs of the young and elder Jedi alike. 

…..

Anakin wasted no time as he assiduously dismounted his speeder in the hanger bay and bolted to the bridge. Whirring to life the twilight lifted in the air, straining with effort under the atmosphere. He wielded the controls fiercely and with familiarity. The ship was an extension of himself through the force. He knew how hard he could push the machine without breaking her down. He would need to push the freighter to the limit if he were to reach Obi-wan and Ahsoka in time. A shroud of the unknown had surrounded this whole assignment. Now his Master and padawan were caught up in the mix, at the whim of whoever or whatever the object of their mission had been. There were too many questions left unanswered for Anakin to make an educated guess at what they were facing. There was only one thing to be sure of: his friends were in danger and the clock was ticking. 

With his hands shaking Anakin switched the com to reach the council. They might need to send back up in case the plan soured any further. The likelihood of that was high. He failed to find a connection which could only mean one thing- his transmissions were being jammed. Anakin slammed his fists on the control panel warping the interface plating and sending a spiderweb crack through the display. He would have to do this on his own. His heart throbbed with determination and welling tides of fear. He would not loose them- he could not loose them. Defeat was not an option. 

As Anakin exited the atmosphere he did not need to check the tracking beacon to see the transport rising towards the separatist cruiser in the distance. He pushed the freighter at full speed to meet their course. He needed to reach the vessel before they jumped to hyperspace. He gathered the force around himself and reached out to the transport ship searching out Obi-wan and Ahsoka. Cut off from the force as they were created a void, he could sense them as miniature holes in the force. Anakins insides churned with unease and dread as to what he might face aboard the cruiser. There was a shadow that fell over him, a darkness in the force that awaited. He could feel a strangely familiar current both wicked and hot swirling and brooding. It was undeniably of the Sith. The sensations it stirred in him felt like waking up from a nightmare without memory of the horrors but only raw adrenaline and and emotional residue. He knew he had felt this disturbance in the force before but it was a strange amnesia that he could not will himself out of. The more he tried to place a finger on it the more it seemed to elude him.

The twilight made the final approach to the hangar bay aboard the separatist cruiser. Anakin knew that someone was expecting him. He passed the hangar bay shields without resistance. There was a sea of droids amassed on the deck patiently waiting, blasters aimed at his lowering vessel. He could take on a few clankers any day, but the number of droids waiting for his dissension reached the thousands. They stood shoulder to shoulder overwhelming in number and designation. This was of their design. Droids were known for their limited intelligence but their purpose was not to out-wit but to out number and dominate the opposing forces, such as they were now. Anakin would have to surrender willingly. He gritted his teeth as he made a path to exit the freighter. 

The fluorescence lit the space in a cold blue light sharply contrasting the sight before his eyes. That red and black marked face below ominous horns. A wicked grin glared with mal-intent. The creature spoke in deep demonic tones that crawled in Anakins skin. “Chosen one, they call you,” A guttural laugh escaped the monster. “You are nothing but a child, a slave. You have taken bait and fallen into my trap so willingly Jedi.”

“Maul? My master killed you!” Anakin spat in disbelief, fists clenched in anger he gathered the force about himself, coiling back like a predator about to strike. 

“Kenobi tried to kill me, severed me in two,” His voice like velvet, Maul motioned at where his organics ended and his mechanics began. “He did not steal my life-” The monster postured dangerously towards Anakin. “He stole my potential! My future! As I will steal his! I will make Kenobi suffer as I have suffered. I will take all that he has. Death is too good for him!”

Reflexively Anakin stood in battle stance with his saber ablaze ready to take down the monster that stood before him. “I will finish what my Master could not. Fight me Maul, I will kill you myself!” Anakin was surprised by the dark side of himself. He knew killing was not the way of the Jedi but Maul was too dangerous to keep as prisoner. He had survived unknown horrors proving he was too resilient. He could not let Maul live knowing the harm he meant to inflict on his beloved Master. “Order your droids to stand down and lets settle this!” Anakin demanded, flame rising in his spine. 

The creature before him convulsed with low laughter before he drew his saber and ignited it, while motioning with his opposite hand to the droids to stand down. Maul launched at Anakin without a word, whirling his saber into a red disc. Anakin caught the saber against his own, straining against the force enhanced strength of the monster. Maul withdrew his saber making a slash at Anakins torso forcing him to draw back. He rebounded into a leap, clashing sabers while he bounded over the monster finding ground behind the Sith forcing the marked beast to pursue. Flashes of blue and red sparked and clashed in great speed and intensity as Jedi and Sith met blow for blow, each giving no ground. While Maul was fueled by great hatred that gave way to the dark side, Anakin felt himself become a weapon of the force. Not light, not dark, but pure force; the union of both. Maul questioned even his ability to subjugate Anakin in combat alone. He needed to exploit him using other means. 

“You think you can save your master and padawan- but you allowed yourself to be blindly caught in my design.” Maul taunted while catching the Jedi's saber with his own, shifting his stance “You are here because I wanted you here. You will not save them.” The Sith met Anakins gaze in a sinister sneer, knowing he had struck a nerve. Lord Sidious had told him of Anakins great weakness: his self doubt and fear. “You are the key to Kenobi's suffering. You have delivered to him his own downfall the moment you stepped on this ship!” Anakin faltered in combat, pulling his mind from the moment to his attachments. Maul swept his mechanical leg under Anakin's feet knocking him backwards, slashing the alloy limb that held his saber effectively disarming and maiming the Jedi. In one talon Maul took Anakins skull slamming him against the deck causing him to loose consciousness. 

'It was too easy,' Maul thought as he clamped the Jedi in binders and closed a collar on his neck. Now he had everything he needed to make Kenobi pay for what he had taken from him.


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darth Maul begins to implement his revenge on Kenobi

Anakin slowly regained consciousness. Opening his eyes he could see nothing but darkness. Memories flooded him as he came up to speed with his current situation. He did not thrash against his restraints it would not serve him to do so. Fighting Maul had been a bad choice, one rashly made in distorted fervor of the moment. One that had brought him to loose his limb yet again making whatever escape might be possible a steeper challenge. 

Anakin felt odd, the scope of his senses were confined to his own skin. The collar, he thought in dread. The cost of freedom for him and his friends became more arduous by the second. He furrowed his brow causing pain to lance across his scalp and the side of his face. A stream of dried and cracked blood pulled at his skin as he contorted his face from the unexpected pain. A fresh trickle of red sprung from his temple running down his jaw. He tried to quiet his mind and meditate although it proved difficult being cut off from the force. He tried to focus on his breathing and the sounds around him and noticed a second breath seeming to come from across the space. 

“Obi-wan?”

“Anakin!” He was glad to hear the voice of his former padawan but, “I had hoped to see you under different conditions. Were you able to contact the council before you were captured?”

“No Master, my communications were being Jammed. By now we could be anywhere in the galaxy. I'm afraid we didn't leave a trail for anyone to follow if they came searching for us. It's going to be up to us to get out of this place. Have you overheard anything? Do you know where we are?”

“I'm afraid not. When we left the transport they blindfolded us. They took Ahsoka somewhere else and I've been stuck in this place ever since. No one has come in here except the droids who put me in here.” Kenobi had a calm curiosity in his voice. 

“You don't know then...” Anakin hesitated to divulge the sinister being behind their demise. 

“What don't I know Anakin?” Obi-wan said insistently, sensing he would not like the answer. 

“It's Maul. Maul is behind this. He is the one who baited us to bring us here. He says I'm the key... to your suffering. He wants to get revenge for what you did to him.” Anakin spoke softly as if saying this would make it more true than it already was. As if breathing life to the words was casting a curse on himself and his Master. 

“How can that be? I killed Maul on Naboo.” Obi-wan shuddered pondering the implications of this realization.

“You maimed him but did not kill him. He is half machine from the waist down and a formidable fighter as well. I tried to fight him but he was too strong... His hatred for you fuels his dark side powers.” Anakin saw himself conquered again, his arm severed as he fell back on the deck. A nausea grew in his belly as he was reminded of his defeat. He hated to feel weak and powerless like he was now, as he had been in childhood as a slave. It would take days for the council to send a search party for them and the chances of them being found diminished with each passing hour. If only he could reach out in the force to sense his surroundings and see a flaw or weakness in their captors strategy or a hole in the defenses, he could exploit it. All he needed to do was send a transmission out to let the council on to their location. Even that seemed impossible in his current set of conditions. 

“I'm sorry Anakin this is all my fault.” Obi-wan said dejected, wallowing in remorse. 

“No Master, it's not. No one could have predicted Maul still being alive. You sliced him in half, you had every reason to believe he was no longer a threat.” Anakin tried to reassure his master. Sorrow would not get them out of these binds, it would only erode their resolve to escape. Giving into dejection would prove a greater prison to escape and one they could not afford in their current situation. 

“No- it is all my fault. If only I hadn't been so selfish this whole time.” Obi-wan started with self directed anger in his voice. “If we had been one in the force we would have been able to sense this plot. I should have sensed Maul. I was busy distancing myself from you instead-” Kenobi's voice caught on the edge of a sob, “Now I have not only let my passion take over my senses but it has lead us to ruin as well.” Obi-wan's self loathing consumed his heart, hating what he had let himself become. His love for Anakin grew into a perversion and the scope of its destruction had yet to become fully realized. Thoughts of that fleeting moment aboard the twilight tore at the edges of his mind racking him with guilt. Anakin was so desperate for his friendship that he was willing to let himself succumb to whatever whim his master pleased. It was wrong. It was the reason they were in this predicament. Obi-wan wore his shame like a cloak of iron, falling on his shoulders heavy, weighing him down; crushing him. The thought of searching out help from the council was laughable to him now. They were never going to escape this place. Maul had a loathing for Obi-wan matched only by the one he inflicted on himself for all the pain he had caused to the one he loved most. There was no way Maul was letting them escape.

“Master we cannot let ourselves fall into this pit. We need to be fully focused and level headed if we are going to get out of here. Please don't blame yourself. This regret isn't going to help us.” Anakin begged his master. He was no stranger to allowing his passions to take over. He had done many things that Obi-wan was unaware of in blind fits of rage. He thought back to the slaughter of the Tusken Raiders, even fighting Maul was a poor choice made in the swells of emotion. “Please Obi-wan. The past is the past we can't do anything to change it. We can only move forward.” Anakins words were a dagger cutting at his Master's heart. 

The lights in the cell came alive blinding the two Jedi temporarily as they blinked and squinted against the sharp blue fluorescent rays. Obi-wan saw his former padawan hanging in binders across the cell from him, void of his mechanical limb from mid-forearm down. His face was bloodied and bruised and stared back at him begging. Anakin needed his Master to be the gentle teacher, the calm force who he had always been. Instead Obi-wan hung opposite him jaded in his misgivings drowning in a chasm of self doubt and hopelessness. The sight of his former padawan tattered and wounded sent a sharp pain stabbing through Kenobi's ribs gripping his heart. Tears welled at the corners of the elder Jedi's eyes as he fought himself not to give into the sob that was caught in his throat. 

The door to their cell slid open as a hooded monster clanked across the alloy floor. It's arms were crossed and chin raised with a pleased expression written in red and black across it's face, showing a crescent of decaying teeth. It's arms released to it's sides as the demon spoke, voice aphotic and sadistic. “Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Maul spoke slowly, savoring each syllable in a drawn out manner laced with a beastly growl. Kenobi met the monsters eyes with a ferocity fueled by his own growing dark side. His chest heaved with fear and hatred for the beast, face twisted in a painful grimace. His past had manifested and come back to haunt him and he was completely powerless. “How the tides have turned my old friend.” The monster chided at him, taunting. Obi-wan was speechless, what could he say? He was at the mercy of this horrid monster. Usually Kenobi was bursting with sarcasm and skepticism for his enemies. He had been beaten many times before but his spirit had never been extinguished such as it was now. He once smiled wittingly at his captors after taking so many blows but this time was different. Not a bruise or scratch had scythed his skin but his will was already shattered. 

Maul raised an eyebrow, curious of the unexpected disposition Obi-wan displayed. “You are already so broken.” Maul sneered at Kenobi closing the distance between them. “I had hoped to break you myself but you are already just a fragment of what you once were.” He said inquisitively, eyeing the Jedi from head to toe, only inches away from his face. “Show me Jedi, what has done this to you?” Maul placed a hand caressing the side of Obi-wan's face, thumb poised at the corner of his eye. Obi-wan resisted the monsters grip, straining against the bonds in futility. He could feel the cold dark force pierce his mind searching through his memories like pages in a book. It felt like knives of ice searing through his skull, sawing at his mind to unearth dark desires and shameful memories. Streams of warm red began to escape the corners of his eyes and seep from his nostrils. There was a guttural screaming resounding in his ears. It took him a few moments after the Sith withdrew the force grip from his mind to realize the cry came from his own lips. Anakin watched from across the room in horror, tears welled in his pure blue eyes.

Maul recoiled from Kenobi with a look of surprise that quickly transformed into a sinister smile that gave way to a bout of evil laughter. He couldn't believe it. Obi-wan had become transfixed by his student and it had completely derailed him. It couldn't be easier, Maul thought. The psychological warfare was done. Kenobi had delivered himself completely poised for destruction. All that was left to make him pay was violence. That was his favorite part; so many possibilities. He turned his gaze to Anakin who was still suspended in silence. Mauls eyes scanned his figure, calculating behind his malevolent gaze. Seeming to come upon a good idea the monsters expression changed from pensive to eager fascination. Maul moved towards Anakin like a predator stalking its prey. Anakins breathing quickened and he clenched his fist, glaring at the beast that held him captive. 

Obi-wan writhed against his restraints “NO! Don't you dare touch him! He has nothing to do with this!” Spittle spewed from his mouth as he screamed. “Fight me! Remove my restraints and fight me! It's me you want not him!” 

Maul smiled as he leaned in towards Anakin, grabbing a fist of his hair and yanking his head back to bare the flesh of his neck above the collar. Anakin resisted with no avail. Obi-wan continued to beg and plead Maul to unhand his student only to be ignored. With perfect precision Maul sank his teeth into the Jedi's flesh. Anakin grunted in surprise at the pain. A river of blood sprang from the bite drenching both him and the Sith in the sticky crimson substance, pooling below the young Jedi. Maul withdrew from him, blood dripping down his jaw matting his black robes. He drew and ignited his saber raising it to the wound, cauterizing the ruptured artery causing the river of red to quell. Anakin let out a cry as the saber seared his flesh. Kenobi looked on in horror, silent tears staining his face. Without a word, Maul left the cell. He wanted Kenobi's dread to consume him before he dealt the next blow.


	8. Violation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan is unable to help his former padawan when Maul strikes again

It was hard to tell how many days had passed in captivity. Hours blended into days as the two hung suspended in their binds passing in and out of consciousness. Most of the time passed with both Jedi in a catatonic stupor or in silent regret, save for Obi-wans progressively weakening protests and cries at Anakin's torture. Tears seemed to take more energy than Obi-wan could muster in the mix of exhaustion and dehydration. Anakin hadn't shed tears but even his iron will was eroding fast. Perhaps it was the surmounting realization that they probably would cease to exist by the time any rescue attempt reached their whereabouts. Or maybe, it was the anemia setting in. Anakins flesh had been ripped and cauterized too many times by this point and without sustenance to help him gain strength, he was withering away. To keep him just beyond the edge of death Maul was sure to apply bacta to Anakin's wounds to ward off infection. He didn't want him dying too fast. 

Strange things were beginning to settle into Anakins mind. Things that usually, he would have never been so susceptible to feeling and believing. He was the chosen one and his entire life he had spent defeating the odds not being suppressed by them. For the first time in his life that he could remember, he was beginning to accept his failure. They had fallen into this trap too easily, but the thought was no longer bitter, but remorseful. It was a regret that seemed to be far passed in time and far from being able to change the outcome. Things were such as they had fallen into place to be. There was a tugging at his heart when he thought of Padme, and the time they had spent together. She had given him the happiest times in his life and he felt longing, but satisfaction in the beautifully pure love they had shared. If he were not so exhausted he may have shed a tear in bitter happiness. He felt a cord of regret for the divide between himself and his master and how they mended their bond all too late. Too late to explore what might have been. At least he would die in a room with the man he loved most in the entire galaxy. He owed Obi-wan for the man that he had become. He was glad to spend his last moments with him even if it was hanging in this cell. He had come to believe that this was his time. Never in a thousand years would he have ever guessed it would end like this, however all things come to an end. He did not long for death but he accepted it. Even stars die eventually. 

Obi-wan was not taking to their conditions with the same grace as Anakin. Each time Maul came to brutalize his student he hated himself even more for his shortcomings. Each drop his beloved bled brought him deeper and deeper into his well of self disgust and loathing. Anakin would be made to die for his Masters sins. He should have killed Maul when he had the chance all those years ago. If that were not bad enough, he should have sensed Maul as they walked into this trap like ignorant fools and now they would both die for it. Obi-wan longed for it. Whether they survived this or not Obi-wan was sure he would never be able to forgive himself for failing Anakin to such a horrific extent. Even now Obi-wan felt guilty begging for death even internally because he did not deserve to die when his love hung across from him being tortured and brought to the edge of death. Death was too good for him. How long until It would end? Anakins life force was strong but the most resilient being in the galaxy surely could not hold out much longer under this unusual cruelty. He didn't think it could get much worse. 

The door to the cell whirred on the track unveiling a different face than they had seen since being in captivity. Neither Obi-wan or Anakin lifted their gaze to look at the being striding in towards them. If the two Jedi were less fatigued and more alert they might have noticed the foot fall of the individual being softer, not the metal clanking of Mauls beastly talons. The being stood tall, but not as tall as their usual sinister visitor, his build was more robust. Anakin had not registered the difference in their visitor but Obi-wans eyes looked on in sick dread. Savage. It stood to reason that the two dark beings would still be in league with one another but what Obi-wan didn't understand was why he was here instead of Maul. This whole captivity was intensely personal to Maul, so why let someone inflict pain second hand? Obi-wan didn't like the disruption, he didn't sense it was a positive change. But then again, what had been positive at all in the last few days?

Savage moved over to the console behind Anakins restraints and released the binds that had suspended him. With a heavy thud his body hit the floor with a sick thud. The young Jedi's skin was sheet white and his eyes sunken in the middle of dark violet circles. His skin was charred and tight where the inflammation presented around his many wounds. His hair was matted with sweat and red crust and clung to his face. Still missing his left arm, he was a sorry sight to behold. Anakin stirred, instinctively trying to back into a corner away from the threat that had removed his restraints. Anakin was ready to die but he would not lie there in wait for it. He looked up at the monster surprised to see yellow where there should have been red. “Savage?” Anakin asked groggily. So this is how it would end, and this is the bruit who would end him. He was surprised at this but warily accepted it just as he had accepted the rest of his fate. 

Obi-wan looked on anxiously, surprised at the level of alertness he was able to achieve in his weakened and deprived state. Savage lingered over Anakin, hovering, waiting to strike. Savage was a grunt, he bent to the will of his master. He was not one to be able to control his own fate. Begging him would do no good, perhaps only make matters worse. 

Dark coils of force wrapped around Anakin dragging him up off the cold floor and slamming him violently against the wall behind the restraining rig he had been confined to. He coughed as his lungs struggled to inflate again after the forceful blow that knocked them dry. He rasped for air gasping and straining, still held to the wall by the force Savage wielded against him. The monster positioned it's self behind him as Anakin awaited the sound of a saber igniting. No words were needed to tell Obi-wan how much he loved him. He was ready to become one with the force, ready for his supernova. 

Anakins heart moved quickly from martyrdom's acceptance to sheer horror. Obi-wan realized as well that this was not what he thought it was. Cries rose from the elder Jedi in horror, begging mercy for his beloved. He knew it would not change a thing but he had to try.

Savage removed his tunic and loosened his pants, then moved to free Anakin of the garments covering his sensitive areas. Anakin sank in sickness and fear. His guts wrenched and churned and he began to feel feint. He tried with the strength he had to pull against the force grip he was held under but to no avail. Not only was he void of the force but he had nearly been bled dry. Savage might very well be the death of him with Anakin in such a state of weakness, on the precipice of death. His master did not relent of his cries and pleas. Hearing Obi-wan beseech and beg incoherently weighed heavy on him. He didn't want his master to see him this way. Shame enveloped Anakin and his throat was caught in fear. He did not think he was capable of being afraid after he had accepted his own death, yet he was trembling in panic. This was worse than death its self. And that was exactly the point. 

Using the force tendrils that held him, Savage willed Anakins legs slightly to part leaving him penetrable. His breath quickened, nearly hyperventilating. He wanted to beg and plead to be left alone but he knew there was no escaping this. Savage was not here of his own volition, but on his master's orders. Maul would have been the one to hurt him this way, if he could. He was severed in half years ago when Anakin was only a boy. This was not something he was physically capable of. So he sends his second in command to do the deed. 

Hands moved to his cheeks, spreading them as hot breath fell on his neck. The force that held him there left no room for him to move away from this monster as he desperately wanted to. Anakin tried to retreat within and escape from the physical pain and embarrassment that would ensue. He tried to shut out Obi-wans lamenting that reminded himself that he was seeing everything. This monster would make a mockery of the desires Anakin had for his master, destroying any intimacy they might have shared, poisoning their bond.

Anakin tried to brace himself internally for the impending violation but there was nothing he could have done to ready himself for this. He dared not try to protect himself with the force in thought of the agony of electricity that would run through his body might be enough to bring death upon his fragile body. He was completely defenseless and put on display to his Master. Obi-wan would never want him now that he was made to be the plaything of this monster. 

The pain was sudden and shocking. Anakin fought hard to not give in to the screams trying with his full strength to stifle them, unsuccessful in his attempt they protruded as weak cries instead. Anakin's ego shattered. The monster had a death grip on him, digging it's fingers deep into the flesh of his hips as it drew it's self into him ruthlessly. Anakin felt inhuman and dirty as the monster hardened further, increasing the girth of the member spearing him. Tears escaped his eyes and streamed down his face. He was being used like a whore in front of his beloved Master. His soul fractured. The beast that tortured him made grunts of pleasure each time he thrust his cock deeper and further into Anakin. Blood had begun to run down staining Anakins pants that were pooled near his knees. The moans from his abuser grew more wild and were not unlike a snarling animal. The pace quickened and became more violent. Anakin could no longer hold back the cries from the intense searing pain tearing through him.

The protesting from Obi-wan had changed to silent and heart wrenching sobs that shuddered and wrenched his whole body. He could not bare to watch his best friend be so brutally violated. He knew it was his fault. Anakin was now paying for the sick lust his Master had hatched and imposed so selfishly on him. He remembered Maul laughing as he found the thoughts and desires for his student. This was what he had planned. He may as well be raping Anakins body himself. It was all his fault. He had done this to him. 

Anakin pleaded in his mind for the monster to finish with him and for all of this to be over. As if the beast had heard his cries it smashed and grinned against him, spilling seed inside him. Anakin was filled with a sickness he couldn't explain. He wanted to tear his skin off so no one could touch him. He wanted to turn himself inside out, hide away from everyone. He felt disgusting and used. His body quaked in repulsion. Anakin was released from the dark grip and fell to the floor in a sobbing heap, his flesh still exposed. His body tried in vein to wretch up the contents of his stomach, as if all of his shame and self loathing was stored there.

Anakin shuddered and whimpered as the abuser put hands on him, hoisting him back to the binder rig. He hung there, crucified in front of his Master as the beast exited the cell leaving the two men in a muddle of cries and weeping. Anakin tried to gain control of his breathing, tried to focus to bring himself back to the moment. It was a difficult task. Somehow now he had been changed. He was not sure if it was something inside of himself that was taken or just simply broken but he was not the same. Now, he did not accept death. He longed for it.


	9. Slave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka finds the younglings

The ship had settled down, planting its self onto the hanger bay of the larger Separatist vessel. Ahsoka tried to stay centered. Droids clamored towards their cell in a group that was unnecessarily large. They weren't going to take any chances letting one of us slip, Ahsoka thought. Two officers strode in between the company placing a opaque cloth strip covering the eyes of both the Jedi. Resistance was futile and they both knew it. Might as well just play nice, for now anyways. After they had been blinded their restraints were removed allowing them to drop to their feet. The officers barked orders for them to get on their knees and place their arms behind their backs to which they followed direction. The tight rings bound around their necks proved an effective deterrent. Ahsoka shuddered at the thought of testing the force against her captors again. It might have been the worst pain she had experienced in her young life- so debilitating. It was like reaching out in the force to have it poured back into herself ten fold- weaponized and sharp.

Obi-wan and Ahsoka were hoisted up by the shoulders of their garments and guided away from the tiny cell. The corridors were narrow and the two Jedi were slammed against one another like cargo and tossed about by the soldiers in charge. Eventually they made their way down the steep ramp off of the transport.

With a stern grip on the arm Ahsoka was led off to the left as Obi-wan and half of the company departed in a different direction. She began to panic in the thought of being alone and without means to defend herself or escape. “Obi-wan!” She shouted, struggling physically against her binds and throwing herself against her captors. She knew it wouldn't change anything, she didn't expect it to. It was an act of desperation that she immediately regretted. She felt the searing pain of a prod at her side lance through her. She let out a cry of pain as her knees buckled. Rough hands bruised her arms in their grip, carrying her- dragging her to whatever destination she was headed to. Fighting this only gave her captors more power over her. She had forfeited her dignity in resignation of her terror, showing her cards to the opponent. She had no moves hidden up her sleeve, no daring rescue plotted. No hope of being found. 

No- she thought. She had to remain hopeful. Sometimes hope was all that might remain but hope had proved enough in some of the toughest of times. It would have to be enough now. 

She willed herself to remain in the moment. She could still hear, maybe she would pick up something useful. Who knows why they were separating the two of them, perhaps to break their spirit by isolating them. Maybe there was another possibility that she was blind to in void of the force. Either way she forced her inner self to remain calm and focus. She needed any advantage she could come by. At the moment that all relied on her ability to be responsive and adapt to her situation. Especially now that she was without saber, master, or force to aid her. She still had her mission. She needed to find the young-lings. She needed to uncover the wicked Sith design that implemented the innocent young ones. She was sure her Masters would be trying their best, she needed to follow suit. She tried to bolster her sense of ability in the knowledge of all that they had been through so far. Not only that but she was padawan to the most important General in the entire army. She could do this. She would do this. Not only for the innocent lives that hung in the balance- but to prove to herself that she was worthy. She needed to prove she deserved to be padawan to Master Skywalker. He had been reluctant to accept her at first and that had stung at her soul. This was her chance to strike big, to earn her Masters pride.

Suddenly they were no longer dragging her and she dropped to the ground with a startled grunt, unable to cushion her fall. An organic figure knelt beside her and she felt a hot sting on her neck. Darn it! That can't be good... She thought as she fell from consciousness. 

…............

The first thing Ahsoka noticed was the bright light pouring through her eyes. It was a second hand realization that her eyes were still closed. Reflexively she scrunched up her face against the bright assault, trying to move her hands to shield her eyes in futility. Her hands were bound at her sides. She was laying down, she realized. Her senses began to come to as she assessed her inventory. Both arms and legs were still attached, but pinned at her wrists and ankles. She attempted to open her eyes and turn away from the bright light but the light surrounding her was all she could see, blurring out the edges of her vision where something might have been. “Hello?” She called out, acoustics hinting at the large space room she was placed in. She tried to raise her head to look around but immediately reeled back in shock at the pain that pounded in her head. Furrowing her brow she could feel the pull of a forming scar at her temple. 

There were voices beyond the blinding light, they sounded young. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest. Had she found the young-lings? This information wouldn't mean much if she couldn't get free of these binds. They could all escape together. Her and the young-lings. She began to hear small foot falls coming closer towards her. Yes! They would aid her escape and she could go to rescue her Masters before they had been captive even a few hours! 

The light dimmed and her surroundings came into view with a foggy haze. She was lying in a makeshift med bay surrounded by a thick white curtain that hung from a silver rig There were instruments on portable mag tables scattered about the space and medical monitors piled in the far end of the space. There was something not quite right but she couldn't put a finger on it. She didn't care, soon she would spring from this trap and save the day. 

Two human children approached her, they were so small she had to strain her neck to look over the edge of her medical cot to meet their eyes. “I'm a Jedi, i've come to rescue you! Release my binds and lead me to the others!” Her enthusiasm was met with dead expressions, not even a blink escaped their faces. Ahsoka squinted, examining their faces finding in horror a sickly Sith yellow eclipsing their irises from the outer edge, creeping in. Their faces were ashen and they were clad in black robes. Each donned a clean scar at their left temple. Ahsoka gasped and whimpered in fear of the implications of what she was seeing. A sinister laugh came from above the med table just out of her field of vision. 

“Ahsoka,” The dark voice spoke languidly. “Remove your binds.”

Before she could even mentally protest the impossible demand, her inner force reached out with ease. Seemingly independent of her own will it freed her from the cuffs. She lept up from the table in fighting stance towards the pernicious voice that lurked behind. Red and black marked face, ugly horns twisting up out of it's scalp. Evil intent written over it's face. The same Sith yellow eyes glared toward her as she had seen in the young-lings. The two children looked on at the scene created before them in silence. The dark figure ambled towards her as she noticed with interest that it was half mechanized, half not. 

Ahsoka used the force to suspend the med crates with intent to hurl them at the demon before her eyes. Before she could fully thrust them forward the creature raised one hand with a command “Stop.” Her force bent to his will, dropping the crates as they screamed against the floor to a halt before reaching her target. “Follow me, Ahsoka.” It ordered her, and she felt her body move against her will trailing the dark beast, golden yellow already encroaching the color of her eyes. The two young-lings stood and stared as she was led away with the same monotone expression they donned before. So this was the plan. Force slaves?


	10. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka is able to fool her captors

Judging from the intervals food was delivered through her cell door, she guessed it had been one rotation since she woke up. It was unknown to her how much time had passed while she was unconscious. Ahsoka felt uneasy about what might have befallen her Masters, who knows what state they were in right now. She could only hope that they were still alive for her to rescue. She had to rescue herself first. The locking mechanisms on her cell door held fast against her attempts to free herself using the force. The force.... Ahsoka shuddered. Her own inner force had betrayed her and served the will of that dark evil beast. She was his tool. 

Her fingers traced the ugly scar on her temple. She could put the pieces together. Whatever was lodged in there made her a slave to the separatists. Those other younglings, they had no trace of who they might have been left in them. What was that like? Were their old selves in a box in their mind, held prisoner? Observers of the force that led their bodies as vehicles? Their faces placid, eyes unknowing. Did they have the ability to hear or comprehend? What was it that was overtaking their minds? A sinking feeling took over her body. She was soon to find out. She couldn't afford to. 

She sat on the cell bunk in a meditative pose. Focus, breathe, look. She could see it. A dark piece of foreign tissue lodged in her mind. She used every ounce of will to still the panic growing in her belly- it would be of no use to her. The tissue had grown limbs, tendrils, warping its self through her mind from frontal lobe reaching deeper. It's dark branches interfaced with her own neurons creating new dark pathways. Pathways the enemy created to exploit her abilities and strip her of herself. As she meditated on it's existence she could feel it growing, retreating into her skull. She had to get rid of it somehow, or disable it. She unwrapped the growth from her synapses one by one dissolving it into the force. After excruciating focus and exertion, all that remained was the original piece. With precision she seared it. It was there but, inert. Or so she hoped. 

If her plan had succeeded the dark apprentice would no longer hold sway over her reaches in the force. She would have to fool him, make him believe she still was held under his will. That is how she could make an attempt to alert the council. All she had to do was send a message and they could trace it to find her, rescue her, her Masters, and the younglings. Like most things however, she knew it was more simply stated than executed. The scales were hinged on her ability to play her role. 

Bringing herself up from her seated pose she stood in the small space. Reaching out she tried to sense how many others were trapped here like herself. Five hundred? Even more? She could feel her cell in the expanse of the others, nearly innumerable. Not all capacity, maybe a third full? But there were others who were under command or training. Others like the two children she had seen in the med bay. She would have never guessed they would be able to get their hands on so many force sensitive children, this would be a major blow to future generations of Jedi if they could not be rescued. 

There was a shadow moving near the edge of her senses. She knew who it was, and the dark figure was moving with intent at her cell. She quickly retreated back into her own skin and sat stoically on the edge of the bunk with hands clasped in her lap. She attempted to assume the demeanor of the children succumbing to the Sith parasite. She would be somewhere in the great distance between docile and furious, her logic reasoned. She could only hope her intuition was right. She put anger in here eyes easily and struggled to restrain it under an imagined parasitic restraint. 

The door moved back on its tracks as the evil beast stood at the threshold. “Rise.” She did as commanded with an expression of effortless hate in her eyes. As much as she wanted to speak out against the foul being that ordered her, she did not. Mission comes first, she spoke inwardly to herself. Mission comes first. “Follow.” The beast beckoned with a finger. She let her feet obey as he guided her out of the cell block and into a main hallway. They trailed through the passages until they reached a room full of host younglings. Each of them garnished a saber at their belt. She was handed a saber and directed to file in with the other slaves. Her facade appeared to be effective, she tried not to show the relief she felt, or any extreme of emotion for that matter. It was incredibly challenging not to turn and lash out at the animal who held her captive. She could hear the echo of her Grand Master reminding her so many times before, 'patience young one'. Those words always helped steady her restless spirit. Often in times of great importance and swells of emotion, she would reach into her memories to hear his admonition. 

The red and black monster left them to train under another, this one was gold and dark brown instead. His face had similar patterns drawn out in his colors, and the same familiar horns protruding from his crown. They spent hours running through lightsaber drills. The room was aglow with the low dark frequency of the red blood color that spilled from their blades as they trained. They were not just force slaves. They were a force enabled slave army. Fully trained and in their older years a handful of them could wreak havoc on any battalion of clones. If i'm successful we wont need to worry about that she thought. 

Drills continued for an exhausting amount of time until Ashoka's arms screamed with each thrust and motion of her saber. Not long after reaching desperation they ended drills and were led out to a mess hall. The menu was unimpressive brown slop but she didn't care. After training so vigorously she would have eaten anything. In spite of her intrinsic desire to speed up the pace and scarf her food down, she restrained herself. The other children ate slowly and mechanically so she followed suit. Uncannily, all the slaves finished eating one right after the other, in the order they sat down in. First to sit, first to leave, droids leading them off to another section. Ahsoka was careful to finish her meal at precisely the correct time to rise with her table mates and march to their next destination. Much to her surprise all of the students including herself were allowed to retain their sabers. 

They filtered through into a grouping of dorms with sleepers protruding from the walls on both sides. All of the children claimed a bunk and laid down and began to sleep. Ahsoka waited patiently until all of her dorm mates were asleep. She could feel their dark dreamless slumber through the force. Now was her chance. She widened the scope of her awareness searching out a communication panel. The closest one was not close at all. She would have to be careful. 

Slowly with caution, she rose from her bunk and crept down the hall of sleepers out into the main passageway, staying alert for incoming troops she would have to avoid. The of the distance was covered with no incident. As she neared the com panel she also neared the bridge and the possibility of discovery became greater. Pausing before turning the final corner to the panel she heard the march of a troupe of droids down the corridor. She pressed herself against the wall and held her breath as they walked right by her. Droids were so stupid and thank the force for it, she thought. 

Ahsoka worked swiftly on the panel. She would not have much time once the transmission was sent and the chances they would find out it had been her were almost certain. But at last, she had an up-link. “Ahsoka Tano calling for backup. Sending location ping now. We have located the younglings but our operation is compromised. Kenobi and Skywalker are captured and I have compromised my cover by sending this. Send help fast!”

After ending the transmission she stood there frozen for a moment. Now what? There is no way she could keep her cover after this. The best line of action would be to hide. She removed the grate from the air duct and leapt in, using the force to guide the cover back over the vent. Hopefully help would come soon. 

She traversed the air ducts with graceful stealth, not to alert the enemy. Ahsoka racked her brain trying to think of the best place to hide on a cruiser. She stretched out searching her surrounding spaces and was caught off guard. Something was wrong, like portion of null space in the shape of two beings. Two small disturbances in the force that seemed neither to emit or receive force energy. Then it occurred to her- the collars. It must be her Masters she was sensing. With a painfully slow pace she inched herself towards their direction. When she was inevitably discovered it would be obvious that she would try to find her Masters. They would be waiting for her there. Now she had the advantage of surprise.


	11. Deliverance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka rescues her Masters

Anakin hung in his binds still exposed. A large and nondescript amount of time had passed since they had been left alone in their cell. His body ached but became numb at its edges- pain distant and dull. He felt himself slipping out of his body and relished the thought of being released from this torture. No one was coming to his aid. He felt pangs of guilt and remorse. He lead his Padawan into this mess and she might never come out of it. He used her as _bait_. Surely if she was still alive she hated him now for reassuring her it would be okay. He laughed at himself with bitterness- it would not be okay. Here he was, broken in shackles waiting- asking for death to claim him. He knew the life of slavery, this was much worse. Even slaves held a purpose. He was a broken doll ready to be thrown away. The thought of death was easier than the thought of making it out alive. What would his life be like now that he had betrayed the trust of his padawan and been brutalized before his master? All he would ever garner from them is pity and disgust. His whole existence thrived on making the people he loved proud of him, and serving them. That part of his soul had been broken off and lost. No one would be proud of him ever again after the torment that had been inflicted on his flesh. 

Steps neared the cell. Not the clank of Maul's mechanical locomotion, but the stride of a bipedal organic. Anakins eyes widened in fear and his stomach sank in dread. Obi-wan met his wild gaze with one of heartbreak and helplessness. His mouth hung agape as if he were to begin speaking but also as a pause- a hesitation. What could he say to the poor ragged man before him? He had been bled out, starved, mutilated, desecrated. It was all his fault, he thought. His former student, the man he was supposed to guide and care for, near death and demoralized because of the faults of his Master. As much as Obi-wan hated himself for everything, he loved this man. He loved Anakin. He had never gotten a chance to tell him. Who knows if he ever would get the chance again. The odds were stacked against it.

“Anakin,” Obi-wan called the name in a broken trembling voice. He was terrified, body quaking against his binds and working against his attempt to speak. Blue eyes under a shock of golden brown hair looked back at him. So many things had changed behind those oceanic discs. Shame where there once was pride. His will had left him, and the blood stains that fell on his skin looked heavier to bare. Those eyes once so full of charismatic charm now were empty and depleted. Obi-wan struggled to collect himself to say one very important thing, “I love you.” The confession escaped him strangled by the cries he only _just_ held at bay. “I'm sorry for everything. This is all my fault-” Obi-wan lost the battle against the rising sobs. 

Anakin was locked in silence. He loved his Master- there was no dispute but now the confession drew out overwhelming humiliation from being so bare and exposed before his teacher. He had been flayed out for viewing like a piece of meat. He eluded Obi-wans eyes, the unsettling and sore memory of his torture. Maybe he would have returned the sentiment if he were slightly more energetic or had those dreaded footsteps not been marching towards them to deal out more sickening violence. In this moment the declaration only added to his anxieties, and somehow added to the heavy shame that felt like lead in his belly. 

The door withdrew as Savage entered the cell. Anakin closed his eyes as hard as he could, his body tensed, his breathing became shallow and rapid. Obi-wan begged the apprentice, his voice laced with false bravado and currents of sheer terror. “Stop! Don't touch him. Whatever you have to do, do it to me! Leave him alone! Please!” As usual the petition fell on deaf ears. The Dathomirian slowly approached the younger Jedi and drew a hand up, gripping his jaw and roughly thumbed over his lips in appraisal. Anakins breathing heaved wildly, already nausea taking him in waves. His body trembled from his core uncontrollably.  
…....

Ahsoka neared her Masters cell. As she approached she could make out words and sounds with more clarity. Mostly silence- then her Grand Masters voice broken. Door opening- footsteps. Obi-wans desperate pleas. All the meanwhile silence from Anakin. She had to hurry. It no longer mattered to her that this would be a trap. All she had to do was distract the enemy from hurting her Masters for a little while longer until their rescue fleet arrived. She didn't have to win. She just had to waste time. She crawled at a quicker pace. She was still too far away. 

THUD

More begging and pleading between uncontrollable sobs. She had never heard her Grand Master so desperate or emotional. Obi-wan was always the pinnacle of self restraint. He was the model Jedi of the entire council.

SLAM

Whimpering cries erupted from Anakin. Ahsoka felt her stomach turn into a pit at the sound of her Master's voice scared, weak, and pitiful. He quietly begged the abuser, “Just kill me, please...” Ahsoka crawled as fast as she could, bruising her limbs as she struggled to reach her Masters. Finally! She kicked out the vent from above their cell and dropped down, drawing the saber from her belt against the enemy. She wasn't prepared for what awaited below.

Anakin knelt before his attacker stiffly in an unnatural position by force lock, he was pale white, battered and thin. Teeth marks, dried blood and saber burns stained his ghost complexion and his mechanical limb was sheered off by a saber, leaving the stump blackened. Obi-wan suspended in his restraints across the way looked better for ware but his face was swollen from so many hours crying and screaming. Savage was caught off guard by her intrusion and turned from Anakin, releasing the force hold letting the Jedi collapse on the floor. 

A sadistic grin fell on his face as he ignited the twin blade in his fist, turning to face Ahsoka. Both older Jedi were lost for words, Anakin backed himself into a corner defensively trying to leave as much ground as possible between himself and his attacker.

The Sith waited patiently for Ahsoka to strike. Each blow she dealt was deflected with a fast cutting motion. The confines of the space did not give many options by way of combat. If she failed to block a strike she would be just as defenseless as her Masters. She did not relent as each blocked strike swiftly led to another. All were taken in stride by the monster that loomed above her. He was twice her height and more than triple her strength. She could not afford to give any ground.

The red twin saber whirled in a disc at her. Ahsoka jumped and rebounded against the walls gaining height and lunged at Savage aimed for neck level. Before she made contact a wave of force energy came off the beast, hurling her back at the wall she had leapt from. In spite of her own force shielding the blow knocked the air out of her lungs and she slid down the wall, crashing on the floor near her Master. The saber had fallen from her hand and lie in the opposite corner from her. She reached out a hand towards the blade but she was fighting the force of another. The silver hilt trembled caught between the opposing forces, eventually flying into the hand of the assailant. Ahsoka refocused her force to the binds that held Obi-wan, releasing them, dropping him to his knees. Quickly he worked to remove the force collar that was shackled around his neck. As the clasp came undone, a dark rage filled him and surrounded his force signature. Had Ahsoka not been so distracted by combat, she would have found it more unnerving. Right now the darkness felt warranted. 

Obi-wan clasped his force around Savage's throat, rising him in the air, strangling the life from his body. Snapping his neck would be so effortless. He thought about it, relishing in the idea of rendering his body lifeless. The moment drug on as the Sith resisted the hold less and less, as he began to fade from consciousness. Eventually the body was limp, suspended in the force still. 

“Master, put him in the rig before he wakes up!” Ahsoka shouted, bringing Obi-wan back momentarily from the darkness. Kenobi swiftly brought him up to the rig that he had hung in for too long. Ahsoka recovered the two sabers that had dropped to the floor, relinquishing the duel saber to her Grand Master. Anakin had remained in the corner, curled up in on himself. Ahsoka rushed to his side, removing the force restraint that hung loosely on his neck. Usually Anakin's force presence was large and full of life. Now his signature was weak and barely present. He lay limp on the floor, immobile as though it had not hit him that he was no longer restrained. 

Obi-wan lingered at a distance as Ahsoka checked on her Master. “If we can't get him help soon, he's going to die!” She shouted in dismay. She was confused by Obi-wan's aloof demeanor. 

“We have to send for help...”

“Help is on the way, but I'm not sure how long. Is there anything we can do now?”

…....

Anakin was on the edge. He could see his friends, he knew he was free but he didn't care. This body, wasn't really _him_. Even though he was no longer cut off from the force, it did not flood him like it used to. He was on death's doorstep. All he had to to was knock and it would be over. No pain, no suffering, no toiling to survive. It would be erasing all of the misery, all of the broken pieces of his soul. He would no longer be fractured, but a part of the beautiful cosmic force that coursed through and surrounded all things. He would be whole again. All he had to do was choose. 

Obi-wan knelt next to him. Anakin could feel the apprehension in his soul, guilt brimming over the walls of his heart, steeping into his hesitant motions, the remorse in his eyes. The guilt of all Anakin had endured Obi-wan wore as his own transgression. It ignited a spark of life in the man's trampled heart. A spark of anger. He mustered the energy and turned towards life enough to speak. “NO,” Obi-wan could feel what he was saying through the force, he required no words. _It's not your fault, master. None of this is your fault. I will not allow you to carry this._ Fierce blue eyes seared into Obi-wan's soul.

“Okay but you have to stay with us. Help is on the way.” Obi-wan spoke in reply, trying to sound less desperate than he was currently feeling. _Please my love just hang on._ He could see the man's shattered soul, struggling to find the will to hold onto life. 

_Master I don't know if I want to hold on any more,_ Anakin looked up at his masters eyes, tears welling. _How can I live now, after everything._

 _We will find a way together. I promise we can get through this._ Obi-wan placed a hand on the young man's cheek, wiping away the falling tears. _Anakin, I can't live without you._ The words spoken through bond were a salve to the man's spirit. Anakin felt as if maybe he could do it. Maybe he could get through this. In the moment the fleeting sense of hope was enough to make a choice. 

_Okay._ Anakin's face contorted against tears that threatened to flood him. Obi-wan planted a tender kiss on his forehead, as he caressed his face gently. A heartfelt smile of gratitude broke across the elder Jedi's face.

_Thank you._


	12. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan faces off against Darth Maul

Before Maul could make his way down to the holding cell the ships hull took a massive hit near the hyper drive. It was a precision strike that began a barrage of missile fire, penetrating the hull and rocking the ship to and fro. Any other organics would have been tossed about but Maul's mechanical legs were locked with each stride onto the metal floor below. On the bridge the officers and droids were thrown into useless heaps, save for the few strapped into their crash couches. As they tried to re-organize themselves and attend their battle stations they were strewn about again by another wave of incoming fire. The Clone fleet had honed in on their location with uncanny accuracy and gave no warning before raining artillery down on them. The orderlies that manned the bridge along with the mindless droids had no clue what warranted such a strike. It was unlike the republic forces to strike out of nowhere like this and with such furry. As Maul trekked down to the cell where the two Jedi were held captive, a cruel smile graced his face. He knew what had triggered this attack, and it didn't matter how many died in the progress. Revenge had been worth it. The look on Kenobi's face as his most precious possession was tortured and plundered was delicious to savor. Maul would complete his vengeance by his own hand. Savage was simple minded and easily out-manuvered. Maul was not of the same nature. He would look deep into Kenobi's eyes as he took the life of his best friend before his eyes. He would steal the last flicker of light inside the man before he killed him, himself. 

It was puzzling to him how the young Padawan could escape the implant, but it didn't mater to him. She may have been an interesting anomaly but she would die all the same. Her attempt to rescue her Masters would be in vain. Their precious clones would never reach them in time. The hope of escape at the end of this long torturous ordeal would make stealing it away even sweeter. Maul felt like he should be thanking Ahsoka for making the completion of this dance more succulent than he thought possible. _Yes,_ he thought. _A chance to trample their hope a second time. A rare and beautiful opportunity..._ The image of the Jedi's faces falling as he trapped them fueled his dark heart. The force gathered about him like matter towards a gravity well. He trapped the essence around him to be dispensed at his will. There was an electricity surrounding him thick in the air, the pleasant sensation that sang through the dark side of the force was familiar. It was the resonating response to imminent death. Death that would be inflicted by his own hands. 

The door to the chamber flew violently off it's rail and into the cell, with such momentum it crumpled against the wall leaving a crater in its' wake as it clattered to the floor. Maul stood at the precipice, a blue saber in each hand with purpose; he would put down these Jedi by their own sabers. He wielded them effortlessly, whirling blue circles of hot light in each hand. Taking a survey of the room he glared grinning, as if there was a joke and only he understood the punchline. Savage was comatose held in binds. Anakin was coiled in the corner. Ahsoka and Kenobi perched in protective stances, held red sabers alight in their grip. Disposing of these weak minded Jedi would be as easy as saber drills. Kenobi for all of his strength and wealth of experience was weakened from starvation and stiff from spending days hanging in the rig. He was no threat. The young padawan? More than easy to rival. 

Kenobi launched forward first giving a guttural scream as he twisted in the air, aimed at his opponent. The twin red saber wheeling caught between the two blue blades clashing and sizzling against each other. The lower red beam swiveled in hand, slicing towards Mauls metal frame causing him to recoil and lash out against the man. Furious blue streaks of light moved and clashed, meeting Kenobi's red blade each time. Maul was pleasantly surprised by the fight left in the man but he couldn't afford to play this game now. He needed Anakin to die in front of his Master so is vengeance could be completed. He wanted to hear Obi-wan beg for mercy on his student one last time before he ended it. He did not have interest in drawing out this duel any longer than it needed to be. Each blow dealt was intent to kill and disarm the Jedi, but each move was met like a mirror. 

The grin that had once shone ugly decay now reversed into a menacing scowl. Obi-wans force signature was bloodied in the dark side. His hate was fueling each swing of the saber he held. Each move his opponent made he saw in his minds eye before he moved a muscle. The hunger that should have dulled his mind and his senses fed the malice that charged his combative prowess. His eyes glinted gold in the saber light. Influenced by the dark side Obi-wan was a force to be reckoned with. Any other time this irony would have proved more than humorous to Maul but he had not the time or resources to draw this confrontation out. He had to get what was his before the ship was boarded and he no longer had the advantage. 

Their sabers continued to clash against one another as Kenobi retreated a few paces avoiding a lunge of metal limb that surged out to kick him off balance. Maul seamlessly met him in a force push that each one of them strained against until both of them were sliding back in repulsion of the opposite forces. The release sent both of them back a few more paces. This was Maul's chance. Both sabers in hand he lashed out at Obi-wan, aiming a disarming blow. Before the sabers could make contact, from the other side of the room came the crumpled up door with great velocity towards the beast. Maul redirected the projectile to knock Obi-wan off his feet with ease. While the Jedi struggled to get back on his feet Maul was already looming over him, both sabers poised at his neck, ready to slash. He smiled down at the man, glowering deeply into his eyes savoring the golden circles that graced the edges of grey-blue. 

Suddenly a com-link chirped from the wrist of the dark apprentice. Looking annoyed, he toggled the connection. A hooded figure appeared. Orders were given. Retreat- alone and immediately. The beast snarled at the holographic figure as he closed the connection and extinguished the sabers. “This isn't finished, Kenobi.” Maul spoke in a growl as he fled the scene. 

With a sigh of relief Obi-wan came to his senses, amber hues draining from his eyes just as quickly. The battle had been a blur of memory he found challenging to remember the specifics of. If Maul was retreating that meant the clones must have arrived. Soon they would leave this wretched ship for good- a prospect that he had not been expecting. Obi-wan turned to his student who was still slumped in the corner. Careful to avoid irritating any of the wounds he lifted him gently and placed him around his shoulders.

“Lets not wait for our rescue party to find us. We need to start moving towards the hangar bay.”

“What about the younglings?”

“You found them?” Obi-wans interest was piqued. 

“Its hard to explain. They aren't exactly going to understand being rescued. Their minds are gone.” Ahsoka said as she motioned to the scar on her temple. Obi-wan noticed with grim implication the feint golden rims on the edge of her eyes. 

“We will leave it to the clones. We have to get Anakin medical attention now!”

For a moment Ahsoka felt foolish and nodded in agreement. Of course! Her master needed help still. The whole battle had been a rush. It was so unusual to see her Master showing any weakness he might have had, let alone retreating into a corner for the length of a battle. She wondered what the story behind the saber lanced- bite marks were, or if she would ever come to know it. There was so much about her Masters past that he kept private. 

“Follow me I know the layout of the ship.” Ahsoka motioned as she ran ahead of Obi-wan, nearly forgetting how the man was weakened and weighed down. She was mindful to keep the pace brisk yet forgiving. So focused on remembering the ship layout she didn't sense the organic turning the corner, and ran right into the figure and fell tumbling backwards. 

“Rex!” Instant relief flooded her senses as the rest of the 501st came into view. The battalion rushed into action to help relieve Obi-wan from carrying his tattered student. Ahsoka gave detail on the younglings and the rest of the soldiers headed out to rescue them. A smaller detachment was assigned to escort Ahsoka and her Masters back to the ship. The mission had been a challenging one but the odds were conquered, just as they always were. 

It seemed surreal as they departed from the separatist ship, approaching the republic cruiser. It felt like coming home. Her master was in critical condition but she knew he would pull out of it, just like they had escaped now. Anakin's life was nothing but a series of impossible feats, one right after the next. Obi-wan was not so jovial. He knelt at Anakins side as he slept brow furrowed in deep grief, head bowed against his hands where he held the hand of his student. She had never seen her Grand Master so given to emotion as she had since she had found them. What happened to them? She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer. She was content to be on the transport back home, safe, with her Masters. _And_ the younglings would be okay, too.


	13. Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wounds are on the mend. Obi-wan makes a report to the council.

Once the shuttle docked with the republic cruiser Anakin, Obi-wan and Ahsoka were rushed off to the med bay. Anakin was immediately suspended in a bacta tank while they hooked up monitors and a nutrient IV to Obi-wan. Ahsoka went into surgery to remove the residue from the implant. 

Obi-wan was the first one cleared to report to the council once they arrived at the temple. He was filled with aversion at the thought of being transparent with them. He couldn't tell them the absolute truth. He didn't even want to admit to himself what had transpired. How it was all his fault. How his own unchecked passions led him to be blind to the danger in the first place. How Maul saw his filthy desires and took them out on Anakin. How he had been filled by his vengeful rage and hatred of Maul. He nearly murdered to soothe his own craving for revenge. He had allowed himself to be eclipsed by the dark side. Had it not been for Ahsoka he may have given into his dark intentions. He could have been a murderer, killing in cold blood. Killing for the sake of _love_ of all things. Killing for the love that had him distracted in the first place, and that led him to the devices of darkness. No- if the council even knew part of what the honest truth was, there was no way they would let him continue to work by Anakin's side, or let him be near to him while he recovered. They were already bound to be suspicious of the palpable darkness that surrounded his force signature. He had been able to clear himself of it mostly, but still it clung to his edges leaving a smoky hue to what should have been white light. It was out of the question, he couldn't be away from the man's side any more. They had already been estranged for too long, to add more distance between them now would not be acceptable. Especially after all Anakin had suffered, he owed it to him to stick by his side. He would deceive the council at all costs in order to stay close to his beloved. 

He hesitated before entering the council chambers. Usually being surrounded by his colleagues would have given him courage and strength when he needed it the most. This should have felt like stepping into the warm embrace of friends and family. Instead he felt disgust with himself, and an uncomfortable disconnect from his fellow Jedi. He could use this pain to his advantage, if he played his cards right. He had to make it feel real. Convincing. It wouldn't take too much shuffling of facts to play the part. He already had a sea of real emotion to use as ammunition. Now just to disguise it as something else. Gingerly he stepped forward, ready as he ever would be to address the council. _Smooth, calm, collected demeanor,_ he told himself as he placed his shields strategically to hide himself while exposing other vulnerable parts. With a deep breath he entered the room, facing the council with a monotone expression. 

“Master Kenobi much I sense to tell us, you have.” Yoda led with his gentle presence that always seemed to be all seeing, all sensing. As a child it frightened him. Later on in life Obi-wan realized the effect was simply the expression of hundreds of years of experience. All force powers grow with time, the same goes for attributes. Yoda had unending patience and faith in the force. He had seen many dramas unfold and expand to their full extent and he was able to learn from them all, the experience of several lifetimes. It wasn't that the Master could discern truth with more accuracy than his colleagues. He simply had let go of any haste in search of truth. The force would always reveal the truth in time. Unless Obi-wan could create a new truth; one with omissions of his own miss-givings. 

“We have heard your mission had some very unexpected obstacles” Mace stated plainly, gesturing with his hands for Obi-wan to speak. 

Kenobi was visibly pained by the report that would follow. He swallowed hard before he opened his mouth to speak. His eyes flickered from the gaze of his fellow council members to the floor before him. “The separatists were expecting us, specifically Anakin and I, to investigate the youngling situation. They had been waiting for us. The moment we tried to infiltrate their operation, Ahsoka and myself were captured. Anakin tried to follow and rescue us and was captured as well.” Kenobi forced himself to lock eyes with Mace, emphasizing his next words with grave intent. “Darth Maul is not dead. He was behind everything, wanting revenge on me he tortured Anakin and forced me to witness... Had Ahsoka not called for help and intervened when she did, a grave fate might have befallen us.”

“Act alone, I fear Maul did not.” Yoda said in a solumn tone. 

“No, I have reason to believe he is still in league with the Sith Lord. He was contacted, by who I would presume was Darth Sidious, and called to retreat right before the Clones came to our aid.”

“A good thing the younglings are safe from their plans, it is. Appreciate your sacrifice, the council does...” Yoda paused, eyeing Kenobi suspiciously under his too-wise stare. “Dampened your light is Obi-wan. What you have witnessed, great pain I sense it has brought. More to share, you have?”

Obi-wans jaw hung agape as he tried to find a place to begin. The images that plagued his mind flashed before his eyes. They seemed too terrible to find words to accurately explain the horrors that he had seen. “Maul...He... First he bled him out. Just little bits at a time, over I don't know how many days. He bit into him... then cauterized and cared for the wound to keep him alive longer... Eventually when Anakin was very weak...” His voice faltered and he felt betrayed by the tears that threatened to spill at the corners of his eyes. “He was raped.” The words hung in the air. The council members were mortified, speechless. “Ahsoka came and rescued us right as he was about to be victimized again.” A cold shudder traveled through Obi-wans shoulders and his stomach turned sick as he was forced to revisit the images of his student, helpless. Begging for death...

“Enlightening this revelation is. Appreciate your honesty, we do. Feel your pain, we do.” Yoda said sincerely. 

“I think I speak for the whole council when I say both you and Anakin will need time away from the war to heal.” Mace said, as the rest of the council nodded in agreement. 

“Mind healers can be very helpful with this sort of trauma, both you and Anakin should consider it while you are off duty.” Shaak Ti spoke gently through her holoprojection.

“The council strongly recommends it.” Mace said, again the rest of the members nodding in favor.

….......

As Obi-wan left the chamber he tried to reassure himself that he had told a believable story. His relationships between the members had been well fostered over several years so they had no reason to doubt the fullness or credibility of the report.. Most of what he said was very true. The account of their torture, Maul's intent of revenge. The things that Anakin had endured that he had been forced to witness, all with the purpose of hurting Obi-wan by hurting the one he cared about. It was natural for Jedi to care about one another, as long as it didn't transcend the safety of others. As far as the council knew, it was just that simple. His own dimmed light easily passed as a mere symptom of the trauma he had been through. They didn't know the perverted lust that had been clawed from his mind and used against his student. They didn't know it was his fault Anakin had been so brutalized. Obi-wan knew he was responsible. He would do everything in his power to help his student heal. He would give him everything he needed. He wished he could take on all of the pain and suffering, so that the man he loved would no longer have to strain under it's weight. 

Remembering how Anakin had begged Savage for death ignited a reckless rage at the demon who had done this to him, to the point his fists began to tremble. He immediately regained control over himself, centering and breathing deep. He couldn't afford to loose composure in the temple, it would only work against him to put his emotions on display. Obi-wan walked towards the healing wing as fast as his feet could carry him without drawing undue attention to himself. He wanted to be by Anakin's side before he woke up. 

As he entered Anakin's room, he saw Ahsoka asleep on the chair beside him still clad in her white med gown. Bandages were wrapped around her crown from surgery. By her side stood a IV rack with hanging hollow tubes still attached at her arm. She must have rushed here as soon as she could stand, he mused. He gently shook her shoulder to wake her. Her eyes wandered up to look at him, no longer rimmed in the sick yellow shade. A smile grew on her face. “Master, you're alright!” She threw her arms around his waist in a loving embrace that Obi-wan gladly returned. 

“My young one, you are still in need of much rest I presume?” Obi-wan withdrew from the hold to look down at the Padawan with a gently scolding gaze.

“I just didn't want Anakin to wake up alone, Master.” She replied innocently

“He will not. I will get you as soon as he is awake. Now, go rest young one.” 

“Yes Master.” Ahsoka rose, gripping her IV rack and turning to leave. 

“Ahsoka,” Obi-wan began, as the Padawan turned to face him. “We owe you our lives. If it were not for you, we wouldn't have made it.” His face was stern, nearly morose as he spoke. 

“Thank my Master. Were it not for his training I would not have been able to help anyone back there.” She bowed graciously as she left the room. What she said was undoubtedly true, but he still thanked her regardless.

Obi-wan pulled the chair next to Anakins bed side and sat, taking the man's hand in his own and holding it to his lips. Watching and waiting. Anakin's shorn limb had been restored, igniting a spark of relief in Kenobi's ribs. He didn't want him to wake up with any unnecessary reminders of the last few days. Most of the wounds had nearly finished healing, the sickly hue of his skin had restored it's self and the dark bruises had faded leaving only the faintest of traces. Obi-wan raised his hand to brush over the indentation of teeth that had torn into his flesh below Anakin's jaw. If only they could erase these terrible reminders of torture. Obi-wan knew every time he saw those scars it would drudge up that same helplessness he had experienced back then... He couldn't fathom how his former student would feel about them. The constant reminder would not be a pleasant one. _It doesn't matter..._ he reminded himself. They were alive now, and safe. They could make it through anything. He could avenge his beloved later. Now Anakin needed him, and he owed it to the man to try his very best to push past his dark feelings. 

Kenobi observed the man's tranquil expression. He looked so serene, angelic and peaceful. Anakins breathing was smooth and steady as his chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern. Kenobi found himself mirroring his breath with his own, nearly entranced by the hypnotic tempo. Obi-wan let his force surround Anakin, feeling out the current of his aura. Usually Anakin's force signature was larger than that of five Jedi combined but now it retreated in on the man. His heart, broken. His shields that guarded his mind, damaged- not beyond repair, but painfully fractured. Obi-wan tried to restrain the heartache he felt, seeing his student so tattered. He had seen Anakin take many physical injuries during the clone wars, but none of those held a torch to what had been done to him now. His flesh had been torn before but his spirit had never been so blighted. 

Anakin's aura shifted, receding more into himself as he stirred in his cot, slowly coming to. Obi-wan carefully coiled back his force from invading the young man, not wanting to startle Anakin or have him feeling more exposed than he already was. The angelic face frowned, furrowing it's brows. The flesh hand flexed around Obi-wan's before he pulled the hand back towards him to rub at his face. Bright blue eyes flickered open. Bringing up his alloy hand to his field of view, his eyes widened in surprise. The context of his surroundings began to make sense as he stretched out his eyes to the corners of the room, then rested them on the man who sat worriedly at by side.

At first Anakin's was relieved to see his Master. Only a few moments passed before that relief was exchanged for dread. Obi-wan could see the unmistakable change in the man's expression as memories flooded his mind. Anakin flinched away from the knowing gaze of his Master as his breath became shallow. Obi-wan was overcome by a sick feeling that resonated from Anakin's core. He wanted to be there to help him heal but his mere presence was making the man ill. 

“Anakin,” Obi-wan cast is eyes wayward in shame as he rose from the chair, posturing towards the door. “If you want me to leave, I will understand. If it's too soon... if I remind you of-”

Anakin reached out for his Master's arm in desperation, terrified of being left alone. “No!” His words came out louder and more dire than he would have liked. He swallowed hard and paused to take a breath before he continued. “No... Master, please... stay with me.” Sapphire eyes peered up at Obi-wan begging. Of course he would stay. He was ready to do, or _be_ anything the man needed. 

“Anything you ask Anakin. If you wish me to stay, I will gladly stay.” Kenobi said with reverence. 

Anakin smiled back at him, tears biting the edges of his vision. Obi-wan delicately lifted a hand to the man's cheek that Anakin quickly caught with his own hand, relishing the feeling of his Master's skin against his own. Obi-wan's hands were so rough yet kind. He could feel the longing echo from Obi-wan's heart and surround him. The emotions that swirled in it's wake were loud and confusing. Physical desire dampened by sorrow and grief. Craving abated by devotion. In it's essence, it was pure unadulterated love. It had always been. It was beautiful.


	14. Disconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan wakes Anakin up from a nightmare

Defenseless. Cringing against the chill of the steel wall. Pinned. Anakin can't move. Invasive hands rough over his clothing ripping him free of his leggings. He opens his mouth to scream and beg for mercy finding in horror his voice rendered mute. Unwanted body heat radiates over his back, making him feel sick with dread. He knows what happens next. His body writhes in pain as his attacker brutally plunges through him. Hands grip his shoulders violently, shaking him. He tries with all the effort he can muster to fight against them, to free himself, to push back this cruel invader. More cries and pleas leave his lips with no sound in spite of his desperate and frantic tries. Fingers grip him with more strength each time he tries to struggle against the force that binds him. Tears of pain, anger and humiliation stream from his tortured eyes. A voice breaks through to him. 

“Anakin!” 

It was a familiar voice, the source of which he could not see from his vantage point. His consciousness followed the sound as it repeated the chant 'Anakin'. Hands still shaking his shoulders- painfully so. The man dared to open his eyes, after realizing that they had been closed the entire time. Anakins eyes widened, tears still wet on his face as he choked, realizing the volume of his own voice ringing through the halls- shamefully begging for mercy. Tear stained grey-blue eyes looked back at him as he came to. Anakins chest was heaving from the effort expended behind his pleas, begging his nightmare to spare him. 

Obi-wan loosened his grip on the man's shoulders, realizing just how hard he had been shaking his poor student. He had probably left bruises. Overwhelmed, Anakin tried to pace his breathing but his gasping for air turned to heavy sobs. Obi-wan moved to hold the man as his frame shuddered in lament. 

Anakin was thankful that most were asleep at this hour. Hopefully not many people heard him in such a state, begging and pleading. He was supposed to be the hero with no fear. The title had always been a bit ironic, he thought. He most certainly did have fears. He had always been fearful of loosing the people he held close, fearful of not being able to protect those who he loved. In the wake of his recent torture, he now feared he could not protect his own skin.

For the first time in a long time, he felt out of control of his future. It was an overpowering sensation that was both like, and unlike what he had experienced as a child slave on Tattooine. It was the same poison to his soul, but a larger dose; more lethal. The sorrow and discontent traded for a jaded despondency. In his child's mind, he had hope, a shadow of his potential had lingered over his future. He endured ownership under the kind hand of his optimistic imagination. 

Anakin was no longer a child- but a man. He had no grand illusions of escaping to a better place. His pain was a burden he had to carry within himself. Not something so easily escaped. His anguish was a black hole. It had swallowed his soul and will to live, now all that lingered behind was his body and the force that drove it. The rest of him was gone. The part of him that stood up to protect others- gone. The portion that he devoted to all the people that depended on him- missing. He couldn't find the piece of himself that cared whether he lived or died. He fell into a deep and endless chasm. Life was something that happened on the surface. He watched the light glimmer from the top of the cavern where he continued to plummet away from.

Anakin's tears ceased and he sat up against his Master. Obi-wan withdrew from the embrace, worry at the edges of his wide eyes, creasing his mouth in a frown. Once Anakin asked him to stay, his master had insisted on sticking by his side through his first night in the med hall. Anakin had protested it, and insisted Kenobi get a proper nights sleep, rather than slouching in a chair all night. His master would not be talked out of it. So here he was careening by his bedside, waking him from his haunted dreams. Anakin had tried so hard to act like he was okay before, trying to reassure Obi-wan. If he could convince his master, maybe he could sell himself on it, too. He wanted to be okay for Obi-wan, he sensed the guilt that emanated off him in turbulent waves through the force. Obi-wan had gathered a darker presence than the white light he used to be flawlessly shroud in. Anakin could feel the substance of the impurity, raw vengeful anger and self blame. He didn't want to be the reason Obi-wan's light was trampled. His master had always been a beacon in the force, his own guiding star. He couldn't loose that now. He needed that light to guide him back, if there was such a thing as coming back from this. 

Obi-wan did his best to act, too. By outward observation it would have been impossible to tell the dark that lurked near to his edges. One would have never seen the dormant bloodlust that lie beneath the surface of the man's kind features. Anakin locked eyes with his master, moving his flesh hand to grip the man's shoulder in reassurance. 

“I'm okay, Obi-wan...” 

His masters eyes did not change their worried expression as they bore into him. Suddenly Anakin felt stripped, soul lay bare. He was too vulnerable under the wanting gaze. He wanted to give a show of strength, but his senses were overwhelmed by panic. He wanted to run and hide, so he averted his eyes and let go of the mans shoulder, recoiling from the thought of anyone touching his skin. 

“I'm _okay,_ ” he stated again peering down at his hands, as if this time he himself would believe it. 

Sensing the dread that sprang up from the man, Kenobi drew back to give Anakin the space he needed. After all he had been subject to, it surprised him that he seemed so calm and collected as he tried to explain how he was okay at all. Undoubtedly, Anakin was not okay. His panic was an expansive turbulent storm covering the span of the entire medical wing. Obi-wan understood more than anyone why his former student was distressed and distant but he couldn't accept the blatant lie that he was trying to pass as a truth- to _him_ of all people.

“No- don't lie to me, don't shut me out. You're not okay!” Kenobi tried to suppress any trace of frustration from his voice but found it increasingly difficult. “All you have done since we came back is try to tell me how you are _just fine._ Damn it Anakin, you are _not!_ You don't have to be. Let me help you. I want to help you. Please just _let_ me. Don't put on a show for me. It hurts so much...” Obi-wan battled the tortured sob that threatened to overtake him. “I can feel how much you are hurting... but you just push me away-” His voice faltered as silent tears fell over his face. Anakin still sat in an somewhat catatonic stance, frozen and silent. “Oh, Anakin... I just love you so much, I'm sorry... I'm sorry.” Obi-wan knew he was coming on a bit too strong. After everything Anakin had been through, now he was being lectured about how to deal with his trauma. He had no right. It was a selfish reflex. Anakin would open up when he was ready. He needed to be patient- something Qui-Gon had toiled to instill in him as a Padawan. He would have to learn again. 

“Anakin,” With a slight look of apprehension, Anakin met the pained and teary gaze of his Master. “I couldn't help you then. What can I do to help you now?”

Anakin was overcome by conflicting emotions. He wanted to retreat and run and be alone. A portion of him still wanted to die. He wanted to tear at his flesh until he looked as ruined as he felt. There was another pull. A desire to let himself find solace in the arms of his Master. The man before him was open and waiting. He could feel the draw of Kenobi's devotion to him, like an oasis of hope in an endless expanse of death and suffering. Maul's precision strike had him had been aimed to harm his Master. The Sith had succeeded. Now all Obi-wan wanted was to help the young Jedi, but Anakin didn't know what help he even needed. He wasn't sure if anything would ever fix him but giving into the man before him didn't seem like it would hurt. He knew Obi-wan craved a closeness that Anakin had been resistant to give. He saw the pain that ate away at his Masters light. It was laced with a childlike need of acceptance. He needed Anakin to accept his help; to accept him- _love_ him. 

“Just hold me.” Anakins eyes were still apprehensive. 

“Are you sure?” Obi-wan asked, sensing the conflict in him. 

“Yes.” Anakin nodded. 

Obi-wan crawled under the covers slowly with caution to give Anakin ample time to rescind his request. He positioned himself lying on his side facing the young Jedi. Anakin gradually turned to lay facing him, and inched forward until his head was nestled against his chest. His arms were balled up in front of himself as he huddled against his Master. Kenobi placed his arms to surround the man at his shoulders, pulling one hand through the man's hair, resting there with his fingers lightly massaging his scalp. Anakin drew a deep breath of relief and felt his anxieties quiet a little. He focused on the loving presence of the man who held him. Even the scent of his master now seemed like a tranquilizer. He did not realize how tired he truly had been until this moment, where he no longer strained to hold his shields in place. His mental shielding was a joke. No matter how much he focused his efforts at keeping them up, they were like a sieve; pieces of his true feelings leaching through like sand in a tightly closed fist. He tried to put that out of mind, tried to bring himself back to the present. 

He could feel his Masters emotions loudly. Love and desire wrapped their tendrils around Anakins aura. He was resistant to accept them. Such raw declarations felt... tainted. They only reminded him of being a helpless victim, the one his Master had been forced to witness. Anakin felt a flash of anger rise within him towards the thought of such pure and true love, stained. Maul had taken so much from him, so much from the both of them. He didn't want to allow the dark monster to take this and dirty it, too- but it already had been done. He wanted to accept Obi-wan's affection, even though he didn't feel worthy. _Obi-wan could do so much better than me,_ he thought. He had been used and broken like an object. He didn't understand what was so desirable about himself. He choked on his own love, because his Master deserved so much more. Not the ragged left-overs from that dark creature. He deserved someone whole, someone who could love him back without restraint.

Obi-wan sensed the inner struggle taking place within Anakin. Holding him in such a way, he was nearly transparent to him through the force. “You are more than I could ever ask or hope for, Anakin.” His voice was a comforting hum as Anakin pressed his head up against his chest more. “You are perfect. It doesn't matter what happens, or what has happened. You are strong. If you were not, you would not be here now. You don't have to accept me. I don't expect you to feel the same... But I love you. And that's not going to change.”

Anakins heart fell through his chest as his breathing stopped. He didn't know what to feel, or how to feel. Obi-wan was pouring out to him and he wanted to shout back at him, proclaim his love. He _did_ love his Master. He could never deny it. But his shame was like a ton of bricks on his chest. The more he let himself feel, the more they weighed. It was easier to just stay numb, but he didn't want to live like that. Especially not now that his master was finally pouring out to him, revealing the depths of his feelings for him. A week ago he would have been overjoyed. Now his masters love felt like a burden, like a responsibility that he wasn't sure he was ready for. It was _easier_ just to be numb and he hated it. He wanted to be able to return his love equally but it all seemed too overwhelming. He knew he had been sure of his love before their capture. He remembered kneeling down to kiss the man, and how happy he had been to revel in the sensation. But now he was hollowed out and empty, there was nothing left to give. All that was left was turbulent throes of anguish, fear, and rage.

_No._

He didn't have to let himself feel the swells of emotion that boiled in his mind. He could shut it out. He could make a choice. He didn't have to _feel_ anything to choose Obi-wan. It could be a choice. A decision to open up to the person that loved him so much. He didn't have to drown in his emotions. He could choose to forgo them all together. Obi-wan longed for him. Anakin could choose to let Kenobi have him. He could choose to ignore the feelings of incompetence and self hatred. He could turn it all off like a switch.

So he did. 

Anakin unfolded his arms from his chest and wrapped them around his Master, drawing him in closer, pressing their bodies against each other. Obi-wan smiled warmly and nestled his chin atop Anakin's head that was still buried in his chest. He could feel the turmoil that once came off him in waves calm to a steady more constant tone- an odd one still, but not the boiling storm that cloaked him before. Kenobi would have dwelt on it more, had hands not begun gripping at his hips- derailing his line of thought.

“Anakin, what on earth... What do you think you're doing-” Obi-wan trailed off feebly in what was supposed to be a protest. He felt wrong for wanting to reciprocate the young Jedi's actions. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment at how quickly he was becoming aroused. Hands slipped beneath his tunic, exploring his chest. The mechanical hand felt cool as it grazed against his skin, contrasting the pleasant warmth of the organic hand that trailed down... Such simple touches sent Obi-wan hopelessly reeling. His arms were still cast about Anakin's shoulders, paralyzed with indecision. He fought his overwhelming biological drive to let his hands wander over the young Jedi's body in return. A few moments ago Anakin coiled away from physical contact. Something was wrong, but Obi-wan couldn't focus enough to see what it was. All he could focus on was the sensation of his beloveds hands traveling over his chest, dangerously close to teasing his nipples. Moving lower, passing ever so lightly over his arousal- 

“Anakin! What are you doing? You don't have to do this. This is not why I'm here-”

Obi-wan was quickly silenced by a strong mechanical hand that came up to pull his face down onto the lips of the younger Jedi. Anakins lips met his in a feverish kiss- both men moaning with want. Obi-wan couldn't resist his lips, they were softer and fuller than he remembered. Skywalkers tongue aggressively searched out the mouth of his Master- and Obi-wan was helplessly taken by him. He couldn't fight the advances when he had dreamed of this for so long. His body was on fire with need. His length was painfully hard and aching to be touched.

Anakins hands roamed over the other mans body, gripping his edges and gently trailing across his girth. A hungry moan escaped Obi-wan as Anakin continued to torment him. Kenobi let his hands wander with caution, tangling themselves in his curls, trailing down over his back wishing there was no fabric between Anakin's delicious flesh and his touch. He was careful to avoid the mans hips where there were deep purple bruises that still stained his porcelain skin. Hands moved to untie Obi-wan's pants, revealing his engorged length. There was a hitch in Kenobi's labored breathing as Anakin gripped him gently, thumb teasing over the tip of his engorged member. Anakin withdrew from the mans lips to study his expression as he worked his shaft teasingly, and slowly- savoring each whimper and soft moan that came off of the lips of his Master. Obi-wan wanted to make him stop, it felt so wrong- especially after all that the man had been through. Their eyes were locked passionately as Anakin continued to torment him. 

“Anakin...” Obi-wan meant to object, but the name rolled off his tongue in a helpless plea- begging.

Anakin roughly pulled his Master onto his back and moved to straddle him. Slowly, without breaking eye contact he lowered himself atop Kenobi. Bending down to his chest, he flicked one of the erect peaks of his nipples with his tongue, sending electricity through the mans body. The younger Jedi looked pleased as the man gasped and writhed in pleasure beneath him. Anakins was absolutely ravenous as he basked in the sensation of power he held over his master. It was an odd feeling, reminiscent of dreaming lucid. He could do anything to this man that so helplessly squirmed and moaned with each touch. All of it felt unreal, and distant. There were moments where he thought he might actually be dreaming.

He led a trail of kisses down to Obi-wans length. Graciously, Anakin licked every inch of the mans girth making the man gasp as he struggled to still his hips. Once he was wet enough he took him in his mouth, as he pumped his shaft with his hand slowly. Obi-wan was panting and groaning with every movement of Anakin's tongue. It was nearly laughable how easily tormented he was. It wasn't enough for Anakin, he wanted to hear his Master beg and plead for him. Anakin shamelessly gazed up into Obi-wans eyes as he took his entire length in his mouth, sucking and swallowing around him before releasing, only to take him in again. Obi-wan groaned louder as his length became slightly firmer in Anakins mouth. Anakin wondered if this is how Obi-wan fantasied about him- sucking him off mercilessly with want. Kenobi tried to steady his bucking hips, not wanting to choke the man. 

“Oh... _Anakin..._ ” Obi-wan rasped passionately between gasps of breath, his chest heaving as he neared orgasm. Anakin worked his shaft with his mouth, creating as much suction as he could muster each time he took his Masters arousal. Obi-wan resisted the urge to grip the young Jedi's curls- he was so close. Anakin moved his hand to cradle underneath Obi-wan's organ, sending the man over the edge. Most of Obi-wans sensuous moans were unintelligible accept for one name he chanted, _'Anakin'._

Anakin swallowed hard as his Master spilled deep inside him, thrashing his hips and arching his back. Anakin could feel his pleasure through the force that surged through his body. He continued to suck and tease his masters length until he became soft. 

Releasing him from his mouth, he lay beside him as his Master struggled to catch his breath. Obi-wan lay perched on his side facing Anakin, and moved to draw his hand through the mans golden curls. His eyes moved inquisitively over the younger Jedi. Obi-wan gently drew his hand up to Anakins jaw, and moved his thumb gently over his delicious lips. Anakin froze. Immediately, Obi-wan sensed the change around his former student. The monotone hum he once emitted turned to a tempest in an instant. 

A rush of nausea hit Anakin hard as he began to shake. His breathing became shallow. His mind was back in the cell. His body being roughly handled by that monster... He curled in on himself as his mind played his trauma back to him. Obi-wan looked on in distress, feeling so selfish- he had been a fool. His senses were muddied by his desires but now in the wake of his passions he hated himself even more. Anakin wanted so badly to find a way out of these emotions. Before it had been so easy to turn them all off. This was different, his mind and body threw him into the past and he couldn't escape. He had been so powerful over his Master, now he was a victim again, just a broken thing. He would have cried had he possessed the energy to do so. Instead he lie there, convulsing from shock and fear. 

Obi-wan was also frozen in terror. He quickly laced up his pants, feeling intense shame at what he allowed to transpire. He knew something was wrong, he could feel it but he ignored it. It was easier to give in to his desires, especially when Anakin had moved so aggressively on him. _He was just trying to give what he knew I had wanted..._ Obi-wan thought scornfully. He wasn't good for Anakin. Surely the man would be better off without him around to hurt him anymore. It hadn't worked before, but this time was different. Last time he put distance between the two of them, Anakin didn't know first hand the kind of pain Obi-wan was capable of bringing into his life. Now he knew. Maybe this time he would stay away. A dark energy surrounded the man, dampening the bright light that once dominated his aura. 

Obi-wan rose up from the bed, leaving the room without a word. He loved Anakin, and wanted what was best for him. Right now that meant leaving. The poor man had been through enough, he didn't need any more pain. He couldn't take any more pain. 

Anakin was still stuck inside his mind, unaware and disconnected as he remained crumpled and shaking. It took him too long to return to himself. When he did, he found himself alone. Abandoned. _He... left..._ Anakin didn't try to fight the tears. He embraced them silently, as he stared off into the dark. _I'm broken...Used and thrown away..._ His face contorted, fighting the sobs that lingered in his throat. It was better this way, Obi-wan deserved better- he knew that much. Finally his Master was figuring it out.


	15. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin is in danger

Anakin did not go back to sleep that night. He kept himself up with sheer determination, not wanting to be pulled back into a nightmare. Instead he remained staring off into blank space until light streamed in through the window of his door. Lights hummed on in his room, leaving a soft luminescent glow of white. It was morning. He could hear the footfall of people milling about in the hall outside. Voices trailed in through the cracks of his door, some laughing, most sounding somewhat jovial. Their casually jolly voices repelled Anakin. His heart was dark, marred and scathed. If he dared to close his eyes, another set was ready and waiting to stare back at him. Globes of sick red and yellow. He was too exhausted to be angry. He rose from his bed, still in his white med robes. It was time to depart from these sterile halls. Maybe the familiarity of his own chambers would help him regain some normalcy. It would certainly help to evade all of these _too-_ cheery voices. 

As he rose there was still a weakness in his legs from anemia. The bruises on his hips ached with each step. He didn't try to put it out of mind. Somehow the pain of his condition helped him ground, and stay present in the moment. He tried to straighten his posture as he walked out of his assigned med room and out into the hall. He didn't want to appear as weak as he really was. Not only for his own ego's sake- but for the fear someone try to stop him leaving this horrid place.

It didn't take long for him to realize something wasn't working. He met each stride with perfect flawless form, not giving any hint of the aches in his joints, or the frailty he felt. In spite of his efforts, he was drawing the attention of others. It seemed everyone he walked past dared not look at his face- but he could feel their eyes boring into the back of his skull. It was a challenge to keep his expression calm, especially when he realized with terror, what they must have been staring at... Those hideous scars. He quickened his pace. He had not looked in a mirror since his captivity so he hadn't thought about the marks that littered his body. He forced himself not to look at his arms, they had been covered with them. His neck, too. That's what everyone was staring at. Evidence of his downfall. The obvious teeth marks slashed through with saber burns. A pit grew in his stomach as his heart raced. Feet carrying him as fast as they could without him breaking into a jog. _Please don't talk to me..._ He silently begged as he passed more people than he was comfortable with. He frantically tried to maintain his mental shielding, but it had been so badly maimed during his capture that it was a futile effort.

He could see the end of the hall. Once he exited the medical wing it would be much easier to dodge other curious gazes. All he had to do was reach the door without anyone daring to stop him. They would stare, he couldn't help that. Thankfully they were put off enough by his ghastly appearance to not try and stop him. Only a few more paces now, but a few too many. 

“Master!” Young Ahsoka shouted for him down the med hall. Anakin cringed at her call, and faltered only for a moment. Her voice rung loudly and happily, and somewhat baffled at why he was leaving in such a hurry. He could sense with fearful dread Obi-wans pained eyes looking on him as well. He couldn't stand to turn around and look in those eyes... As if he did not hear the summons, he continued out the med hall with a sigh of relief and quickly stole down the most empty corridor available. He wouldn't take the direct route to his chambers, it would be too highly trafficked. He would take the round about way. 

Twisting and turning through the halls, eventually the coast became clear in which Anakin broke out into a sprint. He was surprised at the amount of energy he was able to expend, although his abilities were bolstered by a fair amount of adrenaline that left him feeling shaky. He was fueled by his panic and anxiety. He just needed to reach his chambers. Then he would feel better, he told himself. Get away from the prying eyes, the eyes that would appraise his weak and sickly appearance. Get away from everyone who would wonder and explore the possibilities of what he had been subject to. 

After an uncomfortably long time darting through the halls, he reached his chambers. As the door finally slid shut behind him, he fell to his hands and knees panting to catch his breath. His limbs trembled and his jaw was clenched tight. His emotions boiled over into his expressions now that he no longer suppressed them. Anguish, pain, disgust. Everything felt amplified by being alone. _I'm alone._ Icy steel eyes that looked at him with want echoed in his memory. He was supposed to feel better in his own space, so far that proved false. At least here he was left to his own devices without anyone to linger over him, or judge him for the marks on his flesh. 

His stomach felt heavy and sick, immediately he crawled to the refresher. Shakily standing to collapse around the sink he gave in to the bout of dry heaves that racked his body. His hands gripped the edge of the basin desperately holding himself up as his stomach settled. He stood there for a moment, disturbed at the realization that his reflection was only a glance away. His gut tied in knots as he contemplated looking up at himself and seeing the malformed being who caught the attention of too many people in the med hall. 

Through the stray locks of golden curls that fell over his face, he slowly peered up into the mirror at himself. His eyes were immediately drawn to the unsightly twisted scar tissue that formed bite marks over his neck. His face was gaunt and pale. Yellow ghosts of bruises were visible through his thin transparent skin. His eyes looked sad and scared, eerily empty. He turned away from the mirror in disgust, screaming in horror. Clenching his mechanical hand he lashed out against the glass with inhuman strength over and over, sending shards flying across the refresher and into the living space beyond.

He was ruined. His Master didn't want him anymore because he was too damaged. He was a scarred freak to the rest of the world. He hardly was enough of a man to be called a Jedi Knight, much less carry out the role of Jedi Master- the status of which he so eagerly pined for so long. He was no longer worthy. His future had been taken from him by that monster- even the thought send shivers of repulsion down his spine. There was nothing for him anymore. Padme was sure to find him revolting both in form and in spirit. She would never be able to look to him as the hero he had been. His skin was a living memorial of what had been done to him. He had nothing left to give anyone. His life was over but he was still here- forced to exist among all the reminders of what he had been. _Why can't it all just be over._ The shame was insurmountable. The thought of ever leaving his quarters was a burden he was unable to even think of bearing. It was all too much. He wasn't himself. He wasn't the chosen one. He was the left over husk of the one they called _Anakin._ He was a tool, to be used and disposed of. 

His legs gave out underneath him as he fell to his knees in the mess of shrapnel, letting the sharp bits dig into his skin drawing miniature red pools that spread and blended into one another until his knees were drenched in crimson. He didn't care. The pain was a distraction, a strange comforting warmth in his sorrow. He sat there empty, wishing that the beast would have heeded his pleas and killed him back in that cell. It would have been easier than having to live in the shell of who he once was. A dark thought entered his mind. He still had a choice. He didn't have to choose to live. He could choose to die. It could be simple. So much of him was already gone, he might as well have been dead already. He could finish what Maul started. The idea was like a warm blanket that shroud him with comfort. 

Before he could follow the thought further, his com link chirped at his wrist breaking his concentration. He was both frustrated and relieved at the distraction in a way that was hard for him to understand. He thought for a moment, whether he would answer the call or not. Surprising himself, he toggled the com active. A voice spoke out from the other end that was yet again relieving and burdensome in the same confusing way.

“Anakin, I've been waiting to hear from you ever since you got back. I've been so _worried!_ I've only heard rumors about what happened...” The pause was too long, and as it lingered it created a sick feeling in Anakin's chest. He didn't want to think about the rumor mill circulating about his situation. “People saying you came back in critical condition... I'm just surprised you answered at all.” Anakin was stuck under a spell of silence. He didn't know what to say. “...Anakin, are you alright?” Her voice brimmed with loving concern for him. Her affection was like salt to an open wound, sending him over the edge. He remembered Obi-wan loosing his composure with him, forcing him to face the truth. _You are not okay!_ Tears bit at the edges of his eyes as he tried to hold back a sob. Unsuccessful in his attempt, he let out a pathetic sounding whimper instead. Upon hearing her husband in such a state, Padme felt helpless. She needed to hold it together for Anakin, who was obviously suffering. She didn't want to think about what he might have been through. She knew how he could get caught up in his emotions, she didn't want to make him feel worse than he already was. She took a moment to breathe before she spoke again. 

“Anakin come to the apartment. Come see me, it will all be alright.” She said in a soothing tone that was far more composed than she was in reality. She could barely hear her words with her heart pounding so loudly in her ears. 

Anakin felt glued in place. He was still in his med gown, knees leaking bright red from the glass that was lodged there, not to mention the scars that were strewn over his skin... The dark bruises that covered his hips... He didn't want to see anyone, not even Padme, ever again. Then she would remember him for how he was, not what he had become. What he had been reduced to. He wanted to disappear. 

“I... I cant-” Anakin fought to speak over his muffled cries. 

“Where are you, love?” She spoke, still calm as ever, even as her voice threatened to falter as tears welled in her eyes. No response. “I can talk to Obi-wan, he can help-”

Anakins eyes widened with alarm as a desperate plea ripped from his throat.“NO!” He paused to breathe, not wanting to have her question the reason behind his vehemence. “No... please _no._ ”

“Ani, you're not making any sense. You won't tell me where you are, and you don't want Obi-wan's help... You're scaring me Ani...” She said, audibly on the edge of tears. Anakin became acutely aware he was worrying her. If he couldn't convince her that he was okay, there was no way to stop her from getting Obi-wan to help him. If Padme asked him, he knew he would oblige. It was not an option. He needed to make her feel better, quick. Anything to avoid seeing his master was necessity. Anakin felt his emotions drown out as the switch flipped, taking on a still composure instantaneously. Even his quaking limbs stilled themselves. He stared listlessly, entranced by the scarlet pools beneath him as he spoke. 

“I'm sorry angel, I don't mean to scare you. I'm just... tired.” He spoke evenly and quietly. “When you called I was a bit indisposed of. It's been a rough couple of days. But I promise, I'm alright.” He paused, trying not to give himself away as his throat clenched around the lie as he spoke it. “I'm just in my quarters recovering from the last mission.”

Padme was suspicious at this sudden change in demeanor but she was relieved none the less to hear that he was resting and recovering. She wanted to hear about the mission but she supposed it could wait until he was feeling better. She was especially curious as to why he had been so upset when she suggested Obi-wan's help, but pressing the matter now was sure to yield no results. “If you say so... When you are feeling better you should come see me.”

“I will. I promise Angel.” He killed the com link with a slight feeling of relief as he continued to look on the red that stained the previously white floor. He cocked his head to the side as if in deep thought, still entranced by the warm shade that surrounded him. He reached out to draw a finger through the lukewarm pool. He was still overtaken by the void, lacking any emotion. He was not happy or sad- he simply existed. His mind still whispered ideas to him, thoughts and vague plans. He felt objective, through a lens of lurid clarity. He was at the bottom of a deep endless valley. There was nothing but dark and endless chasm that swallowed him. 

There was a voice that echoed faintly. It was sickeningly familiar. The abyss of his mind came to life around him as his surroundings changed, turning to black and empty rift on all sides, completely enveloping him. The voice muttered darkly behind him, frighteningly close. He could feel the warm breath of the being hit his neck sending him reeling back into disarray. “ _Anakin..._ ” Dark velvet growling tones spoke his name. 

Anakin leapt to his feet, spinning to face the voice, only to be hurled away in a burst of force energy. There was no ground to hit when he fell, so he continued to tumble through the dark until he was seized at his ankles and wrists by something, catching him and holding him in place. Lights dimmed on around him as he found himself hanging in binds, in that cell...

He tried to will himself to wake up- certainly this had to have been a nightmare, only Obi-wan was not there to bring him out of it this time. He was puzzled, he didn't remember going to sleep. Maybe he had passed out of exhaustion? The door wheeled open on it's tracks as his two tormentors neared him. Anakin frantically thrashed against his restraints, unleashing a panicked scream with new found strength he did not posses the last time they met. He pulled and pried at the restraints, trying to manipulate his bonds through the force. His captors continued to near him in a tauntingly slow pace. Even though he was not under the suppression of a collar, his abilities still seemed to be weakened somehow. He failed to break the bonds that held him.

By the time the two dark beings stood before him, he was panting from exhaustion after exerting himself so much against his restraints. His skin crawled in disgust and his body was trembling. He closed his eyes and whispered to himself, _It's only a dream, this isn't real...this isn't real..._ He shouted for Obi-wan in his heart, wishing he could wake him up from this nightmare like he had done before, hoping that he would hear his cries and rescue him. 

Maul snickered in amusement, drawing out laughter under his breath. “And they call you the Chosen one,” He pulled a hand up to Anakin, clenching the mans jaw under his hand and forcing the young Jedi to face him. Anakin was frozen, and dared not to challenge Mauls hold on him. “Look at me!” Anakin timidly moved his eyes to meet the depraved red and yellow gaze that had haunted him. “You're _pathetic!_ So easily broken. Search your feelings and you will know the truth. I am not a figment of your imagination.” Maul released the young man's face leaving a trail of dripping red lines over his jaw. 

Anakin felt like he was drowning. He couldn't breathe, the rigidity that had built up in his chest from the impending panic that grew in his belly was overwhelming. His whole body was tensed and waiting to brace it's self against the looming threat of assault. He whimpered in fear as a single finger landed on his chest, trailing down his torso. _No, please!_ Anakin begged inside his mind, too horrified to move a muscle. Any resistance would only make things worse. He was completely and utterly defenseless.

Maul moved to stand behind Anakin, moving in close until his lips brushed against the young man's ear. Anakin shuddered with dreadful repulsion. “My apprentice was so rough with you last time...” He whispered seductively, trailing a fingernail over one of the rippled scars on Anakins neck. Anakin craned away, fighting against the contact with the demon behind him in futility, only bearing the flesh of his neck to the attacker more. “It's nothing personal. Actually it's quite the opposite. It's not about you at all,” he mused. 

A spark of anger ignited in the mans chest. “If you're going to tell me how you are just using me to get to my Master, you should re-think your plan.” Anakin said coldly, surprising himself with the intensity in his voice. “Obi-wan doesn't care about me anymore...” He trailed off, heart wrenching in pain at the sound of his own words. He knew they were true, but his heart wished it was not so. “So if you think hurting me hurts Obi-wan, you're wrong. You're wasting your time.” _So please just let me go..._

Dark evil laughter rose from the Maul, his hand moved up to grip Anakin's curls roughly, making the young Jedi cry in pain as he wrenched his head back towards him. “Oh young Jedi, that's where you're wrong. How blinded you are by your own emotions.” His mouth twisted into a sinister grin. 

…....

Obi-wan couldn't help but notice the turbulence in the force. It woke him from the shallow sleep he had finally managed to drift off into, after trying to sleep for too long. Opening his eyes he realized it was morning. Time to get up then, he supposed. There were people up and about in the med hall. He dressed out of his white med tunic and back into his usual attire. One night here was good enough, he mused. He was mostly recovered. After all, he was not the one who had to endure so many trials of the flesh... Not like Anakin.

Another tumultuous wave pulsated through the force. He didn't have to guess the origin as he peaked his head out of his assigned med room. Anakin was leaving. He strode down the hall, trying to act as if nothing was amiss. Much to Obi-wan's sorrow, Anakin was attracting the gaze of everyone out in the hall. Everyone was staring at those scars- the ephemeral reminder. Ahsoka saw her Master leaving and in spite of calling for him, he kept on walking right through the doors to the hall. Obi-wan fought the urge to follow him. Doing so would only cause more harm, and it was a selfish desire anyways. What Anakin needed was time away to heal. Being smothered by him would only cause more hurt, just as it already had. Deep pangs of guilt lanced through his heart as thoughts of their time together seared themselves into his awareness. He had taken advantage of Anakin when he was at his most vulnerable. _I'm a monster..._ Obi-wan tried to shut himself off from his former student, putting their connection in the back of his mind. It would be better for Anakin this way, he thought. He didn't want his selfishness take precedence. He couldn't trust himself to put Anakin first. That meant he couldn't trust himself with him at all.

Ahsoka saw Obi-wan in the hall. She was still connected to the IV. They wanted to monitor her for the next few days to make sure the parasite was completely gone. “Master!” This time she waived over to Kenobi, hailing him down. “You look much better!” She exclaimed, genuinely happy to see him feeling better. 

“Yes, I am feeling much better.”

“Master, what's wrong with Anakin? He acted like he didn't hear me, but I know he did!”

“Anakin has been through a lot over the last few days. Just give him some time and he will get back to his usual self.” Obi-wan reassured her. _All I have to do is stay out of the way..._

“If you say so Master.” Ahsoka said skeptically, as she returned to her med room.

Obi-wan sauntered down the hall. He feigned smiles and warm gestures towards people he encountered on his way out of the hall. It was all so exhausting. He needed to find a way back to the man he was before. His lust for his Padawan had torn them both to shreds. He wandered to his quarters. There he could meditate, and focus. Perhaps he could restore his light to the clear and focused state it had been. If he could clear himself of his unwarranted desires, then he could help Anakin. But first he had to transcend himself and the shadows that encroached his aura. He had flirted dangerously with the dark side, and even though it was for a very brief time, it had left him far from where he once had been.

After entering his quarters he sat in the center of the space in a meditative pose. _Breathe in.... Breathe out. Focus._ Obi-wan lowered his inhibitions and allowed the force to flow freely through himself. _Let go._ He could see the object of his hindrance. Anakin. Obi-wan struggled to maintain his poise in the light as memories passed through his consciousness. He needed to connect with his attachment, to release it into the force. 

There was loathing. Intense self hatred. He blamed himself for what Anakin was subject to. Not only had Maul used his desires against him, but he was supposed to protect and guide Anakin. He was no longer a Padawan learner, but Obi-wan still felt a lingering sense of duty to him. He held his feelings to the light of the force. He could sense their falsehood. _Let go,_ he told himself. He could see now, his sense of duty wrapped around him like weights holding him down. His self blame only served to hurt Anakin more. He could see the fracture lines that spread outward from his own soul to that of his beloved. If he had been less absorbed by his own emotions he would have been more available to help Anakin... The irony hit him hard, nearly breaking his meditation, but he could see it now. It was a downward spiral that reciprocated it's self. _Let it go._ It took all the will he could muster, to not recoil in the darkness of the shadows that stained his aura. Somehow, he held fast against the pull of the dark. 

As he held his soul to to the light, trying to purify himself of selfish desires, he could feel something in the background of his consciousness. It was a trace of something, barely existing at all, but he could hear it's echo like a beacon. It was a cry for help- a stifled scream. A tugging on a cord that had grown deep roots into Obi-wan's heart over many years. It carried no words. It was communication of the most intimate and raw form, pure emotion. Terror. The cord hummed and resonated in his chest. His eyes shot open as he sprung to his feet, rushing out of his quarters down the hall. Obi-wan was able to put his selfishness aside. There was no room for his own desires. All that filled his mind was the helpless fear that Anakin was currently consumed by.

The door to Anakin's quarters retracted as Obi-wan rushed in. Turning to the right to the open door of the refresher, he was filled with regret. He tried to let the swells of emotion come and go, tried to not get too attached, but he was failing. The sight was breaking his heart. _I should have followed him when he left..._ Anakin had collapsed on the floor of the refresher, knees bled red from shattered glass that was strewn about all over the place. His body convulsed as strangled cries and unintelligible words fell from his lips. Kenobi frantically knelt by his side, cradling him in his arms. Drawing Anakin's face up in his hands he looked into the mans eyes to find them pitch black. This must be the work of the Sith... Reaching through the force Obi-wan dove into Anakin's mind, searching him out to bring him back. He was there, but not really. There was a bundle of dark cord that had sunk forcibly into his mind like the roots of an old tree. The dark vines stretched out beyond the temple, beyond Coruscant, into the galaxy. He didn't have to guess at it's origins. He worked gently, and diligently as he ripped at the cords to free Anakin from it's hold. With each dislodged limb he felt the man in his arms return to his body, as his aura began to grow. As Obi-wan severed the final branch, he could see the face of Maul. The monster whispered as he faded. _It's not over Kenobi..._

Anakin came to with a heart wrenching scream. Obi-wan held him close as the man curled in his arms against his chest. “It's okay now, Anakin. I'm here.” He spoke kindly into his golden curls as the young Jedi shivered in his arms. Kenobi had not conquered his attachment, but he was keen on understanding how important it was to keep his emotions from dominating him. He tried to not hold onto the guilt that sprung up in him as he looked down on the broken weeping form that took refuge in his arms. 

“You left me,” Anakin gasped between sobs, as his shivering began to lessen.

Obi-wans gut was tied in knots, thinking about what Anakin might have just been subject to. Two freshly bruised red crusted slices on his chin suggested things that Obi-wan didn't want to think about. The matter of how this happened was not a question to Kenobi. He felt daft to not suspect something like this might occur- with Anakin's aura and force shields being so damaged it would have been easy work to get to him.“I will never leave you again.” Obi-wan said solemnly. “I swear it.”

If Anakin were his usual self, he would have been angry with his Master for leaving him the way he did. Part of him understood. Why would anyone want to burden themselves with him? He had too much baggage. He wasn't worth it. If Obi-wan had been smart he would have never come back, although Anakin was grateful beyond expression that he did. He began to tremble again as he grazed the painfully fresh recollection of his encounter. Thankfully his mind let him forget it for the moment, although his body continued to tremor. 

“Thank you... for coming back for me...” Anakin said weakly. Obi-wans heart broke again, but he tried not to show it.

“Never mind that. Look at you, you've got glass in your knees and there's blood everywhere. Lets get you cleaned up.” Anakin nodded in agreement as Obi-wan picked Anakin up and carried him over to his sleeper. Gently and carefully he removed the glass spread bacta on the wounds, all in silence. Kenobi had Anakin wrapped in his own shields the entire time, comforting him and surrounding him in peaceful intentions. It reminded Anakin of the times when he was still a young boy fresh out of Tattooine. Back at that age he was easily frightened. He had put on a good show for Obi-wan at first in their relationship. Anakin had tried not to let on how skittish he really was, afraid that opening up to him in this way would prove that he was not meant to be a Jedi. Eventually the inevitable happened, and Obi-wan learned his secret. After Anakin started to feel more at home by his side, it was only a matter of time. Obi-wan would shield him in a similar way back then, when he was afraid. It had helped him look his fears in the eye, and overcome them. It had worked. He had become what would appear to be the most fearless Jedi in the entire order, even if only for a time, he thought with a grim bitterness. 

After Obi-wan had completed patching up the wounds, Anakin felt a wave of fatigue sweep over him, leaving him feeling light headed and feint. The thought of sleep felt nice, but he fought it. He hadn't been able to close his eyes in peace since he got back. His weariness was obvious, and Obi-wan suspected with accuracy what held the young man back from letting sleep take hold. 

“Do not fear, Anakin. I will be here while you sleep, you are safe.” Obi-wan said gently rustling his golden curls. “Rest, young one.” The young Jedi quickly agreed as he retreated under his blankets. Obi-wan positioned himself in a meditative pose before the bed side, placing his shield around them both with great diligence. Finally, Anakin slipped into a deep dreamless sleep.


	16. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin and Obi-wan struggle with the aftermath of Mauls attack

Anakin awoke from his dreamless slumber, slightly surprised at how rested his eyes felt now that they were no longer swollen with tears. Obi-wan had held fast by his side, only rising from meditation now that his friend was beginning to blink his eyes open. The young man was disoriented as he stared at the ceiling of his quarters groggily. The blinds had not been drawn but the window remained dark. He must have been asleep for a long time, he thought to himself. He hoped it hadn't been too long. He felt guilty at the thought of his Master perched like a sentry at his bedside for hours on end.

Obi-wan did not appear to be overly fatigued as he turned around to face Anakin, much to the contrary. His eyes were vibrant and full of life, brimming with exuberance that he tried to restrain for the sake of his freshly woken friend. Anakin showed a hint of a smile towards his Master. He couldn't remember the last time Obi-wan had looked at him with such pure childlike happiness. It was just like Obi-wan to try to emulate his emotions in a calmer form, rather than letting them be expressed uncensored. It had always been a trait that Anakin had admired in him, although at times he found it quite frustrating.

The traces of guilt that gathered in his mind dissipated for the moment as he looked into Obi-wans doting eyes. “How are you feeling?” The elder Jedi asked, his head tilted inquisitively to the side as he knelt looking up at the battered man.

Anakin stretched out his limbs, trying to search out an honest answer. He should have been feeling better but his body ached and throbbed unexpectedly with each motion. As he twisted to his side to prop himself up, pain lanced through his ribs, angered by his changing posture. He gasped, the sharpness taking him by surprise as he coiled back. His heart began to sink in horror as he moved his hand up to his face to feel the two deep scratches that had been gouged into his jaw. His chest caved in on its self as his head swam with grief and illumination. Not only had his mind been taken, but his body had been ravaged as well. He felt sick as he imagined the phantom forces of his aggressor moving over his body. Looking back sheepishly towards Kenobi, Anakin did not have the boldness to look him in his eyes as he tried to gloss over a quick answer. 

“I've felt worse.” He said, unsure if that was even a true statement. His jaded eyes stared into nothingness as he fought the pull of unwanted images that threatened to take him away from the present.

“You're in pain,” Obi-wan said in a more serious tone. “Tell me where you're hurting I can take a look.” It took effort to keep the kind expression on his face from turning to overt worry. The man was trying his best to be available both physically and emotionally.

Anakin's eyes darted back and forth, not wanting to give an answer. The truth was he hurt everywhere. He didn't want to think about it. Obi-wan could see the hesitation written over his friends face with a biting concern that he swallowed like bile before he allowed himself to speak, willing his diction to cooperate with his efforts. “Why don't we get you into the shower? Wash some of this grime off of you.” Anakin nodded in agreement with his suggestion. 

Anakin rose from the sleeper timidly, not wanting to anger any of his hidden injuries. Obi-wan offered his arm to help him cross the room into the refresher. Anakin was silent against the protest he offered up internally. He was done trying to prove to Obi-wan that he was okay, although the reflex still persisted. 

Obi-wan guided Anakin to the edge of the tub and gestured for him to sit while he found a comfortable temperature. After doing so he moved to the exit. “I will be here if you need anything,” he said as he left the room, closing the door behind him. 

Anakin was not truly alone, Obi-wan still had his mental shields surrounding the two of them. It was an odd sensation to be under his protection for so long. All of Anakin's thoughts and emotions would have been transparent to Kenobi, had he chose to glance in their direction. Obi-wan did not betray Anakins confidence once, not even while he was asleep. It would have been an easy and unnoticed intrusion. Anakin wondered whether Obi-wan chose not to look for fear of what he might find, or out of pure respect towards him. He supposed it was a blend of both. It would have been nearly impossible for Obi-wan to withhold his emotional reaction from Anakin had he breached his memories, perhaps that was the reason the man held himself back. Were the tables turned, Anakin didn't know whether he would be able to restrain himself in a similar fashion. He was thankful none the less that his Master let him hold onto the last shreds of dignity that remained.

Anakins hands pulled at the edge of his tunic, trying to maneuver it up over his head. His sides ached in complaint at first, but once he reached chest level pain shot through his ribs effectively knocking the wind out of him in a strangled grunt. He shrunk back down on himself in an attempt to help ease the pain.

Upon both sensing the flash of pain and hearing the cry of his beloved, Obi-wan nearly barged through the door to the refresher. He mentally calmed himself before politely knocking instead. “Are you okay Anakin?” He spoke, only giving hints of the worry he felt.

Anakin did not answer. He was unsure of what he would say. Such an ironic question, _Am I okay._ He could hear the echo of his Master answering his own question _damn it Anakin, you are not!_ Dark cynicism crept up to his eyes, reminiscent of the emptiness that tore at his heart like a black hole. He wasn't okay- and everything seemed to serve as a reminder to that testament.

Obi-wan could feel the apathy steeping from the young man. He winced, realizing his poor choice of words. “Is there anything you need?” He followed up, hoping Anakin would answer him. He didn't want to disturb the man as he undressed, or make him feel uncomfortable in any capacity. Obi-wan pressed his ear to the door as if it would hasten the mans reply. 

Anakin felt sick at the thought of asking for help. He knew he couldn't disrobe by himself and was deeply ashamed of his inability to do so. He had never had to rely on someone else to help undress before- the thought disgusted him. He was supposed to be stronger than this. Anakin slipped into a catatonic state as he sat there limply, in the increasingly humid room. He could feel the residue of who he once was in a empty corner of his mind. There, the chosen one flared with anger, thrashing about in blind rage. He felt sadness at the few pieces of the man that were still left within him. He envied him. So much potential, so much power. He would have never succumb to the devices of Maul. Where did the chosen one end and Anakin begin? Somehow they were supposed to be one in the same, but that couldn't be right. The chosen one was dead.

The lingering silence stirred a panic in Kenobi's chest. “Anakin, I'm going to open the door. Please say no if that is not okay,” he said with a worried crease in his brow. Upon the continued silence he opened the door, trying to do so slowly so Anakin still had the chance to speak up on the intrusion. Obi-wan was a little surprised to see Anakin still sitting on the edge of the tub. The despondent look in his eyes was unsettling. 

“Anakin?” Obi-wan said, trying to catch the attention of the young man who sat dazed before him. Anakins eyes darted up to Obi-wans, and then back to nothing. He searched the air before him as if he would find an answer hanging there. As if there were another set of words that would convey the same thought without all the shame that came attached. 

“I cant-” Anakin faltered before he could finish. His face furrowed into a serious expression as he fought against the rest of his sentence as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. He tried to remove the wounded pride from his following words but they tasted just as bitter anyways. “I cant get my tunic off...”

Obi-wan felt a shameful condolence envelop his heart as he looked over Anakin, so buried in his dejection. He worked to remove any trace of pity from his demeanor as he spoke. “I can help you disrobe if you would like,” he said more as a suggestion than a question. He wanted Anakin to have complete control over his situation but he also knew that asking for help was drawing out feelings of powerlessness to begin with. He began to move towards Anakin, kneeling before him to take hold of the back edge of his garment. Slowly he began pulling it up over the mans back and head, afraid of what he would find underneath. Anakin suppressed his cries of agony at the pain he felt lance through his ribs as he moved his arms to allow his tunic to be pulled over his shoulders. Obi-wan looked on helplessly in horror to see blackened violet shades paint the sides of his ribs and the crests of his hips. Crusted red lacerations formed a sickly lattice on his back, rising up to his shoulders. He had suspected some physical results of Mauls latest attempt to hurt Anakin, but what he was seeing far exceeded his expectations. His heart wrenched in his chest as his mind imagined what his beloved had been through.

Anakin had an idea of what his body must have looked like. He could sense his Masters shock. “Oh Anakin,” Obi-wan whispered as his face twisted against welling tears. His hands began to tremble, and he did his best to still them. He wanted to yell and scream, his soul flared murderously. He wanted the blood of the ones who had done this to him. Obi-wan wanted to inflict all of the pain back at them, he would relish their cries as they begged him to stop. 

_No..._ That was not the Jedi way. He owed it to Anakin to hold himself together. _Let it go_ he told himself, although it sounded insincere now. How could he just let this go? He wasn't sure he knew how, although he would try. For now he forced it to the back of his mind. Now was time to take care of his friend, there wasn't room for anything else. His primary purpose was to give Anakin everything he needed.

Currently what he really needed was a trip to the healing halls. He knew Anakin would protest that suggestion so he did not mention it. He could rest easier in his own quarters. All they would do is treat his wounds with basic first aid. Obi-wan reasoned to himself that he could do that here instead. Although holding back from going to the med hall was going to be the least of his worries. Soon, the council would need to hear about what transpired. He was sure at least Master Yoda had been attuned to feel the disturbance in the force that surrounded Maul's attack. Anakin was not going to like the idea of reporting the incident, but if Maul was brazen enough to attack him like this in his own quarters, the council needed to know. They would be able to help protect Anakin when Maul inevitably tried to strike again. Obi-wan was determined to do everything in his power to ensure Maul never got that chance. _Force knows I can't protect him on my own,_ he thought with bitterness.

Anakin remained lifelessly still as his Master tugged his hands through his sleeves and discarded the garment on the floor. Obi-wan paused to collect himself. This was no time to be given to his own emotions. He was not the one who had been brutally mutilated. “Do you want me to help you remove your pants as well?” he asked plainly, careful to avoid bringing his turbulent emotions into the situation. It would only hurt the man more. 

Anakin felt disconnected still, like his body wasn't real. He nodded to his Master. His limbs felt like dead weight around him. Obi-wan moved swiftly unlacing Anakins trousers, then helped the man up. He had lost a significant amount of weight during captivity so upon standing his pants fell to his ankles. Removing his undergarment fresh bruises were revealed on his hips, overlapping the purplish yellow healing marks. As he lifted a leg to step into the tub Obi-wan couldn't help but notice the evidence of assault that stained his inner thighs and buttocks. Obi-wan placed a hand over his mouth as he found himself aghast, his soul aching. He moved pity out of mind in an attempt to keep his emotions out of his focus but it was replaced with that familiar blood-lust, like an itch begging to be scratched. The darkness gathered at a distance from his aura. He held himself back from the wrath of vengeance that threatened to overtake him. His personal suffering was secondary to that of his beloved. Giving into his anger would not serve Anakin so he rejected it, begging the force to remove it from him. Maul would meet his end, Obi-wan didn't need to have a personal vendetta to make that an eventuality. Or so Kenobi told himself at the moment, unsure if he truly believed it.

Anakin flinched against the water as it hit skin at first but eventually he leaned his head forward, soaking his curls. Just as Obi-wan started to leave the room Anakin tried to turn his back towards the warmth but instantly recoiled from it with a cry of pain. A wave of hopelessness took him over as he held onto the wall, ripped flesh on his back throbbing and screaming. Obi-wan quickly turned back to aid his friend. The water that streamed down his face mingled with his silent tears of resignation. 

“Lets draw you a bath instead.” Obi-wan suggested anxiously, as he switched the tap to the faucet. Anakin moved to sit in the tub with apprehension, careful not to aggravate his injuries. Kenobi handed the younger Jedi a towel to dry his face with while he searched in the refresher cabinet for some healing salts. Upon finding them, he poured a generous amount into the running water. Anakin breathed deeply into the aroma. It called him back to his childhood. When he was a brand new padawan the physical training drills had tore up his muscles. He was no stranger to hard labor but his new activities worked him hard in ways he was not used to. Obi-wan used to draw him baths like this one with healing salts to help his body recover. He was so young back then, and he had thought the world of Obi-wan. His Master had been his idol. He always seemed to embody the perfect balance of strength, wisdom and kindness. Anakin had basked in the corona of his Masters loving guidance, and flourished under his warmth. 

Anakin sat as the tub filled. As the water inched up his legs and back he winced in pain as his torn skin acclimated to the warmth. Finally when the tub was full Obi-wan shut off the tap. Anakin began to lay back slowly, immersing the rest of his mangled back in the water, his face contorted against the sensation of the hot water over his wounds. Finally once he settled against the back of the tub his body found some relief. The warmth of the water seemed to sink into his soul, heating his bones that he only now realized were ice cold. 

Obi-wan turned to leave the room again but before he could get far, Anakin caught the edge of his tunic. “Please don't go.” Vulnerable blue eyes begged quietly, desperately. Hearing Anakin so needy for him ignited an involuntary carnal desire. Obi-wan hesitated to turn around, wondering if he could stay without becoming aroused. He stifled the thought, feeling intense disgust towards himself. With restraint Obi-wan did turn slowly to face his friend, and promptly sat down reclining near the tub next to him. The two of them rested in silence. Obi-wan felt drowsiness fall over him as he let his eyes close, thankful he was able to control himself although his body felt on the edge of betrayal. He tried to stay removed from the contempt he felt for himself that lingered in his chest. He felt like a monster, harboring such desires when his love was so badly maimed. Of course he would never push himself on the man, but he felt horrid still. He did not like contending with his own emotions and desires. 

Anakin lay there, feeling empty. Feeling guilty, for his reliance on his Master. Obi-wan was ready to do anything for him. He was trapped like a slave to his service. He didn't like it at all, but without Obi-wan there was nothing protect him. Not just from Maul, but from his own mind. He hated being such a burden. He looked over at the man resting by the tub. He looked so tranquil and peaceful, like an angel. Anakins heart opened slightly, allowing him to feel the deep love stirring in his chest. It had been there whether he was able to feel it or not, always under the surface. Its why he was so reliant on the man. They shared a special bond, the strongest connection Anakin had ever experienced in his life. Obi-wan had been there for him through it all. They had fought battles together, trained together. Obi-wan had seen Anakin through all of his highest and lowest points and never failed to be what he needed in the end. Even now, Obi-wan came back to his side when he needed him with unfaltering loyalty. 

Anakin felt guilt pooling in his center as his mind traced a new thought. His love for Obi-wan transcended his feelings for his own _wife._ His heart hammered nervously with the sudden realization that he was harboring such a secret from Obi-wan. He was a married man. Padme would never forgive him if she knew. Although Anakin felt like she would never want him if she knew what had been done to him either. Obi-wan accepted him through it all. A heavier guilt settled over him as he weighed out the possibles in his mind, as if the two people he cared most for were nothing but options. He was revolted by himself as he frantically tried to come up with a plan. One thing was certain, neither one of them could ever know. If even one of them caught on, it would mean the end of both relationships. Anakin couldn't stand the thought of being abandoned. Not again. He wouldn't have to worry about it for a short time at least, he could effectively avoid Padme for a decent amount of time. Eventually he would have to see her or else she would be suspicious, but he wouldn't have to think about it until then. He sighed with a bit of relief as he procrastinated any decision to action. He allowed the thought to pass, although a trace of guilt remained. He easily buried in the debris of his ravaged mind. The guilt could wait, too. 

Both men sat in silence for a while. Finally the bathwater became chilled, forcing Anakin to rise up from it. The strain of gravity on his body after being blissfully weightless in the tub made him feel even more weak. Obi-wan grabbed a towel from the cabinet and held it open as Anakin stepped out of the tub. He gently pat his back dry before draping the towel over his shoulders. Obi-wan once again was rummaging through the cabinet, searching for more bacta. Without a word upon finding some Anakin lowered the towel as Obi-wan spread the ointment over his wounds. 

Anakin wrestled with the feeling of someone looking after him to such a degree. It was both sweet and sour. He hated needing to rely on someone else but Obi-wan doting on him was a comfort that he sorely needed. It made the empty hole in his chest ache with acute awareness, like the pain of a festering sore being disinfected. He felt restless at the sensation, like he wanted to tear his chest open and remove the dead feeling that churned inside of him. He wanted to lash out in violence but he was hopelessly bound by stillness. How was it possible to feel so many conflicting things all at the same time? Hopelessness fell over him instead with an acute emotional exhaustion.

Obi-wan finished up dressing Anakin's injuries and went promptly to his wardrobe to find fresh clothes so his friend didn't have to be exposed longer than necessary. Anakin sauntered over to his sleeper, and sat on the edge as he looked on at his master busy rummaging. Obi-wan tried to hide the frantic nature of his movements but Anakin could see right through him. He was shaken to the core although he desperately tried to hide it. _Maul is winning..._ Anakin felt a vice wrench his heart at the thought. He was nothing but a tool, used to hurt Obi-wan. Every drop of agony and despair was a knife aimed at his Masters light. Even now the darkness loomed above the shields that Obi-wan held so diligently around them both. He was fighting it, but how long could he hold out against the devices of the Sith? 

Anakin felt himself still with alarm at his sudden realization. This was the _true_ battlefront. This was the pinnacle of warfare. Not in the outer rim. Not against the helpless inhabitants of planets that harbored sought after resources. That was all periphery compared to this. Here they would break apart the most deadly weapon the republic had to wield. Skywalker and Kenobi. To say they were an effective team would be vastly understating their prowess. Together they had won impossible battles in the face of terribly unfavorable odds. They were unbeatable on all traditional fronts, so this is how they would do it. This is how the republic would fall. In the end victory always came down to their combined efforts. Neither of them were battle ready, nor would they be with the direction things were headed. Anakin was beaten badly, within inches of his life. His psyche was scarred, his shields crumbled. Obi-wan was festering from the inside out with rage, feeding off of the dark side that so mercilessly moved to devour his light. 

The remnants of the chosen one stirred inside Anakin as the two began to merge. He remembered his duty to the republic, the Jedi, his friends. All of it rested on their shoulders- it always had. Everything and everyone he ever loved would die if they couldn't pull out of this mess. To defeat the enemy now, just like in any other battle, perspective and strategy would determine the outcome. Anakin could see it with great clarity. He was so completely entranced with this new understanding that he did not hear Obi-wan offering him a fresh set of clothes. As he came back into the moment he peered up at his Master who wore a look of anxious concern, holding out the garments in his hand.

“Anakin?”

“Yes, sorry... I was just thinking...” Anakin quickly took the robes from his master and clothed his lower half. He graciously accepted Obi-wan's help with getting his tunic on. Kenobi was relieved at the sound of Anakin's voice. Already he sounded a bit like his old self. He knew the road to recovery would have it's ups and downs so he tried not to get too excited about the man's change in tone. 

Anakin wanted to speak about his realization but held back from doing so. The best he could do was try to get better, try to pry the darkness from his mind. If he was doing okay, Obi-wan was bound to return to his usual self. It wouldn't be easy to reclaim who he once was. He wasn't sure if it was possible, if he was being honest. The chosen one's presence in his mind thought differently. It wasn't so much as a question of possibility as it was an actual necessity. So much hung in the balance. He looked up into the eyes of the man who stared back at him.

“We aren't going to let him win.” Anakin said, looking deeply and seriously into Obi-wan's eyes with a newfound determination.

Obi-wan's heart stopped in his chest as he looked on at his beloved in awe. Anakin truly was the strongest person he had ever met. He felt privileged to be able to share so much life with the man. His resilience inspired him. Tears of admiration welled in his eyes as he nodded back. “Together we have always conquered the odds. Just as we will again.” Obi-wan spoke, reassuring himself as much as he was agreeing with him. If Anakin could find the resolve in himself Obi-wan would as well.


	17. Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan and Anakin go before the Jedi Council

Dawn arrived at last, bathing the temple in pure tones of golden light. Obi-wan looked on at the sunrise, eyes heavy with fatigue. It had been an painfully exhausting stretch of hours since he last slept. Even longer still, since he had truly rested. This whole experience had been all consuming in most aspects, nearly taking the life of his beloved in the process. He doubted he had ever been as drained as he was now. Exerting the energy to sustain his shield projection around Anakin would usually have been a small task, but he had never maintained a shield of that size for so long. Compounded by his emotional and physical exhaustion, he could feel the force exhaustion pulling at the edges of his mind, like a looming storm on the horizon. 

It took great effort to stave off the shadows that swam at the edges of his aura. It became unsettling to him that it had not dissipated in spite of all of his effort to exorcise the darkness. Although he couldn't deny he was harboring wicked intent. It was easier to push into a distant corner of his mind, than to banish entirely. Of that, he was not sure he knew how to do. Letting go of that would be like forgetting what Anakin had been through- and he could never do that. So the darkness lingered.

Obi-wan opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated. There was no way Anakin was going to like what he was about to suggest next, but he begged the force for him to be receptive before he began. His words were careful and measured, his expression equally so. “Anakin, we must go before the council. They need to know the nature of this... recent incursion. The likelihood of Maul striking again is high, and the more they know, the more they will be able to help.” 

Anakin found himself flinching at the name of his attacker, his stomach involuntarily churning with dread. Returning from the brief disillusionment, it took him a moment to truly hear what Obi-wan was saying. Eventually his mind caught up with the moment, and he found himself feeling equally uneasy towards Obi-wan's proposal. He instinctively disliked the idea, although he understood why it was necessary. It was important to get ahead of whatever was going on. Not only for his sake, but for the sake of the republic. They had to pull out of whatever dark current the Sith had designed if they were to return to battle. The knowledge of this alone still didn't keep unwanted thoughts and images from threatening to overtake his senses. Reporting to the council would involve him talking about things that his mind had not fully processed yet. He hoped he could find the switch in the back of his mind, the one that let him escape reality. 

“I understand... I just don't know how i'm supposed to go in there and...” Anakin faltered, taken by the darkness in his chest. His skin crawled in remembrance of hands on him. Mauls sinister laughter taunting him as his flesh was ripped.

A kind voice brought him back to the moment. “I will be there with you the whole time. You will never be alone.” Anakin looked up into Obi-wan's eyes, ashamed at how childish he must have appeared to the man. It reminded him of his early years as a padawan. Always so frightened and fearful, his Master there every step of the way, guiding and encouraging. Only now the monsters were real, not imaginary. His ribs ached with each breath reminding him of such. The pieces of the chosen one reminded Anakin that it wasn't just his own pride on the line. It was everyone he cared about, including Obi-wan. Especially Obi-wan. 

“Okay,” Anakin said in an undecided tone. Traces of a warm smile formed at the corners of Kenobi's mouth, with eyes gazing back lovingly in reassurance. The glimpse of happiness that graced his Masters face was like a drug, taking him away from his worries and pain and allowing him to simply exist. An unintentional smile settled on Anakins lips in response. Obi-wans eyes changed ever so slightly and subtly in reaction. Loving turned into longing. Anakin's heart skipped a beat as his face began to blush, averting his eyes in embarrassment. It was odd, to be feeling embarrassed by something as simple as his Masters gaze. Especially after they had been intimately involved... That memory was distorted, hazy and distant, like a dream- something that only he had experienced, and not something they had shared. But he knew it wasn't a dream. He was shocked by his recollection of being so forcefully brazen with his Master, the recollection of it adding to his awkward demeanor. 

The lingering stillness did not last long. Obi-wan moved to the door, politely dismissing himself to com the council members. Anakin felt naked, alone in his room. Everything in his soul he lay bare, every part of himself broken. Although he had found the will to try to put himself back together again, it was not the same as _being_ whole. He wished he could just fix himself. Anakin could fix many things, but organics were a different matter. Droids could be easily mended. Wires and circuits could be salvaged and repaired. He wished he could take out the broken parts of himself and fix them. He could feel the hole in his chest, his crumbled shields, his fragmented psyche. None of these could be restored so easily- it was deeply frustrating.

The door to Anakins quarters opened as Obi-wan stood at the threshold. “Lets make our way, shall we?” He said graciously with a sweeping motion of his arm. Anakin followed his lead, walking shoulder to shoulder with his Master, wishing he could take the mans hand as a comfort. His body was complaining already, intermittent shocks lancing through his ribs. He cast the pain to the back of his mind. The closer they came to approaching the chamber, the more Anakin questioned his ability to follow through. Obi-wan continued to hold shields around the two of them, all the while maintaining the calming tones that not only provided Anakin a comforting space to reside in but simultaneously served as a veil between his friend and his own raw emotions. Anakin appreciated all his Master had done for him, all he continued to do. He nearly felt guilty at the thought of how much care Obi-wan put into helping him, and how little he progressed. At the moment he tried to put it out of mind, it was only making his current challenge feel even more impossible. 

Finally they reached the doors to the chamber. Anakin hesitated, heart pounding in his ears. His stomach sank into a black pit, his gut churning with anxious fear. His breathing became shallow. He was frozen. They would see right through him. The thought made him step back in retreat. Obi-wan was quick to put a softly reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

“I'm here, remember? You can do this.” Anakin wished Obi-wan's words would cast a spell, making what he said a reality. With every cell in his body screaming against it, Anakin willed himself to walk through the doors to the council chamber. He tried not to pay attention to the eyes that fell on him as he walked to the center of the room. It was overwhelming and disorienting to stand there before the council. He felt completely on display. He was grateful for the shields Obi-wan continued to project around him. Without them he would have been a complete open book for anyone to look through. 

The silence was unbearable. Even Obi-wan began to feel restless, unsure of where to begin. Like with all things, _start at the beginning,_ he told himself. Before he could open his mouth to speak, Mace cut through the dead air. 

“We assume you are here to discus the recent disturbance,” his eyes dark and discerning, slicing through Obi-wan like a saber. In an instant he was overwhelmed by his grave remembrance- that all of this was his fault in the first place. The darkness that shrouded him was surely obvious to the council. Only his tightly held shielding kept them from knowing the reality of the situation, but they didn't need to see inside his mind to suspect the shameful truth. His will wavered, but only momentarily. Anakin needed him. He depended on him for protection, to help him get through this. He cast doubt to the back of his mind again. It could stay there until he was ready to handle it. For now it was not important. Although in his guilt he doubted himself, he knew it was unreasonable to expect anyone to suspect him of being at fault. Here they were all equals as members of the council. He put on a facade, wearing the face of who he once was to hide his currently troubled self underneath. 

“Yes.” Obi-wan began, meeting Mace's gaze with one that matched the seriousness of the matter at hand. Anakin shifted nervously at his side, glowering at the floor. “Maul broke through Anakins shields- tethering their minds. I've never seen anything quite like it. Anakin's consciousness was nearly completely taken from his body when I found him, but I was able to sever the connection.” Everything he said took on a cold and disconnected tone, as if he were just giving a routine report. As if his love wasn't the object of this discussion. His heart ached inside his chest as he tried to remove himself from his emotions as much as he could. 

“Distressing, this is. Avoid future attacks, we must.” Yoda spoke solemnly.

“It's imperative that Skywalker rebuild his defenses as soon as possible.” Mace spoke to his fellow council members. All of them nodded in agreement. 

“Something doesn't seem quite right. To maintain a force tether from such a distance implies he had direct help from someone much more powerful than Maul himself.” Plo Koon spoke from his holo projection in slow and thoughtful tones.

“Sidious. Confirms our suspicion, this does.” Yoda said gravely.

After a pause Shaak Ti spoke. “How does Darth Sidious benefit from Maul's lust for revenge?”

Anakin's stomach dropped. He had been uneasy this whole time, but he knew what it was that the Sith were after. Obi-wan looked over at his friend with a look of apprehension, perhaps sensing the words forming in his mind. The feeling of anxiety building in his chest. “Its a tactical strike.” Anakin said quietly and evenly, still examining the floor in front of him, fighting against the painful, too fresh memories. “If they take us out, it's an easier win for the separatists.” A hint of his old self came alive for a moment as he dared to look up to the council, meeting their eyes with his own. “They must have felt threatened by our countless victories. They couldn't defeat us on the field...” _So they strike to destroy the weapon of their demise. To destroy us._ The spark of his old self dimmed as he returned to studying the floor beneath him. 

Obi-wan was speechless, mouth hung agape. He couldn't deny the logic of it. Seeing it for the strategic blow it was should have helped him release his hatred into the force, but it only seemed to strengthen his silent resolve. Windu was the first to respond. “That would be suggesting that the separatists are under direct Sith control...” He said, brows furrowed in worry at the dark implications of Anakin's explanation.

“Regardless of their objective, we must be ready for another attack. I am certain they will try to strike again.” Obi-wan interjected. He didn't care about any hidden plot. His focus remained unchanged. They needed to make sure Anakin would be safe. It was the only thing that mattered. “Even through the tether Anakin has sustained significant physical injuries. Another strike might claim his _life._ ” Anakin cringed at Obi-wan's words, contending with images, memories that sprung to life inside his mind.

“All the more reason to see the mind healers.” Mace returned quickly, and decidedly. “This time it is _more_ than a recommendation.” He amended his words, looking sternly towards the two Jedi. 

Willing himself to stay in the moment, Anakin began to form a new idea in his mind. The audacity of it surprised him, it seemed something the chosen one might suggest. It gave him hope that there was a way to get back to the way things were, hope that life could return to normal. The spontaneous duality of his emotional state was exhausting him, it took great effort to focus on the words he was about to say. “We can use this situation to our advantage,” Anakin could feel Obi-wan's discontent towards him as he spoke. “As long as we remain on Coruscant, they won't try to get to us in person. If we were to go somewhere remote- more accessible, under the guise of resting and recuperating, I have no doubt they would try to get to us.” Anakins chest burned with fear, understanding what he was suggesting. He was giving that beast another chance at him... “But we would only be the bait.” His body rejected the proposal, stomach violently churning in complaint. He felt feint as he trembled in his core.

“There would be a fleet standing by at your call, ready and waiting to attack...” Mace added, nodding in approval at the idea. Obi-wan's face was twisted in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. After nearly having to drag Anakin down to the council chambers, he was actually suggesting to become the _bait?_

“It's the only way to draw them out and put an end to all of this.” Anakin said with resolve, still fighting his body's innate rejection of his plan. He was conflicted, stuck between himself and the chosen one. He could feel Obi-wan's distaste for the plan like a gathering tempest beneath his shields. 

As the council was still for a moment in contemplation, Obi-wan spoke up “I can't believe we are actually talking about using Anakin as _bait._ After everything that has happened...” Kenobi's disheveled composure was out of character, he tried to still the emotion from steeping into his words to no avail. The traces of his fear that tainted his words was palpable to the council. 

“Right, Skywalker is. A unique opportunity to draw out the Sith, this is. Fear, you must not. Aware of your attachment, you must be. Mindful, _careful,_ your aura, shrouded in darkness it remains. Meditate on this you must. Clouded things have become as the Sith rise. Wise it is, to remember this.” Yoda spoke kindly yet firmly to Obi-wan.

“No one would be able to protect him better than you, Master Kenobi.” Plo Koon spoke reassuringly, although his words stung harshly. 

_I couldn't protect him before..._

Obi-wan felt shame at his protest, it was not the Jedi way to let fear determine action, although he couldn't help it. “My apologies, you are right. It is the most logical plan.” He swallowed hard, trying to compose himself, putting his reservations aside. “We can go to Naboo, to the lake country. It is isolated enough to cause minimal disturbance to the locals when Maul tries to attack. Senator Amidala and I are in good standing, I believe she would allow us to stay at her family's summer residence.” Anakin felt his stomach drop at the suggestion. If they were to stay at Varykino, Padme was bound to visit. He didn't want to think about it.

“The two of you will go along with Ahsoka, and a mind healer will accompany you as well. Like I said before, treatment is not optional.” Mace spoke sternly, both of them nodded in response. “Excellent. Shall we put it to a vote, then?” It was without any hesitation, unanimous. “Excellent. Master Plo Koon, you and the wolf pack will rendezvous with the 501st and 212th over the orbit of Enarc, putting you close enough to reinforce Skywalker and Kenobi without compromising their cover.” Windu shifted his gaze to Obi-wan and Anakin. “Go ahead and make the necessary arrangements. You leave at nightfall.”

Obi-wan shared a look of unease with Anakin. He had intended on going to the council to help protect him, not use him as bait! He was angry with Anakin, how could he suggest this plan, after the state he had been in? It didn't matter any more. Going against the council was not an option. Both Obi-wan and Anakin bowed, and made their exit from the council chambers. In silence they meandered through the halls back towards the residency wing. 

Anakin felt restless. His mind and body fought between the two sides of himself. He was anxious in a way that was indistinguishable between fearful dread and excitement. His palms were damp, stomach lurching. His mind replayed the council meeting over in his head on a loop, repeating his words to himself. It felt like he was hearing someone else speak. He didn't have the courage, but he must have. He did. He felt the raw anticipation. He was not just using himself as bait. He was putting himself right in Mauls path of destruction. What other choice did he have? With the monster gone, his life could return to normal. This would give Obi-wan a chance to get closure, let die the part of himself that lured the darkness to his edges. They could all go about their lives, this whole ordeal would seem like it never happened. They could be _happy._

But that would never be the case, he thought darkly, his nervousness turning back to the resignation of the black hole that still resided inside him, eating him away from the inside out. It would never go away. How could it? The ugly scars that formed on his skin would remind everyone else who he was. What he was. A weaponized victim. He could never escape it. But they had to do something to take Maul off the board. He would never stop of his own volition. He had to meet his end. Things might never return to the way the were, but they couldn't continue on this way either. _Anticipation is just a distraction,_ he thought. Better to put it all out of mind. None of that would help him now.

The halls thinned out leaving only the two of them as they continued winding through the corridors. Obi-wan still tried his best to maintain his composure, in spite of his welling emotions that threatened to break the dam holding back his ferocity. His face twisted into painful restraint as he spoke. “Anakin, are you sure you are ready for this? If you tell the council you've changed your mind, I'm sure they would respect it.” His words were met with silence. Finally they were at Anakin's quarters. The two of them walked into the space. Anakin's arms were folded in his robes and hood drawn. He turned to face Obi-wan. Anakin wore an expression of fear mixed with sadness. In his eyes was a spark of determination behind it all. “Anakin, you are still so... badly injured... and you are volunteering yourself to be put in harms way.”

Obi-wan's words stung Anakin, like salt to a wound. Obi-wan didn't understand, he couldn't see. “If we don't stop him ourselves, he will _never_ stop. I don't want to live my life in fear.” He paused, blinking away tears that stained his porcelain cheeks.

Obi-wan found himself caught. Not only was he upset with Anakin for risking himself in such a way, but he was afraid. He feared what would happen if he couldn't protect him from Maul. He feared what he might to if he _did_ capture Maul. What he would be willing to risk to inflict on the beast just a fraction of what he made Anakin suffer... The thought deeply terrified him, and pleased him at the same time. Anakin felt the darkness pooling closer to Obi-wan. His sapphire eyes were pleading, searching his Masters soul, begging for him to understand. 

“I just want this to be over.” Anakin spoke, sounding just as defeated as he felt. He held his hand against Obi-wan's cheek adoringly. “I don't want to lose you in the process. Please-” Anakin paused, stilling the sob that tried to overtake him. “The darkness inside you, I can feel it. I saw you drawing from it when we were back on that ship... It will _consume_ you. I can't stand to think about loosing you _again._ ” Obi-wan's heart filled with grief and guilt. It seemed no matter what he did, he was hurting the man that he loved. His eyes were remorseful. Before the man could speak, Anakin crushed his lips against Obi-wans, tears still falling from his eyes. Anakins chest ached, he searched Kenobi's mouth for a cure desperately, wishing his heart could be mended. Wishing the man he held in his arms could overcome the darkness that shroud his aura. Wishing it wasn't all his fault in the first place.

Obi-wan pulled back from Anakin's lips as he held the man in his arms. It seemed a cruel joke, to fall in love so deeply for someone, only to be the worst thing that ever happened to them. If Obi-wan truly cared for him, he would stay as far away as possible. But that was not an option. He couldn't bear the thought of being apart from Anakin, either. He wanted to apologize, Anakin deserved better. He deserved someone whole and pure, not a soul stained with darkness. As fractured as Anakin's spirit was, his light was pure- beautiful. It shone in so many pieces, like constellations in the sky. Although there was a seed of darkness among those stars. Fear. The fear of being abandoned. So his blue eyes begged, as he drew Obi-wan towards the sleeper. Fixated on the angelic figure before him, he followed helplessly entranced. 

Careful not to upset his injuries he climbed up, pulling Obi-wan towards him by his hand. Obi-wan wanted to say something, but there was nothing he could say. Anakin sat on the edge of the sleeper, drawing Obi-wan into an embrace, his head planted firmly against his chest. His master cast his arms around him, drawing a hand through his golden curls, planting a soft kiss atop his head. Anakin moved to face his Master, peering up from his embrace. His eyes were desperate, searching Obi-wans soul. His heart was caught in his throat. He wanted to beg his master to forget his vengeance. It was a cancer in his heart that changed him, invading silently without warning. How long until it completely took over? His eyes echoed the helplessness he felt. 

Obi-wan gently brought his face close to Anakins, kissing him sweetly, delicately. It felt like a promise, like it would all be okay. Anakins heart leapt in his chest at the gentle touch of his Master, as fingers trailed down his neck, driving him wild. He met Obi-wans lips with force, his hands traveling on the mans body, searching for the belt of his tunic to tear it off. Obi-wan gently moved in on Anakin as the man shifted in response, giving his Master room to kneel between his thighs as he climbed onto the sleeper. For a moment they paused. Lying on his back, Anakin looked up at his Master, relishing the sensation of Obi-wan on top of him. His heart sung as he gazed up into the steel gray eyes that bore into him. He felt blissfully vulnerable, completely surrendered to Obi-wan's wishes. He felt safe. Everything that they had been through, all the pain and suffering seemed to fade into the distance. For the first time in a long time, he felt at peace.

Obi-wan lowered himself atop Anakin, careful to not press his body weight onto him, their lips meeting again in a tender kiss. His length was aching, his mind reeling, heart broken. Anakin was the salve to his desperation. He drew back from the man's lips, moving to his ear he whispered softly, his words laden with need. 

“Make _love_ to me Anakin.”

Anakins heart stopped, suddenly the space between their bodies felt electric. The lips that grazed his ear sent waves of excitement through his body. He felt alive in his skin, acutely aware of where his ended and his Masters began. His hands roved over Obi-wans chest, pulling up at the edge of his tunic, coaxing it up over the mans shoulders exposing his muscled chest. He planted kisses over Obi-wans torso, trailing his tongue up his neck softly. His breathing became heavy as he moved to untie his Masters pants. Obi-wan Met his lips again, their tongues frantically exploring each others mouths. Anakin pulled down at his Masters garments, as Obi-wan kicked them to the floor. He reached down to feel the mans hot length in his hand. His master let out a whimper of pleasure as Anakin slowly pumped his length, looking deeply into his eyes. Obi-wan gently felt between Anakin's thighs, rubbing ever so lightly over the man's swollen member. Anakins breathing hitched at the current of intense pleasure his Master sent pulsing through his body. 

Obi-wan couldn't take it any more, his need for Anakin sent him over the edge. He moved his hands to unlace the mans pants, pulling them down to reveal his cock. Obi-wan crawled down placing himself between Anakins thighs. He began gently trailing his tongue over his length, teasing him. Anakin let out gentle sighs and moans as his Master tormented him with his mouth. Obi-wan began generously stroking him, making sure he was wet enough before he moved to lay beside Anakin, still working his length while he looked into his eyes. 

“I want you inside of me.” He said, eyes pleading. He needed him now more than had ever needed anyone in his life. He wanted to be close to him. To hold him. Be filled by him. His wounded heart ached for Anakin, as if he were the cure to his affliction. 

Anakin was exhilarated, electricity danced through his chest, his length throbbed in anticipation. For a moment a twinge of fear entered his mind. “Are you sure?” He didn't want to hurt him. 

“Yes, I _need_ you Anakin...” Obi-wan begged, nestling his face against Anakins so closely that their lips brushed as he spoke.

Anakin pressed his lips on the man in reply as he shifted, positioning himself over his Master. Obi-wans belly was filled with nervous excitement. He had never shared this sort of intimacy with anyone, he was glad Anakin would be his first, his only. Anakin withdrew from Obi-wans lips to moisten his fingers liberally. He was careful to study Obi-wans expression as he gently probed his entrance with one finger. In spite of his Masters assurance, he still didn't want to cause the man any pain. Obi-wan let out a moan of approval, and Anakin began to work him with two fingers, stretching him gently. Despite his Masters inexperience, he was very receptive. 

Anakin lowered his body on Obi-wans, gently pressing his tip on the man's entrance, slowly working his girth into him. Anakin had to suppress his instinctual desire to plunge into the man- Obi-wan was so _tight._ Anakins length hardened slightly as he continued to ease himself in, his erection surging with waves of pleasure. Obi-wan looked up into Anakins eyes, so kind, so gentle. More than he ever thought he deserved- everything he ever wanted.

After carefully entering the man, he found himself burred to the hilt. Obi-wan arched his back against Anakin, writhing in the sensations he was being made to feel as he was filled completely, his whole body felt tender, warm pleasure surged through his rigid length. He began to shift his hips, moving himself on the mans cock. Anakin reciprocated, gently thrusting, still careful to not hurt the man beneath him. Both men were taken by the powerful sensations that ripped through their bodies. 

Obi-wan opened up his mind to Anakin, letting him feel what he was doing to him, how his whole body was on fire with passion and sensation for him. Anakin fell into a steady rhythm now, both men groaning and whimpering without restraint. Anakin beckoned Obi-wan to enter his mind as well, letting his master feel his surging pleasure. Their souls were intertwined in each other, just as their bodies held onto one another. At last both men felt whole, their broken hearts forming equal halves, mending together into one. 

All the sensations and emotions, they felt in unison. It was thrilling, completely overwhelming. Both men were on edge, close to climax. Anakin wrapped an arm around his masters shoulders cradling his head against his, and took the mans hand in the other, lacing their fingers together intimately. Obi-wans free hand moved to Anakins face, tangling it's self in his curls. They were rapt in a chorus of sweet moans and pleas, coaxing each other to orgasm. Anakin moved to wrap his hand around Obi-wans girth, pumping him in steady rhythm that matched his thrusts, forcing the man to climax. Obi-wan cried out, spilling all over Anakin and himself, gasping for air. He clenched powerfully around Anakins girth as his body writhed in pleasure, sending the young Jedi over the edge. He thrust deeply into his Master, shooting his hot seed into the man as his body pulsed with electricity. 

His thrusting slowed as he began to soften. Anakin gently pulled out of his Master, collapsing beside him, and moving to hold the man in his arms. He looked into Obi-wans eyes, shocked to see tears forming at the edges, streaming down his face silently. Anakin moved to dry the mans eyes with the edge of his robes, his heart ached thinking what might have been the matter. A dark pit began to form in his stomach as he panicked at the thought, _what if I hurt him?_ His eyes betrayed him, showing his desperate concern. Before he could think to ask his Master if he was alright, Obi-wan smiled through his tears. It was his genuine smile, one rarely seen. Anakin couldn't even remember the last time Obi-wan had smiled so freely. His master moved a hand to sweep Anakins curls from his face.

“I've never been happier in my life, than I am right now. Here, with you.” Obi-wans face teetered between joy and more tears. Tears of happiness. “I _love_ you, Anakin Skywalker. I love you with every fiber of my being.”

Anakin was momentarily speechless. His Master had confessed his love before, Anakin had never been able to say it back. It wasn't that he didn't love his master, he did- completely. He never felt worthy of his affection. Tears beaded at the edges of Anakins eyes as he was touched by Obi-wans open heart, so freely giving, expecting nothing in return. He put his arms around his Master, drawing him close to his chest. He gazed into the mans eyes with a look of seriousness, blinking away stray tears that fell from his lashes. “I love you too,” He said on the edge of a sob, unsure of the stirring emotions that rose in his chest. It felt like heartbreak, but different. Instead of his soul being broken, it was calling-crying out. It yearned for Obi-wan. The man he held in his arms was his better half, his soul mate. How else could they have been so deadly on the battlefield, such a force to be reckoned with? They were two halves of one whole. 

Obi-wans heart sang, his smile widening as he let out a chuckle. “We are so hopeless, aren't we?”

Anakin grinned, tears still staining his cheeks. “Maybe.”


	18. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin, Obi-wan and Ahsoka prepare for their departure to Naboo.

At last, after what felt like weeks, Ahsoka was released from the med hall. She had tired of the too many tests, scans, and probes that she had been subject to since her arrival. She understood the need to be sure she was completely free of the parasite before they gave her clearance to leave, but that didn't mean she needed to enjoy her time there being treated as a test subject. Indeed she _had_ been a test subject. The healers had never seen anything quite like the implant that she had been burdened with. They marveled in awe as she explained how she was able to render it inert before it sunk too far into the reaches of her mind. They attributed it to her strength in the force. She gave the credit to her Master, instead. If it wasn't for his lessons she would have never had the focus or discipline to achieve a fraction of what she had managed. 

Ahsoka spent the last few moments in her assigned med room changing out of her loathsome white gown, back into her usual attire. It felt good to wear her own clothes again, her saber clipped onto her belt. She felt complete, battle ready. Just as she moved to exit the room her com link chirped. She answered quickly. To her surprise, Master Yoda was summoning her to the council chambers. She acquiesced with glee. It was typical to receive a summons to be given a mission briefing before being deployed. After all, she was itching to return to the field. She made a bee line for the council chambers. 

As she entered through the chamber doors, she was greeted by the council, only Master Kenobi was not present. That was odd, she thought. Master Windu spoke curtly and to the point. “Ahsoka, you are being dispatched along with your Master and Master Kenobi to Naboo. We are setting a trap for Maul and his companion, Savage. Master Plo will be standing by with a battalion of clones to arrive when summoned.” There was a pause that left an uneasy tension in the room that flooded Ahsoka's senses. She could tell there was much more to this plot that was left unsaid. _Typical,_ she thought.

“I thought Savage was captured. We were able to subdue him back on the cruiser- we put him in binds and left him for the clones...” Ahsokas heart sunk, only by a fraction. If they caught him once, they would catch him again. This time they could get Maul, too. 

“The clones were no match for him. The moment he was released from those binds he managed to flee in an escape pod, or so the report says.” Windu spoke not trying to hide the irritation in his voice. 

“We will get him this time. He won't escape.” Ahsoka spoke with a learned fierceness. As the words fell from her mouth it nearly sounded as if her Master were speaking them, himself. 

“Your primary objective is to guard Skywalker. He is still in a... _fragile_ state. Although his physical wounds should be mostly healed by the time you reach Naboo, he will still need your help. That is your mission. Do _not_ try to apprehend Maul or Savage on your own. The moment they make landfall, you are to see to it that Master Plo and his reinforcements are called. Do you understand?” Windu in an air of authority, glared down into her eyes, as to emphasize the importance of her instructions.

Ahsoka did not like this plan. Between herself and Master Kenobi, they were able to capture Savage before. With her, Skywalker, and Kenobi, what was holding them back from capturing _both_ of them this time? They would have access to the force, and their sabers, and the advantage of strategy- everything the lacked the last time they had met the two beasts. Although felt vastly underestimated, she did not show it. “Yes Master Windu, I understand. I will not let you down.”

“Admirable, your courage is, Padawan. Your trials and challenges, go unnoticed- do not.” Master Yoda spoke kindly to Ahsoka. His words lit a warmth in her heart. 

“Thank you Master Yoda,” She spoke as a smile of recognition freely formed on her face. 

“You, Kenobi and Skywalker will depart tonight.” Windu spoke as his eyes conveyed a sense of how important this mission was. She didn't need to be told the gravity of her role- she understood the weight that rested on her shoulders. Being Padawan to Anakin Skywalker had a way of putting her in perilous circumstances, she had become accustomed to taking risks. Bowing gracefully before the council, she made her exit. Quickly she traversed the halls to her quarters to ready herself for the mission at hand. 

…........

Obi-wan and Anakin lie in exhaustion, still wrapped up in each others arms. If only there was such a thing as a day off for Jedi. Unfortunately there was not. There was still so much to do before they left and the clock had not stopped ticking. Obi-wan was still in shock that the council could be so callous to agree to send them off on this venture, while Anakin was still so visibly injured. His heart hardened a bit more at the thought of it, he felt betrayed by the council. No, even worse- they had betrayed Anakin. Now more than ever his beloved needed the help and support of his fellow Jedi and what do they decide to do? Send him off into harms way. He didn't care if it was Anakin who came up with the plan. They had been reckless to think something like this would end well. He couldn't blame Anakin for wanting to just get it all out of the way. Maul and Savage had turned their lives upside down. The sooner they were out of the picture, the better- that much Obi-wan could agree with. He couldn't agree with how the council had decided to go about it. His perception of his colleagues had changed. He once saw them as his family. Now, he didn't know how to feel. At the very least they were letting their haste in ending the war and defeating the Sith get the better of their senses, even at the expense of one of their own. That didn't change the matter at hand. 

He still had yet to contact Padme and make the arrangements. He knew it would be a simple conversation, there was no way she would deny them quarter for their mission- she had always been a gracious host in the past. 

A tendril of jealousy gripped his heart at the thought of how Anakin had pined after the woman for so long. How he sensed within the senator, that same stir of emotion reciprocate as well. He was unsure if their shared desires had ever truly been put to an end, _or_ if they had ever been acted on. The tension between them had always been obvious to him. Even in spite of directly confronting Padme, he couldn't be sure if she had taken his warning to heart. He hadn't pondered on it until now, as he held Anakin in his arms. 

His embrace around the man tightened slightly as if he could keep Anakins affections from wandering elsewhere by doing so. In the wake of their shared confession of love for one another, he found his affections had developed currents of jealousy. He wished it surprised him, although it did not. Ever since he opened the door to his desires, it seemed to be an endless source of darkness. He wished he could shut off the part of himself that reached for such depraved motivations, but it was fruitless. Now that Anakin was his, he would never let him go. Not after everything they had been through together, not after everything they had _shared._ He had felt the purity of their love through their bond, how they completed one another, made up for each others weaknesses. Obi-wan had never experienced such a powerful connection in his entire life, and in it's wake he was left him changed. Anakins love was a potent drug, one that seemed to take Obi-wan even further from himself. Still, the clock ticked.

Despite his non-existent motivation to rise from the sleeper, he did. Preparations needed to be made. Anakin groaned groggily in protest, reaching for the mans arm as Obi-wan began clothing himself. He knew there was much to be done before they departed, and they had already spent too much time distracted from their objective. Despite every atom of every cell in his entire body screaming against the mission, he rose to his duty. 

That's what it meant to be a Jedi, to deny the self. He felt a sting of shame at the thought. He had been _extremely_ lenient in denying himself of late. So much so that he barely recognized the man he was. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of passion, murder, and now _jealousy_ even. The darkness seemed to gather about him in graver hues, a mirror of what resided within himself. He pushed the growing heap of denial to the back corner of his mind, as had been his recently developed habit. He put on his mask, the one that he used to keep people from seeing the evolution underneath. He reached for the part of himself that could be selfless, the part of himself that most resembled who he used to be. The part of himself that was at the core of his light- the voice inside his mind that was horrified of who he had become. The voice that tried to expel the darkness. The voice that cried as he remembered Anakins words _The darkness inside you, I can feel it... It will consume you. I can't stand to think about losing you again._ In the moment he thought Anakin was the cure to his disease. His indulgence seemed to only make things worse. _Why must I ruin everything..._ He thought ruefully as he continued clothing himself.

Anakin looked on at his Master as he dressed, as his rippled form slowly clad it's self in deceptive robes. By seeing the man fully dressed, no one might ever suspect the rough edges on him. Anakin didn't have to imagine what he hid underneath those garments. His very recent memory retained vivid recollections of their passionate encounter that he revisited as he gazed up at Obi-wan, completely lost for words. 

Obi-wan turned to speak to Anakin, catching himself before he spoke. Anakins eyes moved over his body with the likeness of a predator about to devour it's prey. The hunger in his gaze was intoxicating. Obi-wan found himself helplessly frozen in the mans ravenous gaze. The manner in which his emotions and desires controlled him was infuriating, the two halves of him warred within his mind. Half of him desperate for Anakins touch, the other half repulsed by his need. Anakin didn't speak, he sent chords of raw emotion through his Master's body, making it harder for Obi-wans rationality to prevail. 

Love, desire. A love that was pure, as clean as the brightest of light. Desire as strong as the gravity pull of ten-thousand suns- that burned just as hotly. Obi-wan was taken over, subjugated by the power Anakin wielded over him so innocently, completely oblivious to the war that was raging inside the man he so ruthlessly undressed with his eyes. 

In a last attempt to stave off the carnal forces that threatened to take his body over, Obi-wan spoke in a soft whisper, wearing a pained expression on his face. “Anakin, please... You don't know what you do to me when you look at me like that.” Obi-wan had spent years and years wishing his Padawan would even display just a fraction of the want that filled his eyes now. All of his wishing and hoping over the years had finally culminated and despite his earnest effort, he could not shut out the thrum of sensual intent that filled the space between them. In spite of his plea Anakin only sharpened his stare, intrigued by Obi-wans entreaty. 

A devilish smile graced Anakins lips. “Tell me,” he beckoned mischievously. 

_What have I become,_ Obi-wan thought with dread as his body screamed, desperate for a fix. His body betrayed him as he moved towards the sleeper. He tried to push the disproving voice to the back of his mind. 

….......

Padme was nearly about to leave her apartment when she received an incoming transmission. Her stomach sank at the thought of who it might be about. Anakin. _I hope he's okay..._ She readily accepted the com link, donning her senatorial expression. No one would guess by looking at her gently stoic exterior that she was shaking in her core. 

“Master Kenobi, what can I do for you?” She asked, startled. She Didn't want to outright ask about Anakin. She couldn't afford to stir his suspicions- not after he so intrusively commanded them to end their feelings for one another. She had been lucky enough to deceive him then, she didn't know if she could dance around the subject again if it were brought up. Especially not now, when Anakin sounded so helpless the last time they had spoke. She doubted he was contacting her regarding Anakin- he would prefer if she forgot he existed. She didn't want to think about what his reaction would be now, had he known that in the face of his pleas for them to forget their feelings for one another, they had _married._

“Senator, I am in need of your assistance.” Even through his blue holo projection, he looked uncomfortable. What was this about?

“Yes, of course, Obi-wan. Anything I can do to help, I am glad to do. What is it that you need?”

There was a brief, but restless silence before he spoke again. Padme wondered what had him looking so distressed in requesting her aide. She had rarely seen the man's Jedi demeanor slip in the entire time she had known him, and he had always been so quick to recover from the lapse in his expressions. Now, visibly stumbling over unspoken words he seemed to teeter just beyond loosing his composure entirely. Of course this was Padme. To another onlooking pair of eyes he may have appeared to be completely collected. Between her knowledge of Obi-wan and her perceptive skills sharpened by her years in the senate, she knew better. 

“The Council has devised a mission that involves taking residence in the lake country of Naboo. I'm afraid I must ask for your hospitality in the matter. There is not much more I can divulge, due to the... _classified_ nature of our task.”

His phrasing gave him away, _'our task'..._ Undoubtedly meaning Anakin. In the midst of her many questions, she held her flawless diplomatic demeanor. “Yes, of course Master Kenobi, I would be glad to assist. Varykino is open to you for as long as you need.” If Anakin was going to be there, she would have to come up with her own business to bring her there as well. He had been so cryptic the last time she had spoken to him, she could tell he was holding so much back. Obi-wan could hardly chastise her for arriving at her own home when she was the one providing hospitality. 

“The Council and I thank you, Senator. You are a valued ally to the Jedi.” Kenobi bowed his head forward in a polite gesture before the holo projection dissipated. 

….........

Anakin and Obi-wan met up with Ahsoka in the hangar bay of the temple. It was nearly time to depart. Upon seeing her Master, Ahsoka's eyes went wide with joy as she smiled unrestrained, an expression of childish glee. “Master!” She ran to him, jumping up into an embrace as she met him. With a staggered grunt from the grip of her arms that wrapped around his chest, he returned the gesture moving his arms to hold her in a gentle hug. 

“Hey, Snips.” Anakin spoke in a gentle tone. It stirred a hope in Obi-wans chest to hear him in such spirits. Such a vast change from only the day before. He had no doubt much of Anakins turmoil boiled beneath the surface. Still holding his shields about the two of them, he could feel as much through their bond. The ability to get through it, however, was a major feat. As Anakin moved past his feelings of dread and doubt, Obi-wan felt hopeful. If Anakin could push past his demons, he felt he could as well. Perhaps he could hold onto their love, and expel the darkness still. Maybe their love wasn't what was making him sick, or so he hoped. To cleave the fear and hate from the love that he so fiercely felt, would be a tough task. He owed it to Anakin to do everything in his power to achieve it. He had no choice, he would have to.

Ahsoka drew back from their embrace to look up at her Master. Somehow, he seemed worse for wear since she had seen him last. New marks on his face bruised and crusted. She wanted to ask but knew that wasn't the smartest thing to do. It would only earn her a look of disdain followed by the silent treatment for hours on end. Or worse, one of his stinging remarks that felt like a saber lancing through her ribs. No- better to just let things be. 

Anakin could see the question in her eyes, and was grateful she had the prudence to know when to pick her battles. He was walking a fine line between functionality and breaking down. It wasn't so much his physical injuries. He hadn't broken anything, only his soft tissue had been injured, though badly injured it was. It was the wounds of his mind that threatened to overtake him. He didn't need more reminders of the recent changes in his outward appearance. He let the hint in her eyes slip, not dwelling on the meaning of it. She changed her inquisitive look to another heartfelt smile, and he smiled in return. 

A robust Twi'lek accent spoke from behind them, as both Obi-wan and Anakins calmly jovial demeanor sank to a subtle dread that Ahsoka could feel through the bond she shared with her Master and Grand Master. “Alright Masters, lets get going.” Vokara Che said as she neared the three of them. The Twilight set before them. Suddenly Obi-wan realized what a tedious journey it would be, especially with Vokara Che accompanying them in such a small space. It almost seemed like someone on the council was playing a joke on them. It was true, the Twi'lek healer was unmatched in skill by any Jedi healer that currently lived. Even still one of the greatest that ever existed. It made sense that they would send their best off with them. Obi-wan's heart softened towards the Council- only by a fraction. That being said, she was also extremely perceptive, irritatingly so. Any hint of something amiss would be reported directly to Master Yoda, he had no doubt. He would have to button down his rogue emotions.

His shielding clamped a bit tighter around the both of them. Ahsoka, perniciously perceptive, noticed the subtle changes between them all invisible to the naked eye. She saw the delicate balance of force energies and presences. She watched silently, making no assumptions, only observing and taking note. There was always so much shrouded from her by her Master. Their interactions largely consisted of her observations about Skywalkers demeanor, his reactions to people, places, situations. What she saw, over time painted a picture of the unspoken parts of her him. The part of him that he would never show to her. The part of him who's mystery was irresistible to try and decode. 

Anakin and Obi-wan politely bowed their heads towards the healer, as the four of them moved towards the Twilight. It was going to be a long journey. Too long. 

As they boarded the vessel Anakin moved towards the bridge, not getting far before Vokara Che hastily put a warm hand on his shoulder, mindful of the injuries that lie beneath his robes. “Master Skywalker, where do you think you are going?” She spoke gently, nearly amused. No doubt she had already sensed all of his injuries, his face began to develop shades of red as he thought about the intrusion. He tried to shake off the unwelcome embarrassment, commanding his voice to obey his will not to break. 

“I'm heading to the bridge...” He said, almost a question, but not quite. “To pilot the ship.”

With uncomfortable awareness, he saw Ahsoka looking on at him as he stood, feeling quite defeated. He hated to have her see him like this, so raw. So bare. Obi-wan could feel the stirring tempest of shame and muted rage that churned inside of him, two clashing forces creating a deep well of crushing humiliation.

“No, Master Skywalker, I'm afraid not. You're coming with me to the med bay. We have much work to do, while we journey to Naboo.” She maintained a calm and nearly passive demeanor. Usually the woman was so intense, the contrast made Anakin feel sick. She _pitted_ him. Instinctively Anakin balled up his fists in silent protest. Before he could spout off defensively, Obi-wan interjected- clearly he sensed the current turmoil within his heart. 

“Anakin, go with Vokara Che. It's alright, we _will_ manage.” Obi-wan spoke with a kind tinge of sarcasm, his eyes deeply searching into Anakins. It was more than a request, it was an order. He could feel the light in his masters core brighten as he spoke, his aura clearing, even if only slightly. The selfless love he conveyed was the essence of the Obi-wans light. As it flared brighter it begun mending both of their fused hearts. This was the beginning of a journey, to be sure. Not just to Naboo, but to healing themselves as well.

Taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Anakin defused. Trying to suppress the childlike fear from showing on his face he nodded, moving his flesh hand to rub at his temples. “Of course, Master.” 

As they parted ways, Obi-wan gently withdrew his shielding from the two of them, leaving Anakin exposed. A new, deep fear churned in his belly. He hadn't been without Obi-wan's shielding since... since those horrid red and black hands had pulled him out of reality. Since he was so helplessly taken by the dark forces that moved over him, ravaging his body, stealing his spirit before they would steal his life. A shudder echoed down his spine as he tried to put it out of mind. 

“Do not fear, Master Skywalker. You are safe with me.” Vokara Che spoke again gently, now that they were out of earshot of Ahsoka and Obi-wan. He tried not to be offended by her new found manner with him, and he hoped it would not last long. He preferred her at her most vicious, rather than this unnecessary altruistic composure. His unease lessened as she placed her shields gently about him, as they settled into the med bay. He tried to hold his against hers, not wanting her to see the depths of his horrid depravity. It was to no fruition. He couldn't keep her out. All she had to do was glance and see the images that tortured him so mercilessly. Again, intuitively she spoke. “I will not betray your trust, Anakin. You are safe in my shields. Please, do not fear.”

Anakin swallowed hard, and fought against tears. To heal was to acknowledge the pain, the loss, the suffering. Vokara Che didn't have to look at his memories to draw knowledge from the nature of his injuries. Silent tears fell from his eyes as he sat in his shame. 

“Lay down.” She said, somewhat less gentle, but still kind. More demanding. It was easier to take orders than it was to take sympathy. He did as he was told. Standing over him, Vokara Che placed her hands gently on the sides of his forehead. Already he felt the healing trance taking over his senses as he lapsed quickly into a deep and dreamless state of rest.


	19. Mend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin wakes up from his healing trance

The first five days of travel were quiet and uneventful. Obi-wan and Ahsoka took turns at the helm while Anakin remained comatose in a healing trance. Vokara Che mostly watched over him, sometimes taking healing crystals and applying them to different points on his body, sometimes meditating at his bedside all the meanwhile maintaining her shields around him. The council had warned her about his weakened defenses, and how they had been devastatingly and horrifically exploited. Nothing was going to get to him on her watch. She had earned a reputation of being meticulous and protective in the care of her patients. She prided herself in that regard, as much as a Jedi _allowed_ themselves harbor pride. 

No one had much to say to one another. With such a small space and no where to escape to, it came as a relief to Obi-wan that their travel was not dominated by conversation, not that there would have been much time for it between their rotating shifts. Obi-wan might have given Ahsoka some homework in lieu of her Master being out of commission, if it were not for the fact that he depended on her to man the helm as he rested. He spent his time on the bridge mostly in a meditative disposition, letting the force take him over. He searched for wisdom and clarity. He held his heart to the light of the living force, letting it flow through him, wash over him, begging for it to take his darkened desires away from him. Piece by piece like a river over rock, his heap of darkness eroded. It was not enough. He was _afraid._ Afraid that if he let go of his dark thoughts and intentions, his love for Anakin would leave with it. And so it remained as the force continued to wash over it, taking it one grain at a time. 

He wished his beloved master Qui-gon was there to council him. Even now with so many years since he met his demise, his heart ached when he thought of him. Although he could prove to be infuriating at times due to their differences, he was always full of wisdom. He had seen potential in Obi-wan where no one else saw anything special, gave him a chance when he thought his destiny had already been written. He was a man of honor and of absolute selflessness. He walked his own path, bound by the force its self rather than being bound by the Jedi code. His very life he surrendered to the force, always remaining anchored in the moment heeding it's direction. Some regarded him as borderline occult due to his blind devotion to the force. In spite of their disagreements the council came to value his unique differences from time to time. If Qui-gon were there, he would have told him to remain selfless in his emotions. A gripping pain manifested in Obi-wan's chest. Selfless love would mean letting go of jealousy and hate. His fear grew at the thought of it. He could hear Yoda's admonition, words that had been deeply carved into his mind from his earliest childhood memories. _Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering._

His fear felt like a giant in his mind. He continued on in his meditation, holding his heart under a scrutinizing beam of force light, wishing that it could take the darkness away from him, but not quite surrendering to it fully. Still, day by day, it became easier. The darkness became smaller, weaker. A giant turned to a man, turned to something smaller. Manageable, but not gone.

In spite of his urges, he didn't visit Anakin in the med bay when his rotation at the helm ended. He knew his beloved student was resting, and doing so would only expose his overly developed attachment to him. The last thing he needed was Vokara Che catching onto the intimacy between them and reporting that to the council. 

Ahsoka was not concerned with the appearance of forming attachments, and every time her rotation at the helm ended as well as before her next one began she went to her Masters bedside quietly, not speaking a word for fear Vokara Che revoke her privilege to come in and see him. His face was so tranquil, she hadn't seen him so peaceful, ever, she thought. Each time she went he looked better, less frail and fragile. The bruised scratches on his jawline disappeared not leaving the faintest trace. Sadness encircled her heart as she studied the scars that were already healed, rippled and ugly. If only she had been quicker to aid their rescue she might have gotten him help before the imperfect scar tissue had begun to form. The healers would have been able to spare him the constant reminder. Reminder of exactly what, she wasn't sure. But she knew enough to know it had broken him more than just physically. She shuddered at the thought of what could do that to such a man, unsure if she really wanted to know. 

Early on the sixth day of travel Anakin emerged from his trance. His head felt distant and clouded as his dulled senses slowly began to return. He was hungry. So hungry. It was to be expected after such an intensive healing trance, he wasn't sure just how long he had been out. Before he even moved to sit up, he asked Vokara Che for some food. With a nod she left the room to grab whatever the ships galley had to offer. 

Slightly hesitant, Anakin stretched out his limbs, twisting and arching his back after being still for too long. Movement felt... _good._ His caution subsided. The last few weeks had felt like months, and his body couldn't remember the last time it wasn't hurting in one way or another. Twisting his torso his sides flexed, with no pain stabbing in his ribs. His hips, completely healed. A smile fell on his lips as he stood to stretch some more. Although he was free of pain his body felt weak. It had been a long time since he had done any saber drills, or any strenuous exercise for that matter. There would be time for that, he thought. 

Vokara Che returned with some ration bars in hand and a look of soft chastisement, not at all enthusiastic about her patient's eagerness to rise so quickly. “Don't overwhelm yourself. Eat first.” She handed him the bars and a water flask. “Be sure to drink it _all._ ” Her eyes held a matronly gentle sternness. Suddenly, he realized how desperately thirsty he was. As Anakin hastily twisted off the cap of the flask and greedily brought it to his lips, Che stopped him putting a hand firmly on his arm. “ _Slowly._ ” She commanded. He nodded in response, only taking a sip from the container. He closed his eyes, savoring the coolness that slid down his parched throat. When did something as simple as a drink of water become so enjoyable? He continued to take small sips until the flask was empty.

Ahsoka peered around the corner into the med bay, eyes widening along with her smile as she came to stand fully in the doorway. Her arms crossed in front of her chest, as if to restrain herself from running and hugging him, for fear she invoke the wrath of the strict healer perched at her Masters side. Anakin looked over towards the doorway his already grinning face turning into a beaming smile as he greeted his Padawan in an imposed casual manner. “Hey Snips.”

“You look a lot better, Master.” Ahsoka spoke nonchalant, still visibly gleeful.

“I feel a lot better, too.” He said in agreement. 

“That can quickly change if you're not careful. Eat. Then tomorrow we will continue our work. No strenuous exercise for the next two rotations, or _else._ ” Vokara Che said severely, with signs of fatigue laced in her voice and settling in around her eyes. “For now I will retire.” She had been awake the entire time Anakin was laden deep within his trance, ever vigilant. Anakin felt grateful for her care, although the familiar nagging feeling drudged up from deep within him as he came more fully to awareness, grogginess subsiding from his force enhanced senses. Guilt. The guilt of feeling like a burden to those around him. The feeling of being too reliant on people like Che and Obi-wan to coax him back to health. The feeling of being helplessly at the whim of those he sought after for care. The look of desolation that fell on his face passed quickly, like the fleeting shadow of a convor flying overhead. He would not let the tempest of grief take him over, not now, not in front of Ahsoka. 

Che walked towards the door as Ahsoka side stepped to let her pass. The healer turned back towards Anakin one last time. “If you don't heed my instruction,” She let a pause sink in for dramatic effect. “I _will_ know.” She said, eyebrows raised and eyes sharply stabbing into Anakins skull.

“Don't worry, I'm good at following orders.” He said teasingly as Che turned her head indignantly, muttering something under her breath in her native tongue. The sarcasm in his voice almost felt real as he spoke the words. 

Anakin looked back towards Ahsoka as Che receded to the shared bunking quarters, trying to maintain his casual demeanor as the shielding that had been so diligently maintained around his mind eroded as the healer drifted off to sleep. _It's okay,_ he thought trying to still the rising panic in his chest. All he needed to do was meditate for a while, focus on rebuilding his defenses. They couldn't get him here, not now. He placed his damaged shields around himself. They were more fortified than they had been before the trance, but still they were not impenetrable. _She wouldn't have taken her shielding down, if it wasn't safe,_ he thought. The only slightly reassuring thought would have to do. He put his panic aside, irritated with himself for feeling so childishly reliant. 

His Padawan looked worn. Not as the healer had been, but traces of sleepiness rimmed her eyes in a red tinge. “I'm going to go to the bridge, fly the ship for a little while.” Anakin said as he chewed off a chunk from the ration bar. _Give me some time to put myself together,_ he thought.

“Ok Master, I think I'm going to follow grumpy and grab a bunk for a few hours.” She said sleepily now, a closed fist rubbing at one of her dry eyes. “Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm asleep.” Ahsoka added in jest. If she was able to sense the anxiety rolling off of him through his broken shielding, she did not let it show.

Anakin put on a look of exaggerated shock. “What, Me? Never.” She met his remark with a warm smile. Walking forward, she gently put her arms around him. As she buried her head in his chest. He could feel the waves of gratitude and relief mixed with sadness swell about her. He returned her embrace, furrowing his brow in an attempt to stave off the tears that stung at his eyes. His heart ached. It wasn't sadness. It was a bitter love. She shouldn't have to worry about him, but she did. They were _family._ Family was everything. 

Ahsoka remembered how beaten and weak he was when she found him, crawling desperately into the corner of that cell, begging to be spared. Now here he was, nearly sounding like his old self. She admired his strength of spirit. This was Anakin Skywalker, she wouldn't expect anything less. She drew back from their embrace, noticing his glossy eyes as he smiled down at her. “Night-night, Master.” She turned, sauntering tiredly back to the bunks. 

“Night, snips.”

Anakin rubbed at his tear stung eyes, taking a moment to collect himself before he entered the bridge. As the door whirred open, he saw Obi-wan sitting at the helm. His Master made no acknowledgment of his presence, Anakin could sense his consciousness was distant from his body, rapt in deep meditation. Saying nothing, Anakin moved to sit beside him in the co-pilots chair. He closed his eyes, plunging himself into the force as well. The act of it felt slightly foreign, he hadn't given himself into any meditations since before their capture. It reminded him of the awkward feeling of learning how to use his arm again, after his organic one had been sheered away by Count Dooku. He could feel his life force, his essence. Not as large as it was at full strength, but not as weak as he had been. He could feel his Master beside him, brilliant burning white light, eclipsing his own muted glow.

He turned to look at himself. He was broken in many different ways, and even more conflicted. His aura was a blur of emotions and energies, whirling about each other like two fronts of a storm. Anakin turned his attention towards his shields. Although they still held fast, they were in a state of extreme disrepair. Pieces of his defenses had been scattered around himself, other parts just simply gone. One by one and somewhat clumsily, he took the shards and put them in place. Other spaces he mended, forging new parts from the living force that surrounded him. Slowly his aptitude in meditation returned to him as each break and gap in his shields was mended. The process was grueling, mentally exhausting. As he worked, his defenses began to form a mosaic. The shatter lines were still obvious, and vulnerable. But at last, after much time and even more effort, there were no more holes in his defenses. The veins that carved their way through it's walls would heal over time. Perhaps growing even stronger than before. _They would have to be,_ he thought. He was determined to never let them fall ever again.

Just as he had finished building his shields, Obi-wan returned to himself. He was still in meditation, only not as deeply entrenched in it as he had been. Anakin could feel Obi-wan through the force, his aura over his own. He let the force flow through him, renewing his spirit. Everything felt perfect, calm. Peaceful. Such a contrast to how things had been for too long. 

_Anakin?_

_I'm here, Master._

_You're awake. And you've rebuilt your shields._

_Yes, Master._

The two of them sat in the blissful encompassing peace that was the force. Raw emotions hummed through them. Gratitude. Selfless love. Devotion. The warm sensations of it dancing through their bodies, brightening their auras. They were there, but they were somewhere else. The bright white light surrounding them, holding them in its embrace. Colors, sensations, transporting them to another realm. And it was only the two of them, as if they were the only ones who existed in the universe. 

_I'm proud of you._

_Everything I am is because of you, Master._ Chords of something darker traveled through Obi-wan's heart, something resembling guilt. Part of the darkness that he had been fighting- was still fighting. It was a fleeting thing that left as soon as it had arrived, proof of Obi-wan's effort in cleansing his light. Anakin's heart sung with gladness.

 _When are you going to learn, I am no longer your Master. I have not been, for a long time._ His tone nearly defensive, mostly endearing. 

_I'm a slow learner, Master._ Obi-wans heart smiled.

 _Your aura looks clearer,_ Anakin's relief flooded their intertwined minds.

 _I've been trying, for you._ His relief changed to a humbling heartache, a sweet pain. Pure love resonated between them. 

They moved to hold each other, their light combining with one another. Their shared closeness was unmatched by anything either of them had ever experienced in their entire lives. They reveled in the sensation, their souls mingling into one singular, devastatingly powerful weapon. With the two of them united, they were an unstoppable force of nature. Each one of them holding the key to the others potential. Words were not necessary to convey the thankfulness in Anakin's heart or the hopefulness that resided in the both of them, as all of their emotions were felt as one. 

Both of them slowly drifted out of their meditation, returning to the present. Nearly half a rotation had passed since Anakin had entered his meditation, even longer since Obi-wan had begun his. Anakin looked out into the viewing window, at the passing points of light streaked out into long beams of energy as they traveled through hyperspace. 

“How long have we been traveling for?” Anakin asked, still looking out into the vast expanse. 

There was a pause before Obi-wan could answer. His eyes were stuck on the face of his former Padawan, as he laid eyes on him for the first time since they had departed Coruscant. He looked so much better than the last time he had seen him, even though it had only been a few days. The guilt that Obi-wan had been working so hard to expel lessened a bit in intensity, as if the rate at which it left him was in step with Anakin's recovery. “Nearly six rotations.” He answered distantly, still entranced. 

“Four more to go, then?” 

“Just about.”

…..........

It was night on Coruscant. From the transparisteel window of the Supreme Chancellor's private office, a dark hooded figure looked out over the grids of rushing traffic that trailed across the night sky, above the horizon of buildings and alleyways that were carved in between. The city was beautiful, teeming with life. Bustling with beings of all species and backgrounds. Filled with pain and suffering, equally matched to the nexus of light that the Jedi temple perched atop. 

Pain. Suffering. Such useful tools, the figure thought. So easily manipulated by their reactive nature. Although there was little that was beyond the reach of the manipulation of Darth Sidious. His hands were deeply engulfed in all matters of the galaxy, and with a twitch of a finger here and a little whisper there, anything and everything was at his command. 

Deception. More than a useful tool, an art form. An essential part of Sith strategy. It was nearly laughable how easily some were to deceive. The Jedi and their pompous attitude towards their order and their code blinded them. For how much they could see, they fell so short of perceiving the true threat that sat right before them. It nearly killed the fun of it, were it not so critical to blind them in such a way he would have been disappointed. 

Closing his eyes, he reached out. The scope of his awareness was vast, far surpassing the senate building, even Coruscant it's self. He could sense the pawns in play as pinpoints in the galaxy, as they set out to do his bidding both knowing and unknowingly. 

Maul. 

He sneered at the thought. Such raw anger and hatred. Even for a Sith, being given to such self centered emotions so thoughtlessly clouded ones judgment. Maul lacked both the perspective to be able to see the design he had set in place, and the discipline to appreciate the lattice web that he sprawled out carefully over many years of patient planning. He was so focused on revenge that he did not see. Sidious counted on his short sighted nature. He would never get the revenge he sought after. He was exploitable. Disposable. His weakness would lead to his downfall.

Stretching his awareness further, he found Skywalker and Kenobi. The object of his wanting, the end game. Kenobi was easier to manipulate than he had first expected, but his weakness was also his strength. The bond between him and his former Padawan had grown beyond what he had intended. The two of them were the key to each others manipulation, which proved more difficult to maneuver. Each time he tried to break them, they mended together, stronger. The next move had to be decisive, devastating, disabling. 

Anakin had drawn from the dark side at many points in his training, even now as a knight he had given in to it's pull from time to time. It had been predictable, what Sidious had expected. His history as a slave had left him vulnerable to the allure of the dark side and it's vengeful nature, an easy weakness to exploit. However easily exploited it was, the boy was unpredictable and volatile, a hard medium to work with. His loyalties were based on love alone, and love was a fickle thing. 

His aim had always been to sway Anakin to his side. Like with everything else, attaining that result was not simple. Nothing was ever simple. It was true that Anakin was the Chosen one, but there was a catalyst of near equal importance- Kenobi. It was impossible to tell so early on which was the more prudent pawn to go after. He could already see it would be impossible to sway them both. It would be one, or none at all. The force could tell him as much. Although it was not the way of the Sith to bend to the will of the force, it would be foolish to ignore what could be gleaned from it. Some things were written on the very fabric of the universe- fixed currents of force energy linking people, places, and events in ways unavoidable even for the most cunning Sith. Such ties brought Skywalker and Kenobi together and webbed outwards to other seemingly insignificant pawns in a tangle of destiny. The two Jedi were the epicenter something larger than the galaxy. In order to take advantage of this unique opportunity, he would need to understand the tethers between players. It was not an easy task.

The most puzzling player was Kenobi. He would have never suspected him to draw from the dark side, but was pleasantly surprised when he did. Such a strong Jedi, such a hard fall. He could feel the moment when he gave into the darkness, the desire to murder in cold blood. All risen from his attachment to his beloved Anakin. Kenobi's use of the dark side had changed things. The sheer points in the force that had presented before shifted around the two Jedi as the binds intertwining their fate wrapped tighter. The game was far from over, and the end was not clear. His next move however, was very clear indeed.

….......

It had been several days since Padme had spoken with Master Kenobi, and she still couldn't devise an excuse to go off world, even for a short time. She wanted so badly to go to Naboo. It had been too long since she had last seen her husband. Their last conversation played on a loop in her mind endlessly any time she had a moment to herself. Granted, those quiet moments were few and far in between. There was much work to be done. The timing could not be worse, with so many pivotal bills on the senate floor, she could hardly justify putting her own selfish interests first before the the republic. After all she was a civil servant pledged to uphold and look after the well being of the republic. She found herself one of the few that actually took her oath seriously, putting her duty before profits and personal interests. Even the act of contemplating leaving at such a detrimental time made her feel guilty, as if she were just as bad as the other corrupted members of the senate. 

She was mentally drained, emotionally spent, and physically exhausted. Sleep had been a luxury that she often went without, either due to late appointments or wry anxiety. So much talking, lobbying, drafting bills. Hosting for other senators, stretching the bounds of their political focus, begging them to think outside their personal scope of reality. It shocked her at times, just how many senators seemed to be in the pocket of the banks, so ready to turn a willfully blind eye to blatant profiteering. This war had become too much about turning a profit, she feared it would never end. Not with so many of her colleges comfortable with the continued onslaught. Clones weren't _real_ people, so it went with popular opinion. They were looked on as nothing more than organic droids, a resource to consume. Coruscant was so far from the battle fields that ravaged so much of the outer rim. 

Most senators had never stood to witness any battle up close as she had. The atrocities of war were weighed and measured on the senate floor as if it were any other commonality. As if the mass slaughter and oppression of innocent occupants of sought after planets was just another number on a graphic. She had looked into the eyes of clones of the battle field, seen the flashes of sabers dueling in combat. She had nearly lost her life in the process. Every day her husband and countless other Jedi risked theirs as well. If it were not for her flawless mask that hid her boiling emotions so expertly, she might never have held the composure necessary to lobby such as she did. But she was Padme Amidala, the famously feirce negotiator, former Queen of Naboo. Her presence carried weight in the senate, every bit of which she had earned, and continued to fight for.

It was late on Coruscant. Too late. Most people would have been sound asleep at this hour. As much as she had chased it, sleep continued to elude her. Instead she lie in bed, mind awake and bustling with too many thoughts. She couldn't stand to be still in spite of her feet aching as they hit the floor. She paced out to the balcony, surveying the trails of dotted lights that slid in all directions across the horizon. Her shoulders were tense with stress. Usually when she felt so lost, Anakin would be there to tell her it was okay. When he held her in his arms, the rest of their problems seemed to melt into the background. Nothing else existed when the two of them were together. But he was not here. He had not been for too long. It was just her, alone. Looking out over the city that hummed with life, never ceasing. Never sleeping. All of Coruscant and countless other worlds, depended on her efforts. 

Although the hour was late, her com link trilled with an incoming call. Who would be trying to contact her at such a late hour? She moved to the holoprojector to accept the link. To her less than mild surprise, Bail Organa stood before her in a ghastly blue glow. “Senator Organa, how may I be of service?” She spoke with a heavy fatigue and sarcastic formality. Her and Bail were of one mind. He was one of the rare breed who actually put the republic before his own needs even when it required great sacrifice. They had become close over the years they had served together in the senate. She didn't need to put on her senatorial expression to talk to him. It would have been beyond her ability at the moment anyhow. 

“Padme, I suspected you would be awake. Too much on your mind?” He asked, as if it had been an inside joke between the two of them. Suddenly Padme became acutely aware of the scant night gown she wore as she crossed her arms in front of her chest in a thinly veiled attempt to cover herself.

“You know me well, Bail. Forgive my bluntness, did you need something?” A weary irritation took over the tone of her voice.

“Yes. It's the bill we have been working on. I'm at an impasse. I need a fresh set of eyes. If you aren't busy, would you be able to come by and help me with it? It's nearly done. We could present this tomorrow. Or today, I mean.” He had a determination in his eyes. In spite of the hour and his obvious lack of sleep, he showed no traces of fatigue. _He must be taking stimpills again,_ she thought with a trace of disapproval. His dedication and sense of duty was admirable, but she had a hard time ever agreeing with the use of stims, or any substances for that matter besides the occasional cup of caf. 

“I wouldn't consider myself a fresh set of eyes at this hour, Bail.” She said, drawing her hand up to rub at her sore eyes.

“I'm sorry, Padme. Forgive my intrusion then-”

“No, no,” she cut him off. “It's alright. I'm not going to be sleeping anyhow. Put some caf on for me, I'll be right over.” Bail beamed a bright stim-induced smile at her through his blue shimmering projection. 

“Right away. I'll see you soon.” He said as the transmission blinked out. If she wasn't going to be able to sleep, she could at least do something of use, rather than sit and stew in her worry.


	20. Inferno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin suffers a debilitating flashback

Skywalker and Kenobi manned the helm in blissful silence, not a single word passing between them for hours. Words were unnecessary, the two of them were more in sync than they had ever been. Their minds linked, like two young lovers staring into each others eyes deeply for the first time. Words, emotions and thoughts chimed across the bridge between their minds. It was an intimate means of communication that the two of them enjoyed much more than spoken words. 

With the last few weeks feeling like an eternity, it was easy to forget they had spent the better part of the last six months estranged from one another. In the midst of their developing relationship, recalling how they had drifted so far apart seemed unthinkable. Now comfortably nestled in each others minds and hearts, they felt at peace. It had been a strange and horrible journey with points of elation that equally matched its darkest moments. Although if the destination was the love that they had discovered in each other, the price _could_ have been considered worth it. 

Obi-wan's affections almost made Anakin forget everything that had transpired. _Almost,_ but not quite. After their capture and torture, after everything that had been done to him, he had been drowning in fear and despair in ways that he had never experienced before. He was no stranger to suffering, though the extent of how his spirit had shattered so completely shocked him. Living so many years of his young life as a slave, he thought he had experienced the worst of what could be wrought. He wished that had been true. Gardulla the Hut had earned a reputation for being a particularly and unusually cruel master. He had been abused in nearly all manner of ways within inches of his life under her ownership- often times in the name of _entertainment._ He would never forget how small and weak he had felt when his mother had cried over his broken body countless times. That's what it was to be someones property. To be used as a tool, a resource that was only as good as its entertainment value, rate of production or margin of profit. As the distant memories rose to the surface, he found the emotions attached to them were fresh and new as they had ever been. It was overwhelming. 

_I'm not a slave anymore, I'm not..._ But in that cell he had been subjugated just as if he had been one. _A slave. A tool._ The dark voice taunted him from his memories _You are the key to Kenobi's suffering._ A shiver ran down his spine as his stomach churned with anxious nausea, his mind still struggling to process what he had experienced. 

_You're not there anymore. You are here, with me. Stay with me._ Obi-wan tried to anchor him in the moment, but was failing.

The tempest of dreaded memories had been boiling just beneath the surface of Anakins consciousness, waiting for a chance to rise up and overtake him. Even grazing the memories had been too much and once they were let loose there was no reining them back in. Anakin was helpless against the nightmare that unraveled before his eyes. He wanted to stay with his Master in the moment, but he could feel the dark hands rough over his skin, puling him further from reality as they inflicted sick phantom bruises. Obi-wan shuddered, feeling it echo through their bond.

Obi-wan looked over at the co-pilots chair in a stir of panic that he instinctively tried to squash before it surfaced. Anakin was completely taken by it now, eyes transfixed onto the trauma that played out in the theater of his senses. Kenobi rushed from his chair and swiveled Anakins towards him, leaning over to grab the mans shoulders. “Anakin!” He exclaimed quietly, resisting the urge to shout. It would do no good to wake the others and create an audience to witness his beloved suffer. Anakin did not respond to his name, only shrunk away from the gentle shaking of his shoulders with a look of sheer terror filling his eyes. Weak and strangled cries escaped his throat as he shook, his whole body visibly rigid with fear. 

Vivid flashes of repulsive images coupled with unyielding pain flared through Anakin, as he twisted and cried out from his seat. His breathing became rapid and shallow. It was happening all over again. Monstrous hands spread him open and took him without mercy as he writhed in pain and disgust. Obi-wan flew backwards, recoiling from their bond, instinctively shutting out the sensory input that was relentlessly pouring into his body through their tether. His eyes involuntarily streamed tears down his face as he looked on in trepidation. He was able to shut out everything but the raw emotional terror that rang through his body, manifesting in a dizzy nausea and cold sweat.

Obi-wan felt disgusted with himself. He needed to do something to bring Anakin back to the moment, but even going physically near to the man was almost too much. With each passing second and each inch he came closer to the man, the incredible pain and horrific images threatened to tear through Obi-wan's hastily fashioned meager defenses. If it wasn't for their deep bond with one another, he might have been able to do something to help him. Instead he was incapacitated by his attachment- the very thing that had gotten them into this mess in the first place. _No, that won't help him now,_ Obi-wan thought as he frantically searched his mind for something that might help bring Anakin back. Something. _Anything._

The only way to get to him, was through. Through the pain and memories of torture. If Anakin had to suffer, Obi-wan could, too. It was the only way to bring him out of it any sooner than letting it run its course. That he couldn't do. He wouldn't leave Anakin subject to those heinous memories any longer than he could help. Not again. _Never_ again.

With every fiber of his body screaming against it, Obi-wan opened the link between their minds and pushed against its torrent of too-fresh memories. The powerful intensity that rushed out at him was deafening to his senses. His body felt weak and beaten. He fell to the floor as he worked his way past the pain of tearing flesh. It took every ounce of strength in his being to get through the violating pain that seared between his hips, effectively knocking the wind out of him. Past the bridge between their minds, Anakin was there. Scared, defeated, begging _Just kill me, please..._ As his attacker loomed over his kneeling form. 

Anakin! Obi-wan moved closer to him, walking right through the ghost of the beast that tormented him. 

_Anakin, you're safe, come back with me, just take my hand._ Through the mirage that projected their bodies onto Anakin's mind, Obi-wan stretched out a hand towards him. Anakin peered at him from the corner of his eye, as if he were afraid to face him head on. 

_Anakin It's okay just take my hand and this can all be over._ As if he were working against a great force, he fought his arm to cooperate as he pulled it from behind his back and reached towards his Master, gripping his hand as though it were his only lifeline. 

The two of them were violently wrenched from the terror, heaving and gasping for air as if they had been holding their breath for too long. Anakin righted himself from slouching to the side of the co-pilots chair as Obi-wan attempted to peel himself off of the floor. His body felt fine, but his mind still echoed the terrible pain that had been forced through his senses. He felt like was being crushed under the weight of a thousand bricks. Obi-wan was horrified at everything Anakin had been subject to. Terrible pain, helplessness and overwhelming humiliation.

As Anakin acclimated to the room around him, he was alarmed to see Obi-wan collapsed on the ground by his feet. “Master!” Reflexively he rushed down to the floor, kneeling beside him as he had done many times before when his Master had gotten himself hurt. Anakins readiness to cast his own needs and emotions aside for his Master sent fault lines tearing through Obi-wans heart. With everything that had just transpired, Anakin was concerned with _his_ well being. It killed him. Anakin looked only slightly disheveled while Obi-wan had become a sopping mess. His over concern with his Master only moved Obi-wan back to the brink of tears. 

“Are you hurt? What's wrong?” Anakin began to panic, sensing the mixture of unease and heartache that boiled about his Master. Still, he said nothing. Even their bond was silent. After a few moments without a response other than halfhearted broken sobs Anakin began to grow restlessly impatient, still agitated from being plunged into his darkest memories. 

“Just tell me!” He spoke a little too loud, cringing right after, at the thought of Ahsoka walking in on them right now. Or even _worse,_ Vokara Che. 

“Master?” He pleaded quietly this time, audibly helpless- a feeling he was tired of experiencing so often. 

_Please talk to me. Let me in._

As Obi-wan moved to sit up, Anakin put his hands worriedly about his shoulders, craning his head to look into the mans red rimmed eyes, gently brushing a few strands of warm golden hair out of his face. Obi-wan fought against a sob that lingered at the back of his throat. A wave of understanding took Anakin over in a gentle resignation as a lingering desperation crept over his heart. 

“You didn't have to do that for me,” Anakin spoke softly and somewhat scolding, rubbing a thumb over his Master's tear stained cheek. Obi-wan moved his hand to cover the one caressing his face, and looked up into the sapphire eyes that stared into his soul. 

“I would do it a hundred times over to ease just a fraction of your suffering,” Obi-wan spoke in a broken whisper that fell on the back end of a sob. “I'm just so so sorry-” His voice failed him as he could no longer hold back his tears. His whole body shook as he cried. Anakin was not used to seeing his Master like this, so uncontrollably moved to tears. The only other time he could recall seeing Obi-wan so decimated was back in that horrid cell...

“We're not there anymore, Maser. We're okay now.” Anakin said sincerely although flatly, still somewhat numb from being at the mercy of his troubled memories. In all honesty he was trying to convince himself just as much as Obi-wan. “It's over now, its all in the past.” In spite of his attempts to console him, he only seemed to get worse. 

All of Obi-wans bravado, all of the unwelcome hatred and malice he held for the ones who had hurt Anakin so badly dissolved into tears and leeched out of him. All that he was left with was raw grief. He hadn't let himself think about the time he spent hanging in binds, being forced to see his love be so brutally tortured and desecrated. How powerless and terrified he had been. How he was supposed to protect Anakin, all the mean while he was torn apart before his very eyes. He hadn't let himself think about any of it. He had nearly forgotten the horrors of it in the midst of his hate for Maul, and his duty to Anakin to help him heal. Suddenly Obi-wan felt like he was helpless again, bound against his will. Forced not only to watch Anakin be brutalized, but to feel what he felt- terror, pain, shame. His heart wrenched until he thought he couldn't breathe. 

“Master, It's okay. We're okay.” Anakin softly cooed into his ear while lacing a comforting hand through Obi-wans thick golden hair, holding him closer still. Obi-wan wished they had access to a private quarters. Nothing existed like that on the Twilight. He wanted nothing more than to hold Anakin skin to skin. The comfort of the warmth that radiated off of the man was the cure to his aching heart. Even through the layers of tunic and underclothes he could feel his warmth. It soaked into his soul, taming the unkempt emotions that had overrun his senses. His sobbing slowed, although he still trembled slightly. Obi-wan took deep breaths, attempting to regain control over himself. 

“See? It's all okay.” As Anakin spoke kind and gently, Obi-wan could feel the bass of his voice humming through his chest as he pressed up against him more. He was repulsed by his want for such comforts, but he couldn't help but need them.

Obi-wan moved to wrap his legs around Anakins waist, and his arms around his shoulders. Anakin shifted in response, flattening his legs to the floor and moving his arms to hold his Master around his torso, hands planting firmly against Obi-wans back. Both men took a deep breath and sighed. 

Anakin was exhausted as he looked listlessly off in the distance at the long beams of light that bolted past them. The way Obi-wan cried in his arms, lamenting over his torture, made him think of the way his mother had cried whenever he had been beaten or put in harms way. Having someone mourn over his pain always seemed to make his burden that much heavier. 

Up until now he had been so absorbed by the serene bond between himself and his Master that he pushed everything else away. Even if it was only for a short time, it felt like a much needed vacation from so much suffering. But now the vacation was over.

“I'm sorry Anakin,” Obi-wan spoke shakily, pulling his head from Anakins saturated tunic. “I'm hardly the one who should be so _inconsolable..._ ” He said harshly, audibly upset with himself. “I'm not the one who...who...” _I'm not the one who was tortured and brutally raped,_ he thought in guilt. He didn't have the nerve to finish his sentence. He didn't need too. It didn't take much imagination for Anakin guess his meaning. 

Anakin took Obi-wan's face into his hands and looked at him with serious intent. His eyes wore the heaviness of a man who was deeply tired in ways sleep could never fix. “It doesn't matter. You think I don't know how you must have felt, just hanging there, helpless?” Anakins eyes began to fill with un-spilt tears, heart hammering in his chest. “Just forced to... to _watch?_ ” The words were acid on his tongue, painful to speak. His brow furrowed against the words as he spoke them. “I _know_ how much it hurt you,” Anakin said, pearl droplets escaping the corners of his glossy eyes. “It was _meant_ to.” As his own words sunk into his mind, the wind in his sails ceased. His ostentation ended as his mind began to process the reality of his reverberating memories. How he had been so easily taken by them to be chewed up again. The fervor bled from his eyes leaving a vacant expression that echoed the black hole that tore at his chest.

“Oh Anakin, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.” Obi-wan apologized as if he had just done something terrible. Anakin released his hold on Obi-wans face and began to tremble, eyes searching the air in front of him for something to pull him out of the dead current he was stranded in. Shakily he took a deep breath, trying to expel the gut wrenching memories from his senses. He sank to another level of shock when he remembered that they were headed to bait a Sith trap. The same Sith that put their hands on him. Somehow the weight of their objective became more arduous in the wake of his unwelcome flashback. 

He tried to shake off the foreboding unrest and sickness in his stomach, although he couldn't force his expressions to emulate anything but the emptiness that had returned to consume him. “It's alright, Obi-wan.” He said, as the switch flipped in the back of his mind. “It's okay, I just... I just need to _do_ something. I'm going to look over the speeder in the hangar bay and see if I can make any useful modifications.”

Anakin rose from the floor, gently shifting so Obi-wan could move his limbs from being tangled around him. Feeling vulnerable and childish, Obi-wan rose quickly, brushing off and straightening his robes. As Anakin moved towards the door to the bridge, Obi-wan reached out to grab hold of his shoulder. Before he could make contact the door whirred open as Ahsoka nearly bumped into Anakin as he quickly made his exit.

Ahsoka looked up at him with mild surprise as he hurried past. “Master? I was just about to relieve you and Master Obi-wan. It's my turn at the helm.” She eyed him suspiciously as he walked down the hall beyond. His force signature was different than it had been when he first woke up. It was smaller. His usual emotional corona that lingered just above his aura was gone, filled with nothing but empty space. She had seen him wear many emotions, but she never seen him so void of anything at all. It sent shivers down her spine.

Without turning to face her, he spoke as he trailed down the gangway. “Thanks, Ahsoka. See you on the next rotation.” She turned back to Obi-wan who was still glued in place, standing on the bridge. His eyes were red and puffy. It was obvious to anyone looking at him that he had been crying. The top edge of his robes were saturated with tears. She was shocked to sense the turbulent emotions stirring around him. Tumultuous guilt and traces of sadness. It made him look afraid, like an abandoned child. She was completely caught off guard by it. She had never seen him portray anything but perfect Jedi control over his emotions. Well, except for when they had been trapped on that separatist cruiser during their last mission. She had seen him in a whirlwind of emotion back then, eclipsed by a darkness that swallowed everything else. Now was different. There wasn't so much darkness, but his aura sang of unfettered grief. She felt its sting lance her heart. She tried not to stare at him as he stood before her, she didn't want to embarrass him, as she felt shameful for seeing him in such disarray.

After too long of a pause Obi-wan spoke. “I'm going to get some rest now,” he said tentatively, almost as if it were a question. He moved slowly to walk down the hall as if each movement took an immense amount of effort. Ahsoka had been used to only getting parts of the picture from her Masters and the Council. She resented the exclusion, wishing they were not so quick to shield her from things they deemed too 'adult' in nature. She caught Obi-wan's arm as he sauntered past. The unexpected contact nearly making him jump out of his skin. 

“Whatever it is that is troubling you Master Kenobi, It's going to be okay. You, Me, Anakin, we can get through anything together. We're family.” She didn't need to know the details to know the absolute truth she spoke. Obi-wan's eyes became glassy as he paused, smiling down at her with a happy sadness. He wanted to say something, but there was nothing he could say without being reduced back into a weeping mess. Her heartfelt openness calmed the storm of emotions that clashed in his aura. She reminded him so much of Anakin when he was her age, so innocently wise. He moved to walk past her again, this time moving with a bit less lead in his feet.

As the door whirred closed behind Obi-wan, Ahsoka took the pilots chair at the helm. Why did everything always have to be such a mystery? The council had said that her Master would still be in a fragile state, she hadn't really understood the implications until now. He was particularly unstable. _They should have warned me about Obi-wan while they were at it,_ she thought. She was used to Anakin being somewhat erratic. Her Grand Master much less so. He had always seemed like the perfect example of what a Jedi should be. She didn't think any less of him, but clearly their time in captivity had left both of her Masters changed. But when she had found them Obi-wan barely had a scratch on him, aside from a little lost weight from not being fed, he looked fine. Whatever he had seen, had clearly left deep marks on his soul. 

She found herself having less and less patience for being kept in the dark. Whatever it was she deserved to know, _needed_ to know. With both of her Masters so obviously compromised, the missing puzzle pieces could very easily be their undoing. 

…....

After toiling away from the late hours of the night to the not so early hours of the morning, exploring arguments and counter-arguments and becoming quite sick of each other in their sleep deprived states, Bail and Padme had come to a finished product. Both Senators looked worn, even Bail's stim-induced alertness had eroded to its limits. 

“We should proof-read it just _one_ more time,” Senator Organa spoke with weary determination, gripping the flimsplast in hand, eyeing it dubiously. Padme couldn't tell if it was his use of stims that had him so overly anxious or if it was his usual meticulous attention to detail. If she were any less exhausted she might have been better able to differentiate. 

“Bail, we've read through it five times already. It's _great._ ” Padme spoke with an equal measure of fatigue in her voice. The two of them were seated at the corner of Senator Organa's apartment dining table. The sun had risen well above the city skyline, pouring bright white light through the vast transparisteel window that covered the eastward wall of the room. The near blinding light combined with lack of sleep had Padme feeling on the verge of nausea. So many days were blurred together, barely separated by sparse episodes of shallow sleep. It was beginning to take its toll.

Bail continued to scan the document over skeptically. “I suppose it will have to do,” he concluded.

“Only seven more hours till the next session,” She said weary with dread. “I better go back home and rest up a little before then.”

Bail moved his hands up to massage his temples. “Yes, that would be wise.” He looked back up at her with a mildly devious smile. “We wouldn't want you collapsing of exhaustion on the senate floor now, would we?”

Padme gave a stifled laugh. “I'm afraid I might collapse here on _your_ floor,” she said as she rose from her chair languidly. She earned a sly look and a small chuckle from her colleague. 

Bail rose from his chair, escorting Padme to the door. “I will see you at the next session, my dear friend.” He said with a feigned formality that passed as humor between the two of them. 

“Of course, Senator Organa.” She reciprocated in jest. 

Padme left for her speeder. She had been glad for the company, even if it meant staying up all hours of the night drafting and rewriting that bill. Not her typical choice of leisure time, but it had sufficed. It had distracted her from her worries even if only for a little while, and it had all been in service to the republic- she had dedicated her life to as much. She had a duty to uphold, after all. 

By the time she had made it to the door of her home she might have fallen over were she any more exhausted. She began stripping off her garments as she made her way to the bedroom leaving them strewn about the place, too tired to care about being tidy. C3PO had begun to spout off a string of exclamations and protests toward her disregard for order that she ignored with little to no effort. Finally she collapsed on the bed face first, throwing the switch to the blinds in the process. Soon she was enveloped by the comforting darkness. Her body was aching from exhaustion, her eyes burning as her lids closed over them. Being so worn, it was almost easy to forget about that tortured voice long enough to fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

….....

Anakin wandered through the hangar bay surveying the speeder, running his flesh hand over its pitted metal surfaces. Truth be told he had made so many alterations and modifications to it over the years, he must have taken everything apart and put it back together at one point or another at least once if not twice or more. Tinkering was a stress reliever for him, it always had been. Mechanical parts and electrical systems made sense to him. It had become nearly effortless anymore, as he tore something apart and put it back together more efficient and stronger than its original configuration. 

His fighter sat in the hold adjacent. Another machine he knew inside and out- each bolt, capacitor, and sensor. He relied on his intimate knowledge of its anatomy while flying in combat. He employed his force presence often times manually adjusting and fine tuning the machine, enabling him to achieve feats no other pilot would have been able to pull off. The metal was an extension of himself, he thought ironically as he flexed his alloy arm. 

If only he was just as easy to take apart, fix, make stronger. It was a useless thought, but a lingering one none the less. It would never be so easy- nothing ever was. He wished he had been the only person afflicted, then it might have been a slightly less cumbersome ordeal.

He had known how much his Master had been hurt by how Maul had wielded his torture as a weapon against him. He knew it was intentional, that everything he had suffered was designed to do just that. Although it was still so hard to look past his own trauma to really see just how badly Obi-wan had been hurting. His Master was usually so good at keeping the extent of his true feelings under wraps that it had been unsettling to see him so torn up and distraught. Anakin wished he could be better, stronger, so that he could help Obi-wan past his own pain. _He has been doing as much for me,_ he thought. _The best I can do for Obi-wan is try to heal myself._ His internal disconnect faded as his emotions came back into view. They felt like an impossible weight on his shoulders and lead in his belly.

The Jedi had a way to let go of emotions that didn't serve ones self. The idea was to meditate on them until you fully understood them, only then they could be released into the force. It was vastly easier said than done. Anakin settled into a meditative pose, ready to at least try. There was a slight humor to him meditating of his own volition- it had always been his least favored Jedi practice. He could nearly see Obi-wans beautifully smug face teasing him about it now. 

Taking a shaky deep breath he sunk into his mind, not truly ready, not sure if he ever would be anyhow. Now separated from the pull of his traumatic memories, it was easier to look at them objectively, see them for what they really were, but only slightly. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to fend them off in the moment. It took every ounce of his training to not succumb to them now, and even more discipline as he willed his consciousness to wander over the gaping wounds in his psyche. 

….....

Obi-wan made his way to the bunk area, and reluctantly climbed to the nearest one, letting out a sigh as he laid down. His tunics were still damp and ice cold at the upper edges, his eyes heavy and swollen with the tears he had shed. He closed them in relief. It was fleeting. He laid there, feeling guilty in the very next heartbeat- it had become his default emotional state of recent. His shame was a mass of darkness that swam about his aura like a fish in a pond wandering about aimlessly. His grief felt like an empty chasm where his anger and rage had once been stored. 

He debated on going down to the cargo hold to check on Anakin. The last time he had let him storm off on his own had not ended well. Although Anakin was still somewhat unstable, Obi-wan was sure at the very least he was not lying in a pool of blood like he had found him before, shaking and convulsing as his departed spirit was tortured and tormented. The thought of how he had looked lying there on the floor startled him, and he pulled his eyes wide open. _No, he rebuilt his shields,_ he thought. _They can't get to him here._ He tried to take solace in the thought and failed.

But what was he doing? The idea of Anakin sitting and crying alone wasn't much of a better picture to Obi-wan. He wanted desperately to see if he was alright. Sure, maybe he was just tinkering around, like he said he was going to do. The likelihood of that was high enough to be believable, but somehow Obi-wan didn't feel convinced. Reaching out to sense him, he felt Anakin in the midst of heartache and pain. 

After a few more moments of battling his every inclination to go and check in on him, he lost the will to fight the urge. His feet found the floor and he wandered towards the hangar, trying as he went to quell any trace of panic. Anakin wouldn't feel better if he felt perceived as a poor and helpless victim. If there was anything the man didn't do well, it was being in a state of powerlessness, or being made to feel as such. Obi-wan didn't know the extent of his history as a slave, but Anakin hadn't made it secret knowledge how much he detested any situation that even slightly resembled such a power imbalance. It had been a constant struggle for him to overcome. Obi-wan could only imagine how their recent encounter with the Sith must have set him back in his efforts. 

Finally he made his way to the hanger bay that also served as their cargo hold. Towers of mag crates locked down to the floor in different corners, nooks and empty spaces, crowding the already too-occupied hangar with junk that nearly created a maze in the process. As he entered the crammed bay his eyes scanned over the space searching out his former Padawan who remained unseen. Obi-wan quietly trailed through the crate lined ally ways and coves until he found him meditating in the far west corner of the bay. 

In his meditation, Anakin wore lines of distress on his forehead, the force near to him resembled abated fear. It felt like someone holding a rancor on a chain. Obi-wan knew immediately what Anakin was up to. It was just like him, to bite off way more than he could really chew. Always devising grandiose maneuvers and plans only to fall back on the stability of his Master to help him pull through without injuring himself too much, or taking too many losses. It was part of what made them such an effective team. Anakin always with the foolishly brave plans never thinking more than two steps ahead, Obi-wan with the level headed counter to the blind spots in his thinking. 

Right now Anakin was deep in meditation, focusing on the object of his suffering, trying with all his will to rid himself of it. Obi-wan watched with slight saddened amusement. He sat across, a few inches separating the two them. He would sit and wait. Eventually Anakin would be forced from his meditation. It had been folly for him to think he could do this alone, so early in the stages of healing. This was precisely the type of thing Che was here for, to help guide him through. Obi-wan knew himself well enough to know that meeting him in this meditation was a bad idea. Especially after the incident that was not yet even an hour old. Instead he would sit and wait for him to emerge. 

After nearly an hour had passed, Obi-wan became surprised at how long Anakin was able to hold himself to the fire. With each passing minute he could feel the intensity of unease in his meditation grow. Obi-wan was astonished at Anakins capacity for it. It made his heart ache with appreciation and love for the beautiful man that sat before him. 

Finally, Anakin began to return to himself as he drifted from the depths of his meditation. Obi-wan had been expecting Anakin to be emanating waves of dejection and fear as he emerged. He was surprised to feel rage rolling off of him in turbulent waves instead. Suddenly he had the feeling that this had been a bad idea. Anakin had been previously known to be given to bouts of anger. Now the force coiled around him darkly, dangerously. Before Obi-wan could rise and walk away, Anakin's eyes opened. His aura flared brightly with rage when he saw Obi-wan sitting before of him. “How long have you been in here?” He said defensively. Clearly Anakin was feeling vulnerable.

“Not that long,” Obi-wan said sheepishly, “I just couldn't sleep,” _And I was worried about you._

“I came here to be _alone._ ” Anakin said curtly as he stood up, brushing off his robes. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. It's just when I saw what you were doing, I thought it would be best to stay-”

“Clearly, as you can see, I'm just fine. Am I not owed _any_ privacy? I'm not a youngling, I don't need to be _babysat!_ ” Anakin spat the words more harshly and loudly than he intended and immediately regretted them as soon as they left his lips. Obi-wan had been doing so much to help him, he felt wrong for feeling so angry. He knew wasn't really mad at Obi-wan, he just happened to be the closest target. Obi-wan had been the only one who always stood by him. The only one who always understood him. Still the anger burned inside him. He tried to deny it power over himself, he tried to rationalize with it.

His anger fell to the background as he saw his Master leaving, his spirit steeped in sadness. Obi-wan turned to Anakin, lingering at the end of the makeshift alley, his hand running over the length of his face with his eyes cast downwards. “I'm sorry- you're right. I didn't mean to overstep. I was wrong to do that, I see that now. Please forgive the intrusion.”

“Wait,” Anakin said quietly, his sea of anger lingering beneath the surface of his still agitated words. “ _I'm_ the one who should be saying sorry. You just caught me at a bad time. I didn't mean to snap at you- I'm sorry. I know you are only trying to help.”

“On the contrary Anakin, you have nothing to be sorry for. It was selfish and wrong of me to intrude and deny you your privacy.” Obi-wans expression was solemnly monotone- his usual Jedi demeanor. His casually calm composure sparked a new flame of rage in Anakin that grew larger than the last, causing his body to tremble as this wave was much more powerful and unyielding.

Anakin turned towards him menacingly, only a few inches away from his face. “Don't treat me like I'm broken Obi-wan! Is _that_ how you see me? Damaged goods? You don't have to act like I'm always about to fall apart!”

Obi-wan looked shocked, for a few moments he found himself lost for words. “Anakin, I'm only trying to respect your boundaries because I _love_ you.” He said, put off by Anakin's unpredictably volatile anger, it saddened him even more. “I don't know what you want me to do...” He said dejectedly as he searched the angry blue eyes that glowered down at him.

Somehow everything Obi-wan had said, the sadness in his voice and expression on his face, only fueled the anger that burned inside of him. His master was so serene and calm, even when he was sad. Even when he should be furious that Anakin had been speaking to him in such a way. He _wanted_ him to lash back at him. “You don't have to always be the _perfect_ Jedi for karks sake!”

Obi-wans gloom fell away, he looked as if someone had slapped him across the face. “Is that what you think? I'm just _so_ perfect?” His vehemence left him as a guilt settled in over his heart. “I'm hardly an example of a perfect Jedi! You have no idea how wrong you are...”

Something inside Anakin snapped. He became completely taken by the unrestrained rage that circled his heart, drowning out everything else, even himself. All that was left inside of him was an all consuming madness that sprung up from the empty pit that tore away at his soul. A dark fever that echoed pain. Pain to inflict on someone, anyone, so they would feel what he felt. 

The rage that drove him found a voice. _He's ashamed of his feelings for you._

Anakin violently shoved Obi-wan into the bulkhead and moved to tower over him, slamming his hands on either side of him while looking predatorily into the mans conflicted eyes. “Why?” He taunted seductively. “Because you want to kriff me?” 

Obi-wan felt raw, bare and vulnerable. His face turned red in an instant and all the words he might have said were tangled in a mess, lodged in his throat. When he finally managed to speak, it was in a very small timid voice. “That's not fair,” he said, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. 

Obi-wan was devastated by the shame that Anakin poured over him, reminding him of how wrong he was to let things get so out of hand. It was forbidden to form romantic attachments, much less foster them as they had. The things they had done, all the things Obi-wan still longed for...

“How long have you wanted me, Master? How long did it take for me to ruin such a _perfect_ Jedi?” Anakins aura was a mess of rage and lust. He was lost in the sensation of power he held over the man that cowered between his arms. He felt invincible- it was frightfully intoxicating. Each string of words he spat was a surge of adrenaline that pulsed through his veins.

But Anakin still wasn't satisfied by his Masters petrified silence. Even a man like Obi-wan had a breaking point- he was intent to find it. “When was the first time you touched yourself and thought of me?” He growled low into Obi-wans ear as he pressed himself against his Master, pinning him against the steel wall.

“Anakin, stop it,” he begged in an unstable voice. 

_Good, but not enough._ The flames demanded more.

“You want to kriff me, so kriff me.” Anakin stared into his eyes, blind rage smoldering through his whole body. “It's what you want, right? What you've always wanted.” He chided icily and mocking. Obi-wan looked on the verge of tears. Anakin _almost_ felt sorry for him. He looked so small and insignificant.

Obi-wan wanted to push him away, to fight back. But could he really turn towards his beloved in violence? The thought repulsed him more than the sick words that came out of Anakin's mouth. Pearl droplets beaded at the edges of Obi-wans eyes as he pleaded, “Stop Anakin, _please._ You're scaring me.” His desperate confession was quickly devoured by the roaring inferno. Anakin heeded its will. He could take or do anything he pleased. Every plea and whimper just made him that much more powerful. A fleeting sadistic grin pulled at the corners of his mouth as his eyes glinted darkly, empty and expressionless. 

“Very well,” Anakin said as he grabbed his Master by his shoulders turning him around, slamming him hard against the cold steel as his hands began to wander down the edges of Obi-wans body. “Is this what you had in mind then?” He whispered wickedly into his Masters ear.

“Anakin, stop! _Please,_ ” Obi-wan struggled against Anakins hold on him, unable to break free. Anakin's body had him crushed against the bulkhead to the point where his lungs struggled to inflate against the pressure. How could these same hands that had held him so tenderly, that wiped away his tears only a few hours ago, be so cold and violating? Obi-wan was trapped, confused, deeply wounded and in shock. 

It was useless to contend with him using the force, they were equally matched. Physically Anakin had both height and weight on him. Obi-wan wouldn't consider even reaching for his saber, he couldn't bear the thought of wielding it against the man that he loved, not even when he was hurting him so badly. Instead he gave into the sobs that had been lingering in his throat as his body shook. He retreated inwards in search of refuge against the mounting shame that grew in his heart. 

As sobs racked Obi-wans tortured frame, Anakin came to his senses. His body remembered how he held his Master, comforting him as he cried. Now he was the offender. The reason for his tears. All traces of the rage that had overtaken him immediately ceased. He became violently disgusted with himself as he realized what he had just done. Abruptly he recoiled from the hold on his Master. Obi-wan, still incapacitated and shaken, curled up on himself against the bulkhead as he continued his heartbreaking cries. 

_What am I?_

Anakin was overtaken by intense self hatred. He couldn't kneel by his side this time and comfort him- he had done this to him. He had tormented the only person in the whole galaxy who really understood him. The only person who had always been there for him. The only reason he was here was out of his concern and love for him. _And this is how I repaid him._ Anakin wanted to tear out his heart so that he could quiet just an ounce of the contempt that he harbored for himself. No words would be able to convey even a fraction of how he regretted the last few moments. Regretted being so weak to let the rage take over his senses.

“I... I'm sorry...” Was all he could say. 

_I'm a monster._

Anakin couldn't comfort him, and he couldn't stand to stay and watch Obi-wan weep so he slowly backed away, and left to the bunks, biting back bitter tears that blurred his vision. 

When he arrived to the bunk area, he was relieved to see Vokara Che still fast asleep. He quietly tip-toed to the bunk farthest away from her. He couldn't stand the thought of being in close proximity to anyone. Suddenly the Twilight felt so small. Usually he didn't mind the close confines, he had grown accustomed to it as a new Padawan. It had been a natural transition for him. Now, it felt like a curse. He was so close to these people- he desired to be miles away from any living soul. That way he couldn't hurt anyone, and no one could hurt him. 

The black hole returned to tear at his heart, this time taking more and more space inside his chest until there was nothing else but the dark emptiness that swallowed him whole. He lay there, numb- too tired to even hate himself or anyone else anymore. 

_Maul really should have killed me back in that cell,_ he thought. Then at least Obi-wan would be spared the trouble of learning how bad he was for him.


	21. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin has his first mind healing session

After not enough sleep followed by the usual too-lengthy senate session, Senator Amidala and Organa found themselves victorious. Their bill had passed. Now planets requesting to align with the republic would be assured by law to have aid dispatched within 48 standard hours of declaration. Not only would this measure help the innocent inhabitants of those worlds, but it would help turn the tide in the outer rim to the favor of the republic as well. 

It was common knowledge that outer rim planets risked much by joining the republic due to their neighbors conflicting interests and divided loyalties. It was also well known that the republic had a tendency of moving painfully slow to send out aid to their own allies in the farther reaches of the galaxy. The motion was aimed at easing the fear of joining planets, and effectively expanding republics reach. More planets joining their cause meant building more bases in the outer rim. It surely would take them one step closer to having the strategic advantage as well.

The halls were crowded with mingling representatives as they trickled out of the senate chamber. Padme managed to dodge most of them on her way out, much to her relief. She felt exhausted still, and did not feel like talking. She couldn't help but think, now that their bill had been passed perhaps she could excuse herself off world to visit her husband. Even if she was only there for a day it would be worth it. Even an hour would suffice. As she walked towards her speeder, Bail walked towards her in a quickened pace. 

“Senator Amidala!” He waived towards her. Tired and slightly reluctant, she turned towards him. She wore her fatigue visibly with purpose. 

_What is it now?_ “What can I do for you, Senator?” She returned kindly.

“No, the question is what can _I_ do for _you!_ The answer would be to come by and let me pour you a drink in celebration!” He said, overly jovial. Bail always did have a flare for the dramatic. “I would have never been able to finish that bill in time were it not for your help.” He added in a more serious tone. 

Her reservations eased. Why not? She had earned a night off. “Sure. I suppose it _is_ an occasion to celebrate.”

His earnest expression dissolved into another grandiose smile. “Lovely! I will expect you by shortly.”

Padme left for her apartment to change into less formal attire. The senate headdresses she wore were often cumbersome and uncomfortable. She never liked to don them any longer than necessary. Once appropriately changed she headed back out to Bail's apartment. 

What she had really wanted was to crash in her own bed and sleep, but she knew no sleep would come to her if she tried. No sense in leaving herself to the emotional torture of ruminating over the same words over and over again. It wouldn't change a thing. After such an emotional and exhausting week, a drink sounded right- and drinking alone in her apartment would only make her feel more sorry for herself. That, she didn't need.

The sun was already setting as she made her way over. The whole day had been arduous and never ending, and somehow over before she knew it. She relished the feeling of the warm breeze against her skin as she weaved through the traffic on her short jaunt over to Bails apartment. It reminded her of the gentle summer nights at Varykino. She longed so badly to be there, in the arms of her husband, in a place where nothing else mattered aside from their devotion to each other. But she wasn't there, and if things continued on the way they had been, she might not get to leave at all. Her mind filled with shattered wishes and dashed hopes that she tried to stuff away, only partially successful in her effort.

All too quickly she arrived as she sluggishly climbed out of her speeder and onto the platform outside of Bails apartment. As she made her way to the door she couldn't help but notice the lack of other speeders parked outside. There was no trace of anyone else but herself. He hadn't said anything for her to assume they would be sharing drinks with anyone else, but she hadn't thought he had invited her _alone._ Had she realized it, she may not have come at all. A glass of wine alone in the confines of her apartment seemed like the favorable option in comparison.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy Bail's company, it was nice to get out of her mind. She was boxed up inside of her worries and fears all too often these days. Especially ever since the war began. On the rare occasion she had a moment to herself, she usually found herself wondering if Anakin would return to her. Somehow he always did, but she couldn't help the incessant worrying. But this time was different, he had given her fair reason to worry- so worry she did. 

There was more than one thing about the whole affair that seemed out of the ordinary. Although she had been used to her husband being quite on the emotional side, it had been out of character for Anakin to be so distraught and averted towards Obi-wan at the same time. Then there was the fact that Obi-wan had been so obviously out of sorts when they had spoken last. Something happened to the two of them, and Anakin was keeping her in the dark. The added stress of her current senatorial affairs did not ease her burden one bit. The combination had her on edge, even her practiced expressions and responses were stretching to their limits. 

In the midst of her crumbling front facade, she was about to go share a drink, alone, with the one Senator who could see through nearly everyone he met within only moments. He had a reputation for asking tough questions, poking and prodding until he found the answer to his query. But she wasn't most people, the two of them had fostered a friendship over their years serving together. He knew her very well. She could only hope he would excuse her demeanor as job related stress. But she was already here, and he had already invited her inside. 

_Oh well,_ she thought. She wouldn't have to stay long. Just one drink, and then she could go home without seeming too evasive or impolite. Not that her and Bail had cared about politeness and etiquette between the two of them. But leaving so soon would lead him to ask questions. That was the last thing she wanted. Perhaps the drink would help her let loose a bit and forget her worries. What harm could one drink do, anyhow?

“What shall I pour for you, my dear?” Bail asked graciously as Padme settled down in the living area.

“I'll just have what you're having.” She said, feigning nonchalance. 

“Of course.” He replied as he poured two glasses half full of a strong smelling brown liquid and handed her one. “Blackmoon ale with a twist of sarsata peel. I hope you like it, its my favorite.” He poised before her holding his glass in a toast. “To democracy.”

“To democracy.”

….....

The seventh day of travel began with things largely where they had started out all those months ago- divided. Anakin left Obi-wan to cry alone in the hangar bay while he went to lay on a bunk where he proceeded to stare at the blank space above him for hours on end until he lost consciousness. Obi-wan huddled against the steel bulkhead until he ran out of tears, then wavered in and out of a shallow sleep until Ahsoka's rotation at the helm ended. When the time came, his muscles and bones complained from sleeping on such an unforgiving surface. Regardless, he trudged towards the bridge.

As he took over for her, she didn't say a single word. Perhaps she could sense his broken spirit, or maybe she was just tired. Either way, Obi-wan didn't find that he cared too much. It was better that way. He didn't have anything to say to anyone anyhow. He felt hopelessly empty.

He contemplated diving into a meditation for the majority of his watch, but hesitated. He wasn't sure he was ready to even begin to try meditating. That would bring him face to face with the growing list of things that tormented him. They fell so heavily on his shoulders he felt he might fall to the ground where he stood.

There had been a time where Obi-wan could withstand nearly anything without truly breaking. The Jedi within him told him it _should_ have been his will to release his attachments along with his cumbersome emotions into the force that kept him strong. Attachments and blinding emotions were selfish things to cling to, and had no place in a Jedi's heart. Although he did practice letting go, there were some things he couldn't give away. Selfish things. But the truth of his strength was not his Jedi practices, or his own stubborn iron will. The backbone of everything he had built himself to be, the purpose of anything he had ever fought for, was Anakin. It had been for a long time.

Even after his love had been broken before his very eyes, after his own soul had been tainted and stained, a part of him knew it would be okay. There was something inside him that told him it would never be too much. They would get through it together. Nothing would ever be so overwhelming so long as they had their love.

But now Obi-wan could feel every one of his problems materialize around him. Each one feeling like the weight of an entire world. In the midst of the multitude of sins and wounds that plagued his mind, one stung freshly and brightly making him cringe against the painful recollection that his mind kept forcing on him over and over. 

Obi-wan was wrought with remorse. He should have never trailed after Anakin. It had been a pathetic childish display. He despised himself for it. If he was being honest with himself, he had done it in selfishness. He had let his attachment to the man crowd out his better judgment. He had been being overbearing. But that hadn't earned him the reaction he received. Anakin had been angry with him plenty of times but this was... _New._

He watched the scene unfold in slow motion ceaselessly. Each time it made him feel sicker and more hollow. He couldn't make sense of how Anakin had pinned him in, taunted him. It didn't seem real. The darkness in his eyes, it didn't feel like Anakin. It felt like someone else. Like _something_ else. But it was him. The same man who fought beside him. The same man that had held him so sweetly and tenderly as they made love for the first time. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. 

It wasn't that he was afraid of Anakin, he wasn't even mad at him. How could he be? He knew everything that he had went through- he had witnessed it. He knew how hard he had been trying to put himself back together again. But Obi-wan had been right about one thing. Anakin trying to release his trauma into the force all by himself so early on, had been entirely too much for him to handle. He just didn't expect it to manifest the way it had. He loved him- but Obi-wan felt desperately conflicted. 

His heart and mind couldn't reconcile with those wicked words he said, or the way he had lashed out violently towards him. The worst of all was how even now he longed to crawl into Anakins arms for comfort. Because there was a part of him that had already forgiven him, felt sorry for him. A part of him that wanted to rush to Anakins side and tell him that everything was going to be alright. The other part of him remembered the venom in his words that congealed over his heart making him sick inside.

One thing he couldn't deny, was that Anakin was _right._ He did want him. But it was so much more than that. He wanted him for his body, mind, soul. His love and affection. It was a selfish want. Yes, Obi-wan had been ashamed of it. Everything he felt for Anakin, everything he had fantasized for so long- was all forbidden. It went against everything he had been trained to be. Part of himself felt defeated by it. Mostly he didn't care anymore. He had never found anything so pure in the entire universe than the love he had for Anakin; the love they had shared. The code was wrong. It had to have been. 

But that hardly mattered now. Things had changed. He didn't know if he could look at Anakin without seeing the dark intent that once danced eerily in his eyes. He didn't know if he could be held in those arms without thinking about how they had been so rough and invading. His image of the one he loved had been tainted. He wasn't sure if there was ever a way back from that. So he sat there in the void between the two halves of himself, waiting to feel whole again. Feeling like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

…....

While Obi-wan manned the helm and Ahsoka slept, Vokara Che had finally woken up, and Anakin with her. After grabbing a bite to eat she insisted they begin their first mind healing session. Anakin was reluctant. He knew there was no going against the council, and that she had been specifically chosen for the mission not only for her unmatched healing talents, but for her stern manor. She was not persuadable as others might have been. There was no smooth talking his way out of complying and attending their sessions. When she demanded they begin, they began. 

With no ideal location to hold their sessions she decided they would go to the hangar bay with a few mats. He intrinsically disliked the idea. How could he focus on healing when all he would be able to focus on was his own worst mistakes? Still, there was no debating with Che. He didn't even try- he knew he lacked the energy for it. It would have been fruitless even if he did. 

Anakin and Che cleared mag crates to the sides of the room creating a space between the two vehicles large enough for them. Once they had set the space, they settled down onto their mats. Vokara Che looked strong, her aura was not particularly large, but it shone with a harsh brightness. Concentrated force energy. The signature of a healer. She poised herself, breathing deeply before she began. 

“I'm going to take you through a mediation. It will help you begin to work through some of the things you have experienced. It's not a cure, and it can bring up some very uncomfortable feelings. The best you can do is to just observe them. Acknowledge them. It will help your mind process them so that you can release them.” She spoke, eyes studying his expression to be sure he understood. She could sense his unease. “Your mediation is completely private. I will not intrude, only guide.” His apprehension eased, only by a bit.

He nodded in response.

“Alright Skywalker, clear your mind and focus.” She spoke in an instructing voice. It reminded Anakin of his young days as a Padawan in the temple taking classes. His favorite teachers had soothing and calm voices, like the one Vokara Che was using now. It stilled his bitter emotions and brought him to the moment. He would have been annoyed at her tone with him, were it not so nostalgically pleasing. He took a deep unstable breath as he followed her direction. 

He tried to clear his mind of the debris field that had been collecting around him. While he was still aware of the things that afflicted him, they slowly faded to the background as he found his center. 

“Good. Now, allow yourself to see one thing that burdens you. Only one. Notice that it stays a safe distance from you. It cannot harm you.” Her voice became more distant as he became more immersed in the meditation. 

He couldn't help but see Obi-wans helplessly sad and tortured eyes looking up into his, begging for him for mercy. Anakin felt a knife tear through his heart when he remembered the raw desperation in his Masters words _Stop Anakin, please. You're scaring me._

“As you look at what pains you, give it a name.” The guiding voice commanded. 

“Regret.” He croaked, nearly a whisper. Regret for the flaw in his character that made him so vulnerable to act out of anger. Regret for his choice to give in when he should have held back.

“This regret you harbor, follow the string backwards. Where does it stem from?”

He remembered his hands traveling over his Masters body as he begged him to stop, writhing and thrashing against his hold on him. He felt physically ill at the thought. “Me,” he stated as a declaration, to take responsibility for his actions. “I hurt someone out of anger, when they were trying to help me.”

“I see.” Che said with tones of understanding. He couldn't stand her mildness. He hated it. She didn't understand at all. She had no idea how horrible and dangerous he was. If she had known even a fraction of his true nature, she would be getting as far away from him as possible, not sitting here as if he were any normal patient. His aura flared in anger. 

“And how do you feel about yourself within this burden?” She spoke, even softer still. 

What words could he say to accurately describe the depths of his self loathing? How much he detested himself, how he would kill himself if he had any less to loose. “I _hate_ myself,” he said on the edge of a sob. His voice evened out into monotone resignation. “It would be better if I had been killed in that cell.”

“For a moment, forget yourself. Put yourself aside, transcend.”

He tried to follow as he was ordered. As he attempted to cleave himself from his essence, residue stuck to his light like tar. It took great effort but eventually he achieved it. It felt like a breath of fresh air. Like he had been stuck on the smoggy surface of some dirty industrial world, and now he had broken free of the atmosphere. For the moment, he had a new perspective, one that was free of his burdens and attachments. For the first time since their capture, his aura expanded to its usual capacity, filling the entire ship and reaching beyond. He was nothing but an orb of white unyielding light that existed separate from everything but the force its self. 

“Good,” She chided, sounding pleased as how little resistance he was putting up to her direction. As if she had expected him to be more of a challenge. “Now look back at the burden of the regret that Anakin Skywalker carries. What do you see?”

“I see a man drowning under the weight of his pain.” He spoke evenly and observantly. “His pain made him afraid. His fear sparked his anger. So now he and the ones close to him suffer.”

“What does Anakin Skywalker want?”

“He wants to be forgiven. He wants nothing more than to be able to go back and choose a different path.”

“What does he need?”

“To forgive himself.” 

As the words fell from his lips he could feel his light being pulled back into his body and suppressed, as every fiber in himself opposed the words he had spoken. How was he supposed to forgive himself, when Obi-wan had been so badly hurt? There was nothing he could do to change the way things were. He couldn't take back the words or actions. He couldn't stand the thought of allowing himself the luxury of self forgiveness when Obi-wan was undoubtedly suffering from what he had done. Why did he deserve any less misery when he had put Obi-wan through such pain? 

_I don't deserve forgiveness. I deserve to suffer._

Che sensed his retreat back into his skin. Although she was mildly irritated, she did not show it. Anakin had done exceedingly well with their first exercise. She knew it would take time. She was not particularly fond of this kind of healing work, it was not as direct as working with body tissues. Organs and viscera did not resist being put back together- the mind was so much more complex. But of course she would never betray a direct request from the council. She took her orders seriously. This was as much for Anakin's benefit as to her own. It was a lesson in patience that she sorely needed. 

“You have done well, Anakin. Understand this work will take time. Lets meet here again tomorrow at the same time.”

Anakin had been expecting her to drive him on back into the meditation. He _wanted_ to keep on going. He wanted to conquer whatever there was to conquer, fix what they could fix. What else was he going to do around here? He had already dismantled half the ship with improvements recently. Opportunities to tinker were slim.

“Are you sure we shouldn't keep on going?” Anakin asked anxiously as Che rose up from her mat. 

“Anakin, these things cannot be rushed. Although in a short time, you have done much work today. Give yourself time to let it settle in.” She said kindly, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “I will be up in the galley reading if you need me.” She left him there as he still sat poised on his mat.

As she left him there alone another wave of anger threatened to take him over. It was a plague. Why did he have so much of it inside of him? He already knew the answer. He had said it himself. His fear led him to be angry. It was truer than could ever be stated. He had been terrified back on that ship. The shadow of his fear haunted him in every nightmare and flashback, taking him back to that place of powerless shame. 

It was so much easier to be angry than afraid. There was no power in fear. 

Anger was nothing _but_ raw power, unrestrained and untamed. In anger his heart could reclaim what had been taken from him. When he was filled with rage, no one could hurt him- besides _himself._

And how devastating giving into the rage had been.

It was wrong. He hated it. It felt like a disease that turned his spirit black with rot. His anger was an answer to his fear that promised to protect him, that he would never have to suffer at the hands of another ever again. But at what cost? He nearly felt as helpless towards the rage as he did towards his trauma. 

He began to feel restless. He wished there was something to do, but there was nothing. All of this might have been easier if he had the opportunity to get away. He couldn't run any saber drills- the space in the hangar had been too cluttered. He didn't want to meditate on his problems alone, it hadn't turned out well the last time. He wasn't tired or hungry. He wasn't about to strike up conversation with Che. The only other person awake was _Obi-wan._

He felt like it would be selfish to go to him now and tell him how sorry he was. Obi-wan had every right to be hurt, every right to want to be alone, as Anakin imagined he would be. Anakin had no place to go before him and beg forgiveness- it would be outrageous to suggest he deserved it. Had anyone else put their hands on him as he had done, Anakin would have torn them to pieces. But it wasn't someone else who had hurt him, he thought shamefully. _It was me._ Obi-wan shouldn't forgive him. He shouldn't be near to him at all. The only thing he could bring to his beloved master was more pain and suffering.

No, he couldn't go to him. He settled into a meditation instead. Full of restless energy, he picked up the crates in the hangar one by one until they were all suspended. Then he added the speeder, then his fighter, until the only thing settled on the hangar floor was himself. Soon he was no longer touching the floor either. It didn't take much focus or ability, it was more an outlet for his anxiety- a way to keep his mind off of things for a little while at least. If he maintained this for a few hours, he might actually feel worn by the time he had finished.

…....

It was nearing midnight and Padme was still over at Bail's apartment. The two of them had shared more drinks than they could count. Bail had a talent for telling jokes that kept Padme enthralled drink after drink, laughing until she couldn't breathe. With each drink the jokes seemed to get funnier. 

The two of them were sprawled out on the sofa that overlooked the transparisteel window to the vast space beyond. It was beautiful. Somehow even more so under the influence of too much alcohol. She was completely grounded in the moment, not thinking about anything beyond her field of vision. Even though her senses had become skewed, at last, where the sadness had been carving away at her chest felt full and warm. She would most likely come to regret it in the morning with a sharp headache and nausea, but right now she didn't care. 

“Bail,” she placed an unsteady hand on his shoulder to catch the mans waning attention. “Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like, had we never gotten into politics?” She asked him with squinting eyes, a finger pointing towards his chest. “What would _you_ be doing right _now?_ ” Her words were drawn out and slurred at this point.

His tone shifted from jolly to more thoughtful and serious- as serious as one could be with the drawn out distortion to ones words while under the influence of so much alcohol. “There isn't any other life for me. I was born into it, groomed for it. My entire life has been about politics. Even my marriage was a political move.”

“I had no idea,” Padme said overly entrenched by his words, as if he had said the most interesting sentence she had ever heard in her life. 

“That's not to say I regret my path. It is an honor to be able to do what we do.” He said, exclaiming holding a hand to his chest for emphasis. “How many people are in a position to change the lives of trillions of other souls? Who else would you trust with that kind of power?”

“I don't even trust myself with that kind of power, when you put it like that,” She said, returning to a joyful laughter, her head cocked to the side in a drunken manner. “It's _absurd._ ” They began to laugh even harder, as if it had been the joke of the century.

“What- what about you, where would you be?” Bail asked through the trailing end of his cackling.

“I...” She paused, appearing deep in distorted thought. “I suppose I would be back on Naboo, doing what, I'm not sure. I never had any other serious interests other than political science. My parents didn't try to push me, I just happened to take it up naturally.” Padme said, nodding at her own words as if someone else had spoken them.

“Well then I suppose it was fated.” Bail said groggily.

“I suppose so.” Padme said on the edge of a giggle. She squinted at the time for a few seconds attempting to read it. After a few moments she realized how late it had gotten. “Bail it's late, and you're probably tired. I'm afraid I've nearly worn out your generous hospitality,” She said humorously, gesturing grandly with her arm in jest.

“Not possible, my dear.” He said shaking his head, hand over his heart, feigning offense. Shaking his head made him feel dizzy to which he brought his hand to his temples to try and steady his senses. 

“I should go and get some rest,” she said, suddenly feeling the drinks hit her harder than before as the room began to spin uncomfortably around her. Her limbs felt both heavy and light at the same time. Her body was hot to the touch. She didn't think she had ever been so intoxicated in her life. 

“You are hardly in a state to take yourself home. And I am neither fit to take you myself.” He said, still drawing out his words in drunkenness. He was right. If she had been thinking ahead she might have brought a driver to take her home, but she had ever expected to stay so long. One drink had led to another, which led to another. She had been thankful the effects of the drink had canceled out her anxieties.

“I suppose you're right,” She said, becoming slightly nauseous as she nodded her head. “I think I may have had a bit too much to drink.” She said, bringing her hand to her forehead. 

“I'm sorry my dear, it happens to the best of us. I'll get you a glass of water and a stim” He said as he rose, nearly loosing his balance.

“What do I need a stim for? You know I don't take those.” She said, in drawn out words that were beginning to blend in to each other.

“It would help with the spins,” Bail explained. “Are you sure you don't want one?” He squinted at her as if she had said the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. 

“I'd rather not,” She said as she rose from the sofa in an unsteady manner. “I just need to splash some cold water on my face.” 

“As you wish,” He said as he went to the kitchen to fetch two glasses of water. 

Padme moved to the fresher and closed the door behind her, steadying herself against the counter, gripping its edges for support. Moving only made her feel more intoxicated. She was shocked at her appearance, her face flushed and hair disheveled. Turning on the faucet the icy cold water felt wonderful against her skin. She splashed it over her face messily, managing to get it everywhere else as well. Searching blindly beside the sink she found a towel and patted her face dry. Her skin appeared less flushed, but still her cheeks were an embarrassingly rosy color. It was so out of character for her to drink so much, but she didn't have the capacity to care about that. She had earned a break away from her duties and stresses. 

Opening the door to the fresher she moved towards the couch where Bail sat sipping on a glass of water. He had already set one on the table for her as well. 

“Feeling better?” He asked, still visibly intoxicated. 

“Quite,” she said, only partially lying. Her stomach felt better, but the room continued to shift around her. Bail might have developed a tolerance over the years, where she had hardly touched a drop of alcohol her entire life. Although he had been drinking more heavily than she was. The two of them were equally intoxicated. 

“With drinking as in all things, practice makes perfect.” Bail said with a roguish grin and a sinister chuckle. 

“I suppose you have had quite a bit of practice then?” She added as she wobbled closer, holding her arms out for balance as she teetered. 

“Indeed.” He nodded, taking another sip of his water, nearly missing his lips with the glass.

Padme had gotten her foot caught on a leg of the coffee table. Suddenly the room around her shifted in a blur, and she found herself face down in Bail's chest with water spilled all over the two of them. She moved her hands to brace against his shoulders as she tried to right herself, struggling to do so as the last few drinks began to hit her at once.

“I'm so sorry! I'm such a clumsy mess,” she lamented, mortified and embarrassed as much as her drunkenness would allow.

Instead of the mocking retort she expected, looking up at his face he looked shocked and speechless, caught off guard. For a moment she wondered if the glass had hit his head. She moved her hands to his face and drew herself close to him, inspecting him for traces of blood. 

Instead she saw the look of a man who was taken over by desire. 

Suddenly she became acutely aware of how close their lips were. Now, frozen in the lustful gaze of her colleague, she felt naked and confused. If her inhibitions were still intact, she would have immediately rejected her body's provocative suggestions. Now they seemed intriguing and overpowering.

Bail attempted to restrain himself, unwilling to put his hands on her or close the distance between their lips. It was out of character for him to be given into temptation- he was a man of honor. He had always found Padme beautiful and charming but his better judgment had never let him entertain the thought for even a moment. 

Now, as their bodies had been pressed against one another, as Padme had fallen into his arms, he couldn't shake the way she suddenly looked so alluring. The soft glow of her skin, the blush in her cheeks. He tried and failed to stifle the evidence of his arousal that swelled between his thighs.

“Padme,” He whispered as a question, perhaps the semblance of objection. The sound of her name so desperately spoken sent currents of electricity through her body. Without so much as a second thought, or a thought at all, her instincts took over.

She quickly crushed her lips against his, moving herself to straddle his hips. He found himself kissing her back hastily and sloppily, both of them drunkenly uncoordinated as they searched out each others mouths. Intuitively he put his hands on her hips and wandered, feeling the contour of her curves. 

Padme threw back her head, letting out a small moan as she felt his girth press against her own aching loins. She began to grind against him, arching her back. In her intoxicated state, the pleasure that welled up in her felt amplified and left her gasping for air. Each touch sent echos through her body overwhelming her senses. She consisted of only her deepest desires and basest instincts. All other parts of her had drowned in too many drinks. Bails hands continued to wander over her small delicate body. With her leaning back like this he could see her breasts through the drenched fabric of her gown, her nipples hard and pronounced through the cloth. He thumbed over them lightly and she moaned in encouragement. 

She was growing more and more ravenous as each second passed. She needed someone inside of her more than she could ever remember. She returned to kissing him, this time faster and harder, trailing her tongue down his neck and around his ear. “Kriff me,” she begged in a moan, biting at his earlobe. It sent Bail reeling. No one had ever spoken to him like that.

He was speechless as he moved to pull her dress over her head. They continued to explore each others mouths, heaving for air. Bail's arousal ached with need as he noticed her wearing nothing but a trim of lace for panties underneath her dress. As Bail hastily clawed at his pants, Padme moved to kneel on the floor before him and swatted his hands away, clumsily untying the laces that restrained his throbbing manhood. His girth was substantial, she felt herself wet and dripping in anticipation. She took him in her hands and in her mouth, slowly at first. Bail groaned in pleasant surprise as she took an impressive amount of him inside of her before she withdrew to bring him back again. Soon he was dripping wet. She bit her lip as she climbed on top of him, pressing his tip against her entrance. 

As she slowly mounted him, she couldn't stifle the sounds of her pleasure and surprise at how his girth had filled her in a way she had never been before. Already her back was arching, her body alive with waves of pleasure, and he had only just entered her. 

Bail was also caught off guard at how wet and tight she was. She worked herself on top of him in a quick pace, grinding in all the right ways, clenching in all the right places, reducing the man underneath her to pieces. Already she was too close to orgasm. She tried to hold out longer, to stave it off but there was no delaying it as it ripped through her body. She grinned against him as she came, pulsing tightly on the cock that filled her. But she wasn't close to being satisfied yet. She dismounted him and moved to lay on the sofa face down, pulling Bail down on top of her, not a word passing between them- only grunts and moans. 

Bail tried to be gentle as he entered her from behind. Immediately he found a steady rhythm, pulling out just enough to hit her g spot with each thrust. He enjoyed the sensation of bringing so much pleasure to the writhing form that squirmed beneath him. He had never had such an enthusiastic lover in his life. 

Padme's eyes were closed as she drank in the sensation of a body on top of her own, taking her, hands searching out her curves. In her mind she saw Anakin's muscled form working over her delicate frame, his face would be in a beautiful expression of pleasure and desperation. She loved how he could be so rough with her, how he wasn't afraid to handle her body. No other lover she had ever experienced had treated her with such passion. They had all been too afraid to hurt her. She did look delicate on the exterior, but she hated the feeling of being treated as a weaker vessel. She wanted to feel hands rough over her, move her where she was wanted most. Making love to a Jedi could prove to be interesting. Sometimes Anakin would gently force choke her while on the edge of a climax, sending her into heightened waves of ecstasy. He knew how she loved to be handled, and enjoyed giving her the treatment she desired.

“Harder,” she begged in a ragged cry. He quickly complied. He was pounding her hard stem to root mercilessly. Both of them were gasping for air between whimpers and moans. Quickly she was rising to climax again as hands roughly gripped the curves of her hips. This is what it felt like to be wanted. 

“Oh _Ani..._ ”

Only this wasn't Anakin. This was someone else- she had nearly forgotten. Her second climax hit her forcefully as she remembered whose hands were gripping her so desperately, whose length was deep inside of her. Her moans and shivers came with fresh tears pooling in her eyes when she realized what she had done. 

_Oh Anakin...You'll never forgive me._

As Padme came the second time Bail was nearing climax. Typically he wouldn't have lasted so long, but the drinks he had consumed were affecting him in more ways than just one. Padme could feel him hardening inside of her in the quick moment before his orgasm. It made her stomach sick. It only took a few more seconds for him to spill his seed inside of her, as he slammed himself against her violently, grunting low and biting at her shoulders. 

The moments after were uneasy. Bail was still inside of her as he collapsed atop her in a tired drunken heap. Padme felt frozen in shock, the height of her intoxication worn off by physical activity and terror. 

Bail had been so out of it that she thought he must not have noticed when she cried out Anakin's name, or at least he didn't let on that he noticed. Judging from how he was asleep on top of her, she assumed he had missed it. Or so she hoped at the very least. Bail wouldn't be one to spill their secret, but anyone finding out that didn't absolutely need to know was a liability. Even suspicion was to be avoided. They had gone great lengths to make it that way. 

But perhaps none of that mattered now, she thought as she crawled out from underneath her sleeping colleague, repulsed by the semen that leaked out of her. Disgusted with herself that she had allowed this to happen. Surely Anakin would know the next time he laid eyes on her what she had done. If he couldn't sense it in her anxious spirit, he would be able to catch the residual presence of the other man who had been inside of her. 

It had always been uncanny to her that he could come into her apartment and tell her the senators she must have had over, and where they had sat with complete accuracy. He explained it as a residual force presence left behind by the beings that came and went. She imagined with fear what he would do when he realized what she had done. Not only to her, but to Bail. Anakin was very capable of killing in a blind rage. Now not only had she dishonored her marriage but she had put an unsuspecting colleague in danger. 

Padme grabbed her clothing off the floor and went to the fresher to dress herself. Quickly she called a cab to take her back to her own apartment. She felt sick and dirty. She wanted nothing more than to shower, to feel clean. To rid herself of the warm sensation of seed in her womb. Usually it had been a pleasant reminder of the one she loved so dearly. Now it felt like a sick dread, a mockery of her love for Anakin. 

She felt shameful as she climbed into the cab and departed for home. She must have wreaked of alcohol and sex. She could only imagine if a holonet reporter caught her in such a state, her career would be over. Her dress was still damp in the front and her hair was completely disheveled. She felt bare and exposed. She couldn't remember a time in her life she had ever felt so low, so treacherous. She could have explained it away by blaming all of the extra stresses in her life, or waived it off as a temporary lapse in otherwise perfectly good judgment. After all, in essence it was true. She had been unwavering in faithfulness, until now.

In the end she found she couldn't blame anyone but herself. Not her stresses, not the drinking. Certainly not Bail. She had practically forced herself on him at first. She wanted to tear her heart out at the thought. How desperate she must have been to fall so low. Anakin had been everything she had ever wanted. He loved her- truly loved her. He could be possessive at times but she found it flattering, that such a strong Jedi could compromise so much to love her so jealously. He could be irrational and emotional, but it was part of him. Part of the beautiful spark in his eyes that she saw every time he smiled or laughed. And she just threw it all away. 

Finally she arrived home and hurried inside. Like usual C3PO was scurrying after her with his various inquiries and observations. She hadn't heard a word of what he said as she ran to her room and slammed the door behind her. She tore off the dress and undergarment and threw them in the trash. She would never be able to wear them again without thinking of the terrible thing she had just done. 

As she walked into the fresher she didn't dare look in the mirror as she adjusted the shower before she climbed inside. Frantically she cleaned herself all over. She tried to get all that she could. Still it was not enough. She could feel him still. Her belly churned anxiously as she began to wretch the contents of her stomach onto the shower floor. There wasn't much there aside from whatever left over alcohol there was and stomach acid. She kept on heaving until her legs felt weak, as if she could get rid of the sick dread that still lodged its self deep in her belly. She tried and failed. 

After showering until her hands and feet were uncomfortably pruning, she decided to give up the effort. She toweled herself off and collapsed under her bed sheets. Even now, she could smell the feint smell Anakin had left even though his last visit had been several weeks prior. She held his pillow close to her as she cried. Her heart broken in so many wretched pieces.


	22. Naboo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long space voyage, Anakin, Obi-wan, Ahsoka and Che arrive at Naboo.

The remaining days of travel to Naboo were quiet and uneventful. Anakin managed to effectively avoid his Master, not laying eyes on the man or even being in the same room at the same time for the rest of their journey. The level of avoidance was not at all by chance, it had been a calculated effort. Anakin couldn't stand to be reminded of the monster that lurked under the surface of his persona. Those sad steel gray eyes reminded him every time he tried to sleep at night, what he _truly_ was. It was hard enough to quell the flames within himself that were constantly stoked with each aggravating mind healing session Che put him through every day. He didn't want to put Obi-wan in the path of the rage that boiled beneath his skin. It was unpredictable. The only way to be sure it stayed in check was to avoid anything that might trigger it.

Anakin had thought that as the meditations with Che continued, he might find some relief. The pain, the anguish, it was _supposed_ to be getting better. After all they were called mind _healing_ sessions. He thought it was a funny thing to be calling it, since they felt like mental torture sessions. Each time she took him into trance, he saw the same gut wrenching mistake. Each time she guided him to do things that were impossible. Forgiveness. Reconciliation. What a joke. Each session so far had ended in him being pulled from meditation with a sick stomach, and a violent repulsion directed towards himself. 

He wanted to be strong. He tried to cling to some form of hope, some chance that things could get better. He wanted to believe that his brokenness was something that could be fixed. He wanted to be patient, to wait for the sessions to have some sort of positive effect on him. It was hard. Each time their exercise ended he felt so much worse than when they had began. Each time he found more hatred aimed at himself. The hate he felt fueled the rage that burned in his chest, every ounce of loathing turning to caustic anger that ate him up from the inside out. 

He couldn't understand what it was inside of him that made it so easy to target the man he loved so much. The man who loved him without reason or cause. The man who loved him just as he was, never asking him to be any more or any less than himself. Obi-wan had given so much of his heart and soul to him, allowed himself to be vulnerable and bare to him. He may as well have handed Anakin a dagger and invited him to stab him through his heart. 

Usually when things were too hard, when he felt like he couldn't go on, Obi-wan was there to pick him up, dust him off and put him back together again. It had been like that for a long time, nearly as long as he could remember. Anakin was always a mess of emotions, his Master had learned to be patient with him through it all. It was endearing, especially since Obi-wan was not gifted with the virtue by nature. Every bit had been gained through practice- Anakin had provided him with many opportunities to do just that. 

But all of that was gone now. It didn't matter. He couldn't go back and change what he had said. He couldn't take back what he had done, although he spent much time wishing it were so. 

In the midst of all that plagued him, the anger still burned inside. It was all consuming, hollowing him out and leaving only raw pain behind. The pain was not one he could suppress, it begged to be inflicted on others, especially the ones he loved the most. The rage was a mockery of his open heart, the one he freely gave to others. His altruistic nature. All of it was inverted by the black flames that ate away at his soul. All of his regrets and self hatred only fed the rage inside. It felt like a being of its own, something that wasn't his at all. 

It spoke to him, whispering temptation and seduction ceaselessly. It held grand promises, ones that were too good to be true. It told him no one would ever hurt him again, if only he would submit to it's will. He would never have to feel powerless, never have be touched ever again. He could become the most powerful being in the entire galaxy, if only he let himself live up to his potential. 

He tried to ignore it. The fact that those thoughts had even entered his mind had him laden with more shame that his body knew how to feel. It made him scared. He had no clue what he was capable of. All the more reason to keep Obi-wan at bay. 

He was dangerous, no one should be treating him as if he were anything other than deadly. Since no one would ever understand until it was too late, he kept a distance from everyone- especially his Master. He didn't want to have anyone come to understand the sadistic frenzy that threatened to overtake his senses at any given moment. He couldn't live with himself if the darkness took over again. 

He didn't know what he might do if that moment were to arise. He hoped someone would be able to strike him down and kill him, but knew better. No one could overtake him. Even Obi-wan, Che and Ahsoka combined. Drawing from the anger that welled up inside of him, he was capable of cutting each one of them down without so much as a scratch, or a thought of remorse. Not until it was too late anyways. 

He felt more sick at the thought of what he might have done to Obi-wan had he not come to his senses when he did. What had occurred had been unforgivable. What might have occurred even more so. Anakin wished he could get away from it all. From the anger, from the hate, from the unwelcome and intrusive memories of his own torture and away from the terrible remembrance of how he hurt his Master. From the self imposed isolation that gave him too much time to dwell on it all. 

The only place he was going to find relief was at the bottom of a bottle or the high of a spice rush. Neither of those things were accessible to him on the Twilight- usually he would never think of using any sort of drug. Not only were the Jedi encouraged to keep free of mind altering substances, but the spice trade was fraught with the exploits of slavery. Usually just the thought of it would have him feeling disgusted. He hated slavery, hated how people could be used up and thrown away with no rights of their own. It was personal for him, but he had no contempt to spare. He had used it all up in his own self loathing. In the end it was of little importance- there was no way for him to get his hands on any of that where they were going. Were they still on Coruscant it would have been a different story.

Obi-wan continued alternating flight duties with Ahsoka, as they had been since they departed Coruscant. He wanted to meditate, to alleviate his heart of everything that had been weighing him down. He simply couldn't work up the courage to do so. In order to release, he would have to focus on the things that plagued him. The longer he delayed doing it, the harder it became. By the time they had exited hyperspace over Naboo, Obi-wan felt like he was under water. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't feel anything other than the crushing weight over everything coming down on him at once. He felt as if he might collapse under the burden of it all. 

Of course there was a hand full of memories, the sweet moments where they had held each other close, where their hearts had melded into one. It was the height of ecstasy. The most amazing thing Obi-wan had ever experienced in his life. In the absence of their bond, those memories were scored with bitterness and sorrow. Each one a reminder of what once was. Each hour they spent apart from one another was a current pulling them farther and farther apart. Those memories were a curse on his heart, taunting him with the things he desired, the things that were never meant to be. 

Obi-wan felt alone. Most times when he felt so desolate, he would reach into the force. It seemed impossible without Anakin. Nothing would make things better. Nothing could repair or replace the half of his heart that had been ripped out of his chest, leaving him bleeding out and dying. Each day he had been drained a little more. Every moment that passed stole the resolve from his soul until he had been reduced to a mere body that was forced to exist, without purpose. Without a reason to live. He wished he could rise above the heaviness that crushed him down so much, but it was all futile.

He shouldn't have been so reliant on Anakin. He hadn't realized how much he depended on him until he was gone. It added to his shame. The Jedi inside of him told him it was wrong to let it get so out of hand. It was a grievance against not only himself, but Anakin as well along with the entire Jedi order. 

He told him self none of it mattered anymore. He was only remnants of the man he had once was, like a battle torn structure- pieces of himself strewn everywhere- hardly the image of who he had been. The bolt that had ripped through his soul was one of his own design. He still did not have the heart to blame Anakin. It was his own fault. Anakin had relied on him for guidance and instruction. He had been a poor teacher, luring his own beloved Padawan from the integral teachings of the Jedi. Pulling him away to his own ruin. He couldn't help but feel he had been the worst thing to ever happen to Anakin. 

If only Qui-gon were still alive. He surely wouldn't have made the same mistakes that he had. He was glad Qui-gon couldn't see him now. Surely he would have been deeply ashamed of how far he had fallen. He had trained him better than this. He should have been better for his Master, if not for any one else. It felt like his failure was a disrespect to his Masters memory. His guilt only felt even more impossible at the thought of it. 

Ahoska had been purposefully silent during the last bit of their journey. She could feel the divide between her Masters. It was as real and obvious as the floor beneath her feet, or the air in her lungs. She didn't bother to ask either of them about it. It wouldn't have earned her any more than a stern look of offense and more silence. It was not typical for her to be so patient. If her Master had been attentive to her, he would have commended her on her efforts. But she had not seen Anakin since he had awoken, aside from walking past each other in the corridors of the ship. She could sense whatever it was, it would be better left to run it's course. At least they had Che, she could handle it. Perhaps they would listen to her. Ahsoka being the Padawan, wouldn't get the same results. 

Mostly she spent her time in a light meditation. It was never her favorite activity, but it won over being painstakingly bored the entire time. She tried not to worry about what was stewing between her Masters. It wouldn't serve her to do so. It did take a significant effort to stay in the background, to not make a fuss. It was not a natural state for her.

She couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed. She certainly was feeling underestimated. After everything she had accomplished, all of her feats in battle, all of her good judgment calls, they still treated her like she was a youngling. Even after she saved their own skins on more than one occasion. She didn't want them to thank her, she wanted recognition. She wanted them to see her for the Jedi she was becoming. She did owe all she was to her Master, she was not egocentric about the source of her growth. She was grateful to have such wonderful teachers. She only wanted to be seen for what she was, not for who she used to be. 

But her Master was so wrapped up in his own troubles that he couldn't see her. Even Obi-wan was distant and jaded. She assumed it all had to do with what had happened when they had gotten themselves captured. Still she could only guess at what had happened, and even guessing she still had no clue. The council should have told her more. But they underestimated her, too. 

Past her own annoyance, she did feel for her Masters. She didn't like them to be in such sorry states. She had never seen Obi-wan so low in her entire life. Although Anakin was typically more emotional than most, she didn't think he had ever been so hurt. At least not since she had been his Padawan. She wanted to help them, but it was impossible when they pushed her so far away. She felt for them, but couldn't help feeling some resentment as well. 

She was in the dark with everything, and basically her hands were tied. They might as well have brought a droid along in her stead to pilot the ship and spare her the misery of trying to piece the unending mystery together. Master Windu had charged her with making sure Anakin was okay. So far she felt like she was doing a terrible job. If only she knew more, she might have been able to turn the tides. But she knew nothing. 

When they had dropped out of hyperspace, Obi-wan was at the helm. He announced their arrival over the ship-wide com. Only a few moments later Ahsoka was on the bridge with him, peering out through the transparisteel viewport over the beautiful planet below. She had been frustrated with them, but now that they had arrived a new wind had picked up her sails. She was glad to get off that miserable ship. They had been cramped up too long. Being in such a small space for so long was no doubt contributing to the misery that permeated the ship. 

Ahsoka's joyful demeanor was a different shade compared to the monotone silence she had been practicing. The contrast of her happiness felt off to Obi-wan. He felt bad for feeling that way, but couldn't help it. His own sadness had become all consuming, that anything else just felt- wrong. Ahsoka paid little attention to his sorrow, perhaps through effort, perhaps through ignorance. He didn't know which. 

Although he couldn't deny the fact that the idea of getting off of that ship was a good one. It gave a certain measure of relief, as much as he was able to feel relieved through the burden of his sins and misgivings. 

“How long do you think it will take for the Sith to come and find us, Master?” She asked innocently, effectively hiding her ulterior motive beneath her question.

She felt a drop in his spirit, as if he could sink any lower. Obi-wan was surprised that he had nearly forgotten the reason for this journey through is misery. 

“I prefer not to think about it. Speculation is only distraction.” As he spoke he noticed his voice creaking. He remembered it had been several days since he had spoken a word at all. He hadn't even noticed until now. How many things were out of his scope of awareness? His suffering was all he could see. It was blinding him to the simplest things. It was a dangerous distraction. The thought was a jolt of adrenaline to his system. He couldn't afford to be so distracted. Not now. Not while they were the bait for a Sith trap. Anakin had been already so hurt by his own selfishness. This would be just another oversight on his part, another grievance towards his former student. With all that he had done against Anakin's well being, he owed it to him to do his very best to protect him from the imminent Sith attack that would ensue. It was the very least he could do. 

Ahsoka observed the changes in her Grand Masters aura as he spoke, and the interesting undulations that followed. Another piece to the puzzle. Still it didn't reveal much- not on its own. Obi-wan had impenetrable shields. But her comment had frightened him. She could see him at a higher level of awareness now, perhaps even _anxious._ He clearly had been distracted. She didn't think he could have forgotten the reason they were here in the first place. If that _was_ the case, his awareness was gravely encumbered. She chose to suspend her thoughts on if for now. Obi-wan had been right about one thing- speculation _was_ a distraction. A dangerous one at that. 

Obi-wan moved to cycle the landing sequence as they made for landfall. Ahsoka dismissed herself from the bridge and went to the hangar. The sooner she could get off of the ship, the better. Che and Anakin were waiting in the bay when she arrived. Her master was solemnly grim. If she didn't know any better she would think he was headed off to meet his death, for all the gloom that hung about his aura. His shields, as always, were buttoned down tightly. 

She didn't need to see behind them to know the gist of what was going through his mind. His body language spoke of great pain and shame. She had the feeling it was directed towards himself. Her heart felt a twinge of sorrow for her Master. She wanted to reach out and hug him, tell him it was all going to be alright. He was her mentor, her guide. Whatever it is he was torturing himself with, she knew he didn't deserve it. He couldn't. He could be intense and given to emotions, but he was the most loving person she had ever met even though he hid it at times. Ahsoka had come to know the person he was, through the cryptic mask he shroud himself in, she knew the truth of him. The truth was that he was more able to love and understand than any other Jedi ever could. It was a unique trait in the order, one that could be considered a rebellion of the code. She didn't care what the council said, she thought he was better for it. 

She looked over at him, contemplating what she might say to ease his burden. There had to be _something_ she could say to make him smile. He hadn't teased her in some time. If he sent a little jab her way, she would know things would be alright. The moment she moved to open her mouth, as if he heard her thoughts, Anakin glanced down at her and away again. His arms were crossed over his chest defensively, but his expression was woven with anger and shame. If she didn't know any better she would have thought he was furiously disappointed with her. It took every bit of understanding in her to not take it personally, although it still stung. She couldn't help but be affected by the way he treated her. He was the closest thing to family she had aside from Master Plo. 

Vokara Che must have sensed the change in her demeanor. She turned her head towards her giving a kind smile that Ahsoka returned- although she did not feel it in her heart. She just wanted everyone to get better, and for everything to go back to normal. She wondered if it was even possible. Finally they had landed and the ramp lowered, revealing the jewel colored hues of the lake country that sprawled out before them. There was a delicately ornate structure in the distance. She figured it was Senator Amidala's summer residence that they had been speaking of. It truly was a sight to behold. It looked less like a dwelling and more like a palace. For a few moments as she walked down the ramp and into the soft tall grass, she had forgotten everything else other than the beauty that surrounded her. It was a breath of fresh air that had been sorely needed. 

Anakin sauntered off the ramp behind Ahsoka and Che. He should have been happy to get off the ship. After all, now he could find some solitude. It didn't help that they were in his wife's residence. He wished he could still love her. In ways he did. But it would never compare to what he had shared with Obi-wan. With his Master he had experienced a deeper connection than he thought possible with anyone. He wished he could feel guilty about it, he knew he ought to. But he couldn't. It was hardly relevant anymore- he had pushed Obi-wan away. He needed to stay away for his own safety. Aside from the burning in his heart, he didn't feel much of anything other than a general hatred for his own person. Even the beauty of the lake country couldn't brighten his outlook. Slowly the three of them headed for the structure ahead.

Obi-wan eyed them as they headed off into the distance. Once they were far enough away he wandered out as well. As he meandered through the grass, he smoothed his hand over the tips of the blades. They were soft and sweet smelling. The way the setting sun hit the water and bounced back made all the foliage look unnaturally green, and beautifully so. It almost seemed like paradise. If only he had the heart to truly enjoy it. 

By the time he had gotten to the villa the others had already made their way inside. Ahsoka was no doubt exploring the various rooms, searching for the one she liked the most to claim as her own. Che had already set up in a room and was now unpacking various tools, herbs and crystals. Obi-wan froze when he saw Anakin on the veranda, looking out over the plains. He saw his former students posture stiffen, aware of his Masters presence. Obi-wan felt wrong. He wanted to shake off the way he needed him so badly. He couldn't. One by one he peeled his feet from the floor and made his way to the room that he would use during their stay. 

The sun had nearly set. Obi-wan had settled on a room and promptly fell to the floor. He didn't have the energy to sit in a disciplined pose. He was sprawled out lazily against the rear wall of his room with the door shut. At last he was in a place where he didn't have to try and act as if he were okay. He was alone now. A stray tear fell down his cheek as he let himself lower his defenses. His chest throbbed with regret. 

Had he not been so absorbed by his own pain, he would have sensed Che walking towards his room. Instead when she knocked he nearly yelped in surprise. Hurriedly he wiped his face dry and fixed his robes before answering the door. 

Che had an amused expression on her face. He couldn't understand what for. “Master Kenobi, might I have a word?” She spoke in a tone of annoyance, although he could tell she tried to hide it. 

“Yes, yes of course. Come in.” He motioned for her to enter the room, then quietly closed the door behind them. He was nervous. What was it she wanted to talk about? Had she seen something, noticed something? _Oh force, does she know about us?_ He instantly felt foolish for thinking there was still an _'us'_ to even speak of. Yet still, they couldn't afford anyone figuring out what had transpired between them, even after it was over. 

Before Obi-wan could offer her a place to sit, or settle down himself, she spoke. “I'll get right to the point, Kenobi. Anakin is trying very hard in his mind healing sessions, but something is holding him back.”

 _Oh no..._ He tried to hold back his panic from escaping, he couldn't tell if it worked.

He furrowed his brow in concern as he usually would, were he met with unpleasant news. “What do you think is the matter?”

She gave him a look of chastisement. “Master Kenobi, I believe you know better than I what the matter is.” His heart stopped in his chest. He prayed his true emotions were not steeping out of him. He hoped she wasn't speaking of what he thought she might be suggesting. 

“I... I don't know what to say...” He began to shy away from her gaze, nervously fidgeting with the edges of his robe. 

Che brought a maternal softness into her voice. “ _Obi-wan._ Whatever Anakin did to hurt you, he's suffering for it. You need to go to him. He cannot forgive himself. Its eating him from the inside out.” 

_Oh, so that's what this is about._ Kenobi drew a deep breath in relief, but embarrassment took over where the fear once gnawed at him. Still he found himself lost for words. Now he felt like a youngling. She shouldn't have to be counseling him on this.

“Until the matter is settled, he will not get any better. While he carries this burden, his other wounds fester and become worse.”

Obi-wan felt like someone twisted a knife in his gut. How was it he seemed to keep on hurting the man he loved, when he only wanted the best for him? It seemed like a cruel joke. “I- You're right. I'm sorry.” He spoke with his head bowed and his hand at his temples. How shameful, being caught in such an obvious mistake. He should have seen it. He was blinded by his emotions yet again. It seemed after a life time of suppressing them, he didn't know what to do, or how to live with them. 

“Obi-wan,” She placed a hand softly on his shoulder. “I _know_ you are hurting, too. What happened back on that cruiser when you were captured- I know it must have been terrible to have such an effect on you both. I'm here if you need me. I think you would benefit greatly from a few mind healing sessions. I highly recommend it.”

He squirmed a bit under the suggestion. “Thank you Master Che. I will consider it.”

“In any case, Anakin will fare much better when the two of you make amends. He depends on you far more than you realize.” Vokara Che moved to excusing herself with a nod, as she closed the door behind her. 

Obi-wan thought he must have stopped breathing, since he found himself feeling light headed and out of breath as she left the room. It had been too close of a call. She hadn't known anything, but he nearly gave himself away. If it were not for his valid excuse to be a bit traumatized, she would have caught onto him. Nothing like this could be allowed to happen again. 

Obi-wan was so shaken that it took him a moment for what Che said to sink in. Anakin was suffering, feeling terribly. For her to tell him it must have been significant. She would not have said so otherwise. The way he had been avoiding him so should have warned him as much, if he could get out of his head enough to pay attention. But he had been avoiding him, too. 

What was it that Che said? Anakin couldn't forgive himself. It was eating him from the inside out. It would have been so obvious had he not been so self absorbed. _Oh Anakin..._

Partially he felt worse for it. Not only was Anakin his crutch, but he for him as well. Obi-wan wished he could go back to that night and change everything. That one moment of carelessness caused so much ruin. But going back was impossible. Even if he did, he knew his feelings for Anakin would never have changed. Somewhere along the line, he was bound to break eventually. It was unavoidable, something written on the very fabric of the universe- fated. What he felt for Anakin was something beyond himself entirely.

So what could he do now? Che had practically ordered him to go and mend things. His skin felt hot and overly sensitive at the thought as his anxiety peaked. Anxious of what exactly? He wasn't quite sure. Maybe it was the rage that could ensue. It was most likely the thought of making up that brought him apprehension, and the things that would follow...

It didn't have to be that way, or so he tried to tell himself. He could console him while staying at a friendly distance. It didn't have to get heated, the way things had a tendency of getting between the two of them these days. The Jedi within told him this was the best path of action. Other parts of him were whispering erotic suggestions that threatened to dominate his intentions. 

He was conflicted in more ways than just one. The darkness in Anakins eyes as he moved in on him was fresh in his mind. It frightened him, how he felt so different in that moment. It felt like someone else had stolen the body of the man he loved and taunted him with it. Logic dictated that it was the same man. His heart couldn't believe it, and longed to be held his arms, longed to adore him and ravish him. The Jedi within told him that he was wrong to be feeling any of it. The part of himself that was merely a man told him it was the only thing in his life that had ever truly mattered. 

He stood there frozen for a while, divided within himself. He had to go to him- it wasn't up for debate. If he didn't, Che would know. She would come with more questions. Maybe even uncover his forbidden desires. 

He reached out to sense Che already fast asleep in her quarters, and Ahsoka doing the same. He was afraid to reach out to Anakin, he would most certainly notice. He didn't know if that would be better or worse. It definitely would deter him from working up the nerve to see him. He couldn't afford himself the luxury of staying in his comfort zone. Although he had to admit he hadn't been in his comfort zone for many weeks now. This was more a matter of diving into the deep end of uncomfortable territory. 

He wasn't ready, but he knew he never would be. He did the only thing he could do- put one foot in front of the other, taking step after step, only allowing himself to focus on the present moment. His heart had been pounding the entire time despite his efforts. By the time he found himself outside of Anakins door he had become uncomfortably sweaty. Even his hands were more than damp. He wiped them on his robes before knocking lightly on the door. 

There was no response, only silence. Not even a stirring or rustling of sheets. Hesitantly he reached out. He could sense Anakin awake in his room. He weighed his options. If he came in without invitation he risked sparking the rage that he had met with last time he had overstepped. He could feel that familiar fire burning in him through the force, any one who felt his presence would be able to sense the same. Anakin wasn't trying to hide it at all. It almost seemed like a warning, something to ward off anyone who might try to disturb him. 

Obi-wan took a shaky breath and after wiping his palms dry again, he turned the knob to the door open trying to stay as quiet as possible as if making any noise would bring down catastrophic consequences. 

He cast his eyes downwards as he closed the door behind him in the cautionary manner. After a few moments he let his eyes rove over the room, finding Anakin standing at the balcony looking out over the darkened landscape, hands drawn behind him. 

“You shouldn't be here Obi-wan.” He spoke, still facing the darkness beyond. 

“Anakin, we should talk.” He tried to sound like his old self; strong, assured, gentle. Obi-wan thought he sounded like a scared child instead. His voice trembling, giving his insecurities away. 

“There's nothing to talk about. You need to leave.” Anakin's sternness sounded forced.

Obi-wan took steps towards him, finding untapped strength. Anakin's posture hardened. “Anakin you know that's not true.” As he came closer to him, his eyes fell over those dreaded scars that had formed on his arms and neck. 

Suddenly Obi-wan felt his apprehension fall away as he remembered the hell they had been through. He didn't want to see Anakin for his trauma, and really, he didn't. But that didn't change the reality of what had happened. It had changed him. It had changed the both of them in different ways. So here they stood, broken from it.

But he understood now. He remembered the darkness in his eyes, the way he had loomed over him with mal-intent. It wasn't him, it never was. It was Maul, the residue of him. The part of him that he had forced onto Anakin as he thrashed and screamed against it. It was the expression of all that had been wrought upon his flesh and soul. He saw the shame of it weighing on him. His slow pace quickened as he found his resolve. His heart aching for it's other half, begging to be reunited. All doubts dissolved, changed into duty. Their love was sacred. No matter how hard it was, no matter what they might face, nothing would change the fact that they belonged together. How foolish he had been to ever think otherwise.

Right as Obi-wan was about to place a hand on his shoulder, Anakin turned to face him, only inches away from his face. He wore the face of a man tortured by too many horrors. “If you knew what was good for you, you would stay away from me. _Very_ far away.” He tried to look menacing, but Obi-wan saw what lie beneath his words. It wasn't malice. It was pain. 

Obi-wan studied his face with empathy and sadness, reaching a hand up to hold the man's cheek. “Oh dear one, don't you know you can never keep me away?” A single tear fell from his glossy blue eyes, his mask slowly breaking. 

The flames that had consumed Anakin's soul began to dissipate. Everything they had touched turned to bitter sorrow. He wanted to push his Master away, to keep him afraid. But the anger that had fueled him was gone. He felt more empty than he ever had. His shame was too much. How could Obi-wan be so kind when he had hurt him? Betrayed his trust? He still remembered the look of undiluted fear on his Masters face as he had moved in on him, taunting him. Now those same eyes held nothing but love and forgiveness. It broke him.

“I- I'm sorry Master...” Anakin let out strangled whispers before he broke into sobs. Obi-wan was quick to hold him, pulling his head to rest on his shoulder as Anakin clung to him tightly in return.

“ _Shhh._ I know, I know. Its' alright.” Obi-wan felt sorry for his beloved, but he also enjoyed being able to comfort him like this. It wasn't that he liked seeing Anakin so torn up, but he liked the feeling of being able to console him. He wanted to be there for him. He wanted to be his everything. 

Anakin was mumbling into his shoulder a string of words that Obi-wan couldn't quite make out, aside from the words _I'm sorry_ repeating over and over again in his sob strained voice. 

“No more of that. It's all in the past. Right now is all that matters.” Obi-wan spoke softly into Anakin's golden curls, although it didn't help as much as he had hoped. Gently he guided him over to the sleeper where they curled up against one another. As Obi-wan held him against his chest, cradling him in his arms, Anakins crying slowly let up. By the time he had quieted the front of Obi-wan's tunic had been soaked in tears. 

All of the turmoil Obi-wan had felt from being distanced from Anakin felt distant, like it never happened. Their love was so much that it transmuted everything else when they were together. Minuets blended into hours as they held each other. Time had a habit of becoming obscure when they tangled up in one another. Right now neither of them really cared. It was late, or perhaps it was early. The sun had not yet risen which meant they still had some time to spend before they had to go about the day and act like Jedi knights. Right now they could simply be lovers. It was always so much simpler that way. 

Anakin slowly regained his emotional footing, as if Obi-wan was the cure to his unkempt internal state. He was still deeply ashamed of how he had acted out, how he had been so hurtful and violent. He was grateful that Obi-wan seemed to have unending patience for his blunders and struggles, even when it was at his own expense. He didn't understand it, but knew enough to accept it. He felt that if the tables were turned, he would be doing the exact same thing. Love didn't have to make sense for it to be real, and he knew their love was the most authentic thing he had ever experienced. Still he felt guilty. Though there _was_ something he thought he could do to alleviate it. He felt embarrassment and a slight fear at the thought.

There was a string of words he wanted to say, but he felt unable to speak. His heart pounded in his ears at the prospect of even bringing it up. Obi-wan could feel his apprehension loudly.

“What is it, my love? You can talk to me about anything. Please don't be shy.” Although if Obi-wan was being honest, he thought Anakins shyness was absolutely adorable. After everything that they had been through together, after everything they had done, the fact that he could still make the beautiful man in his arms blush was intoxicating. He tried to drown out his arousal that stirred in response. It was a loosing battle, just as it always was.

Anakin nuzzled closer into his Masters chest before he spoke in an attempt to avoid having to look in Obi-wans eyes. His intense gaze would only make it harder to say what already felt impossible to voice. “I... it's just... Before, when I said all those things... I don't want you to feel bad for feeling the way you do-”

“Anakin you already said sorry. I already accepted your apology. There's no need to rehash it all. I meant what I said when I told you it's all in the past.”

“But Master, it's not that...” Anakin trailed off, stomach lurching at the thought of speaking the words that were jumbled up inside of him. 

Obi-wan ran his free hand through Anakin's messy curls. “Then tell me, what is it?”

There was a silence between them as Obi-wan tried to be patient. He could have guessed at what Anakin was trying to say, he could feel as much through their bond, but he restrained himself and waited patiently as he could for Anakin to speak. 

“Was I wrong to think... Do- do you really want me that way?” The words sounded absurd to Anakin as they fell from his lips. His face became hot and red. He was _very_ thankful to hide from his Masters knowing gaze.

Obi-wan felt flushed in response to Anakin's question, even though he had been assuming the nature of what he wanted to talk about. To hear him allude to it felt different, it stirred him in ways he hadn't expected. It left him a bit speechless, but craving more. 

“I want you in _all_ ways.” Obi-wan said gently, planting his lips on the crown of his head. 

“Ah, well... I, uh...” Anakin blanched in hearing his Master confess the extent of his desire for him. However, it didn't make what he had to say any easier. He was a tad bit frustrated, he wished Obi-wan would just catch on to his meaning already. Either he hadn't or he was going to make him spell it out. So he stumbled on his words trying to find the ones that he needed. 

“I love you, Master. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life... The things that you want... I want those same things. I feel safe with you, Obi-wan. You're the only person who really gets me... I know you would never hurt me.” Obi-wan felt a shiver run down his spine as his body and mind came alive. He could feel Anakin trembling in his arms from the fear that came with his vulnerable admission. Still, he played naive. He wanted to hear him say it. 

“What do you mean?” Obi-wan spoke softly, trying to sound puzzled.

Anakin still tremored from the gravity of his words, still huddled up against his Master's chest. “I want you to take me how you want. I want you inside of me... _If_ that's what you want.” He spoke small and quiet, ashamed of his desires, and even more ashamed of asking him like this. 

Obi-wan was frozen, suddenly he found himself not breathing. Yes, he had wanted him like that for a long time. So many times he had fantasized about it, longed for it, but now, he was asking for it. His body was ready. He wanted him _now._ But there was a voice in the back of his mind, one that saw objectively, past the heat of the moment- his voice of reason.

“Anakin, I don't want you to feel you have to do something to please me, especially if you aren't ready. You don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with to try to make me happy. Holding you here in my arms like this, being together, that's what I've always wanted more than anything. Everything else can wait until the time is right.”

Anakin listened to his words silently. Obi-wan could tell he wasn't ready. If Anakin was being honest with himself, he knew he wasn't. But he _wanted_ to be. Part of it was to conquer what had been done to him. He wanted to be able to enjoy making love that way without feeling abused and violated. He knew his Master would be gentle- he liked the idea of Obi-wan taking him. He felt like if he could open up to him that way, he wouldn't be so tortured by the memories of being brutalized. But there was a darker side to it- he felt like he owed it to him, which made him feel even worse. He felt like if he gave Obi-wan what he wanted, he wouldn't have to feel guilty any more. But Obi-wan just wanted to be with him. He didn't expect anything in return, he never did. 

Obi-wan could feel it through their bond, the stir of guilt in Anakin's heart. The shame. The desire to be whole. It make him feel sick. He moved his hand under Anakins chin gently to bring the mans glossy blue eyes to meet his own. “You don't owe me anything, my love. Please never think that you do.”

Suddenly Anakin was overcome with shame. He didn't know what to feel, or how to feel. He felt like he had barred a vulnerable part of himself only to be rejected. He knew it wasn't that way, and that Obi-wan just wanted the best for him. The gesture of it made his heart sing to know that the man he had given his heart to truly cared for him so much, in such a selfless way. It was a bitter sweet sting that resonated in his heart uncomfortably as a few tears returned to fall from his swollen eyes. 

“I want to be ready, I want it so much... I'm just so... _broken._ I don't _know_ how to fix it. I try and I try, I don't know what to do.” Anakin furrowed his brow as delicate strings of tears fell down his face.

Obi-wan moved his hand to delicately wipe the tears from his face. “We'll figure it out together,” he said seriously, looking deeply into the pools of blue.

There was another sting of guilt that lanced through Anakins heart. “I don't deserve you, Master. I've never done _anything_ to deserve you.”

Obi-wan disagreed. Instead of saying so, he pressed his lips against Anakins. It was gentle and soft, slow. He let Anakin lead the pace, not smothering him as he wanted to do, but giving Anakin control over everything. Obi-wan had been learning patience and restraint his whole life, although it never was an easy practice. It required a special level of self control in this moment. His whole body was screaming with need, but his desires were secondary.

Anakin gently withdrew from the kiss, gazing up lovingly into his Masters eyes. His heart was on fire for the man who loved him so much. The man who held him in his arms. “You're right. I'm not ready now. But I do want it, Master. I want it so much.”

Obi-wan put a hand on his face gently brushing his cheek. “It's okay. You don't have to be ready now. When you are ready, I want it to be all about you and what you want. What you need.” Obi-wan spoke in a gentle, yet sultry whisper. His words sent Anakin's mind reeling in anticipation. Suddenly he became acutely aware of his erection as it ached with need. Shifting he felt Obi-wans member brush against his own, each one of them giving small gasps of pleasure from the contact. 

Without a word Obi-wan moved to gently untie Anakin's leggings. Anakin moved more hastily than his Master, fumbling with Obi-wans front ties until he had managed to free him from them. They moved to stroke each other, both of them leaking generous amounts of precum that had already stained their undergarments. 

They struggled to stay quiet, not wanting to awake anyone and rouse suspicion. After all, Che and Ahsoka were on high alert waiting for the Sith to arrive. It would have been hard enough to explain them sleeping in the same bed together. If they were caught touching each other like this, there would be no need to explain. Both of them would be expelled from the order. Somehow the precarious position they were put in only made them want each other more. 

Their bodies were pressed close as they both neared orgasm, foreheads touching, their lips brushing each other. Their moans were breathy, and increasingly harder to stifle as the moments drug on. Anakin desperately pulled his hand through Obi-wans hair, crushing their lips together as they frantically explored each others mouths. Obi-wan came first, a deep satisfied grunt escaping into their kiss. Anakin came only seconds later, letting out a small whimper as he broke free from their kiss, gasping for air. 

They lie there for a moment, covered in the evidence of their mutual pleasure, slowly catching their breath, exchanging smiles and small giggles. Without finding the energy to rise from the sleeper, Obi-wan reached out through the force, bringing a towel from the fresher to his hand. He began cleaning the two of them. 

Anakin chuckled in feigned disbelief. “Master! The force should not be used so frivolously. Surely your Master taught you better that _that._ ”

Obi-wan smiled back. “The irony is not lost to me, dear one. At the moment I'm too exhausted to care about silly rules.” As he finished cleaning them up, he pulled the covers over the both of them. 

“Master, if you don't go back to your room, it will be hard explaining why you're in my bed in the morning.” Anakin spoke with a whimsical smile at the corners of his mouth. 

He may have been smiling, but Anakin was right. Obi-wan should have cared more, but all he wanted to do was curl up next to his love and fall asleep. “How can I just leave you here like this to sleep all alone?” He would have to leave soon. “At least a few more minuets.” He said, shifting to be as close to Anakin as possible. 

Anakin loved being so adored, loved the way Obi-wan looked at him with such longing and lust in his eyes. He didn't want this moment to end. It was times like these, where nothing else mattered. In the morning they would have to resume their usual business, and prepare for the imminent Sith attack. Even with the knowledge of it, it didn't concern him. Not now, not when he and his Master were so perfectly wrapped up in each others arms. Everything else could wait, if only for a few more hours.


	23. Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin, Obi-wan, Che and Ahsoka spend their first day on Naboo. Palpatine sends Senator Amidala out on a mission in his stead.

Padme felt sick to her stomach. She hadn't left her apartment in over two days. She had barely even left her bedroom, let alone her bed. She had work to be doing, she really couldn't afford to be letting herself slack off. It wasn't that she hadn't tried to work, she simply couldn't get herself to find any sort of focus. Bail did call her after her first day of absence in the senate, seeing if she was alright. It had been an uneasy conversation, neither of them brought up what had happened between the two of them. He had accepted her excuse of illness and left it at that, wishing her a speedy recovery.

She had wondered if he even remembered at all, but figured he had to. He must have been as mortified as she was. After all he was married _and_ it was public knowledge. To everyone's understanding she was single. Bail must have been wondering why she was shutting herself away when it seemed she had nothing to loose from their brief encounter. He had to of known she wasn't truly sick, or at least not in the conventional sense.

She spent the whole of the last two days obsessing over her transgression. What if he remembered what she had said? Chances were he did, and was too embarrassed himself to bring it up or express being upset about it. More likely than not he was trying to forget it all together, just as she was. After all, how bothered could he be about her calling out another man's name when he was married, too? He was probably more preoccupied with his own shameful infidelity to really worry about whether she had been fantasizing about another man while they were together.

She tossed and turned, stomach wrenching at each thought. She wished she could just die. It would have been less torturous. But she didn't deserve any relief from her self induced suffering.

It was nearly midday when C3PO interrupted her in the middle of her endless ruminating. She groaned and tossed to the side, throwing a pillow over her head so perhaps whatever the meddlesome droid had to say could be ignored. Or perhaps he would get a clue and see she didn't want to be bothered. It wasn't very likely either of those things would happen. 

“I'm terribly sorry to bother you mistress, but Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is on the com awaiting your response. He says it's _terribly_ urgent.” C3PO prattled on anxiously as he always did. Usually it wouldn't have been so vexing. Right now his voice was like sandpaper against her nerves. What he was saying even more so.

There was no way she could refuse the Chancellor. It could even be viewed as a treasonous offense, although not blatantly outright. It certainly wouldn't help her in any case to ignore the man. 

“Alright Threepio. I'll be right there,” she croaked from under the pillow. As soon as he left her room she sprung up quickly, dressing herself to look somewhat presentable. She flew to the fresher to fix her hair and wipe off the smudged makeup that had been stained on her face from days ago. Donning one of her clean dresses she rushed to the com. Her heart was pounding uncomfortably in her ears. 

_Oh I do hope this will be brief._

“Chancellor, what can I do for you?” She asked, trying as best she could to put on her public face, and not appear too out of breath from the mix of anxiety and rushing around. She wondered if it was more convincing than she felt it was. She hoped so.

“Ah! Padme, so good to see you. I hope you are beginning to feel better?” He spoke kindly, acting genuinely happy to see her. That was never a good sign. She had a feeling he was about to ask her to do something. She didn't want to leave her apartment, let alone run errands for the Chancellor. 

“I am starting to feel better, yes, although I must confess I am still quite under the weather.” She spoke, willing herself to project a persona that felt foreign and wrong to her tortured soul. At least her coarse voice worked for her in this regard, it would make her illness believable. Still, she felt as if everyone who looked at her might see right through her, into the heart of who she really was. In every face she saw, she felt her own shame reflected back at her. 

As if the Chancellor could see the dance of emotions behind her placid expression, his face looked slightly amused only for a second before he returned to his sympathetic discourse. _I must be paranoid,_ she thought. Now her insecurities were coming to life before her very eyes. Her shame was indeed making her ill. _Mentally ill._ She felt even worse at the prospect. Her churning anxieties threatened to break the dam of her practiced mask as she dwelt on it. “My dear Senator, since you are unwell, I will get to the point. I am in need of your help.” 

_Of course. Just spit it out already._ “I am gladly at your disposal. What is it that you need?”

“I'm afraid I have over extended myself. I was scheduled to speak at a peace summit in Theed, but due to current circumstances I will be unable to leave the capital. I had hoped you might go in my stead. I couldn't think of anyone I trusted more than you to carry out the task.” He wore that face he always did when he was asking too much. Sad, tired eyes. However he had always been an ally, even back before the Clone Wars when she was acting Queen of Naboo, he had been one of her most trusted advisers. He had been her only ally in the senate when the trade federation had blockaded her planet. The only one who stood up for her when they were being bullied into submission.

If he had been asking her a few days ago, she would have been overjoyed at the chance to go to Naboo. She would be able to visit Anakin while she was there. Now the idea made her feel _terrible,_ as if going to Naboo was the worst possible place to be. Right now, it was. She tried not to show her displeasure. Truly she had no _valid_ reason to decline his request. Any assumed illness someone might think she had would surely clear up in the time it took to travel to Naboo. Still, she wanted to say no.

“Of course, Chancellor.” She said, bowing her head, simulating a casually cordial demeanor. Trying to disguise the churning in her stomach that threatened to throw her into another bout of dry heaves. 

Palpatine smiled grandly, gesturing thankfully with his hands. “Splendid, splendid! I'm afraid you must leave tonight if you are to arrive in time. Shall I send a guard to accompany you?”

“No, that's quite alright. I don't think that will be necessary. I'm sure Captain Typho will insist on taking it on personally.” She said as much not just to avoid more traveling companions, but it was true. Gregar had always been quite protective of her. She knew it was more than just overt loyalty to his former Queen. Typho had lusted after her for quite some time. He was too much of a gentleman to chase her, he took to admiring her from afar instead. However whenever the occasion arose that she needed a guard detail, he had always been insistent on leading the group himself. It was an endearing way of showing his dedication and admiration for her. 

“If you insist.” He said with a disagreeing look, quickly returning to a grateful smile. “I must thank you again, Senator Amidala. I am in your debt.” He said it as if there was a standing tally between the two of them. He was the Chancellor, he knew no one would ever deny him a favor, especially such a trivial one such as speaking at a summit. It really was a small task.

“Truly, Senator Palpatine, it's not an object between old friends.” She said, feigning equality between them where there was none.

“Ah, you flatter me, Senator. Well I will bid you adieu.” He moved to close the link then hesitated, turning back towards her with a sly smile. “I do hope you are feeling better, soon.”

“Thank you, Chancellor.”

The blue holo-figure blinked out as the transmission ended. She could try to hide from her duties, but in the end it was futile. It was not as if staying permanently locked up in her apartment was an option. It was inevitable someone would pull her out of the safety of her home on some business sooner or later. She just hadn't expected it to be so soon. She should have known better.

 _The time for self pity is over,_ she thought as she moved towards her wardrobe to begin packing. She would have long enough on the journey over to decide what she was going to do once she arrived. All decisions could wait until then. 

…....

 

In spite of knowing better, Obi-wan had stayed in Anakin's bed for the rest of the night, and into the morning hours. Che and Ahsoka hadn't wandered from their rooms yet, so there was still some time before he would be forced to leave. It felt wonderful to sleep next to the man he loved. The warmth of him, the sweet musk smell that came off his skin, it was all so perfect. From their bed just a glance across the room was an open balcony that led to the beautiful landscape beyond, that was alive- teeming with wildlife. Even the temperature was just right. It was so easy to forget the reason they were there, and what landed them in the situation to begin with. 

Anakin was still fast asleep. Obi-wan thought he was adorable when he slept. His face looked so calm and peaceful, an expression he rarely saw during his waking hours. He gently ran his hand through Anakin's messy hair, slowly bringing him out of sleep. 

Anakin slowly came to awareness, feeling the gentle tousling of his hair that brushed lightly, tickling his face. He instinctively moved his hand to bat away whatever it was, eyes jolting open when he realized his Master was still cocooned in the many blankets with him in bed. It was a nice feeling, the chill of the morning air abated by the lovely warmth that emanated from Obi-wan. He would have enjoyed it more without the looming threat of being walked in on. Especially while they were still partially disrobed. 

“Master,” He began groggily. “You shouldn't still be in here. Someone might see.” He still wasn't used to sharing a bed with Obi-wan. He used to snuggle up next to him when he was a child. He had been so easily frightened. But that was a long time ago.

Obi-wan returned his concern with a playful smile, one that put a twinkle in his eye. “Someone might see what?” He began to shift, rolling over to come closer to Anakin's sleepy form. 

“You _know_ what.” Anakin said, sounding only slightly irritated. Mostly he had been helplessly transfixed by his Master's gaze. 

His words only seemed to encourage Obi-wan's mischievousness. He leaned in closer, their lips brushing one another as he spoke in a quiet suggestive tone. “There's nothing to see... yet.” He kissed the man gently, withdrawing to bite softly at Anakin's lower lip. 

Anakin didn't have the heart to protest. He loved being the object of Obi-wans loving attention too much to ever say no to the man. He returned his kisses with gentle hands grabbing at his body. His shoulders, sides, hips. His hands roamed freely over the clothed man in his bed as their kisses deepened. Anakin felt himself becoming ravenously needy, still their pace was slow, as each one of them took to loosening the others clothing. 

Just as Anakin was maneuvering his master out of his clothes, there was a knock at his door that rung loudly through the room jolting both men into an adrenaline fueled panic. 

“Master, It's time to wake up!” Ahsoka called out from the hall. 

Obi-wan rolled backwards with his pants round his knees, falling clumsily on the floor. Anakin frantically looked at him, then towards the door. Obi-wan was hopping into his boots and fastening up his trousers as he stole one last kiss before he ran towards the balcony and bounded down to the grassy plane below. Underestimating the distance in his rush, he landed without grace yet again, as he hurried to right himself before running off to find another entrance to the palace that would be less conspicuous. 

Anakin was hurrying back into his own clothes as he attempted to sound sleepy. It was rather difficult due to the fact he was very awake, veins humming with adrenaline, and uncomfortably erect. 

_Damn it Obi-wan... Such terrible timing._

“Give me a minute Ahsoka, wait for me in the courtyard and run through form 1 until I get there.” 

“Yes Master.” She said quickly, then marched off to carry out her orders. He thought she might have sounded glad. That would have been odd. Usually she would have scoffed at being tasked at practicing form 1 out of all things. She should have told him she wasn't a youngling anymore, that he shouldn't treat her as such. He didn't dwell on it too long. Mostly he was glad the danger had been averted, at least for now. Although he was a little shocked at how reckless Obi-wan had been. It was not like him at all.

In reality Anakin didn't mind one bit. Every minute of the private heaven they shared together was worth whatever ill might befall them, or whatever danger they might face. Their love by nature put them in danger. Were anyone to uncover the truth of it, there would be no future in the order for either of them. The two poster Jedi for the clone war effort would become fallen. It would not only shatter the Republics offensive effort, but it would erode moral of the troops and civilians alike.

It was not the Jedi way to sacrifice so much for just one man, but it was the one thing he couldn't let go of. So they would just have to hide it, very well. 

…....

Ahsoka was faithfully running her saber drills with intense focus. Sweat was falling off of her brow from meeting each motion with deft precision. As Anakin walked out to meet her, she continued. He felt a sense of deep pride and admiration. He had been not such a great Master of late, and she continued to try even harder in his absence. She would truly be a great Jedi knight one day. 

“That's good for now, Ahsoka.” He spoke coming up behind her. She turned to face him with a look of contentment. “You practice well. Your form is very disciplined.”

“Thank you Master.” She said, trying to quell the tones of childish excitement. 

Anakin called his saber to his hand and took his ready stance. “Let's test out your dueling skills, padawan.”

“Gladly,” she said with a sense of competition, falling into her own combat pose. The two of them stood still for a moment, each one of them sizing up the other, waiting. 

Anakin lashed out first, striking swift and decisive blows efficiently, draining himself of little energy in the process. Ahsoka instinctively gave ground, meeting each offensive with an effective parry. She continued to follow suit until she reached the edge of the grass where it gave way to the sandy edge of the lakefront. Leaping up on a rocky ridge to her side, she baited her master to follow, sweeping at his ankles as he bounded up to meet her. 

As he rolled to a halt, he laughed lightly. “Good job Snips, lets see if you can keep it going.” Anakin moved towards her more aggressively this time, advancing faster, forcing her to give even more ground. Soon she was struggling to keep up with his saber blows, but still she did.

Ahsoka smiled widely as she strained to keep pace. Her her Master was better, stronger, faster than her in every sense. He ought to be, she was the padawan after all. Mostly she was glad to be able to feel like things might actually be returning to normal. It was hard, having her Master so out of sorts. Things might not have been completely normal, but this was a start. Even if just for now, she would take what she could get. It was nice to feel like a padawan again. 

Obi-wan had just began to round the edge of the lake as he saw the two of them sparring away, both of them smiling and laughing, the way it ought to have been more often. He couldn't help but smile in response to the wonderful flashing display of their sabers clashing in friendly battle. All was as it was supposed to be. If only Maul wasn't out there someplace, plotting against them. 

Obi-wan tried to brush off the thought, tried to stay present in the moment as he walked round towards the contesting pair. To an extent he was able to shake the dread that had permeated his bones, but the lingering residue of it continued to haunt him manifesting as a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was easy enough to ignore, for now anyways. Now he had the two most important people in his world to keep him company. That was enough. 

As Kenobi caught up with them, Anakin and Ahsoka disengaged their sabers to greet him. “Master! Care to do a little sparring?” Anakin joked, taking an offensive stance. 

“Sure, I can put you in your place, if _that's_ what you're asking.” He spat quickly in his typical sarcastic manner, posturing in kind with his saber alight in hand. 

A glimmer of something wild shone behind Anakins eyes as he ignited his saber in response, the two of them standing opposed to one another as Ahsoka took a few steps back, ready as ever to watch them have at it. 

Anakin lashed out first again, striking at his Master with a measure of strength that was reflected easily enough. He followed up with several more offensive blows that were met equally and swiftly as they had been dealt. 

In the beginning they had been smiling and laughing, playfully prodding at one another. Soon their tempo took on a more intrepid and serious form, the both of them now exchanging grunts for blows, searching out each others limits with interest.

As they continued to go on leaping and whirling, meeting each other with mirror like precision, they dove deeper into the intimate confines of their bond, completely ignorant of anything but their own contending forces. Each one of them knew the next move, and the one that came after. They went on for quite some time, both of them becoming drenched in sweat from exertion. 

After a while Vokara Che had come out to find everyone, and stayed to watch the fanciful display. Che and Ahsoka found an excellent viewing point under the generous shade from the collection of hydenock trees that gathered around the bank of the lake. With the two men caught up in such a whirlwind, things felt right- at harmony. There was a tangible balance that hung in the air around all of them. At long last, a sense of peace. With such a sense of comfort, it was easy for Che and Ahsoka to look on at the dueling men with a shine of happiness to their auras.

Oblivious to their audience, Anakin and Obi-wan's dueling became a dance of emotions, each man drawing on the well of pent up rage and lust that boiled beneath their Jedi exteriors. They could feel it across their bond, see it in the others eyes- the smoldering raw passion they held for one another that stirred so many other thoughts and feelings. It transmuted their bodies and became each strike and move, each evasion and counter. Anakin had become used to drawing from his emotions in battle, but this was different, something new. The union of their two souls created a new world, one where only they existed, where the only language was the beautiful dance of clashing sabers and the sweat that poured off of them. 

Each one of them pushed the other until they were straining for ground against each other, short of breath and taken by a flurry of saber hits and maneuvers until neither one of them could intensify their attack any more. They were equally matched, even at the height of their contest, it would have been a draw. But they continued, eventually one of them would grow tired. That one would prove to be the looser. So they went on. 

About an hour into their sparring both of them began to grow weary, both of them slowing their pace against one another, their tango digressing to a brisk waltz. Swiftly Obi-wan managed to sweep a foot behind Anakins ankles, effectively bringing the man down on his back. He didn't try to rise up, the dance was over. 

They could hear a pair of clapping hands in the backdrop of their tiny world, cheering them on for the show they had provided. Anakin gazed up helplessly at his Master, who stared back with awe and longing, saber drawn to the soft flesh beneath his chin. As Che and Ahsoka approached them, Obi-wan disengaged his saber and held a hand out to help the man up. Both of them were caught a little off guard to what had just transpired, and even more embarrassed about the small audience that had gathered. 

“That was _wonderful._ ” Che spoke with a lightness in her voice that rarely presented its self. Obi-wan shied away from her gaze, squirming a bit in her presence. Ahsoka as always, took note of the unspoken interaction with curiosity. 

“Yes Master, that was great. But like Master Kenobi said, he sure did put you in your place” Ahsoka prodded at him jokingly, earning a smile from him.

“You did _well,_ Anakin.” Che followed up, that streak of motherly care showing again as it had in the last week. He couldn't decide whether he hated it, or was beginning to like it. At the moment it didn't bother him so much. He returned her comment with a genuine smile. 

The four of them wandered back towards the villa for a late breakfast, Anakin and Obi-wan careful to not walk to closely to one another for fear they might stir some suspicion in Che's mind. So far they had been lucky she had not caught on. Although they walked a few paces apart, their minds were still intertwined in a blissful trance. 

…....

The day had flown by fast. Anakin and Che had their most successful mind healing session yet, finally touching on the trauma she had set out to mend in the first place. It was easier to focus on, now that Anakins personal life had fallen into somewhat of a balance, even if only temporarily. 

Ahsoka wandered about the lakeside most of the day, wanting to drink in every second. It was not often that she got the luxury of not being under constant orders, in such a paradise like place especially. 

Obi-wan spent the rest of the day training and meditating, trying to get himself to his peak state mentally and physically. When the Sith reared their ugly heads, failure was not an option. Not again. He didn't like to think about what might happen if they gained the upper hand even for a few minutes before their backup arrived. 

The sun was beginning to set over the horizon. Most of them were milling about and enjoying the much needed respite. Obi-wan found Anakin sitting on the footsteps leading to the veranda, gazing out over the lakeside. Seeing his Master approaching from the corner of his vision, he looked over at the man with a feint joyful smile. He looked partially exhausted, and somewhat saddened. Obi-wan wondered what the matter was. Anakin was holding down his shielding to not let any traces of it through. Obi-wan felt a tad bit offended towards it, but Anakin deserved as much privacy as he wanted. He had been through too much for Kenobi to jealously complain about his easily trampled emotions. Besides, he was only slightly put off by it, the logical part of his mind told him to be offended was ridiculous, and he couldn't help but agree. 

“Might you join me for an evening stroll?” Obi-wan offered, grandly motioning with his arms towards the lake and plains beyond. 

Anakin answered with an angelic smile as he rose from the steps. “Of course.” He bowed his head with overt formality. 

The two of them walked side by side for a while without a single word passing between them. Obi-wan was more intrigued now, he could feel waves of nostalgic sadness falling off of him, still his shielding held tightly. Obi-wan didn't have the nerve to ask about it, he didn't have the right. All he needed was their love and everything else would work it's self out. He didn't want to overstep and push him away again. He cursed at himself inwardly, for being so emotionally needy. For being so needy in so many ways. The last thing Anakin needed was to be smothered by him. 

Eventually they reached quite a distance from the palace, to the point that they would no longer visible to anyone who might be looking. Obi-wan took Anakin's hand as they continued to walk on, and drew closer to him. He could feel Anakins sadness lighten a bit at his contact, it made his heart sing. He wanted to make him happy. He wanted to be everything that made the man better. He wanted to erase all of the things that hurt him, but even just easing his suffering would suffice. 

Anakin took a breath and opened his mouth to speak, only to remain silent. Obi-wan tried to act as if he hadn't noticed, not wanting him to feel put on the spot. Although Kenobi was desperately curious what had Anakin in such a state, so quiet and pensive. After a few more silent minuets passed between them, Anakin stopped walking, and gripped Obi-wans hand more tightly. 

Obi-wan turned to look at him, but Anakin was staring at the ground before him. He could feel the mans heart begin to race anxiously, the palm that pressed against his own became dampened with sweat. Anakin had began to take shallow breaths, as his eyes darted back and forth, still not letting anything slip between their bond. 

“What is it, my love?” Obi-wan asked, taking up his other hand as well, looking deeply at him. Anakin didn't return his gaze, but glowered at the ground more intensely. 

There was something else that he could feel in the space between them. It took him a moment to register what it was- _fear._

Obi-wan moved to hold Anakins face in his hands, forcing their eyes to meet. He had no idea what might have been going through his mind. Whatever it was, he wanted to erase it completely so it couldn't torment his beloved any more. The eyes that looked back at him were deeply conflicted, warring within. He didn't understand it, but he hated Anakin feeling like this. 

“It's going to be _alright._ ”

“Master, there's something I need to tell you.” Anakin spoke with a look to his eyes Obi-wan hadn't seen in a long time. It was the look he used to have as a child, when he would confess something. When he had done something wrong, when he had been scared to tell his Master. Anakin always had been terrified to admit to any wrongdoing as a child. Obi-wan always figured it had something to do with growing up enslaved. There was an expression of terror in his eyes every time he had to tell his master something he had done wrong. It was something ingrained in him. As a slave he would have been beaten for such confessions, and even harsher for not coming forward with it to begin with. 

Obi-wan felt aghast. There was nothing Anakin could have possibly done to feel this way for. He didn't care. Whatever it was, Obi-wan was sure it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. Nothing was worth having him feel this way for. He had already suffered enough. 

“Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I will never love you any less.” Obi-wan spoke with unrelenting eye contact, making sure Anakin understood and accepted his words. There was a resistance behind his eyes, he didn't quite believe his Master. It stung Obi-wan- that Anakin didn't believe his love to be enduring. He didn't focus on it, his insecurities were trivial and secondary. 

Anakin smiled at him with a bitter expression on his face, and eyes glossing over with unshed tears that glinted in the light of the setting sun. “I don't think you would be so good to me if you knew...”

Obi-wan leaned in close, pulling Anakins head down till their foreheads were touching, lips brushing against each others. “Then don't tell me. I don't need to know.” He kissed him gently and deeply, Anakin readily reciprocating. 

They spent a few moments just holding each other, lips pressed against one another. When they broke away from their kiss, the sun had gone down leaving the landscape covered in darkness, although the air was still warm. Anakin settled down in the grass, pulling his Master down with him. The two of them held each other close and gazed up at the foreign starlit sky without a word to be said. 

Obi-wan could feel the same sadness around Anakin, although it was significantly lesser than it had been. It still bothered him, that Anakin thought anything could come between them. Obi-wan was suspicious of what it might have been, but let it fall out of his consciousness. He truly didn't care. Nothing was worth losing him over. Nothing could ever make him feel that way. He was sure of it. 

So the two of them gazed up at the stars, surrounded by the tall grass and serenaded by the gentle lullaby of the nighttime wildlife that hummed around them.


	24. Collision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme visits Varykino

The summit had been a droll affair. Much to Padme’s relief- one easily maneuvered without having to engage herself. Still, she had hoped it would have been longer in order to give her more space to think, but it seemed to have finished just as soon as it had begun. Much to her demise, she found herself just as lacking in ideas of how to handle her situation as she had been before she arrived. 

Her heart told her to go to Anakin, that if he would just hold her in his arms, everything might be alright. Her mind told her that it was all over, that it didn’t matter what she might do, he would know. Even if he didn’t know, she always would. It was a stain on her conscience that felt impossible to wash out no matter how hard she tried.

In the midst of her indecisiveness, her body acted autonomously on her behalf. Before she had given it much thought she found herself standing on the doorstep to her summer home. She had no idea what it was she was about to do, much less what she should say. She supposed she would find the words when the moment came, just as she had found her way here in the first place. Taking a deep breath, she took steps forward into the residence, scanning up and down the main halls. 

Padme felt strangely unwelcome, a funny thing to feel in her own home, she thought. There was a sense of foreboding. She attributed it to her own guilt fueled paranoia- she did have quite the well of remorse to draw on after all. She could feel it pooling in her chest, making it harder to breathe. Before it had been all she could see, all she could feel. Now it mostly felt like a nuisance, something she had gotten somewhat used to. In spite of its familiarity to her, it was a growing cancer; bogging down her ability to think and function. 

Most people wouldn’t have been able to notice how badly she was fading through the practiced senatorial motions she had learned to use over the years. She was good at it, acting like she was all alright, effectively fooling most people. Others who knew her better would have known in an instant something was wrong.

Gregor had been worried sick over her. As soon as she had arrived on Theed, he had sensed something was off. He stubbornly doted on her the entire time, even taking care to remind her to eat when she had forgotten, which ended up being most of the time. He didn’t deserve to be so concerned with her wellbeing. But there was no telling him that, of course. 

With her being so distracted, it took a lot of convincing for him to stay at the capital and not escort her to the lake country as well. In the end he still didn’t feel well about it, but he cared for Padme too much to fight her over things she so adamantly held her ground over.

As Padme cautiously wandered deeper inside the villa looking through the numerous rooms in search of the others, she found no one. Straining her ear, she caught traces of voices down in the courtyard. She followed them hesitantly, her stomach dropping as she recognized one of them without fail.

_Anakin._

_Of course he would be here,_ she thought to herself in contempt. She had come here looking for him, after all. His voice sounded happy, even _joyful._ It might have helped her feel just a tad bit better, but she found no solace in it. As the inevitable drew closer, her palms began to dampen. Every cell of her being screamed against her as she followed the voices further, until their owners came into view.

Padme saw the four of them from afar. They were engaged in a friendly saber battle, Anakin and Ahsoka opposing Obi-wan and a husky dark blue skinned twi’lek in tweed colored robes that she had never seen before. 

Obi-wan instantly caught her gaze the moment she came into view. The force enhanced reflexes of Jedi never failed to amaze her. Now she found it especially uncanny. After exchanging a few quick words with the others, he started towards her with the battle continuing on in his absence. 

Obi-wan walked towards her at a frighteningly brisk pace, a certain sternness bolstering his steps. To make things worse, he had an intimidatingly grave expression on his face. She hated how it evoked a childlike reaction in her, as if she had just gotten herself into trouble. 

Another part of her was both offended and relieved that it wasn’t Anakin rushing over to greet her. If it had been, he would have immediately known. The scene would have been _horrific._ But he hadn’t, and the reason as to why bombarded her mind with too many insecurities and fears than she could handle at the moment.

_Maybe he already knows..._

“Obi-wan!” She greeted him in an overly joyful manner that she immediately regretted. She cursed herself internally, making a mental note to tone it down before her anxiety became _too_ obvious. His face began to look even more dark as he approached her. It wasn’t helping her feel better at all.

“I was on world for a summit in Theed and thought I would stop in to see how you all were doing...” Her fake smile was already wearing thin, and she was certain he could see through it anyhow. She felt conspicuously transparent in his presence, like a transparisteel window, as if Obi-wan knew all of her shameful secrets by simply looking at her face. The painfully ironic truth of it was that she was anything _but_ candid, and had _everything_ to hide. 

What scared her the most was that if he did look, he would have been able to search through her thoughts effortlessly, like an open book. Only his sense of ethics kept him from doing so. At least there was that. Obi-wan Kenobi was a man of honor, if nothing else.

“Senator, what _are_ you doing here?” He said in a casual chastising manner, taking her by the arm and ushering her into the next room over. His expression held much more seriousness than the tone of his voice.

“Like I said before, I was in Theed for the summit-”

“I will be blunt, Padme...” He spoke with unfaltering eye contact that chilled her to the bone. There was something about him that was different from when they had spoken over the holo. He was more firm and assured of himself, less distracted, almost eerily focused and to the point. “The four of us are here on council orders. Every moment you are here, you are potentially in grave danger.”

 _Odd,_ she thought. Was it customary for Jedi to be laughing and frolicing about when there was an imminent threat on the horizon? She thought not, but she didn’t take him to be bluffing either. All the same, she knew how to handle danger, and had been accustomed to taking risks.

Padme twisted her face in offense. “You act as if i’ve never handled a blaster before. You of _all_ people should know I can look after myself! You are so quick to forget Master Kenobi, it is _my_ hospitality that brought you here in the first place.” She spat her words fiercely. She knew it was characteristic for Obi-wan to be curt and offensive at times, but she couldn’t understand the reason for his aggression with her _now,_ in her house of all places. 

“I’m sorry senator, truly, I don’t take your hospitality for granted. We are _all_ thankful.” His voice took a gentle tone to it, a sincere one, although his eyes still seared into her with an intensity that left her feeling very uncomfortable. “However, you _are_ in danger, even standing here as we speak.” His words were still less harsh, they seemed more fatigued. His eyes were heavy, sorry, curiously a tad bit defensive.

“You might have informed me of the nature of your mission then, when you asked for quarter.” She retorted quickly. She could tell his vehemence was breaking. If she kept up her barrage, he might actually divulge some useful information.

“I _did_ tell you it was classified, I had _hoped_ that would have said enough. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mislead you.” He said, dragging a hand over his face in bewilderment. “But you must listen to me,” He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders as he continued as to emphasise what he would say next, a tinge of something that looked like fear falling over his face. “You _can’t_ stay here.” His insistence only made her more inquisitive.

“I _demand_ you tell me what’s going on here at once!” She said, brushing his hands off of her, putting on a show of offense. In reality, she was hardly put off, more so desperately curious.

“I _can’t_ tell you, I wish I could.” His eyes pleaded- _begged_ for her to take his answer. 

“I cannot- _will not_ accept that, Master Kenobi.” Padme said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

There was a heavy sigh and a pause between them, as Obi-wan’s eyes searched out the space in front of him. Clearly whatever was the matter, it was weighing on him heavily. “Whatever it is, I swear I won’t tell a soul. You _know_ you can trust me.” Padme said in a gentler tone. Obi-wan brought his hand up to massage his temples, visably pained by her refusal to accept his answers. 

After a chest heaving sigh, he spoke. “Varykino is a _Sith trap._ Two of them are most likely headed here right now as we speak. It’s dangerous enough with four of us and two of them. The odds are even worse with someone else to protect. If you stay I cannot guarantee your safety. I do not speak to undermine or belittle your ability to take care of yourself, but you’ve seen the Sith in action before. They even killed my own Master. _That_ is why you must leave. I tell you this in confidence. You must tell _no one._ ” Obi-wan looked gravely serious just as he did defeated. 

Padme tried to contain her surprise at his disclosure, but felt her skin blanching as the words he spoke formed in her mind. “I... understand...” she said, conflicted. She didn’t want to leave until she had the chance to talk to Anakin. Any danger she might face simply didn’t take precedence over the storm of guilt that had been brewing within her. She would rather have died a brutal death by Sith hands than have to live with the burden of what she had been carrying for another night. “I will leave in the morning.”

Obi-wan let out a long drawn out sigh. “If you _insist._ ” She couldn’t tell if her persistence was annoying him, or if it was something else. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me it’s been a long day. I will retire to my quarters.” She bowed, dismissing herself, feeling Obi-wan’s eyes searing through her as she walked away.

……..

Minutes began to feel like hours. The inevitable was finally happening. All of the procrastinating on dealing with matters that had ought to have been dealt with by now had lead up to this moment. The silence before the storm. All of it had Anakin feeling dizzy, faint, and completely trapped in his head.

He had felt her the moment she entered the lake country, even when she was still miles away. Her fears and stresses were a beacon calling out to him. He cursed it every second. He should have told Obi-wan about this weeks ago. But time had come and gone, it would do no good to dwell on how he should have done things different. This was the reality of the situation. This was it.

It was nearing midnight as Anakin found himself lying awake in his sleeper, sweating profusely from fear, completely unable to relax or unwind. Somehow, this was worse than being stuck in those binds at the whim of Maul. _This_ had been completely avoidable. Now it was too far gone to avoid the fallout from any of it. He felt completely powerless.

_It’s all over._

At any moment Padme would walk in. What would he say then? 

Even worse- Obi-wan was bound to know, _if_ he didn’t already. Ever since she had arrived, he had been strangely distant. Perhaps out of jealousy, maybe out of something more substantial. Either way it had been tearing apart Anakin’s mind ever since Obi-wan had spotted her in the villa. His heart pounding desperately as the day bled into the night, each hour of the darkness feeling like a small eternity within itself.

It didn’t help that Padme’s aura hung about in the air like a pervasive psychic poison. It was everywhere- he couldn’t escape it. He wondered if it felt the same for everyone else. He hoped not, at least he didn’t suspect that was the case. Over the years her signature had become loud to him, something he could sense from several miles away. Once it had been comforting. Now he wished he could get as far away from it as possible. 

What made it worse, was how this felt different than her usual residue. Usually it was light and joyful. This felt more like terror and anxiety. He was trying to decide whether it was due to his own fears and stresses, or Padme’s. Reaching out to her, she felt like a mess of toxic emotions. It made Anakin feel sick. 

There was no way she could have known about Obi-wan, was there? So if not that, then _what?_ He had anticipated her coming to him long before this hour, yet he could feel her anxiously pacing in her quarters instead. Clearly, there was something troubling her greatly.

He wanted to go to her and comfort her, but was afraid. He knew he couldn’t have them both. He didn’t want them both, anyways. He wanted Obi-wan, but felt guilty for it. When he was with him, it felt right, like their love was the only good thing in the galaxy. Now he was overcome with guilt and shame at the thought.

How was he to explain it to his _wife?_ He still cared for her, but not like he used to. Not how he cared for his Master. It should never have been like this, but he couldn’t change the fact of what it was. He hated how it was bound to hurt her- there was no way it wouldn’t. 

He hated how it would all hurt Obi-wan, too. He hated how he had let things get so far without taking care of it all sooner. He cursed himself incessantly for his short sightedness in the matter, for letting his emotions blind him so badly. 

The thing that scared him most was the thought that he could easily lose them both and end up completely alone. With everything that had happened, he wasn’t sure if he was going to be okay if that were the case. He felt pathetic for feeling so dependant, but there was no getting away from the fact of that, either. 

Anakin’s head was full of stewing emotions, acute self awareness of all his insecurities, all of the ways he was still broken even though he had been trying so hard to put himself back together. All of the effort he had put into it, all of the ways he had tried, they didn’t mean anything to him anymore. He felt like the sum of all of his failures. He couldn’t even shed a tear for himself, although his soul began to feel as empty as he was anxious. He didn’t feel sorry for himself anymore. He felt anger, a sense of blame towards himself that he held viciously. For all the ways he was about to hurt the two people that had meant the most to him, he felt despicable. 

_What am I going to do?_

A door opened across the villa, breaking Anakin’s train of thought. He could sense light foot falls nearing his room. That noxious aura signature becoming brighter and louder, assaulting his senses. A rush of panic jolted through his veins, making him feel like might explode into millions of pieces. Pangs of dread dragged him down and paralyzed him, like he was about to come face to face with the worst of his fears. He felt mute, like there were no more words left for him to say. 

Anakin tried desperately to act as if he were still sleeping as the door to his room slowly opened and closed. His whole body felt tense, like he was under blaster fire on the battlefield. Actually he felt worse. In a battle there were always options. _This_ was a dead end. 

Padme moved quiet and cautiously. Anakin cursed himself for being so rapt by his own emotions as the moment drug on. If he had any sense of calm about him, even an ounce, he would be better able to discern the nature of her troubles. But his own shame was too massive to see anything else than his own fears.

It took great effort for Anakin to still his jarred reaction when Padme gently ran her fingertips over the rippled scars that had formed over his arms and neck. His chest ached with even more sorrow laced guilt. She hadn’t seen him since their capture. He had nearly forgotten how the encounter had left him so visibly… _changed._ Of course the effects of it were much more than skin deep. She hadn’t come to know any of that either.

“ _Oh Ani,_ ” Padme whispered, regret and shame coming off her curiously. Anakin didn’t understand it. For a moment he almost thought he was sensing a mirror of his own darkness. The more he probed the more he understood that the darkness was all her own. 

_Interesting._

Anakin stirred, rolling over towards her frail form that lingered at his bedside. He tried to act surprised. “Padme?” He said, feigning a grogginess that he did not truly feel. 

“Ani,” She said, heartbroken and aghast. “What happened to you?” It took a moment for Anakin to notice the tears that were falling in delicate strings down the sides of her face.

“It looks worse than it is.” Anakin said in his typical sturdy voice. He was surprised that he could muster it at all since he felt more terrified with each passing moment. “What are you doing here, Padme? It’s dangerous, you shouldn’t be here.”

Her face showed anguish that had wrapped itself around her heart, instead of the offense he had expected. “Obi-wan told me as much,” She said in tones of scorn mixed with disappointment. “I just _had_ to see you. I was _so_ worried about what happened when you were captured…” Her expression was tied to deep chords of guilt and sorrow in ways that didn’t make any sense. There was something else going on, he could feel it. But he didn’t have time for this now.

“Really, I’m fine. I’m sorry if I worried you. We can talk about it all later.” He said, trying to maneuver the situation as best he could. Trying to get her to leave before Obi-wan ventured over. Perhaps he was already lurking outside the room. Anakin didn’t dare reach out and try to find him. He had the feeling he might not like what he found if he did. A dreadful panic flared at the thought, making him feel faint again.

_Please just go away._

Padme must have sensed his distance, _of course_ she did. So she did what she always did when she felt him holding her at arm’s length. “We don't have to talk about it now,” Anakin froze again as Padme began to climb under his covers, laying on top of him, straddling his hips suggestively. “We have all night,” She pressed her face closer to his as she grinded on him slowly, letting out soft sounds of pleasure.

Anakin was stuck. He didn’t know what to do or say. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want this, he didn’t know how to make it stop. His body was stirred by her, remembering all the times they had been together. He felt like this was some sort of sick nightmare where he had become paralyzed, unable to do anything. His mind was racing, begging her to stop, to leave, for it all to be over. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” She began skillfully unlacing the front of his pants as she spoke, trailing kisses down his abdomen and hips. As his hardening member unfurled from his pants, she slowly began planting kisses lower, until she took his tip in her mouth and began sucking on him generously. Anakin inhaled sharply, his body encouraged by the contact. He wanted to say something, to make her stop, but all of the pancked words jumbled up in his mind couldn’t seem to find their way to his lips.

After Padme was satisfied that he was wet enough, she climbed back on top of him, pressing him inside of her slowly, until she had taken every inch of him. Anakin felt disgusted with himself. All he could think of was Obi-wan, and how with each moment he remained silent, he betrayed the sacred love they shared.

“ _Ani,_ ” she whispered worriedly, moving off of him and lying to his side. “What’s wrong?” She moved her hand to brush away the tears that had began to fall from the corners of his eyes. He hadn’t even noticed they were there until she wiped them away.

_Where to even begin? I was tortured, raped by a monster? The same one that is no doubt hunting us as we speak? I’ve fallen in love with Obi-wan?_

“I want a divorce,” He spoke quietly, as if he were afraid of the words. Anakin didn’t dare look her in the eyes, but cursed himself for his cowardice instead. 

Padme’s voice began to waiver. “I… I don’t understand…” Her words were desperate, on the edge of sobbs. 

Anakin’s tears became steady streams down the sides of his face as he struggled to find any words to console her. “I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. I… I just don’t feel the same anymore. _I’m_ not the same anymore. I.. I just.. I _can’t._ ”

Padme rolled over to try to hold him only to be pushed away as Anakin moved to sit on the edge of the sleeper, holding his face in his hands. “Anakin, don’t talk like that, you’re scaring me. Whatever it is I know we can work through it. _Together_.” Padme tried to maintain composure but Anakin could hear in her voice she was already falling apart. The guilt of it fell heavily on his shoulders.

“No.” Anakin spat grimly, with bitterness in his heart. “Some things just can’t be fixed.”

“Anakin I’m sorry, _please_. I _love_ you, don’t you understand? I can’t live without you.” Padme pleaded, the edges of her voice trembling with strain as she still lingered on the edge of tears.

Anakin stood to face her, angry with himself for causing all of this, angry with her for not listening to him. He just wanted it all to be over. “I don’t love you anymore, Padme. I’m sorry, but I don’t. This is _over._ ”

“So that’s it then,” she said in numb resignation, blank expression falling over her face as she rose up from the sleeper and walked around towards the door. Anakin hadn’t expected her to be so quick to shut down, it didn’t seem like her. Usually she was always so _stubborn_. But nothing about these last few weeks had been typical after all, he reasoned.

Anakin’s heart was locked with guilt. He should have been more kind, shouldn’t have been so abrupt and short with her. But he couldn’t help it. He just wanted her to leave, he didn’t want to do it like this right now. 

Before he could think of anything else to say, she left the room. It was better that way, he thought. As the door closed, he felt relieved. Moments later he felt guilty for feeling it at all. He shouldn't be feeling relief. Not when he had hurt her so much. Still, he couldn't help but feel slightly better. Now he only hoped Obi-wan would understand. 

_Oh no..._

Anakin’s heart throbbed in his ears as the room spun around him. If Obi-wan saw, or knew, or had even reached out to him in those moments, those dreadful, _shameful_ moments, it was all going to be over. He would never love him ever again. He would be alone.

Anakin rushed to the fresher and knelt by the toilet as he was quickly taken by a bout of dry heaves that shook his body to the core. Even more uncomfortable was the sheen of cold sweat that coated his body. 

After he calmed himself enough to be able to stand, he showered, cleaning himself multiple times over, trying to rid himself of any trace Padme might have left behind. 

His heart cried out for Obi-wan, all he wanted was for him to hold him and tell him everything was alright. He felt uneasy still, anxious and unsure of everything. He winced as he thought of his Master’s sparkling eyes as he smiled at him, such a beautifully unabated, genuine smile. The one he very rarely showed to anyone, but freely gave to him. The thought of what he might lose made his chest collapse. 

_I never deserved any of it._

Shaking still, he put new sleep clothes on and tiptoed down the hall, reaching out for Obi-wan, begging and pleading for him to be there, to hold him, to take all of this terror away from him. To tell him that there was nothing that could ever change how he felt about him. 

His heart ripped in half as he felt the space where the warm inviting connection between himself and his master had once existed. A solid wall of anger and hurt stood in its place.

Anakin was lost for words. His heart ached as if someone had just torn it out of his chest. His stomach felt full of acid, his mind racing with too many raw emotions than he could even understand. All he knew is that he had to go to him, beg for forgiveness. Beg for love that he never deserved in the first place, much less now. 

As he stood outside his master’s door, he felt small. How many times had he been in this exact same place? Always messing up, always begging Obi-wan to forgive him. There had been countless occasions over the years but his master had always been gentle, even when critical. Always had been kind and loving in his responses. But this, _this_ was different.

…….

The moment Padme entered the space, Obi-wan could immediately tell. It was the way Anakin had been acting anxious all morning, paired with the sudden tempest of emotional debris that emptied into the room as she came into view. Obi-wan didn’t like feeling jealous, but the sudden realization that Anakin had so obviously been sensing her on world presence ever since early that morning left him feeling a tad raw.

Obi-wan wasn’t naive. He knew there had been some romance between the two of them. Mostly he tried to stay off of the subject and out of their way. He didn’t like to meddle in the affairs of others. Not to mention the majority of the time Anakin had so obviously been pining after her, he had been secretly pining after Anakin himself. Obi-wan could hardly have lectured his padawan on issues of such attachments when he had been so out of line as well. 

But now, with Anakin and Padme in each other's vicinity, he could feel anxiety and fear rolling off of the both of them in ways that could not be considered coincidence, not that he believed in coincidence to begin with. Obi-wan found himself both incredibly curious and resentful at the same time. 

Visibly, Anakin was showing no signs of being bothered. He was trying very hard to maintain appearances. For Anakin to maintain such control over his emotions was a rare occasion. It only made Obi-wan even more suspicious. 

But perhaps he was only being paranoid. It could have been something as simple as being afraid to show his scars. They did prove to be quite the spectacle. Still, Obi-wan wondered. Whatever had existed between them, why had she come all this way bothered him. It was meddlesome. There was no good reason for her to be here that wouldn’t cost him something one way or another, so he reasoned.

“I’m going to talk to our visitor,” Obi-wan said, nodding over towards Padme. “Go on ahead without me,” he said as Che and Ahsoka took to ganging up on Anakin.

As Obi-wan walked over towards her he couldn’t help but notice how particularly small, afraid and unsure she looked. To put on a good show, Padme twisted her face into a fake joviality that even made Obi-wan feel sorry, but only for a moment. Mostly he felt a wicked black jealousy begin to congeal over his heart. 

He tried to collect himself as he came closer, tried desperately to maintain an emotional distance from the situation. After being unable to put his feelings completely aside, he took to his Jedi mask instead. If he wasn’t going to be able to feel calm in the situation, he needed to at least look the part. 

“Obi-wan!” She called out, waving her hand over towards him. _Oh lovely, using the smooth talking politics game._ He had no patience for politics or politicians on a good day. This was _not_ a good day.

She began to quickly and nervously prattle off some excuse which he didn’t manage to catch a single word of as he ushered her off into the next room. 

“Senator, what _are_ you doing here?” He studied her carefully, trying to discern the meaning of what she might say, more so the importance of what she would not. All the while trying to remain as civil as possible. He found it quite exhausting already.

“Like I said before, I was in Theed for the summit-” He cut her off. He had enough dignity to spare himself from hearing such meaningless tales.

“I will be blunt, Padme. The four of us are here on council orders. Every moment you are here, you are potentially in grave danger.” _Now if you would kindly make your exit, and spare us all your loathsome presence, it would be much appreciated._

For a moment, she looked like a blank page, waiting, thinking of what reaction would earn the desired result. Obi-wan tried to contain his disgust. It only added to his dislike of politicians. Never honest, always having an angle. Finally, she decided to take offensive. 

“You act as if i’ve never handled a blaster before. You of _all_ people should know I can look after myself! You are so quick to forget Master Kenobi, it is _my_ hospitality that brought you here in the first place.” 

And for a brief moment, Obi-wan felt a pang of regret, as if he might have been out of line. It was very fleeting. Perhaps he _was_ out of place, he didn’t much care. But they _were_ under her hospitality. 

He couldn’t help but feel slightly foolish for being so rude under the circumstances. He should have had better control over his emotions, instead of letting them drive his responses. Easy to say, much harder to practice. The jealousy that grew in his chest was hard to bargain with, and had little regard for formality and polite gestures.

But Obi-wan was tired. He was tired of fighting. It felt like every moment of every day was a fight in one way or another. It had been like that for far too long. He was tired of the emotional whiplash that these last few weeks had put him through. All of it seemed to hit him hard at that exact moment. The weight of it pulled him down, suffocating him.

No longer having the energy to be actively spiteful, he spoke calmly. “I’m sorry senator, truly, I don’t take your hospitality for granted. We are _all_ thankful. However, you _are_ in danger, even standing here as we speak.”

“You might have informed me of the nature of your mission then, when you asked for quarter,” She spat immediately and harshly, eyes squinting in telling distrust towards him. He resented her for using his milder temper against him. He resented her for all that she was. 

“I _did_ tell you it was classified, I had _hoped_ that would have said enough. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mislead you. But you must listen to me,” he spoke, horrid images of Maul crossing his mind. You _can’t_ stay here.”

Of course, his imploring only lead her to be more harsh and belligerent. “I _demand_ you tell me what’s going on here at once!” 

“I _can’t_ tell you, I wish I could.” Obi-wan felt like kneeling and begging, but of course he knew it would never work. He had already lost the first moment he had let the viciousness bleed out of his voice. At this point he was ready to do whatever he needed to in order to get rid of her.

“I cannot- _will not_ accept that, Master Kenobi,” she spoke, crossing her arms. Sensing he was about to cave, she added in a kind tone. “Whatever it is, I swear I won’t tell a soul. You _know_ you can trust me.” 

Internally, he found the comment incredibly ironic. A _trustworthy_ politician. All the same, he just needed her gone. He didn’t care what that entailed anymore. 

After he neatly explained to her the particulars of their mission, Obi-wan nearly smiled, but restrained himself. He could actually see her become a bit apprehensive. He was certain she could remember how destructive the Sith could be. Obi-wan certainly knew. The Sith had taken too much from him.

“I... understand...” Still, there was conflict in her. 

Whatever reason she had for being here, if it outweighed the possibility of a Sith attack, Obi-wan wanted to know what it was. Now, he was desperately curious, and even more jealous. _On second thought, I don’t want to know._

“I will leave in the morning.”

Obi-wan sighed. “If you _insist._ ” 

Obi-wan tried to resist the jealous darkness that had enveloped his heart, spreading through his veins, seeding thoughts of mal intent. There was no reason for her to stay the night that didn’t involve causing problems. It made his blood boil. Still he did his best to hide behind his Jedi’s mask.

“Now if you’ll excuse me it’s been a long day. I will retire to my quarters.” As she left towards the rooms, Obi-wan glared at her with contempt, only _just_ staving off the images of her and Anakin together that threatened to take over his sanity. 

He took the long way around the villa back to where the others were still sparring away. Anakin was fending off Che and Ahsoka with graceful ease. Of course he had no problem holding the both of them at bay on his own. He was indeed a skilled warrior, Obi-wan thought. Handsome, kind, passionate. No wonder Padme was so transfixed on him. 

Anger grew in Obi-wan’s heart dangerously as he thought of it. Quickly he tried to shut it all off, stuff it away. He could stew on it later. Right now it would only draw undue attention to himself. It wouldn’t serve him to dwell on it. 

All the same it was hard to completely tear his mind from the jealousy that spread through his heart. As he neared the group, Anakin looked back towards him smiling, a question forming in his eyes. Obi-wan didn’t have it in him to smile back, so he averted his eyes instead. 

He could feel a sense of panic through their bond that he tried to ignore, but the closer he got to him, the stronger it was. It made Obi-wan’s chest ache with unspent anger mixed with sadness. He couldn’t stay here.

“I’m going to go for a walk,” He said as he walked past the group, towards the grassy wetlands beyond. “I’ll be back later.” He said, waving back towards them. 

“I’ll go with you,” Anakin said, starting to head towards him.

Obi-wan turned back towards him with the best fake smile he could muster. He hoped it was convincing, but knew it wasn’t. “You should stay and train with your padawan, make up for lost time. I won’t be long.” That was also a lie. He intended on staying as far away from the villa as possible, for as long as possible. 

Anakin eyed him down skeptically, reaching out and feeling the resentment through their bond. Judging from the look in his eye, it stung quite badly. _Good,_ Obi-wan thought. _Let it._

“Alright.” Anakin nodded obediently, turning back towards the others, trying to hide his sadness as he sauntered away.

Obi-wan thought going for a walk would have cleared his mind. Usually, it would have done the trick. But now all he could think of is Anakin and Padme together. It felt like fire in his veins. It felt like his entire world was crashing down around him. But in it all, he couldn’t help but think. 

_I’ve been such a blind fool._

Of course they were together. It made sense. Obi-wan had known it the entire time, but it had been easier not to think of it. Now that she was here, it was all he could think of. It was a catalyst turning his heart black, his intentions even darker. 

And there it was. 

The familiar darkness that he had felt rise up inside him before took residence in him yet again. It felt like a stain on his soul, but he couldn’t fight it. He was tired. Too tired to fight. Too tired to try to be good. Too tired to try to do what was right. 

All in all, that had been the sum of his life. Obi-wan Kenobi. Always the valiant Jedi knight. Always trying to do what was just and good. Always trying to be kind, to file down his other harsher qualities to become the ideal Jedi. Always trying so hard to suppress his darker desires. Trying to let go of things that didn’t attribute themselves to the light. Trying to let go of attachment. Trying to let go of Anakin. 

And that’s how it all started, wasn’t it? _Anakin._ The one thing he could never really let go of. He had always been so needy, so helpless. So untamed. So- _attached._ For Obi-wan it had been nearly unavoidable, as Anakin grew older, to forgo the ravenous desires that grew inside himself. Because it was more than his porcelain skin and flawless figure that had him so desperate. It was everything about the man. His passion, his kindness, his desires. His heart. Anakin was the very thing that broke Obi-wan, took away everything he had ever aspired to be. 

And now he was the very thing pushing him into darkness. But Obi-wan’s heart was drained empty. He had given all he had to give. He was exhausted. So he just let it happen, watching as the dark shadow of jealousy crept over his aura, settling in over his light. 

Obi-wan thought he should have cared more, but couldn’t get himself to feel anything other than a subtle self imposed resentment for letting himself be so willingly fooled. Anakin had never wanted him. Obi-wan had only ever imposed himself on him. 

After being tortured and abused, only having his master to cling to, it made sense for Anakin to give into his master’s desires. Anakin always had a fear of abandonment. After being so estranged from him for all of those months, it was only natural for him to try to become close again, no matter what the cost. So Obi-wan let himself believe that Anakin loved him, because it was all he had ever wanted. 

_I should have known it was always too good to be true._

The Jedi within himself told him he was wrong for it all. He should have never encouraged any sort of intimate relationship with Anakin. From the very beginning he should have known better. 

The darkness spoke words of betrayal. Reminded how he had given his heart so freely, so openly, without a second thought, only to be repaid with _this._

He continued to go round and round in his mind, ruminating on the same things over and over, the wound in his heart growing deeper with each hour that he wandered about in the lake country. It was sickening, the beauty all around him. None of it should have existed. He wanted it to die. He wanted everything to die. Then perhaps someone, something might understand a fraction of the pain that he felt. It felt like someone had torn a hole in his soul.

Because Anakin was his first true love. He had pined after others at times, but he was the first he had ever shared his body with. To him it was sacred. Now it was made to mean nothing. It all seemed like a joke. 

Of course there was a small part of himself that told him he was jumping hastily to conclusions. He supposed, perhaps it was true. Most likely not. Even if whatever existed between them was over, Anakin still had been hiding it from him. The way he had reacted when he had sensed her presence made Obi-wan furious. It wasn’t fair. 

Before Obi-wan was ready to go back to the villa, the sun was setting. He couldn’t stay out without causing the others to question him. Already they would be wondering where he had been all day, and why. Since it was not usual for him, he suspected they wouldn’t mention it out of respect. But still, he did need to head back. 

By the time he arrived, it was well into the night. He could feel Padme and Anakin in their separate quarters, both of them throwing off anxiety, so much so that it felt overwhelming to him. He tried not to focus on it as he made his way to his quarters. At least they weren’t together. The fact that they weren’t made him feel slightly better- but not by much. 

The fact of the matter was that Padme elected to stay the night in the face of a possible Sith attack. Obi-wan didn’t see any other reason for that except to visit Anakin. But at least for now, it felt as if nothing had happened. But there was a tension in the air that told him it wasn’t over yet.

The Jedi told him to shut it all out, to quiet his mind and go to sleep. After walking about all day without eating anything, he was starting to feel quite tired. So he did make an effort to do just that, although it was terribly difficult. Just as he began to drift to sleep, something thrummed through their bond, flaring through Obi-wan’s senses. It was dreadfully familiar. 

Panic laced fear. It was coming from Anakin. Suddenly all of the jealous thoughts and feelings fell to the background of Obi-wan’s mind as his heart began to race. He immediately rushed over towards Anakin’s room, saber in grip, praying Maul hadn’t taken him again. 

Just as he reached Anakin’s door, he paused. As he became more aware, he heard a soft voice from behind the door. There were no words, only quiet hushed moans. Obi-wan went black with rage. He wanted to bust through the door and kill both of them, but only for a moment. As quickly as it flared, it receded, leaving him empty. 

Obi-wan quickly rushed back towards his room, hurrying as if he had just witnessed something he wasn’t meant to. He tried to ignore the tears that welled in his eyes, the strain that he felt in his throat. He felt weak for feeling so betrayed, but he couldn’t help but give into his feelings. It had become a habit for him as of late. Quickly he walled himself off from everyone, so no one would be able to sense how pathetic he was.

Leaning over the balcony in his quarters looking out over the expansive land beyond bathed in darkness, he felt just as vacant. He had given Anakin _everything._ It hadn’t meant anything to him. So Obi-wan was left with nothing but an emptiness that left room for the darkness to grow and fester even more, which it quickly did. 

Every tear left him feeling more bitter and angry, more spiteful and grim. But for everything that he had done, taking advantage of Anakin when he had been the only one he could rely on, he had earned this betrayal. 

_This is what I deserve._

For his life to have been so full of passion and now to have it all ripped away felt cruel. It felt like a joke. A Jedi was never supposed to know what it was like, to love someone so completely, with attachments being forbidden. But once tasted, life only felt bitter in its absence. He could feel the pain of it all changing him, darkness seeding throughout his soul. 

What felt even more sour was the sound of Obi-wan’s door opening and closing as Anakin made his way inside. It made him feel _cheap._ After having Padme for the night now he was coming to _him._

Quickly he dried his face to hide his pitiful tears. Obi-wan wasn’t sure what he might say or do. The only thing he knew was how repulsed he was by himself, how he let himself become so vulnerable. How he let Anakin tear his heart out. How he hated himself for letting any of it happen at all. He had known it was wrong from the start, but it was too late for that now. 

As Anakin walked closer, Obi-wan could feel a fear filled guilt seeping through the walls he had built. It caused a sarcastic sneer to pull on the edges of his mouth. Obi-wan found he couldn’t care about what Anakin might be feeling, he even felt satisfied that he should suffer. It still could never compare to how _he_ felt.

“ _Master…_ ” Anakin spoke softly, shyly. Obi-wan could feel his hand hover over his shoulder and draw back hesitantly. 

_Master, please forgive me._ Of course Anakin wanted to clear his conscience. He _had_ always been overly self concerned. 

Anakin stopped only inches away from his skin. Obi-wan could even feel his hot labored breath on the back of his neck. His mind screamed with anger, every muscle in his body tensing with rage. He wanted to lash out, but still managed to restrain himself. Although he could feel his self control fading quickly. 

Softly, Anakin wrapped his arms around him in an embrace, head falling on his shoulder, sleep clothes soaking up the tears that had been falling from his swollen eyes, the tears that continued to silently fall. The gentle contact was a stark contrast to the rage that boiled just beneath Obi-wan’s skin, begging to be unleashed on the man who stood behind him, holding him. All of it felt so wrong. 

He was never supposed to be repulsed by Anakin’s embrace. For so long he had wished he would hold him like this, for so long he had gone without. But now he couldn’t stand it. Where Obi-wan had always loved caring for him, consoling him, now he found a wicked solace in the man’s tears. 

There was also a sore thirst, a desperate desire. He wanted nothing more but to turn and hold Anakin, to kiss him, to forget about everything else. But the growing darkness would never let him forget. Everytime Anakin would touch him, he would only be reminded of how those same hands held another. Everytime he would look at him he would see him with _her._

Obi-wan couldn’t stand it, the way he both hated and loved him all at the same time. It made him feel awful, like his chest was being ripped open. “Get your hands _off_ of me,” he growled. Anakin didn’t move, only held him tighter, nestling his face in the crook of Obi-wan’s neck, letting out small sobs as he clung to him. 

Immediately and without warning, Obi-wan whirled around and backhanded him hard, sending Anakin staggering back a few paces, a pleasing look of shock on his face as he stared at the ground below him, face contorting against louder sobs as he held the place Obi-wan had struck him with his flesh hand. 

Usually at the first sign of apology or remorse, Obi-wan would have already been held captive by those blue eyes, telling him it was alright. But now he couldn’t feel anything other than the black jealousy that had taken him over. The rage. The betrayal. All he wanted was to make Anakin feel all of the pain that he felt.

“Was she _good?_ ” Obi-wan said sarcastically, a sneer of disgust curling at the edge of his lip. Anakin only cowered in his silence, cradling his face in his hands as he continued to cry. 

“Clearly not good enough if you’ve come here looking for _seconds_.” Obi-wan said in a wry chuckle. 

Anakin stumbled for words but couldn’t seem to string anything together as he searched for something to say to make his master love him again. “No- I mean, I didn’t… It wasn’t-”

“It certainly _sounded_ like it.” Obi-wan said, eyeing Anakin up and down with repulsion, chest caving, completely devastated. 

“It’s not what you think, I _swear,_ ” Anakin begged, hands outstretched as to show blamelessness as Obi-wan paced away from him.

“What would you have me think then?” Obi-wan was outraged. Not only had Anakin betrayed the love he had given him, but now he was trying to explain away all that he had done to hurt him so badly. As if everything they shared could be devalued even more.

“I _love_ you. _Only_ you.” Anakin was trying desperately to reach his master through their bond, but Obi-wan still had him locked out. He was afraid to let him in. After everything, becoming vulnerable to him again was not something he could do. 

“Then why were you kriffing her?!” Obi-wan shouted, tears beading in his eyes as his hurt showed through his anger again. Quickly he closed himself off behind his bitterness again. 

“It... it all happened so fast, I wanted her to stop. I don’t love her. I love you.” Anakin entreated him. Obi-wan scoffed, as if who he claimed to love mattered when he was sleeping with someone else.

“So _you’re_ the victim then?” Obi-wan spat in disbelief, laughing bitterly at the thought. 

Anakin turned bright red as he stared at the floor, hands twisted up in front of him as he used to do as a youngling when he would get into trouble. “I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I _hate_ myself for it. For _all_ of it.”

Obi-wan was both speechless and seething. If he had opened up to Anakin, he would have sensed the vulnerable honesty of his words, but he hadn’t. To him it was a sorry excuse that he couldn’t stomach. He didn’t have the empathy to care anymore. Anakin had used up his compassion, he had none left to give. “You were scared. Seems rather convenient.”

“It’s not. It’s _pathetic,_ ” Anakin spoke, voice breaking, tears of shame leaking from the corners of his eyes as he fell to his knees. “I’m _sorry._ ”

For a moment, Obi-wan’s anger waned, his tender heart surfacing enough for him to feel guilty for being so cold. But only for a moment. The darkness was much too powerful for him to stave off for too long. Obi-wan paused from his pacing, standing over Anakin as he knelt before him, begging for forgiveness. He was being torn in half.

He wanted to hurt him, to make him feel the gut wrenching pain of betrayal that was ripping him up inside. He wanted to hold him, to tell him that he loved him. He was stuck between the stark duality of the two- a purgatory of heartache and pain.

In the midsts of his master’s silence, Anakin threw his arms around Obi-wan’s knees, clinging to him tightly, trembling and weeping. It only threw Obi-wan deeper into his conflicted emotions. He was sick with himself, with all of the things he was feeling. Sick of the anger and hate, sick the way he both longed for Anakin’s affection and hated the contact. Sickened by how much Anakin holding him like this had his body craving attention. 

It didn’t take long for Anakin to notice his hardening erection. Desperate for his master’s affection, he began nuzzling against him, testing out his reaction. Obi-wan was frozen. He had always been completely helpless against Anakin’s attention. In so many ways, Obi-wan was desperate for more. 

The part of him that loved him, relished the soft touches, the pleasure that it caused him to feel. The part of him that hated him felt powerful, desired to be served and pleased. His body was already on fire for him, impatiently waiting for what might happen next. 

Anakin began to kiss him through his sleep clothes, teasing him as he unlaced the front of his pants. Suddenly, Obi-wan felt a wave of nausea take him over as he became acutely disgusted. For how much he wanted Anakin right now, he couldn’t help but be appalled by how lewd it was that he should be so quick to appease him like this. It seemed to degrade their love even more.

Reactively, Obi-wan backhanded him again, causing a small split in the upper corner of his lip where his knuckle had made contact. Anakin was silent and unmoving, eyes cast downwards with hurt and shame. 

Obi-wan stood there for a moment indecisively, all parts of him warring for control over what he might do next. The Jedi told him to leave. The darkness told him to stay. In it all his body still craved attention. But for Obi-wan, he had never wanted anyone else. His body, mind, soul, all cried out for Anakin. Even now. 

A semblance of shameful excitement rushed through Obi-wan’s veins as he finished unlacing the front of his pants himself, revealing his manhood. Without a word Anakin braced his hips, quickly and studiously sucking him, pumping his shaft as he worked. Obi-wan drew a hand through his hair, pulling firmly but gently, pushing him on his cock to take his entire length. 

He could feel Anakin gagging and gasping slightly against him while trying as hard as he could to please him. Obi-wan found sadistic pleasure in how Anakin was trying so hard to be obedient for him. 

Eventually he could feel Anakin’s throat relax to be able to take him more comfortably. Obi-wan loosened the grip on his hair and began gently combing his fingers through his soft curls as he let out small sounds of approval, letting go of all else as he became lost in the pleasure that spread through his body. 

As he orgasmed, Anakin took care to swallow every drop of his seed. After he released him, he gazed up at his master with those tear stained blue eyes. Within them held a question, a plea. 

Like a decimating blow, all of the realities of the situation fell on him instantaneously. As Anakin looked up at him ever so timidly, he saw the same eyes that he had seen for so many years. He saw a scared child, terrified of being alone. Desperate for companionship. He saw the tortured soul that had been so horribly abused, not just as a slave, but before his very eyes. He saw himself, so consumed by his attachment and misplaced love for the boy that he had been blinded by his own feelings. He had let himself become out of control, driven by his primal fears and emotions. He had walled him off purposefully, too afraid to let him in after being so hurt. 

Because ironically enough, he was terrified of losing him. It was the same thing he saw echoed in that pair of desperate eyes. 

Hastily, Obi-wan fastened his trousers, face turning bright red with shame. Although he was still incredibly hurt, he only blamed himself. Because he should have never taken advantage of Anakin’s insecurities. He should have never have come to rely on him so much. It skewed his perceptions. 

Now, it was clear. When he had rushed to his quarters, it was because he had sensed that familiar terror and fear. What Anakin had said was true. He _was_ afraid. Obi-wan knew it. And he had laughed at him for it. As much as he was hurt, he feared he had hurt Anakin more. It was all a testament to the fact that he should have never let himself go down this path at all. 

And still those eyes begged and implored for love and acceptance. For forgiveness. As much as he was still a mess of conflicting emotions, he felt terrible guilt. For all the things he fell short of, for all the ways he failed Anakin. For all the things that he should have been. 

“Get _out._ ” Obi-wan snarled, disgusted with himself, repulsed by his own skin. The look of heartbreak in Anakin’s eyes killed him. But he couldn’t handle this right now. He couldn’t be trusted. Still Anakin didn’t move.

“I said get out!” Obi-wan shouted, causing Anakin to hurry out of the room. 

Upon being alone, Obi-wan collapsed to the floor, writhing as he let out the sobbs that had been lingering in his belly. There were no more thoughts or words. Only the sensation of acute loneliness as he lie there, incapacitated by the pain of it all. Rapt by the hollowed out sensation of where his heart once was.


	25. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maul is back to finish what he started

Padme rushed back to her quarters, trying to maintain composure until she had a moment of solitude. Hastily she slammed the door behind herself, encasing herself in the pitch black darkness that pervaded the room as she sank to the floor in dismay, finally unleashing the torrent of shame that roared beneath her skin. The truth of it finally hit her. It was over. He knew. There was nothing more she could do but wallow in her own sorrow and regret. 

Although she did not dwell on it long before the sound of heavy clanking footsteps brought her quickly out of her disconcerted state. Her body flew into a panic as she stood blinking through her tears, bracing herself against the door, straining her eyes against the darkness. Desperately she grasped for the door handle, trying to turn it to escape the room to no avail. 

“Didn’t they warn you? Too late for that now I suppose.” A dark velvet voice muttered, sick metal foot fall nearing her as she still fought against the door that refused to open for her. 

“What do you want?” Padme shouted fiercely, trying not to show the fear that was flooding her veins, frustratingly unable to still the trembling in her voice that gave her away.

“My _dear_ Padme, don’t make this harder on yourself.” The dark voice sounded sincere yet full of mal-intent in ways that made her skin crawl. “You will follow me, you will do as I say. I don’t _want_ to hurt you... if I don’t have to.” 

He was close now, although her eyes still failed to cut through the darkness, she could feel the cruel hands tracing the edge of her face, wiping the tears from her eyes, tangling kindly in her hair. It was increasingly difficult to resist the terror that was pulsing through her, although against all of her animal instincts telling her to submit, she still managed to swat his hands away.

“So full of _fire,_ ” he said chuckling darkly just before he pinned her to the door, nearly crushing the air from her lungs as he held her chin in his hand, slamming the side of her face against the carved wood, trailing his tongue from her collarbone to her ear before he growled low, lips grazing her flesh as he spoke. “Quickly, you will learn to heed my commands, unless you wish to _suffer…_ ” He drug his nails into her flesh across her chest drawing wet red lines causing her to sharply inhale, struggling against a cry that lingered in her chest. 

“ _Oh_ how I could make you _suffer,_ ” he added in a whispered tone, moving down to lick the trailing scratches that he left across her chest. Padme flinched against the contact, mind empty as the moment before her unfolded through her senses. Still the spark of tenacity, the fire that was her escence, refused to be intimidated even while she was completely petrified. It lit a rage in her that flared through her body. 

“Get your hands _off_ of me!” She roared, winding her hand back to strike the unseen figure before her with little success. Before she could land a blow he had grabbed at her wrist with a vice like grip, making it impossible for her to move. Pulling at her arm only angered him more, as he took her other wrist in hand, slamming them into the door above her, leaving her kicking out at his metal legs in futility. 

“Are you really so masochistic that you would bring down _my_ wrath upon yourself?” The voice spoke with something that sounded like honest concern. “I have little time for your foolish resistance. You can either follow me and obey my commands, or I will break both of your legs and carry you instead.” The tone in his voice was conversational, as if he were talking about the weather or a holonet cast. It made her sick to her stomach, the nonchalance at which he threw such threats around. 

A few moments after his declaration, he released her wrists, testing her obedience. Padme brought her hands to rub circulation back from where he had gripped them relentlessly causing them to go numb. 

“Any more resistance from you and I will assume you prefer to be _carried._ ” 

……

Anakin retreated from his masters room shaking with grief. He had made too many unforgivable mistakes, too many regretful decisions. Standing in the hall frozen in shock, he put his hands to his face in horror as the reality of his situation settled over his tortured heart. His worst fears had become his living nightmare. He was _alone._

In that moment he reached a low within himself that he had never felt before. Never had he ever been truly alone- so completely rejected. As a young slave he had his mother. Growing up he always had Obi-wan to rely on, who was his best friend though childhood, since he could never seem to get along with others his age. When Obi-wan became distant, he had Padme. He had been selfish with their affections, now he was paying the price. It was one that seemed too steep, one that he wasn't sure he could cope with. 

As a harrowing emptiness filled his soul, he couldn't help but return to those dark thoughts that had taken residence in his mind before, the ones that had always lingered just out of the scope of his consciousness. Thoughts that he might be better off dead than living out his cursed existence. After all, his loneliness had been a product of his disregard for those who had cared for him. He shouldn’t be allowed to continue on, wounding the very people who had only ever given him their heart without a second thought. 

He sauntered back to his room to stew in his self absorbed remorse that shaded his world a color of sick gray and black, dimming out all else. As his feet fell on the floor, carrying him to his quarters, everything felt numb. The heat in his bones bled out of him, world feeling as if it were turning in slow motion around him, making his stomach feel nauseous as his body caught up with the horrific reality of his circumstances. 

Opening the door to his quarters, his heart stopped beating for a moment, stomach twisting up in knots as he took a moment to look around himself, to judge whether or not he was dreaming. Indeed it was the same room that he had remembered visiting many times, from this recent trip to many before this. The same golden tresses barring the ceiling, the same warm red floral patterns to the bedspread, the same royal artwork adorning the walls. 

His hands began to sweat as his body began to tremble, chest restricting, making it difficult to breathe. A jolt of panic laced adrenaline seared through his veins, cementing his feet in the floor as he nearly felt phantom binds enclose on his wrists and ankles, his mind taking him to that dark place that he had worked so hard to forget. 

“Anakin,” Padme gasped breathlessly terrified, red and black hands clutching at her arms, holding her in place as she fought against them, only to be met with greater strength as the monster yanked against her attempts to wrestle free from his grip. She was left speechless, only a mere pawn in Maul’s twisted game of revenge. 

Anakin wanted to retaliate against him, wanted to make him pay for everything he had done. For the way he was using Padme, he wanted to tear right through him. But his saber was on the table near to his sleeper, not at his side, where it ought to have been. Even if he had it, what could he do against Maul, with Padme at risk? 

Through all of his racing thoughts he couldn’t help but think that none of it would have made a difference at all. He was broken. Even how his body betrayed him now, freezing him in place where he stood, flooding his mind with thoughts of doubt, remembering how he had been lorded over by the beast that stood before him sent a cold shiver down his spine that he couldn’t rise against. All odds were stacked against him. There was nothing he could do but cry out to Obi-wan through their bond and hope that he might come to his rescue. 

His heart broke at the thought, knowing how Obi-wan had shut him off, knowing how even if he could feel the terror leaking through their bond that he would dismiss it for heartbreak, not for what it truly was. So he helplessly starred at the monster who towered before him, useless, defeated before anything even began.

“Skywalker, so rude to have your guests waiting for so long. Although I assume your master had you _quite_ busy.” Maul growled sadistically, Padme squirming in his grasp as he spoke. Anakin’s heart wrenched as Padme’s eyes looked out helplessly at him. So many times before he had saved her from perilous circumstances, but this time was different. He couldn’t save her this time. He wouldn’t even be able to save _himself._ It was just another way he failed those that loved him, shame falling heavy on him as the thought seared itself into his mind. 

A pleased smile fell on the monster’s face at Anakin’s petrified silence. Without a word he kicked something metallic sounding across the floor towards him, landing just shy of his feet. “The collar. Put it on.”

Anakin began to waver, feeling faint, feeling as if he were about to lose consciousness, wishing he could wake up from this horrible nightmare, knowing that he had earned this for all of his sins. He deserved nothing less, or so he told himself. Still, it didn’t keep his body and mind from wrenching him back to more horrible memories that held him solidly in their grasp, unmoving, hyperventilating. 

Maul’s face twisted to a disgusting evil sneer as he held his saber alight just shy of grazing Padme’s throat. “Do it or the girl _dies._ ”

“No! Don’t do it Anakin!” Padme shouted through tears as Maul teased the saber just under her chin threateningly.

Anakin’s panicked gaze flickered between the monster and the collar that lay at his feet for a few moments before he shakily knelt to the floor, retrieving the wretched device that would strip him of his ability to fight back at all. As he held the cold metal in his hands it sent waves of intense nausea through his body. 

Still unsatisfied with his hesitation, Maul began to graze the edge of his saber on Padme’s neck, earning a surprised scream followed by muted cries as she tried to shut off the pain of it. 

Anakin’s arms and hands were convulsing terribly with a gut wrenching fear, making it challenging to maneuver the clasp of the collar on his neck as he frantically tried to appease the beast. A small eternity later he managed to lock the bind as he fell to his hands and knees, still shaking with fear.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Maul chided, throwing Padme to the floor and disengaging his saber as he took a few steps forward, towering over Anakin as he trembled on his knees before him. 

“You know, I never did take pleasure in torturing you.” Maul spoke, hand on his chin pensively as he stood in reflection, eyeing the man who knelt before him so timidly. “It was always Kenobi I was after. You have been _very_ helpful in that regard. There’s no one in the galaxy he cares for as much as you.”

Mauls words tore through him like so many sabers, straight through him. His mind played those damning thoughts over and over again, of how he had let his master down. Of how he was defenseless against Maul, of how he was at his whims once again, a _plaything-_ a pawn against his master. And now Padme had been drug into all of it as well. If he had only told her the truth, she would never have been put in harm’s way. He might have spared Obi-wan the pain of betrayal, might have spared himself as well. But he had little regard for himself anymore. If only Maul could manage to kill him this time, it might all be alright. 

“You know, it’s almost sad. The man you once were, compared to what you have become. I _almost_ regret using you so.” Maul spoke words of true solace, but only for a moment before his tone turned black as night and just as wicked. “If Kenobi’s pain wasn’t so sweet I might be sorry. But he must be made to suffer. Suffer he has,” a dark hand moved down to grab Anakin by his collar, hoisting him up to eye level with the beast. “Suffer he will.”

Maul moved for the door, dragging Anakin along with him as Padme lingered behind, watching in horror as everything unfolded. “Come along dear, you remember what we discussed earlier,” he said, stirring Padme to trail along behind the two of them silently.

As they entered the main hall, Che awaited them, already tethered to a chair, still in her sleep clothes from being so rudely awakened and drug out here against her will, collared in the same fashion as Anakin. Without a word the beast shoved Anakin towards the chair opposite Che, sending him tripping forward, catching himself on the wooden frame. “Sit with your hands behind your back,” he commanded. 

Anakin regarded his situation from a distance, moving his hands to obey the dark lord’s command, feeling somewhat empty and vacant, though somehow still surging with too much adrenaline that begged him to run away, to flee and save himself. As if that were even an option at this point. It felt like life was happening far away from him, like he was trapped in a bubble inside of himself, muting his senses and dulling his mind.

After being content with the ties on Anakin’s chair, Maul moved to work on immobilizing Padme next, sitting her beside Che. So far, they were the only three in view, although it was assumed he had not come alone. A glimmer of hope rose up in him, dying just as quickly as he was too afraid to get his hopes up for the chance of a rescue. It was all too possible that no one might have had the chance to alert the nearby fleet of the Sith arrival. Just because he didn’t see the others didn’t mean they weren’t some place else, just as helpless as he. 

There was no sense in reaching out to feel for the others with the collar on his neck, it would only bring him undue pain if he tried. Instead he attempted to stay in the moment, to look for opportunities, but those were scarce since in addition to being cut off from the force, he was without his saber. Alongside his own, he could see that of Vokara Che clasped to Maul’s belt, swinging as he moved, taunting them all for being so weak, so easily trapped. 

Anakin frantically looked around, surveying their situation, not that it did him a lick of good. He could see Che sitting opposite him, looking at him with sorry, heavy eyes, a few scrapes and scratches on her face and arms. He was glad he could not sense the pity she must have felt for him, it was bad enough to see it written on her face. The evidence of her struggle also stung, the fact that she had the audacity to stand and fight, while he had cowered and caved without a sign of showing any resistance. 

And then there were heavy steps headed in their direction, familiar and dreaded, making Anakin feel cold and faint again. In sickly yellow arms his padawan hung limp, unconscious and tattered, clearly she had put up quite the fight. Her leg hung at an unnatural angle, clearly having been broken in her struggle. Anakin felt sick at the sight of her in those awful arms so defeated. Tears stung at the edges of his eyes as he looked away, unable to watch as her lifeless body was tied to the chair beside him. 

Savage handed her sabers over to maul with a grunt. “Good. The time has finally come. Kenobi will never resist the bait we have laid out for him. It’s only a matter of time before he comes galavanting to the rescue.” Maul spoke frantically under his breath, savoring each moment before the eventuality of the situation came to fruition. 

“Savage, why don’t you entertain our friends while I retrieve the guest of honor?” Maul spoke, sinister smile distorting his face. Again, Savage answered him with a grunt and a nod while the dark lord trailed down the hall in search of his prey. 

“He’s only using you, you know,” Padme spoke critically at the lumbering beast as he tromped up and down the aisle that parted the two rows of chairs. “He doesn’t care about you, you’re just brawn to him, just a _tool._ ” Savage threw her a sideways glance as he continued to pace menacingly. 

Inside Anakin was screaming, if only she knew what he really was, she would be quiet. But he couldn’t manage to say a single thing, only look at her with wild eyes, as if to convey the truth of the beast that stood before them. 

His silence gave her confidence that showed in her voice as she grew louder and less timid, the senatorial mask taking over for her. “You don’t _need_ him. Do you think he could accomplish any of this without you? Yet he treats you like a slave, ordering you around to do his bidding.” Anakin still pleaded with her, body tense, waiting for him to lash out with terrible violence. 

“You have potential on your own, why do you lower yourself to serve _him?_ ” Che added in her usual commanding voice, touch of matronly care to her tones. 

Having heard enough of their attempts to weaken his resolve, Savage held his saber alight in his palm, taking a moment to stare at each one of them at the end of his blade. “ _He_ is my master, and brother. No more talking unless you want to lose your tongue.” Both of them answered with their shared silence. 

…….

The force was ablaze, roiling with so many dark emotions, too many crying minds. For Obi-wan, it was somewhat easy to shut out behind the wall he had built, and continued to build until all he could feel steeping through was the faintest hues of sorrow. It was both toxic and calming to him at the same time. 

He was enraged at himself, at what he had allowed himself to become, at how he let his feelings trample everything he had ever wanted, everything he had ever hoped to be. As much as he could blame Anakin, there was really only ever one to blame, that was himself. He was the one who had started them down this dark path of passion and destruction. Maul had fed off of his own sinful thoughts, painting them into a dark prison to trap him in, harming his precious Anakin so terribly in the process. And all of it was his fault. Even the fact that Maul was still alive to be inflicting these terrors was of his own shortcomings. 

However a part of himself took comfort in knowing others felt how he felt, that he wasn’t alone in his misery and despair. It was the only thing that he could share with anyone anymore- the sense of hopelessness and shame that became all he could seem to feel at all. 

It was melodic, the symphony of his own pain intermixed on the backdrop of the suffering that soaked through the sturdy shielding he surrounded himself with. It serenaded him, torturing his soul, prodding at the gaping hole where his heart had once been.

And then it all stopped. 

There were no ripples, no stray emotions leaking through his guard, nothing. Not a hint of anyone else outside of his own head. Suddenly, Obi-wan’s blood went cold as the implications ran rampant in his mind, overflowing into his body causing him to tremble with pure terror. 

Hastily he tore his defenses down, brick by brick, searching out anyone else, Anakin, Che, Ahsoka. They were all gone. He couldn’t feel their presence as he reached out far, encompassing the entire estate and far beyond. 

Calling his saber in hand, Obi-wan sprung to his feet, launching himself towards the door, then stopping just shy of opening it and striking down the one who had turned his world upside down. The one who had killed his master before his very eyes. The one who had brutally tortured and raped the man he loved as he was forced to bear witness. The one who had hunted him down out of pure malice, revenge, hatred. 

Obi-wan found himself calling on those same things as he thought of murdering that beast, thought of how good it would feel to end him, end all of the ways he had caused suffering to the ones he loved. He felt malice, revenge, hatred grow in his heart, closing over the wound where his heart had grieved him so. Obi-wan felt a strange sensation fall over him, a sense of calm- a sort of knowing. 

What lie ahead of him all seemed so certain. He would go, he would kill the one who had caused so much pain. He would seek revenge. Just the pure resolve in his blood alone sent a tempest alive in the force, whirling about him dangerously as he grew full of violence. 

Because the anger and rage that dwelt within him was nothing new, it had been residing there for so long, longer than he could even remember. It was the tale of his life, something that had begun in the beginning of his story. 

It was the way he had been so discarded by the Jedi as a child, sent to the Agri-corps without a second thought as to his usefulness or purpose. It was the way he had always tried so hard, trying even harder than all the other younglings just to keep up. Still, he was thrown away all the same.

And then his master, the man who had fathered him, pulled him from the monotony of the corps, loved him, taught him true honor and bravery, died. At the hands of a merciless beast. At the behest of the Jedi council who sent him out on the mission in the first place, treating his masters life as if he were only a small pawn in a larger game. As if his death held little importance. 

It was when he fell for Anakin, knowing he would never be able to tell him how he really felt. Once it had become known, he had pushed him away, trying to protect him from the reckless path he was on. Trying to protect him from his own desires, loathing himself for it all the while as he idolized the Jedi and their code, striving so hard to fit within it’s perfect boundaries.

Then what Maul had done to Anakin, after searching the depths of his mind, finding those hidden shameful wants, the ones he had tried to bury over all those years, unsuccessful in his attempts to do so. Perverting his love, turning it to violence on the one he had cared so much for.

It was how Anakin loved him anyways, how he had let him have what he had been craving for so long. How Obi-wan didn’t stop to think about how he was taking advantage. It was a dance of love and shame, guilt and lust, that perpetuated their relationship- a fateful mess, a tangle of desire and passion, too unstable to sustain. It always led to both of them being hurt, wounded by the other, all under the umbrella of the Jedi order that seemed to turn a blind eye to matters of the heart and soul. 

All of it fed into the untapped well of anger and hate that had been silently pooling within him, barely disturbed, until now. Each trauma falling on the next, each one exacerbated by the one that came before and after, surmounting into a tumultuous wave of grief fueled rage that took over Kenobi’s senses as his body writhed with pent up violence that yearned to be let out at the one who tormented him the most. Maul. 

A steady aura of seething anger came off of him as he opened the door, unlit saber in hand as he stalked down the corridor towards Anakin’s quarters, where he suspected Maul to be waiting for him. It was only moments after he began his trek that he could hear metallic foot fall striding his way, only seconds after that he saw the red and black figure clanking towards him casually, multiple sabers clanking together on his belt that he recognised as that of his friends’. 

As Maul drew closer, Obi-wan stopped in his tracks, studying curiously how the dark lord before him threw no dark aura as he had been expecting, as he had seen before. It was more a curiosity than anger that he stood there wondering, what dark power gave him such ability to mask his true self. It was no wonder he had not sensed him before, he could not even feel him now, as they were only standing inches away from each other. 

Maul wore a grimace of a smile on his face, grossly decayed yellowing teeth showing on his dark features. “At last we meet again,” he growled, barely containing the excitement that boiled under his skin. 

“Yes, and this time, you _will_ die.”

Body rigid in the slight of a fighting stance, Kenobi drew his saber, angling it under the dark lord’s chin, breathing heavy through his anger. Maul instantly drew his in response, cutting back at him, clashing against his blade as a dark guttural laugh came from him as Obi-wan pressed on, advancing on him as he continued to attack, Maul only seeming to be partially invested in the battle, only just keeping himself out of danger as the two of them parried out into the main hall.

That’s when he saw the others, sitting there bound, collared and helpless. Padme strained her neck to see the fighting, looking over her shoulder, Che following suit. Anakin sat frozen, rigid, that monster looming over him as the battle tore on. The sight bolstered the rage that grew in his heart, giving more fuel as he intensified his attacks, losing himself to the cycle of rage and aggression that ripped through his limbs as he threw himself into the attack on the beast that clashed against him. Still, he gained no advantage on the dark lord who met him with each swing and jab. He was only being allowed to tire himself out. 

Obi-wan made a show of exertion, hiding his true strength for later, reaching tendrils around the collar on Anakin and Che’s necks, manipulating them in an attempt to spring them open to free his friends. Hastily Mauls counter offensive intensified, smile growing sour on his face. 

“And you think you’re _clever,_ ” the dark lord spat, forcing Kenobi to focus on defending himself so much that it left little room to work on helping anyone. Each blow intent on shearing a limb from his body, forcing him into the corner of the room, each move of his saber swiftly and precisely meeting his attackers. That was, until a knee came crushing into his gut, instinctively causing him to curl in on himself momentarily, creating a lapse in his defenses only for a moment, but that was all that was needed for him to lose.

Maul held his saber under his chin, grinning devilishly as Obi-wan sneered back at him, anger still raging within him even more than before as the dark beast towered over him, drinking in his victory, one that Kenobi silently vowed within himself, would be fleeting at best.

Still holding his saber only inches away from Obi-wan’s flesh, Maul spoke, eyes searing into his. “Savage,” he called as the brute lumbered over to him, silver bind in hand. 

Maul took hold of the contraption, quickly clasping it about Kenobi’s neck, swiftly shearing his lightsaber from his grip in the next moment, laughing maniacally as he tossed Obi-wan to the center of the floor, at the foot of an empty chair. 

“Restrain him,” Maul ordered, Savage complying silently as he took the seething Jedi master in hand and forced him into the seat beside Anakin, Obi-wan kicking and resisting all the while. His efforts were fruitless without the force to fortify his will. He was just as helpless as a common civilian against them now. Just as helpless as he had been back on that cruiser all those weeks ago. He refused to let himself dwell on it as his wild stare burned through Maul with malicious wanting. 

“You will meet your end today, my friend. I’m almost sad for it to be over so soon. But alas, all things must come to an end.” The dark lord spoke, trailing a single finger tip down the side of Kenobi’s face, earning a snarl from the Jedi. 

“Of course before you go, I have something I want you to see,” he spoke gently as he slowly cased to where Anakin was bound, where he still had his head bowed, this time eyes shut in an attempt to shut everything out, all that had transpired, all that might yet come to pass. 

Without a word Maul pulled a fist through Anakin’s hair, yanking his face up towards the ceiling, baring his scar marked neck. The man’s chest began to rise and fall rapidly, hands tensing within their bondage, veins in his throat becoming pronounced as a furious panic rushed through his body at the beasts touch. 

Everyone in the room was silent. Che cast her eyes downwards in shame, pained by witnessing her fellow Jedi be treated so horribly. Ahsoka still slumped in her chair, unconscious, and better for it. Padme starred frantically at Anakin, face dwrenched and swollen with tears. Obi-wan glared at the dark lord wrathfully, daringly. Maul met his gaze unfalteringly with his own, tossing the fistfull of hair aside as he began to laugh maniacally again for a moment, sauntering back towards Kenobi, moving to stand behind the mans chair as he abruptly took his face in his grasp, wrenching his stare to look at the man he loved, helplessly bound.

“Savage, help Skywalker out of his binds. Of course, leave the collar on.” With nothing more than a grumble of acknowledgement, the brute followed the order, taking out his saber to shear away the rope that held Anakin in place.

“Don’t you _dare_ hurt him!” Obi-wan growled craning his face away from the dark lords lord grasp.

“Oh but Savage quite enjoyed your toy last time. He's been eagerly awaiting another taste, I hope you haven't broken him in too much.” Maul chided wickedly, unallowing Kenobi to avert his gaze.

As Anakin was freed, he was thrown to the ground before the other captives, clawing hastily to get away from his attacker to no avail. Savage moved in on him, over him, landing one blow after the next to his ribs and torso, Anakin holding his arms before his face and neck defensively. 

“I must ask, was he as good as Savage said he was?” Maul asked bringing his lips to Kenobi’s ear as he taunted him, still forcing him to watch Anakin be beaten as he spoke.

Within the moment, the room was still, all silent except the sound of Kenobi’s tortured growls of resistance and the sick thud of fists on Anakin’s flesh over and over, sounds of Padme’s stifled cries in the backdrop of his consciousness as Che had taken to a meditative silence. 

Ice pried at the edges of Obi-wan’s mind as Maul searched through his memories viciously, causing pain to sear through his temples. One by one he left his dirty fingerprints on those precious memories, the ones where things had been simpler. Perhaps things had never been so simple, but they had let themselves believe it had been so. What fools they had been.

The dark lord, after thoroughly rummaging through his thoughts, withdrew somewhat disappointed yet entertained. “I had hoped for something more… though I have to say Kenobi, you two are _quite _the pair of lovebirds. You would do _anything_ for him,” he said open-endedly as his words hung in the air, as if he were contemplating how to twist the knife in his side deeper to cause more pain than he had already.__

__“I will kill you for this! For everything you’ve done!” Obi-wan shouted fiercely, spittle flying from his mouth, involuntary tears falling from the corners of his eyes as his body overflowed with hate and rage, sickness and grief. The figure that held him still only laughed more at his lament. Che gave him a sideways glance at his declaration, a slight look of disbelief before she resumed her silent meditation in attempt to steady her spirit from breaking under duress._ _

__Obi-wan didn’t care anymore, didn’t care what people knew, or what they might think. He loved Anakin, he wasn’t going to hide it anymore. He couldn’t keep on with the show of being the perfect Jedi everyone believed him to be, the Jedi who he used to be- he didn’t even know who that man was anymore._ _

__“Savage,” Maul gestured with his hand, halting the beasts assault. With a flick of his wrist the dark lord motioned for his apprentice to move to the corner of the hall in wait, and he did so silently without protest or look of any emotion at all other than absolute submissive compliance._ _

__Anakin huddled into a ball, then moved to his knees, climbing up to his hands slowly trying to work his way to his feet, failing to rise from his knees as he tried, eventually collapsing to the floor again with a tortured groan, blood soaking through his clothes on the sides of his ribs and hips._ _

__“You’re too soft, Kenobi. I’ll give you this one chance. Either you kriff him now, or my apprentice will.” All eyes fell to Maul, a wide range of expressions fell over the captives ranging from disgust to horror._ _

__“You’re _sick!_ ” Obi-wan shouted, still repulsed by the dark lord's hands that wrenched his face this way and that. _ _

__“Standing offer. It may be your only chance…” Maul taunted him as Anakin remained curled on the floor in a shivering heap._ _

__In the midst of the nausea rising up from his stomach, an idea passed through Obi-wan’s mind. Getting out of these ties would be a step in the right direction. It gave him more options than he had at present. Although the idea of even verbally taking Maul up on his offer sent a shiver down his spine, intense disgust swirling in the space between his ribs._ _

__In the midst of the silence that hung in the room, Savage had began taking slow heavy steps towards the Jedi that was still huddled on the floor. Anakin began to tremble, clutching his knees a bit more tightly towards his chest, audibly hyperventilating as he was completely helpless, entrenched by the nightmarish events that unfolded._ _

__As much as Obi-wan had began to hatch a plan in his mind, he couldn’t find a way to say it. His heart pounded in his ears loudly as Savage began to near his former student, kneeling down before him as the beast violently ripped the tunic off of his back, sending Anakin into a silent panic as the man’s throat restricted on him, not allowing him to give anything other than whimpers and sobs as the beast moved to tear the rest of his clothes off of him._ _

__“STOP!” Obi-wan cried out, Maul finally releasing his hold on him as he circled to face him, giving Savage a signal to cease. The beast halted his assault but still lingered over Anakin, waiting for his master to give the next command._ _

__“You perverse feind!” Maul exclaimed happily. “You will take him instead then?”_ _

__Kenobi averted his eyes, unable to look at the dark figure as he nodded yes to the question. “Excellent! I had hoped so,” Maul growled darkly as he took a saber, burning the ropes that held him, causing them to fall away. Maul quickly tossed him to the center of the room aside Anakin, who was shivering from fear, mixed with the cold of the night that drifted in through the wide open balcony doors._ _

__Obi-wan moved to sit up, hand hovering over Anakin's bare and bloodied flank as he moved a hand to cover his face as a sob began to grow in his chest, one he found he couldn’t suppress. All of the events that had happened earlier felt like an eternity ago. All of the ways he had been so hurt, so angry with the man who now lay before him beaten and broken. As much as he still felt burnt by the betrayal, Obi-wan couldn’t find it within himself to hate him at all._ _

__Obi-wan gently tousled Anakin's dirty curls, the ones that fell over his face, hiding his wide scared eyes that leaked silent tears. “ _Oh Anakin, I’m so sorry,_ ” he whispered, laying down beside him. For a moment it felt like they were the only two that existed. If only that had been true. _ _

__“I’m scared, master,” Anakin managed to choke out. Obi-wan pressed their foreheads against one another in response as a comfort, not wanting to place hands on him to anger his injuries that already left large dark purple splotches on his skin._ _

__“Get on with it already,” Maul snarled, “or I’ll let Savage have you _both._ ”_ _

__Obi-wan nestled his lips near to Anakin’s ear as he moved to slowly work his hand down the front of the man’s pants. He didn’t need the force to feel Anakin’s aversion, his own heart wrenched and sunk at the thought of what he was doing to him, how he was so unwilling, how badly injured he was. Obi-wan couldn’t help but hate himself for every moment of it. But if they played their cards right, they would be able to get out of this mess. He had to make it all worth it._ _

__“Anakin, I have a plan,” Obi-wan whispered inaudibly. Anakin’s body was still rigid and closed off in response to his efforts. “Just follow my lead.” The man gave no response, but Obi-wan knew he had heard him. He would just have to hope he would understand what he meant. Obi-wan was sure when the time came, he would know what to do._ _

__“Take him already! Are you so daft that you don’t know what that _means?_ I can have Savage show you, if you refuse to cooperate.” Maul spoke, reclining in the chair Obi-wan had been tethered to, fist on his chin as he watched intently. _ _

__Gingerly, Obi-wan knelt, pulling Anakin to rest on his hands and knees, holding up his weight with his arms, slowly easing him down until Obi-wan was sure Anakin could hold himself up on his own. For privacy, he pulled down Anakin’s pants down in the back only as much as necessary, keeping the front up as much as possible, to not expose him to the room. He tried not to think of all the eyes that fell on them, hoped that Che and Padme would have the courtesy and sense to look away as he had so wished they would. He dared not look in their direction to see. He took to pulling himself from his pants as well, generously wetting his fingertips before moving to moisten Anakin’s entrance, gently massaging him, trying to get him to relax so that he didn’t hurt him more than necessary._ _

__Obi-wan’s gut wrenched again as he saw Anakin burying his head between his arms, shoulders gently shaking with silent sobs. Obi-wan leaned over to hold him to console him as he continued working, trying to get him to relax. “Shhh, it’s going to be alright. We’ll get out of here I promise. I’m so sorry. Please just try to relax... It will hurt less that way,” Obi-wan said, whispered voice breaking as he buried his head in Anakin’s shoulder, blinking away the tears that stung at his eyes._ _

__Anakin responded by taking a series of shaky deep breaths in an attempt to follow his master’s command. A few moments later he began to become more receptive to Obi-wan’s efforts, relaxing enough to eventually take three of his fingers, shuddering still as stray tears fell from his eyes to the ground below him._ _

__“Don’t make me wait all day,” Maul sneered, still sprawled out on the chair, watching hungerly._ _

__Obi-wan felt another wave of guilt and shame fall over him, as he was about to violate the man he loved before an audience, nothing seemed like it could be more terrible, although the alternative was indeed so much worse. He delicately pressed himself against Anakin’s entrance, feeling him tense as he did. Obi-wan held Anakin gently as he steadied against him._ _

__“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into Anakin’s curls, pressing himself into him slowly, earning a soft grunt from the man beneath him. Feeling his body tense against the intrusion he immediately stopped, waiting for him to breathe, to relax before he went any further. It took a few moments but eventually Anakin began to loosen, Obi-wan pressing further until Anakin had taken his entire length._ _

__Obi-wan felt horrified with himself, that he couldn't help but be overtaken by the feeling of being inside the man he loved. It felt so wrong, to enjoy this at all under these circumstances. Especially at Anakin's expense, it felt cruel and unforgivable. He did his best to make it as pleasurable for him as he could, making sure to hit just the right spot to send waves of electricity through him, earning soft gasps from Anakin that he tried hard to quell. From discomfort or pleasure he couldn't entirely tell._ _

__Gently, Kenobi began to take a slow pace, hands still holding Anakin up against him as he thrusted, roving about, climbing up the man’s chest, lingering a soft hold above his collarbone, ever so slightly tinkering with the collar that hung on his neck. Through it all he tried hard to distance himself from the pleasure that pulsed through his groin, trying to ignore how _good_ it felt. Finally, a soft click of the release clip had sounded, conveniently muted by a showy moan emitted from Obi-wan that twisted his stomach in embarrassment and shame. _ _

__The collar still held its function, but was no longer locked. With a swift motion it would easily be removed. Exactly as Obi-wan had planned. Much to his advantage yet with a tinge of disgust, he noticed Maul- lost in the sensations of their union, eyes closed as he threw himself Into the force to feel the growing warmth that danced in their bodies. The dark lord wouldn't realize until it was too late._ _

__Anakin took notice of Obi-wan's work, as he began to move a hand back somewhat hesitant at first, reaching for his masters face as he pressed himself more willingly against him, fingers manipulating the locking mechanism as he did. After quite a bit of searching out at the device at such an awkward angle, only made worse by the trembling that took over his limbs and the shameful distracting swells of pleasure his master was making him to feel, it too unlocked, sound covered this time by an all too willing salacious cry from Anakin, as he took to spearing himself more violently on his masters cock._ _

__Obi-wan moved to withdraw from Anakin, ready to tear off the collars and call his saber to hand but was quickly diverted as the man beneath him postured to pull him back down, legs trembling, cock weeping with precum through his pants. Only a few seconds later Anakin spilled, shuddering and moaning softly, his master holding him steady as his orgasm racked his tortured body with a delightful numbing sensation that dulled all the horrible pain if only for a moment._ _

__As Anakin’s body still rode out the swells of his climax, Maul continued to writhe in the sensations of it, completely distracted. Obi-wan took advantage of the moment, withdrawing from the man beneath him and covering himself hastily, he then quickly tore off both of their collars in one swift motion, immediately calling sabers to both of his hands from the small collection that had been amassing on Maul’s belt, Anakin quickly following suit only seconds after._ _

__As the weapons suspended in motion flew across the room into Obi-wan’s outstretched hands, they didn’t yet reach his palm by the time Maul’s livid eyes flew open, a look of shocked rage on his face as he realized how he had been so easily tricked. Taken by the novelty of those sensations he so greedily leached off their bodies he had been fatally distracted. Obi-wan’s eyes burned lethally back into those red and yellow stained orbs, murderous intent filling the room as the force boiled about him dangerously._ _

__Not a word was passed between them as Obi-wan flew into a combat ready stance, Anakin took to working on Che’s collar, manipulating it through the force with ease as it unclasped and fell to the floor, then began to evade the lumbering beast that closed in on him, red saber alight in his massive hand. Immediately after she was rid of the collar, Che coiled tendrils of force around the ropes that bound her, as they instantly obeyed her will, shredding to non-existence as they fell to scraps around her on the floor._ _

__By the time Vokara Che had managed to free herself, Maul and Obi-wan had already begun their mortal tangle of sabers and leaps, twisting and lurching back and forth, exchanging grunts and screams as they clashed against one another. Anakin remained mostly evading the heavy swings of Savage’s saber, wincing and grunting from his aching sides as they continued to weep red still, bolstering himself with the force just enough to be able to fight through the pain that stabbed at his sides. Maul hardly had noticed as Che reach out to pull her saber from his belt. Thumbing it on she rushed to Anakin’s aid against the massive beast he was frantically dodging, turbulent fear and terror swirling about him._ _

__Che took place by his side, giving him a reassuring glance as she threw her saber at the beast, giving Anakin space to tear at his limbs, grazing him in some places, wounding him in others. For all the stature and strength that Savage held on them, he was no match for three sabers, didn’t have the speed to keep up with holding off the stabs and jabs to his body. Che swung high, aimed at his neck, forcing Savage to block as Anakin swiftly moved one saber aimed lower at his chest, forcing him to clash against both simultaneously._ _

__In one fatal stab, Anakin thrust the other saber lower, straight through the beast’s chest, right through his heart. With a push of force, Savage was knocked back on the floor, charred wet hole from the saber burn still sizzling, giving small wafts of smoke with the distinct odor of burnt flesh and blood. Anakin stood, sabers alight in his hands, staring down in disbelief at the slain monster as the last trace of life flickered out of him._ _

__“Anakin, we have to get Padme and Ahsoka out of here, to the ship.” Che commanded. Anakin looked to his master, still deeply entrenched in battle against Maul as their sabers whirled and clashed so fast, it was impossible to make out their limbs from the blur of color and dark that danced about them._ _

__Sensing his hesitation, Che added in a stern yet kind tone. “Obi-wan will be fine. He will not die on this day. Now come! We must leave and take the others to safety. Their fate is not yet so decided.”_ _

__As much as every fiber of his being screamed to help his master, Che was right. Ahsoka had been badly hurt, possibly suffering from internal injuries even. Che would know better than him what state she was in. And this was no place for Padme, either. The healer might not have said it, but he knew his own injuries had been somewhat extensive as well. His ability to suppress the pain of them through the force did not make them better, or lesser._ _

__Without a word he nodded understandingly to Che, then they moved to free Padme and Ahsoka from their ties. Gently, Anakin removed the collar from his padawan’s neck, then took her small body in his arms, following Che and Padme as they left for the Twilight, leaving Obi-wan and Maul alone as they continued to battle._ _

__As they left the villa, trooper transports began landing, streams of clones rushing in single file towards the main hall, master Plo trailing briskly behind them. Anakin and Che were both caught off guard, unknowing any transmission had reached them at all._ _

__“Master Plo, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Che said wearily palpable sadness and pain in her voice. “I was unaware you were contacted, although we are very relieved.”_ _

__Plo Koon took a moment before answering, a solem aura falling over him. “Thanks to little ‘Soka I was alerted,” he said, motioning to the limp form that Anakin held in his arms as he still muted his own injuries with the force._ _

__“She will be alright,” Che assured him. “Although we must make way to our ship immediately,” She added in a serious tone._ _

__“Of course,” Plo bowed politely as the four of them continued on to the Twilight, the rest of the troops falling behind them into the villa._ _

__As their battle amassed an audience, Maul and Kenobi seemed to be unaware as they pressed on furiously, each one refusing to give an advantage to the other. As the clones arrived they steadied their blasters on the Sith lord, but held their fire, watching in amazement as the two of them danced, swirls of green and blue against the crimson red, mesmerized by the display of power and skill that unfolded before them._ _

__As both of them had been exerting themselves fully, they slowly began to tire out. “It’s over Maul, you’re surrounded,” Obi-wan spoke between saber thrusts and clashes._ _

__“Would you accept a surrender?” Maul growled back, knowing all too well that this battle was one to the death. Knowing that he would rather be slain than surrender. Obi-wan was a worthy adversary, it would be an honorable death. Although he didn’t intend on giving him such a chance._ _

__“Of course _not,_ ” Obi-wan ground out between clenched teeth, their two sabers clashing, grinding against the other in a test of each other’s strength. In the pause of battle, one of the 212th cut through the silence, landing a barrage blaster bolts to the dark lord’s back, causing Maul to fall to his knees as his lungs began to fill with blood._ _

__“It is as I said. Now, _you_ will die.” Obi-wan said cooly as he glowered down at Darth Maul as the dark lord wavered on his knees before him, gurgled breaths escaping his bloodied lips as his eyes gazed up at Obi-wan, a sense of acceptance and sick defeat on his face. Just as his lips moved to speak, Obi-wan took his saber and drew it through Maul’s neck, severing the head from his body as it fell to the floor with a thud, the rest of his body falling after a lingering moment. _ _

__The vicious bloodlust that had been fostered in Obi-wan’s heart should have been quelled. The beasts responsible for it all, they were dead now. The man he loved was safe. Somehow, it didn’t change anything. He nearly felt worse. The man he had been, now slain along with the Sith that lie in an unnatural posture on the floor before him. With an empty hollow void taking over his chest, he turned to the squad of clones that stood behind him, giving them a silent nod as he made his way to the Twilight, to begin travel back to Coruscant._ _


	26. Resignation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Coruscant

The trip home was one full of silence and tension. Anakin was placed in yet another healing trance on the way, his injuries being quite extensive. Ahsoka as well, remained in trance for the duration of the voyage, leaving Obi-wan and Vokara Che to pilot in rotation. Not many words were spoken amongst them. After surviving such an ordeal, after witnessing too much, they were left without words _to_ say. Obi-wan was at least grateful that Padme had taken her own vessel back to Coruscant, thus relieving him of her presence which was too much for him to bear at the moment. 

For their entire passage, Obi-wan didn’t dare venture back to the small sick bay where his friends lie comatose. He loathed the moments that took him past as he headed from bridge to bunk when Che came to relieve him at the helm. It seemed everything that had been beautiful, now was broken. Everything good was all gone. 

There was a restlessness, a melancholy that he couldn’t explain. Maul and Savage were dead. He had to keep telling himself just to believe it. It didn’t feel like the end of anything. It felt like the beginning of more pain and suffering. When they had been lurking around the corner, it was easy to pawn off all of his anger and hurt onto them. Now without the ability to put a face to the things that haunted him, he felt lost. 

Because the sea of agony and hate had always been there, welling beneath the surface long before those monsters had hurt Anakin. Even before Maul had killed his master, the beginnings of his pain had already been there, now the whole of it was broken open and seething still. Only, there was no target. No one to be angry with, no one to take his empty rage out on. He only had himself to blame for causing everything that had come to pass. 

And Anakin. For all that he had endured, for everything that he had gone through, to have taken advantage of him in such a way, was completely unforgivable. It was all over between them. How could he go to him after this? How would Anakin ever feel safe with him? Even if that hadn’t been an object, Che surely knew about them now. Even if the scope of their sins was not known, the seed of their love had been discovered. Now, it would never be allowed to exist. Now it would be rooted out, just as any other attachment that came to light before the council. And they _would_ be brought before the council, be torn apart. No other path existed for a Jedi.

The swells of rage grew inside of him as he thought of it. A room full of beings, unsympathetic to their plight. Unallowing of things so natural, so good, as love. If the council had their way, they would never let the two of them be in the same room together ever again. The thought stabbed through him, seeming to drain what little life he had left. 

_Selfish, selfish!_ He thought. As much as he had been hurt, as much as his soul was still bleeding, Anakin would take everything so much worse. The man always was so vulnerable to those he was close with. He took everything so hard, when it came to matters of the heart. Anakin had lost nearly everything. Now he would lose his master, and most certainly they would reassign his padawan. 

A tangle of empathetic pain and gut wrenching anger took up the space in his chest. It still hurt badly. He couldn’t much think of Anakin without calling back to that terrible moment, the revelation of the nature of the relationship between Anakin and that senator. Those soft moans that tore like jagged knives through his flesh over and over. 

As much as Obi-wan did understand, his jealous heart remained, reminding him of the pain of betrayal. The clash made him sick to his stomach. Mostly he tried not to think of it, although it seemed impossible. He tried to not think of _anything,_ not the past, certainly not of what would happen once they reached Coruscant. He would deal with it as things came to pass. That was the only thing he _could_ do. 

And as the days drug on, they began to blend, one into the other. Most times, he was unable to fall asleep when his turn at the helm had ended. Everytime he tried, all he could see were things he didn’t want to think about, things he didn’t want to feel. As much as he tried to will himself to let go, it did little to ease his plight. 

By the time they arrived at Coruscant, he had become so sleep deprived that he didn’t feel alive anymore. He felt like a ghost, a phantom, forced to exist when all he wanted to do was pass on into peace. 

As he made his way from the ramp of the Twilight, a gathering of senators and Jedi were there to greet him, all of them looking so intensely concerned. Medics quickly rushed past him, to the small sick bay with gurneys to transfer their sleeping injured. Che stayed behind to help them, leaving Kenobi to trek out by himself. 

Mace quickly met him, saying something his mind couldn’t quite catch the first time round. After so many days of not talking, not listening to anyone speak, it took him a few moments to catch up with the pace at which things were moving. Mace looked at him inquisitively, waiting for his answer. Obi-wan rubbed at his dark sunken eyes in an attempt to bring himself to the moment. 

“I’m sorry, master Windu, you must forgive me. Sleep has been… fleeting. Come again?” A sturdy hand clasped to his shoulder as they continued pacing inside the senate building. 

“I know you have been through a great ordeal and wish nothing more than to retire, master Kenobi. But before you do, the Chancellor wishes to see you. I tried to explain to him you would be in no state to be answering calls at the moment, but he would not be dissuaded.”

_Oh for karks sake._

“Certainly, master Windu. I will make my way there quickly.” Obi-wan said in a voice that sounded strange to him. The voice of a Jedi. The voice of the man he once was. Now, just an empty facade. 

Windu gave him a worried yet sympathetic look. “The worst of it has past, Obi-wan. It’s all going to be alright.”

Obi-wan didn’t have anything to say in response, so he curtly nodded as he made his way to the Chancellor's office. What did Mace know of what he had just been through? Once he became more acquainted with the details of it all, he would most certainly change his tune. He had _no idea._ The very fact that he spoke as if he could even understand a fraction of the horrible things that they had endured made Obi-wan’s blood boil. He didn’t try to hide his anger behind his shielding as he trailed through the senate halls to his destination. 

The guard about the Chancellor’s office, upon seeing him headed down the hall, quickly made way to open the doors to the grand office, bringing Palpatine into view as he gazed out of his office window, looking over the Coruscant sunset; over the twinkling buildings and spires that filled the expanse before him. 

As Obi-wan entered the space, doors shutting behind him, there was something strange that filled the air around the man that stood before him. Strangely comforting, yet something he had not felt all too often. It lingered like an aroma that his senses could remember but that his mind could not place. He didn’t have the emotional energy to dwell on it too much before the Chancellor turned to meet him, a sorry expression falling over his worn features. 

“Master Kenobi, It’s so good to see you. I only wish the circumstances of our meeting were less unpleasant.” The old man looked weathered, bags under his eyes that held a sense of gentle understanding. It was more empathy than he would ever receive from the council. 

Still, he had little patience for formalities. “What is it you called me here for, Chancellor?” Obi-wan spoke in short, yet with the proper respect. He was visibly tattered and exhausted. He felt even more fried than he looked. 

“I simply wanted to convey my deepest gratitude for your service, Master Kenobi.” He said, placing a hand solemnly over his heart as he spoke, his expression taking on a genuine quality. Still, the feel of this place was… strange. It remained in the back of his consciousness, the comfort turning to gristle, gnawing at him. He couldn’t quite place a finger to what it was that irked him so. Although in such a state, everything felt like sandpaper against his nerves, he reasoned. 

Although Obi-wan was annoyed, puzzled as to why this could not wait for some other time. “I only wish to perform my duty as a Jedi Knight, Chancellor.” His own words added to his anger, for he knew they were empty shells, mere notions. They were not entirely true. Not true at all. He had been the poorest example of what a Jedi was. He didn’t much care about his shortcomings in the matter either. Not anymore.

“Master Kenobi,” the man gave him small smile, a look of knowing. “You and I both know that’s not entirely true.” His words drew out, sly look in his eye that hinted wittingly at what remained unspoken. The mans brazen assumption eroded what was left of Obi-wan’s patience till he had none left. 

Obi-wan this time, didn’t even try to hide the irritability in his voice. “What are you saying, Chancellor?” His voice was sturdy, but his insides were churning, heart accelerating, mixing anxiety with the anger that had been long brewing in his chest.

“I _know_ how you feel about Anakin.” Palpatine said, another sorry look taking over his expression. His words sounded understanding. Nothing about the chancellor’s expression or body language spoke to being judgemental or put off. Still, the fact that he could so openly assume, bodly imply such disregard for the code, added to Obi-wan’s ever growing anger. Surely the man had no proof. 

“If I understand what you allude to, you are mistaken. Anakin was my _padawan,_ ” he said vehemently, as to explain away everything to himself as much as to the man that stood before him. “We have a close bond, yes. With Anakin, it would nearly be impossible to remain completely unattached with how… _emotional_ he is. But I am his mentor, his friend, nothing more.” His words sounded convincing, he might have even convinced himself. He wished he could have.

The look on Palpatine's face grew darker, but only for a moment before returning to his consoling demeanor. “Master Kenobi, you misunderstand. I do not attempt to sabotage the two of you. Quite the opposite actually. Anakin is a, _special_ soul. I've only ever wished for him to be happy. If you are part of that, then I do not wish to stand in your way. I certainly do not share the idealization of no attachments, as the Jedi do.” he added the last with an air of pride, turning his chin upwards for a moment, a gesture of dissent. 

“If you have called me here to debate Jedi code with you, I’m afraid that would be a terrible waste of both my time and yours,” Obi-wan said, nervous anger taking over his gestures and words, undermining all he had been trying to say. Still, his stomach churned, his sleep deprived mind raced uncontrollably. He did his best to hide it. The anger only did so much to compensate for it all. It felt like the last few months had been a trainwreck, playing in slow motion, finally now coming to conclusion. He felt like everything was slipping from his grasp. Crashing. Burning. _Dying._

“Master Kenobi, _Obi-wan,_ let us set the politics aside. Anakin is like a son to me. You must understand. You have protected him in the face of many dangers. You killed the one who had hurt him so… terribly,” the chancellor said, averting his eyes to the uneasy subject of which he spoke. “In doing so you have more than served the Republic. You have rendered a service to which I am in your debt,” the man said, hand over heart as if to swear.

“Chancellor Palpatine, please,” Obi-wan said, in the throes of a last ditch effort to conceal what little privacy they might have been afforded in their romantic involvement. “I am glad to have been of service in bringing those… _monsters_... to justice, but do not be disillusioned. There is nothing between Anakin and I.” His words were frantic and scared, leaving him slightly out of breath as his heart continued to race, thudding in his ears. 

“Obi-wan, spare me.” the man said before him dryly, face falling from the gestures and graces of which he portrayed only moments ago. “Did you think the relationship between you two was so carefully hidden that no one took notice?” He said, pointing an accusing finger at Obi-wan’s chest.”Don’t be so naive.” His tone shifted again towards being nearly delighted, face lighting up to match. “If Anakin is taken with you, that practically makes us family.”

With nothing left to say, completely laid bare, Obi-wan was rendered speechless. As the blood drained out of his face, he began to feel faint. The sleepless nights of travel finally hitting him like a ton of bricks, all at once. Everything was over. It made little difference _when_ the Chancellor had discovered them. Now he knew, the council would know, the entire galaxy was bound to know sooner or later.

“Master Kenobi, you don’t look so well. Why don’t you have a seat?” The man gestured to the chair before the grand desk of the Chancellor, as he too took a seat. Obi-wan reluctantly agreed with no words to protest, or accept. Slowly, he took to weary motion as his aching body came to rest on the chair that suddenly seemed to hold him up from nearly collapsing on the floor. 

Obi-wan spoke quietly, nearly inaudibly, face sheet white, looking up timidly at the man who sat before him. “Who else knows?”

_Stupid question._

Obi-wan wasn’t sure why he cared anymore. There was no way to control the fallout of everything now. Their lives had been cast to the wind, now to be carried about every which way it would blow. The time for discretion was over. Then again, it was all over anyways. 

“As far as I know, nobody. I would very much like to keep it that way. For Anakin’s sake. I could only imagine if the council knew, what they might do to him. To the _both_ of you.” Palpatine spoke gravely, eyes cast down to emphasise the gravity of their situation. Obi-wan’s chest lit aflame with a fearful anger in knowledge that it would be too soon that the council would know. They would settle their fates, in their cold, unfeeling hands. 

“Although there _may_ be another, this wife of his you know, now ex-wife I assume,” he spoke trailing off, perceiving Obi-wan’s shock at his comment.

_Wife?_

“What are you talking about?” Obi-wan asked desperately, already knowing the truth of it. Already knowing what he would say next. All of a sudden the betrayal that had hurt so badly turned to ash in his mouth, bitterness in his veins. The hate and rage boiled over again as he clenched his hands into fists, turning his knuckles white.

“Oh my dear Obi-wan, you don’t know,” Palpatine spoke, aghast at spilling such a secret like this. “Senator Amidala and young Skywalker had an affair of sorts, marrying on Naboo just as the clone wars began. Clearly it was a, fleeting thing. I’ve seen how he looks at you, how he speaks of you. There is no doubt in my mind who his heart belongs to.”

Suddenly Obi-wan’s vision went red, his aura screamed for blood, his soul recoiled from the sting of betrayal that hit harder this time than the last. The chancellors words sounded like empty attempts to erase the obvious doubts he had planted in Obi-wan’s mind. They only exacerbated the fire that raged in his soul.

“I’m terribly sorry, it wasn’t my place to divulge such information. I assumed you had… sensed it. It was quite obvious from my perspective.” The man said apologetically still, nearly timid. 

“No, no, I didn’t know.” Obi-wan said, reeling in the shock. But Palpatine was right. Deep down, he _had_ known. He had always known. He never dared venture near the subject in order to protect his heart he had so carelessly worn on his sleeve for the man he loved. 

He tried to remember none of it mattered anymore, that Anakin was far out of his reach now anyways, after what he had done to him. It shouldn't have mattered that he had loved another. But it did. It burned his soul. Tormenting him, killing him. All they had ever shared was forfeit.

Obi-wan brought a hand to his temples as was his habit in tense situations. Still, he was at a loss for words. What was there to say? He had whisked away a married man, away from his own wife. If only he could feel bad for it. He couldn’t He only felt the hurt, the pain, the rage that blazed within that drowned out his ability to think. All he could see, feel, was the betrayal. The sick image of what was once had, now broken. 

_No-_ he had never held his affections. There was nothing to be broken when it was deception from the beginning. It had never been real.

Palpatine set a wrinkled hand on Kenobi’s as he spoke, peering forward to meet his gaze. “As I said, Master Kenobi, I am sure Anakin loves you.” The words he spoke were cut with an undertone of uncertainty, making the tempest of unstable anger that swirled about him more furious than before. 

_Lies!_

“You are certainly _my_ preferred choice for him,” the chancellor said, pulling his hand back, clasping them in front of himself as he took on a more sure tone. “That… _senator_ … she never truly cared for him. Not how you do. I know you would do anything for him. You have proved it time and time again.”

Obi-wan clenched his jaw, inhaling deeply before he spoke. “Chancellor, if our business here is concluded, I would very well like to take my leave.” He quickly rose from the chair, in an attempt to give the man no room to respond, to ask him to stay. Perhaps in his fatigue, he was not quick enough.

“Master Kenobi, stay a moment if you will. This is the first time we have gotten a chance to speak to one another, in quite some time. There is still more I wish to discuss.” He spoke with an air of authority, as he had been accustomed to, being the Supreme Chancellor. The ties of rank and duty that still loosely held themselves to Obi-wan caused him to linger, but still ever so impatient.

“Then I beg you make it quick, I am very tired,” Obi-wan said, sinking back down to the chair before the grand desk that stood before him, darkness in his aura growing by the second, filling his thoughts with self doubt and pain that begged to be inflicted on others. His self control was waning by the second, the caustic truths of the love he had been haunted by corroding his will to stay calm, to keep the peace. He felt like a bomb, only seconds from unleashing unimaginable destruction. His skin itched with it, he could barely stay still. 

“Yes, yes, of course.” He said, a fleeting grin pulling at the corners of his mouth, quickly replaced by another genuine look of kindness and sorrow. “I have always been fond of you, master Kenobi. To see you in such a state, pains me. You know, if there is ever something you need, I will gladly help you.”

In that moment, everything that held Obi-wan together, snapped. He was, _tired._ All the sense of duty, the obligatory sentiment, the blind adherence to the code. All that had put him in the box of which he stood, that tied his hands. That told him love was wrong, to be rooted out. That his emotions were wrong. That he wasn’t _allowed_ to feel. It was killing him. He couldn’t do it anymore.

Because that’s what a good Jedi was. He had been the best. Now he felt opposed to all that they were, to all that he tried so hard to abide by his whole life. It felt impossible. He may not be able to hold on to Anakin anymore, but he couldn’t act as if he was okay. As if everything was alright. It wasn’t. He didn’t think it ever would be ever again.

“Well, I will be resigning from the council.” He said, as the words fell from his lips, his heart accepted them. It felt, right. He thought about it some more. “Actually, resigning from the Order. Perhaps I will be in need of your assistance in that regard. Change in occupation.” The words came forth in the most casual manner, although they left him shaking to the core. He had never known anything else. But it was time. He could feel his soul resonate with the words, soothing the tempest in nearly an instant, a sigh of relief as he felt his shoulders loosen, being unburdened. 

“Master Kenobi, _resigning?_ Walking away from everything you’ve ever worked for?” Palpatine said, shocked. 

“Yes.” Obi-wan said, nodding, feeling himself nearly growing peaceful as he confirmed his declaration. 

“Why, I don’t know what to say,” the man looked in dismay, but only briefly, before his face turned to opportunistic. Obi-wan could spot it from a mile away. Palpatine was a politician, after all. Suddenly he regretted being so open with the man. Surely he would find a way to spin this to his advantage. “I do, however, have a position open, if you are willing to fill it.”

A position, for the Chancellor? Not exactly what he had in mind. Respectfully, he waited to hear him out. “What might that be?” Obi-wan looked up, intrigued, reading the man’s face. 

“I’m in recent need of a new… apprentice,” he said carefully, watching Obi-wan’s expression with equal caution. 

That air, the feeling of the room, the one that resonated with his own darkness, it all made sense now. It was that background feeling, nothing so blatant. Not what he would have expected. Somehow he was significantly calmer than he had expected from himself. After all, he was no longer a Jedi. Not at heart, soon not in name, either. 

“Apprentice?” Obi-wan asked, eyeing up at the man who lingered over him, not masking his suspicion as he did. He tightened his shielding carefully, as to not draw attention to himself. Just because he was no longer a Jedi, did not discredit the threat the man before him posed, if he was correct in his assumptions. 

Although implications began to run rampant in his mind. If he was a Sith lord, that makes his former apprentice Maul. No doubt he had so much to do in Anakin’s torture, perhaps the designer of it entirely. 

Obi-wan sprang to his feet in the space of a heartbeat, calling his saber in hand, all calm bleeding out of him, replaced with the anger that was ready to be called upon at any moment. “What are you saying?” He spoke, lit saber casting a ghastly blue glow on his weary features. 

“Obi-wan, there’s no need for such aggression. I am a friend, I assure you.” The man said, baring his hands to him as if to prove his innocent nature. 

“You’re _Sith,_ ” Obi-wan answered back cautiously, still somewhat in question, in conflict with the blind anger that was not concerned so much with showing any discretion. 

“Indeed I am,” Palpatine said, drawing his hands together before him, eyes cast down in sorrow. 

“Maul was your apprentice! _You_ sent him after me!” Obi-wan bared his teeth as he shouted, now angling his saber at the unarmed man before him. “Yet you claim to care about Anakin, after all he has done,” he said, voice breaking as angry tears beaded in his eyes.

“You are mistaken. He rebelled. He could not put aside the vendetta he held against you. Time and time again, he disobeyed me, eventually going rogue. All that he has done to you, to Anakin, I disavow. I’m glad you killed him. That sort of evil has no place in the galaxy.” The Chancellor spoke seriously, hands still motioning before him as to calm Obi-wan, to dissuade him from attack. 

“You speak of evil as if you are not,” Obi-wan said, sneering. _The Sith Lord would be a politician,_ he thought. _Oh the irony._ If only there was the time to appreciate it.

“I do not see the Sith as evil. I see them as different, from Jedi that is. More in touch with what it means to be alive. What it means to be sentient. We do not wish to mold ourselves into unfeeling cold hearted robots. We embrace our nature. Only the Jedi cause us to be at odds with one another, pitting us against each other. No dialogue, no discourse, no diplomacy. Just death. That is the way the Jedi would have it.”

“All I hear is deception and pretty words,” Obi-wan spat, disgusted at the man’s entreaty, years and years of Jedi conditioning behind his words and feelings, all of it slowly dissolving as the seconds wore on. Perhaps it was the fatigue turning on him. Or was it having the illusion of his love shattered in mere seconds, with only a few words? Was it everything that had ever happened in his life, all of the feelings he was forced to put aside, for the good of the Jedi order? 

“Obi-wan, let me show you, the power of the dark side. You have no allegiance to the Jedi, you’ve said it yourself. What do you have to lose? Follow me. I can teach you things, greater things than the Jedi ever could. Let me help you.” The chancellor implored him, genuinely searching him out.

“What makes you think I need _your_ help?” Obi-wan said, room spinning around him as everything he thought he knew, everything he thought he was, shuffled and reassembled within himself in seconds. The things he had been taught to believe, unravelling and falling apart as he stood there, opposite a Sith lord. Nothing at all like he had ever thought it might be. He always assumed Maul had been the appropriate face of the Sith. Dark, evil, malicious. But here was the Chancellor, leader of all the free Republic- a Sith Lord? He still didn’t fully believe it.

“The Sith have power beyond that of any Jedi. The power to create life. The power to destroy enemies. The power to create undying love.” Obi-wan began to lower his saber at his side, regretfully becoming bound by the man’s words, however deceptive they might have been. In his words there was hope. 

He hated himself for being so easily intrigued, darkness turning inward again to remind him of all he had done wrong. “What if I don’t believe you?”

“Let me show you,” the man begged him still, just shy of kneeling before him.

“Show me what? What do you think you can possibly do to make me serve you?” Obi-wan said in offense, towards himself just as much as towards the man who implored him. 

“Serve me? You misunderstand, Obi-wan. Sith serve _themselves._ That is the path I wish to set you on. One where you do as you wish. If you want to be with the man you love, then it shall be so. If you want to run away to a distant moon, start a new life, then so be it. I do not wish for you to serve me, only for you to see yourself for who you are. For what you are. You have desires, they are not wrong. Do as you wish, Obi-wan. Serve _yourself._ ”

“Sounds like a selfish path to me,” Obi-wan replied, eyeing the man dangerously, still only a breath away from taking off his head. 

“Only if you wish it to be. If you wish to help, to aid, than do it. All I ask is that _you_ choose. It is daunting, I know. Especially when the path of a Jedi is not given to such freedoms.”

“You make it all sound so simple. Still, why? Why do you care? Why not let me rot to my own devices?” He angled his saber at the man again, his mind wavering between possibilities, his broken tortured heart crying out at the promise of the love he had always wanted. The one that he was deceived into believing. The one that never was. 

“Because Anakin cares about you.” Palpatine said in a softer tone, eyes gentle and kind in spite of the saber only inches away from his face. 

Obi-wan lowered his weapon again, casting his gaze to the floor, blameful tone taking over his voice. “Whether he does or not, I am no good for him. I told you, it’s over between us.”

“It will never be over. The two of your, your fates, they are woven into the fabric of the universe. For better or worse, you will never escape one another.” His eyes were dark as he spoke, foreboding in his voice. 

“You’re wrong. It’s already over.” Obi-wan said, mind swimming with all the ways they had hurt each other, all the ways his heart had been ripped and torn by the man he wanted so badly. The one he could never have. 

“Obi-wan, I feel you wish it were so. He has hurt you, hasn’t he? Been unloyal?” The Chancellor said in an apologetic tone.

Obi-wan only answered him with a silent look of resignation, eyes falling to the floor, all the hurt and pain of it still lingering in his blood, boiling, tearing him apart from the inside. He hated how he was right. He couldn’t deny it. He didn’t even dare try. 

“I can make Anakin loyal to you. You will never need to worry, or wonder, where his heart truly lies. I can make him yours. Forever.” His words were more than just a suggestion, they were fact. The way he had spoken them, the certainty, Obi-wan could read his aura. He could feel the truth of them. His heart screamed at him, he hated himself for it, for how much he wanted it. 

“I’ve done things, too... _Unforgivable things,_ ” Obi-wan’s gaze lowered, his saber disengaging as the shame of it fell over him anew. Tears stung at his eyes involuntarily as the waves of anger and pain swept over his soul.

“It doesn’t have to be over. Just let me show you. He will love you.”

Obi-wan dropped to his knees, saber falling from his grip as he surrendered to the Sith before him, hating himself for it all. 

“What do I have to do?”


	27. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan takes Anakin off world

“Go to Anakin, bring him to me. We must go away from here. _Then_ we can make him yours.” The Chancellor's voice was deep, commanding, different from anything that he had heard. It was like another being opening up from inside of the man, another persona taking over. It was one with much more authority than before, with a face that inspired fearful obedience. It sent a sickness churning in Obi-wan’s stomach. 

“Yes, of course,” Obi-wan complied, bowing his head, not giving himself a chance to think it over- willing himself to comply. He had made his choice. His heart begged him to follow the path. Finally, for once, he would have what he had always wanted. 

“Now, do what you must, Obi-wan. I will be waiting for the two of you in my private hanger. I will go have a ship prepared.” Palpatine said as Obi-wan rose back up to meet him at eye level. A dark expression took over the Chancellor’s face, a grimace on his lips. “If you betray me to the Jedi, you will never be with Anakin. My knowledge will be lost to you.” He said threateningly, studying Obi-wan’s expression.

“I owe the Jedi nothing.” Obi-wan spat angrily. “I will do what I must,” he added, stern look on his face, truthfulness in his eyes.

Palpatine’s face lit up in a dark smile. “Good,” he said pleased, in a gravely tone. “Now go. I will expect you shortly.”

Obi-wan bowed his head once again and made his leave, meandering through the halls, anxious adrenaline surging through his veins. So much had happened in so little time, he wasn’t quite sure of what he felt, or believed. Only his heart sung of the hope that he had been given. The hope that he might have Anakin, for the first time. He would really hold his affection. It was more than he could stand to let himself believe. Still his feet carried him towards the temple, towards Anakin, now more assured than before. 

Because now, he knew what he had to do. It was written in his blood, the fabric of his being. There was only one thing he could do. And it would be done.

…….

It was well into the night when Obi-wan entered the healing wing, shield drawn tightly, emotions masked carefully. He couldn’t let onto anyone what was really going on. For now, for the last time, he had to keep the Jedi persona carefully over his true self. It was exhausting, but it was necessary. 

Thankfully, Che was no where to be seen. She was the only one who might have thrown off his plans, and he didn’t want to have to incapacitate her. It was better with her out of the way. He couldn’t help but thank the force for that. 

Quickly, but not _too_ quickly to avoid drawing undue attention to himself, he rounded the corner to where Anakin lie in the tail end of his healing trance. Glowing crystals pressed to the sides of his ribs where they had been fractured, the rest of his injuries healing quite well. This was the first time he had allowed himself to lay eyes on the man since Naboo. It was soothing to his heart that he looked so much better than he had before. 

Prudently, Obi-wan removed the crystals from his body and began to pull him from his healing trance carefully, gently, as he knew how. A sound rustled behind him. Ahsoka, lying in the sleeper adjacent to Anakin's, began to toss and turn, slowly awakening to Obi-wan’s presence. 

“Master Obi-wan?” She said groggily, eyes squinted, still sleepy. 

“Shhh, Ahsoka, don’t worry. Go back to sleep.” He soothed her, sending his suggestion to her through the force. In her weakened and tired state, she acquiesced without a protest. “It’s all going to be alright,” he added, speaking to her sleeping form as she sank back down under the covers. 

Obi-wan turned his efforts back to bringing Anakin to awareness, fingers at the mans temples, pulling his consciousness back to the surface. Finally, his blue eyes blinked into the darkness, focusing on the face that formed before him. 

“Obi-wan?” Anakin asked softly, reaching a hand out to touch his face. Obi-wan pulled back before he could make contact, standing upright, looking towards the door. 

“I’ve no time to explain, but you must come with me,” Obi-wan said, voice void of any emotion. Anakin could sense his tightly drawn shielding, the bond between them that was still severed, blocked. It pulled at his heart with guilt and sorrow, 

“Master, please-” Anakin said, sitting upright, wincing at his sides as he flexed, then rubbing at his sleep swollen eyes. 

“We have no time for this, Anakin.” Obi-wan said, voice tight with urgency. “Come, now. You _must_ follow me.”

Anakin rose to his feet, searching around for his clothes to change into. “I said we have no time. Leave as you are, dress later.”

Stirred by the seriousness in his masters voice, he slipped on the med hall sandals at his bedside, took his saber in hand, and followed Obi-wan out and down the hall. Obi-wan thanked the force again, that the place was empty. He couldn’t afford anything more to delay his arrival. 

The two of them walked in silence for a while, Anakin shivering, rubbing warmth into his arms as they traversed the halls to the temple exit. As they stood at the doors, the wind whipped harshly outside, tossling Anakin's hair to fall in his eyes. Now his teeth chattered, as he thought to hide his arms inside his med gown for warmth. 

Obi-wan took pause, and turned to face him, eyes sorry, regretful. “Here,” he said, untying his cloak from around his shoulders and wrapping it around him gently, drawing it’s hood over his face. It was still warm with Obi-wan’s body heat, still carried his subtle scent. It sent flutters through Anakin’s heart as his skin basked in the fleeting warmth the garment had held, wishing it was his master’s arms warming him instead. This would have to do for now, he thought.

Anakin gazed into Obi-wan’s eyes for a moment, before his masters expression turned back to stone, bitterness in his eyes. Anakin moved to put a hand on his arm but Obi-wan knowingly moved out of reach, heading through the archway into the dark Coruscant night. “Follow me, we’re almost there.”

Anakin’s heart cried out, guilt and desire wrenching in his chest. “Master-”

“No time to talk about it now, Anakin. Let’s go.” Said the cold voice, not turning to look at him. So Anakin followed. 

Obi-wan guided him to a speeder, motioning him to get into the passenger seat. It held humor for Anakin for a passing second. How much Obi-wan detested flying, how Anakin would usually be the one at the wheel. It was somewhat of a joke between them. The smile that had briefly held in Anakin’s eyes fled from him as he glanced over at his master, face still stone. Something beneath it, something darker.

In silence still, Anakin began to recognise the route they were headed on. Even more confusion donned on him. “Master, why are we headed to the Chancellors private hangar?” Anakin said, still shivering slightly from the breeze that carried in the night sky. 

Obi-wan gave no answer, a grim tight line forming on his lips. Shielding held even tighter still. “Master?” Anakin asked hesitantly, moving to place a hand on his shoulder. Obi-wan quickly shrugged it off of himself, looking annoyed as he continued onwards into the hangar. Another pain lanced through Anakin's chest, stirring an anxious despair to the surface. Still, Obi-wan took no notice of his wounded heart as he took to landing the speeder just a space over from where Palpatine stood. 

More confusion fell over Anakin, as he desperately tried to put together the pieces of what was happening. As always, he trusted his master. Even though their relationship had become, _strained_ to say the least, he didn’t feel in any sort of danger. After all, the Chancellor was another person he trusted completely. In the midst of his two most trusted companions, he should have felt alright. And he did, save for the heartbreak, but with Obi-wan acting so coldly, with no explanation as to what they were doing, his mind reeled with questions. Nothing quite made any sense. 

As their speeder settled to the hangar bay floor, Obi-wan hopped out quickly, moving over to Anakin's side to help him up and out of his seat, since his sides still ached terribly, the movement hurt quite badly. Anakin relished the small contact of his master gripping around his shoulders and on his arm as he steadied him, his heart ached for more. Without a moment to dwell on it, let alone say anything, pain lanced terribly through his sides as he stepped out of the speeder. He tried his best not to make a sound, but the pain of it was written on his face loudly. 

“You seem to have taken your time, Obi-wan,” Palpatine shot over to his master with a look of displeasure.

“I’m sorry, Chancellor,” Obi-wan said in a voice that held much reverence, more so than usual. “With my face scarce around here as of recent, it was hard not to get held up.”

“Very well,” the Chancellor responded, nodding curtly, then switch his focus to Anakin as he still stood recovering from his agitated injury. “Anakin, it's so good to see you,” Palpatine said genuinely, walking over and placing his hands on the man's shoulders. 

Something like relief fell over Anakin for a moment, at least the Chancellor would speak to him. Maybe he could get some answers, he thought. 

“Chancellor,” Anakin began, face contorted with confusion. “It's good to see you as well, but I don’t understand what's going on,” he said shaking his head as he spoke. He was still feeling groggy from the trance, but coming more into his senses with each passing moment. 

“I know, my boy, it will all be explained. Here,” Palpatine swept his arm to the side, motioning towards the ramp that led up into his private ship. “Let's get you into some real clothes, then we can talk,” he said, eyeing Anakin for a positive reaction, then glancing sideways at Obi-wan for a brief second. 

Anakin looked suspiciously between the two men, a serious expression on his face. “Alright,” he said, walking up onto the ramp with the Chancellor at his side, Obi-wan following silently a few paces behind.

Palpatine brought him to a small guest quarters at the back section of the ship. Already, the metal shifted under their feet as the craft took flight, heading for outer orbit. Obi-wan had disappeared by the time he had arrived to the small room, furnished with a small sleeper and fresher. “Here, you will find a few changes of clothes that should fit you, I assume. Take a moment to clean up, then meet us in the galley and we can all talk.”

“Alright. Thank you,” Anakin said quietly, still in the midst of much confusion as the Chancellor left him alone, door whirring shut behind him. Another shift of acceleration as they entered higher orbit, in lane to jump to hyperspace. 

Anakin turned to the sleeper, gently pulling Obi-wan’s cloak from his shoulders and placing it carefully on the bed, taking a moment to close his eyes, run his hand down the fabric, imagining Obi-was was there with him- _really_ with him. Not like now, how he was so distant, angry, cold. Anakin thought if he could just explain everything, if they could just sit down and talk, he would see. They could be together again, like before. 

Anakin climbed onto the sleeper for a moment, bunching Obi-wan’s cloak up in his arms and curling around it, inhaling the wonderful scent that it held, the gentle aroma of Obi-wan’s skin. It was soothing to him, yet left his heart aching. All he wanted was to hold him, for his master to tell him everything was going to be alright. That he still loved him. But he could only hope that was still true. 

Anakin hated himself for how he called back to those moments on Naboo, when Obi-wan had held him so tenderly, even around the audience and those monsters, he had been so gentle, so kind. It had been awful, but still had him overwhelmed. It was shameful, how he had pulled his master back down on him, how he didn’t want him to stop. 

For all of it, he loved his master. He needed him. If only Obi-wan would give him the chance to tell him, to explain it all. He wanted so much more. Obi-wan felt like a salve to all that had ever been done to him. Like his master could erase all of the pain and suffering with a simple embrace, a kiss. He cursed himself for not giving himself to his master before. He wanted to give himself over completely, for him to take him. He knew how gentle the man was, how kind he would be. How soft his touches, his lips. How perfect he was, his body, his soul. Everything. He wanted everything that he was, forever. If only Obi-wan would listen to him. But he wouldn’t even look at him. 

And still, their bond was nothing but a void now, emptiness where there might have been warmth. Anakin’s heart crumbled at it, at how he had hurt his master. How he regretted so much. He could only hope that Obi-wan would still want him, that he would still love him. Even as he hoped, his doubts seemed heavier and larger than what light there might have been. 

Anakin wiped the tears from his eyes that had pooled there, and rose from the sleeper, walking the short distance to the fresher sink, gripping the edges of it desperately, as if hanging on for his life. He gazed into the mirror, at the gaunt face that looked back at him. The tortured eyes, the scarred neck beneath his jaw. The fatigue, the heartbreak. Just looking at himself made it worse. 

He turned on the faucet, splashing some cold water on his face, trying to bring himself back to life. He didn’t look at the mirror again, as he turned, pulling the med gown over his head, kicking off the flimsy slippers that hung on his feet. 

Anakin pulled one drawer open, searching out for something to wear. Upon finding some nondescript black leggings and a dark brown colored tunic that seemed like they might fit, he dressed himself. Near to the door there were a pair of black boots that he laced up, securing his saber near to his ankle of the left leg since there was no belt to fasten it to. 

He hesitated before exiting the room, looking back to the sleeper where his masters robe lie. He walked over towards it, pulling it up and around his shoulders, the hood over his face. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself, feeling more centered in Obi-wan’s robe. He could feel the traces of his master in the fabric, his gentle presence. It was enough for now, to keep him feeling alright. He send out a plea to the force, that Obi-wan would give him a chance to explain himself, that he would listen and understand. 

Anakin ventured out into the hall, cloak billowing about him as he strode to where he figured the galley to be. There he saw Palpatine and Obi-wan, sitting across from one another. Anakin searched out his master's gaze, though Obi-wan stared at the table before him, unwilling to look in his direction. Something was leaking from under his shielding, a sense of unease. His face seemed to be, unsure. It sent a bolt of fear through Anakin as he took a breath, coming closer to the table.

“Anakin, come, take a seat,” the Chancellor said, waving him over to sit next to Obi-wan. As he sat next to his master, he could feel the mans repulsion, his unease at being so close. It stung at his heart as he glanced at his master who still glowered down at the metal table. Anakin tried to take solace in the feel of his masters aura, but it didn’t feel inviting as it had in the past. He felt, unwelcome. Another sting. He tried not to show it. 

A restless anger began to grow in his chest as he ran out of patience. Whatever it was they were up to, he needed to know. “Tell me what's going on, chancellor,” Anakin demanded in a softer tone, anger abated by sadness. “What is all this about?”

“Obi-wan could tell it best,” the Chancellor said, looking over towards his master with an expectant gaze. “I am only here for his assistance,” he explained, his hands flat on the table. 

“It’s something better for me to show you, actually,” Obi-wan croaked out uncomfortably, rising from the table. “Come, Anakin,” he beckoned, eyes fixed on the floor as he walked down the hall. As always, Anakin followed. 

As they exited the galley, trailing down another corridor, they entered a section of the ship that seemed a dead end, walls on either side of the narrow passage. Just as Obi-wan came to a stop, Anakin cut through the terrible silence. 

“Master,” he said, brows furrowed in sadness. “Please,” Obi-wan turned to face him slowly, a careful look of placid expression, one worn with much difficulty. His eyes still did not meet Anakin's, as they hovered a few inches to the side of his face, eyes lidded, with perhaps what might have been anger, or something else that lingered beneath the surface. Anakin stared into his master's eyes anyways, although the fact that he wouldn’t even look him in the eye tore right through his soul. He couldn’t help but feel, he was being thrown away. Again. 

The air grew still between the two of them, as Anakin hadn’t really thought about what he might say given the chance. Now that he had the opportunity to speak, he found himself at a loss of what _to_ say. So many times it had been like this, unable to speak so many things that he needed to say. So much had been left unsaid between the two men. So many things he needed to tell his master before it was too late. If it wasn’t _already_ too late. 

“I’m sorry,” Anakin said softly, voice breaking. Obi-wan’s face seemed to harden, jaw clenching. Anakin could see thoughts swirling behind his master's mask, he only wished he would let him in. “I _love_ you, Obi-wan, please just let me in,” Anakin begged as he gasped deeply, face contorting against the tears that threatened to take over. 

Obi-wan’s face faltered for a moment, brow creasing as his ocean blue eyes flitted over Anakin’s glassy stare. The lock of eyes felt electric to Anakin as he gasped softly, a spark of contact between the two of them, the beginning of understanding, so his heart hoped. 

He had always been so bad with words, with explaining. His soul was made up of so many emotions, deep and complex in nature, they had always been hard to explain, hard to mask. It was often times the case that other Jedi accused him of broadcasting his emotions too loudly. He had tried to heed the council of taming them, bringing them underfoot. But he found it ever increasingly difficult to do. Because to calm them, he had to understand them, put words to them, _talk_ about them. That, he had always been awful at. 

Because he was a being of action, a physical man, not so inclined to philosophy, not that he hadn’t tried. As Obi-wan held his stare, he found himself increasingly lacking for words to say. At the same time he found his master holding his stone cold expression less and less, revealing hurt and betrayal that lie beneath. At the root of it all was his broken heart, Anakin could feel it like a physical ailment, aching in his masters chest. And it was all his fault. 

Immediately, he crushed his lips against his masters, tongue frantically prying at the mans lips, which readily and just as desperately searched out his mouth as both of them let out small deep sighs and moans. Anakin’s heart sung as he tangled his hand through Obi-wan's’ hair, his master taking to do the same, his master’s other hand wrapping around his torso, holding him tightly to his chest. Anakin pressed his other hand to Obi-wan’s chest, where he felt his pain, where his master was broken, he reached out to him, begging for connection. 

Obi-wan tripped forwards, pressing Anakin against the cold steel wall of the hallway, arms barring him on either side, trapping him in. Anakin didn’t mind one bit, although he let out a gasp from the pain that prodded his side again, momentarily breaking their kiss as Obi-wan’s forehead rested against his own both men panting for breath, before his master pressed in on him this time, tongue dancing, tangling with his own. The pain was instantly forgotten as he reveled in the feeling of his master closed in on him, he wanted so much more.

The heat from Obi-wan’s body radiated through his clothes, warming his skin, warming the air around them as he took to planting kisses over Anakin’s jaw, ear, neck, chest, before Anakin took his jaw in hand, pressing their lips together again in a greedy kiss, his master’s arms still fixed at his sides, holding him in place. 

Until one hand reached out, pulling through the force, taking Anakin’s saber from his boot, in the same moment pressing a hidden button by his side, the wall behind him giving way. It had never been a wall at all, but a door. Anakin tumbled backwards, ray shield humming to life between the two of them as he fell to the ground, a cry of pain leaving him as a flash of pain lit up his sides. 

Anakin looked up at his master through the red veil that separated the two of them. He still didn’t understand, disillusioned by everything now more so than before. He halfway expected his master to reach out, disengage the rayshield, that he had employed by accident. 

But clearly, as he gazed up at Obi-wan’s tear stained face that wore the look of bitter betrayal, he knew it most certainly hadn’t been an accident. Anakin’s heart wrenched with pain, as he too felt betrayed. His eyes began to tear up again, silently falling down the sides of his face as he rose to his feet to face the man who smoldered before him. 

“Now _you_ know how it feels to be betrayed,” Obi-wan growled in a broken wavering voice, wiping his face on his sleeve, tears dotting the edges of his lashes, expression mixed with that of heartbreak and anger. 

“Obi-wan, I-”

“When were you going to tell me, Anakin?” Obi-wan cut him off, sneering at him, fists clenched at his sides, one holding his former padawan’s saber. 

Anakin shook his head, blinking away the tears that blurred his vision. “I’m sorry,” he said painfully, as he felt he was losing everything, heart crushing into dust as the man he loved glare back at him.

“You’ve done nothing but lead me on from the start! I was a fool for ever thinking you would love me, for ever thinking you _could._ ” Obi-wan snarled, standing menacingly before him. 

“But I _do_ love you! I _love_ you, Obi-wan,” Anakin cried out, hand over his heart, other crossed over his abdomen as if there was a hole in his chest to protect. 

“Liar!” Obi-wan yelled, pointing at Anakin with his own unlit saber. “Don’t you _dare_ insult me with more of your lies,” he added in a quieter tortured voice. 

“It’s not a lie,” Anakin begged, falling back to his knees. 

“You’re _married._ ” Obi-wan ground out coarsely, bitter taste in his mouth as he said the words. “Nothing we shared was real. It was all just a distraction for you, until you could come crawling back into Padme’s arms.”

Anakin’s face turned ashen as his blood went cold. So, he knew. He cursed himself for not telling him before. It was all too late for that now. It had been for some time. “I was wrong to keep it from you,” Anakin said, voice slightly more sturdy than before. “When I fell in love with you, I was scared that if I told you,” he paused on the edge of a sob, “that you might not love me anymore. And I couldn’t handle that, the thought of losing you.” Anakin forced the trembling from his voice, willed himself to stay as calm as possible. 

“So you thought you could just have both of us then,” Obi-wan spat sardonically as he neared closer to the ray shielding between them. 

“No,” Anakin said, stepping closer as well, mere inches separating them. “I only want you.” He said, staring back at his master, the man whose pain, anguish was written over his face, disbelieving of anything that he could say to make him think otherwise. 

“You only want me? That’s why you were kriffing her back on Naboo?” Obi-wan shouted louder, completely outraged, trembling from the anger that pulsed in his veins. “You only wanted me so you wouldn’t have to feel alone. You were always so insecure, clinging to others to help you feel better about yourself. You don’t care about me. The only person you care about is yourself. I was so blind to not realize it.”

Anakin started frantically searching his master out, shaking his head as he spoke, trying to find words. It was always so difficult. He cursed himself for it. Why did it always have to be so difficult? “No, I didn’t- it wasn’t-”

“More lies.” Obi-wan said, dismissively, turning his back on him, beginning to walk away.

“I wanted her to leave, I tried to get her to leave,” Anakin paused as his master stopped walking. He looked down shamefully as he recalled the encounter. How frozen in fear he had been, how he felt so broken. “I was scared, I froze. I know, it’s a poor excuse. But I didn’t want it-” Anakin put his hands over his face, wanting to hide from his master, from everything. To cease to exist. “It felt like one of my nightmares… when I- I can’t make it _stop,_ ” Anakin forced out the words, the overdue explanations that he owed to his master. Still, it didn’t make it any easier to say. Putting words to it all, made it feel so much worse. His master was right to discard him, even though he couldn’t stand it. 

Obi-wan turned towards him, wrathful aura about him, body tensed as if he were about to attack, thumb hovering over the saber ignition. His face looked scorned, his hair disheveled. Anakin didn’t think he had seen his master so consumed by rage in his entire life. It was so unlike him. Obi-wan had always kept his emotions under control. It seemed now all of the careful discipline he had practiced was nowhere to be found. _He_ had pushed him to this. _He_ had done this to him. Another stab of guilt pierced at Anakin’s heart. Still, he had to try. He owed it to his master to explain, no matter how much it felt like it was killing him. 

“All I could think was how I wanted it all to stop, how much I was hurting you, betraying you,” Anakin added, voice trembling, all the things that had been left unsaid boiling out of him now, coming to the surface in an uncontrollable torrent of grief. 

His words only seemed to stoke the growing anger that devoured Obi-wan, rage alight in his eyes as he drew a deep breath before he responded. “Ever since you came into my life, everything has always been about you. It’s just how you are. And I was stuck with you on master Qui-gon’s dying wishes. Even as you apologise you refuse to take responsibility for your actions! It’s always someone else to blame, never you!”

Anakin's desperate eyes became dull, his body slumping, giving up. He knew now. There was nothing he could say to Obi-wan to change his mind. All of this, it must have been why he brought him here. What other reason would there be? “Why did you bring me here, master?” Anakin asked in monotone, heart heavy with sorrow. Obi-wan said nothing to answer, only the rage that circled him coiled back slightly, shadowed by something else. 

“Where are we going?” Silence, as Obi-wan shrunk back even more still, guilt filling the spaces where rage had been only seconds before. 

Obi-wan remained silent still, unwilling to meet his gaze. “I don’t care anymore, just _kill me!_ I’m tired, Obi-wan! I can’t do this anymore,” Anakin shouted, tears falling freely, chest tight with anxiety as all was poured out. “Everything is such a fight, just to get up, to live.” The vehemence left his voice as acceptance settled over his heart. He spoke again in a softer voice, filled with pain and regret. “Even my padawan pitties me. I just want to die, master. It’s all I’ve wanted now, for so long. But I had you, and i’ve ruined it, just like Maul ruined me. Things as broken as I am can never be fixed. Force knows i’ve tried.”

Obi-wan moved his gaze to look at Anakin, his former padawan near the edge of the cell, hand hovering over the ray shielding keeping him confined, toying with the idea of pushing his hand through it. He hoped it might be enough to kill him. It would have been enough to kill most. He had always been heartier than others, he thought in dismay.

A look of worry crossed Obi-wan’s face as he stood facing his former student, chest filling with a helpless panic. “Anakin, stop it.” Obi-wan ordered in a serious tone, clenching his jaw nervously. 

Anakin smiled listlessly, eyes transfixed on the bright red wall that glowed before him, as if he had uncovered a new found peace. “I’m sorry Obi-wan,” he said even tone, tears still falling silently. “I was a difficult padawan, even more unreliable friend, a treacherous lover.”

“Anakin, _stop it!_ ” Obi-wan shouted desperately as he searched over the locking mechanism for an override to the shield. It was easy to employ, however turning it off took security codes that he didn’t have, that he didn’t have time to go get. He wanted Anakin to feel his pain, to hurt like he hurt. But their bond still remained severed, he had no way of truly knowing what the man was feeling. He didn’t mean to push him so far, but in his anger he couldn’t see. Now, sharp regret stabbed at him, fear causing him to tremble. 

“You were always good to me, Obi-wan. The only one I knew I could always count on. You were always so gentle, so sweet.” Anakin reminisced over all the memories they had shared. All the times Obi-wan had come to his rescue, all the times they had been together, all the moments of passion, all that had come and gone. “I’m just sad that it’s over.”

“No, Anakin, please, listen to me-” Obi-wan was frantic, fingers shaking terribly as he raced to unlock the barrier, only a few key presses away from it disengaging before Anakin moved to plunge his hand through the shield.

Before Anakin could reach through, he fell to the ground unconscious, Chancellor Palpatine slowly sauntering towards them in the tiny corridor. “A pity,” he said, walking towards the door, bringing the fallen man into view. Obi-wan took a step back, pulling breath into his lungs, feeling dizzy as if he, too would pass out. “You shouldn’t have pushed him so far.” He added dryly, moving to key the ray shielding off. 

Obi-wan looked to the Sith Lord, question on his face. “He’s asleep, for now,” Palpatine said, voice empty of any emotion. “You would do well to put him back into his quarters, where he will not be able to harm himself.”

“Yes, my Lord.” Obi-wan said gravely, looking down at Anakin as he lie sprawled on the ground of his cell. Palpatine began to walk away without another word, Obi-wan looking after him as he went. 

“Thank you,” Obi-wan said voice unsteady. 

The Sith Lord turned to face him, cold expression on his face. “Come Obi-wan, you don’t have much time before he awakens.”

“Of course,” Obi-wan said, giving a slight bow as the Chancellor moved further down the hall, leaving his field of sight. 

Obi-wan stepped inside the cell, kneeling before the man he loved, pulling him up into his arms. He walked down the hall slowly, soaking in the feeling of Anakin against him. Coming to his quarters, the door slid open, then shut behind them as Obi-wan gently laid Anakin out on the sleeper. 

He stood there for a moment, softly moving a hand through the man’s curls, tracing his finger down the side of his Jaw. Anakin was a beautiful man. Now he looked so peaceful, so perfect. Obi-wan wished things could have been simpler. 

Anakin began to stir slightly, so Obi-wan quickly removed all from the room he might use to harm himself with, locking the door behind him as he left. His heart was full of conflict, desperation, self loathing. He hoped at some point Anakin would be able to forgive him. He wasn’t sure that he would ever forgive himself.


	28. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin wakes up in his quarters

Anakin’s eyes flitted open, immediately shielding them with his hand as he squinted against the bright fluorescent light on the ceiling above him. The surface he rested on was soft, _too_ soft to be a med cot. The lighting was also wrong for him to still be in the halls of healing. No, he had gone from there. Obi-wan had taken him, he remembered. His heart sank as the rest of his most recent memories came back to him, flooding his awareness with overwhelming heartache and pain.

Obi-wan had betrayed him, brought him here. For what exactly? He was still unsure. At this point he thought it was safe to assume it was nothing good. At least he hadn’t wanted him dead, that much he knew. Though admittedly, they were not of the same mind on that subject. 

And for some unknown reason, among all of the other things that remained unknown about his current situation, the Chancellor had been roped into all of this as well. Anakin was still too full of questions to feel at ease about anything, although the desire to end it all was still prevalent in the back of his mind telling him that none of it mattered at all. 

He had been through too much, _seen_ too much, to now have lost everything that had ever been important to him. He could see Obi-wan’s pain in his mind, feel the hole in his chest, the dark anger that had taken over his aura. What was once only a tinge of darkness over his light, had become his essence, or so it seemed. 

It was the dark side of love, the attachment the Jedi had always warned so much about. If only Anakin had been better to him, not made so many mistakes, it wouldn’t have been a problem to begin with. 

Anakin forced himself to sit up. His body felt lifeless, as if he had run out of energy to function entirely. Slumped over the side of the sleeper, he stared at the ground, empty. He felt completely and utterly dejected. Inside of himself he cried out, screamed, begged his master to open up to him. But the time for that had come and gone. That was over now, Anakin told himself, chest wrenching around the pain of it. 

No, he wasn’t dead. But his will to live had long since left him. Void of even enough energy to try to kill himself, his body ached. His soul torn into so many pieces. 

Everything he had ever done seemed to have been shadowed by devastation. Even his best intentions ended up with disastrous results, causing so much ruin either by his own hand or that of another. This was the last of it he could stand. Because each time something good had taken leave from him, it took a piece of his soul along with it. 

He let out a heaving sigh, eyes wandering over his surroundings, avoiding the mirror above the sink, not wanting to even catch a glance of himself. He was too afraid of what he might see. 

A shift of the ship around him signified that they had finally entered hyperspace. Anakin figured they must have just taken leave from planetary orbit over Coruscant. So he must not have been out of it too long, he thought. Although it caused more questions to fill his mind. 

The Chancellor was not a man easily swayed by the will of others. He always seemed to be so prudent, so wise. So what was his part in all of this? Why was he helping his master? What was the point of it all?

Another memory came to mind, bringing a sinister foreboding to the air around him, implying things that he didn’t dare imagine. 

When he had been in that cell, just before he was able to put his hand through the rayshield, he lost consciousness. It wasn’t Obi-wan who touched his mind. He would have been too preoccupied to even try. Even if he had complete and full concentration, he would have never been able to do such a thing so quickly, so easily. Obi-wan was powerful through practice, but even more powerful Jedi such as master Yoda or master Windu wouldn’t have been able to disable his shielding in an instant. 

No. As he thought of it, it was very much reminiscent of the way Maul had intruded on him, dark cords sinking into his consciousness. Anakin’s stomach dropped, churning anxiously.

Whoever had disabled him so instantaneously, had most certainly been of dark origin. Panic surged through his chest as he thought of his master collaborating with the Sith, or being manipulated under such a dark will. He had hoped he was wrong, he wanted so desperately to be wrong, but his feelings told him otherwise. 

No. He couldn’t let Obi-wan fall. He wouldn’t allow it. His master had always been so full of light, so beautiful in the force. His soul had been his own guiding beacon, and that of many others in the order. His heart had been so full of selfless love, his soul embodying kindness, forgiveness. Until he had ruined him, just like everything else.

No. He wouldn’t let it end like his. He owed it to Obi-wan to try to bring him back, or at least make sense of things. Understand what it is that he was suffering under, what sort of dark force might have brought him underfoot to do their bidding. There was no other option. 

He couldn’t stand the thought of Obi-wan lost to the shadows, for all his own treachery. It became the breath in his lungs, now his only purpose. He had to bring him back to the light before it was too late. He no longer cared for himself, no longer cared if he lived or died. But he refused to leave his master to the darkness. Now it was the only reason for him to live. It was his mission, giving him life, energy filling his body again- a restless, anxious, terrified sensation moving through him with it. 

Anakin chuckled darkly at the irony of it all. In all honesty, he had lost his will to live quite some time ago. It had always been Obi-wan tethering him to life, giving him the strength to go on. So he had become his reason to fight again, this time however, to a different end. 

Anakin rose up, walking to the door of his quarters. Of course, it was locked. He tried to manipulate it through the force. Somehow it seemed to resist him. Perhaps he didn’t understand the mechanism well enough, or maybe it was designed to resist force manipulation. Regardless, he wasn’t getting out of here of his own volition. Not like this, anyhow. 

He stormed back over to the sleeper, crashing down on it anxiously, frustrated. Each moment that drew out took Obi-wan further and further from the light. Each second he was more lost to the dark, making Anakin anxious with fear and helplessness for his master. Another frustration came over him. Being so frantic would not help him in his pursuit. He needed to find his center if he was going to be effective at all. His masters life depended on it. 

Taking a breath to calm himself and steady his emotions, he reached out to the ends of the ship, feeling the giant metal shape hurling itself through hyperspace. He felt out for the life forms aboard, feeling his master along with the Chancellor in the far corner near to the bridge. He could sense the nav computers on auto pilot, the destination of which he couldn’t decypher. Much to his confusion, he didn’t sense any other organic beings besides himself and the two others. It didn’t make any sense. Or perhaps he simply refused to believe the only other reality, that the Chancellor had been the dark one. 

No, he reasoned. The Sith could be masking their signature in the force. Certainly, the Chancellor did not feel as a Sith would, as he reached out to his aura. Not that the man was full of light, but he didn’t sense the well of darkness he would have expected. It was a vague sense of both, as an average being would feel. 

_Yes,_ Anakin thought. The Sith must have been masking his presence. Why he would go to such lengths out here, made no sense. Perhaps to conceal his identity from him if he were to look. Perhaps it was because the Sith was someone Anakin had been familiar with. Someone both the Chancellor and Obi-wan had known as well. 

_Yes, that must be it._

Anakin hoped and prayed that the Chancellor was not under duress. He didn’t sense any such thing from him. There was a steady stream of self confidence. It was the usual aura the man carried, but now it didn’t seem right under the circumstances. It brought on a whole new wave of questions. But stewing on unanswered queries would do nothing to help him save his master. They were all secondary to his main objective.

Anakin reached out towards Obi-wan again, feeling out the barrier he had built around himself, feeling the sorrow, regret, the anger that boiled beneath. He projected himself, begging his master to let him in, to connect with him. He put all of his force behind it, calling out to him, yearning for their bond to be restored. He felt his master try to fortify his defenses in response. Refusing to accept it, Anakin pushed harder.

Memories of the times they had shared together over the years, the closeness between them. The smiles, laughter, all the times they had come to each other's aid, or rescue. All the times they had been together, the times they had held one another, loved each other. Anakin tried hard to push his true feelings onto Obi-wan, he knew he had to be able to at least feel the residue of it through his shielding. Obi-wan’s defensive response told him as much.

Anakin bared his heart to the man through the force, broadcasting himself shamelessly for the entire ship to feel. He didn’t care if the Sith could feel it, too. He focused himself, the pure love he had for his master, how he was the only object of his desire. He flooded the air with it, even a non force sensitive person would be overwhelmed by it. Now there would be no question to what lie inside of his heart. No deceptions. 

He could feel Obi-wan holding out, pushing him away. That meant at least that he was sensing his message, that he felt the emotions he had been throwing at him. Anakin focused harder, every ounce of meditative discipline straining, every fiber of his being speaking his truth.

Then he felt Obi-wan snap. Waves of desperate rage and helplessness, a sense of tainted love, violent desire, thrumming in the space between them, filling the ship with currents of conflicting emotion. 

He could feel his master coming closer, nearing the quarters to which he was confined. Black rage swam in his aura, masking the light that shone beneath, dying, being choked out each minute he let himself remain under the spell of darkness. Key presses sounded from the outside of his chamber before the door coiled back on its track, revealing Obi-wan behind it. 

The rage around his master left him speechless, nearly terrified as he shrunk back, suddenly regretting reaching out to him at all for a quick moment. There was a violence in the air between them. One that Anakin wasn’t sure he could fight against even in spirit. Still, he would try.

Obi-wan stepped forward, door closing and locking again behind him. His fists were clenched at his sides, pain and anger written on his face. Slowly, he sauntered forward as Anakin climbed back on the sleeper till his back was pressed against the wall. He was frustrated by his fearful response, hardwired into him by his trauma. He willed himself to move against it, to not be ruled by it. 

“Obi-wan,” Anakin said, his complexion turning sheet white, unable to completely win against the fear that circled him, making him feel short of breath. “I feel the darkness in you. You work with the Sith,” Anakin stated in question, watching for his master’s reaction. 

Guilt, pain, a sense that he would never be understood even if he tried to explain. Another look of anger as he stepped closer. Still, something about his body language left him looking hesitant. 

“You can tell me. Let me in, I won’t let you be consumed by this darkness,” he said, shaking his head, still frustrated by the fear in his voice, the one that undermined his words. 

“You know nothing,” Obi-wan said defensively, more hurt taking over his features. 

“Tell me,” Anakin begged, “ _Please,_ master.”

Another wave of anger drowned out all else in Obi-wan’s heart. “Don’t you call me _master,_ ” he ground out, glowering down at Anakin, then back down at the floor. 

Perhaps he was more lost than he had sensed, Anakin thought in sadness, still not allowing himself to give up. “But you _are_ my master.” Anakin said stubbornly, standing up to face him. “No matter what you say, nothing will change that.”

Another flare of anger in the man who stood before him, as Anakin tried to hide the involuntary fear that flashed in his eyes at the conflict. “What do you want, Anakin?” Obi-wan spat with a sneer, rage in his voice. 

Anakin’s aura settled around the truth that he spoke. “You,” he said simply, eyes staring into his masters’ to convey his honesty. For a moment, even the fear abated from his aura as the light of his words resonated with his own force essence. 

Obi-wan closed the distance between them, look of violent rage on his face, in his body language, causing Anakin to give a startled gasp as they stood only mere inches from each other. “What do _you_ want, master?” Anakin said in a hushed tone, cursing the trembling that had taken over his body, ebbing out in his voice. Still he unrelentingly searched out his master’s gaze that seemed to soften a bit as he dove deeper, an uneasy silence drawing out between them.

Anakin felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he couldn’t feel what would happen next. Would the man strike out at him? Scream at him? Embrace him? It felt like Obi-wan wanted to do all of those things all at once, conflict warring within his soul for what he might do next.

Then suddenly a look of tortured pain lanced through Obi-wan’s expression. “You know what I want,” he said softly, anguish in his voice. Not at all the one he used only moments ago.

Obi-wan slowly moved closer, pressing up against Anakin who moved back in response, until his back was pressed up against the wall, nowhere else to retreat to. And his master pressed in on him even more still, until his lips were hovering over Anakin’s for a moment before violently pressing in on him, hand pulling through his hair roughly. His tongue forced through, invasively exploring Anakin’s mouth, which he hesitantly allowed, somewhat nervously reciprocating his master’s advances.

Anakin’s body felt alive at the contact, but his core trembled. He could still feel the anger and hurt in the man’s heart, making his touch feel invasive. It was different from what they had shared before, darker in ways he couldn’t quite put words to at the moment.

So Anakin drank in the feeling of his master on his lips, pressing back on him gently, not at all matching the furocity of Obi-wan’s aggression. He focused on his masters aura, pushing light on him, still not giving up hope. Obi-wan couldn’t be lost to the dark. It was more than what Anakin would dare to even think. The darkness had claimed too much in his life. He wouldn’t let it take his master, too. He pressed even harder through the force, shining his own essence onto the man’s darkened spirit. It took so much effort, even his body began to feel weak as he drew on his own life force to reach out, to call out to his master. To bring him back before it was too late. 

Obi-wan shoved him backwards onto the sleeper in response to his efforts, coming down on top of him, holding his jaw in hand as he pressed in on his former student for another kiss. Anakin’s meditation faltered as his heart lanced with a panicked fear as he sensed the possessiveness in Obi-wan’s spirit. His love for him had changed. While Anakin could feel his master’s burning need for him, it was a selfish desire to claim him, possess him, to have him. Not at all the selfless love that was once there. It was tainted, dark, self seeking. 

Anakin pulled away from his lips as Obi-wan took to kissing his neck, hands wandering beneath his tunic, over his bare flesh. “Obi-wan,” Anakin gasped out, his master nipping at his neck in response, sending a flash of traumatic fear through him. He tried hard again to still the panic before he spoke again, his master still roving over his bare skin, kissing and sucking on his neck and collar bone. “Master,” he said more desperately this time, bringing his hands to push up on Obi-wan. 

Obi-wan quickly grabbed at his wrists, violently wrenching them to the side, pinning them down with force as he gazed down into his former student’s eyes. Anakin’s words were lost, tangled up in his chest, heart full of too many conflicting things. He wanted him so badly, but not like this.

Obi-wan pressed his lips down on Anakin’s again, this time gently, kindly, making Anakin’s heart flutter. Still, his master held his wrists in place, tightening his grip as Anakin squirmed, trying to free himself from his hold. It was a torturous clash of sensation, how sweetly Obi-wan kissed him, how ruthlessly he pressed against him, pinning him down. Anakin was both desperately taken and scared at the same time. Because he loved him, yet he was afraid. The anger and rage still burned inside of his master, smoldering for _him_. Just as his heart called to him as well.

“Master,” Anakin said as he pulled away, calling out in an unsteady voice, eyes begging, still trying to break through, to restore their bond. 

Obi-wan drew back, looking down at the man beneath him, taken by a mixture of emotions. Anger, contempt, held together by a smoldering heap of lustful wanting, something that might have been love, scorned. His expression was insipid in spite of the turbulence Anakin could feel around him in the force. It was ominous, his master's beautiful clear blue eyes boring into him so placidly- the eye of a storm. One that felt dangerous, violent, imminent. “Do you love me?” He asked plainly, simply, nearly casually. It sent pangs of alarm lancing through Anakin's chest, a melancholy lingering after it. Though still, it was a question with a simple and honest answer- one that he didn’t have to think twice about.

“I love you,” he answered back, brows furrowed painfully, confused. “I love you more than anyone, _anything_ in the entire galaxy,” Anakin added, conviction in his voice, tears welling in his eyes. 

Obi-wan lowered atop him again forcibly, with lidded eyes. Hands gripped even harder on his wrists, making Anakin whimper unintentionally from the sudden restriction. Obi-wan’s gaze intensified even more still, expression turning to pure lust with a hint of something darker. 

“Then just shut _up,_ ” Obi-wan said in a whispered growl before crushing his lips against Anakin’s again, even more fervent this time, nearly wrathful. The man beneath him froze, body becoming rigid, breath becoming scarce as he willed himself to kiss his master in return, to heed his command. 

Because there was a part of him that remembered, all of this was his fault. He did this to him. He drove him to the darkness. He was to blame. He had earned this. After everything he had done to the man, he felt he should have been lucky to still hold his affections at all, even if they had become corrupted by the dark. 

Obi-wan released his hands, only to frantically pull up at the edges of Anakin’s tunic, ripping it violently over the man's head before he continued kissing him. In the very next heartbeat his hands were pulling down at the edge of his leggings, yanking them off of his legs until he was bare, shivering beneath him. 

Obi-wan rose up to his knees, unfastening his belt and pulling off his many layers then moved to unlace the front of his leggings quickly, drawing deeply for breath in his heated state as he let his eyes wander over Anakin’s naked body. As he lie there, chest also heaving for air, he avoided making eye contact with the man who towered over him, trying hard to quell the tears that welled in his eyes, not wanting to resist, not wanting to tell his master to stop, but desperately wishing he would.

Once he was also unclothed, Obi-wan lowered back down over Anakin as one of his hands grazed the back of his thigh lightly, then more harshly as he gripped him, pulling one leg up as he pressed between his thighs. Anakin turned his head to the side, pulling his arms close to his chest as his master buried his face into his exposed shoulder, nipping and sucking on his neck as he reached down to touch him, quickly bringing his soft erection fully hard within seconds with torturous soft, gentle touches. 

Stray tears leaked out the corners of Anakin’s eyes falling to soak into the stray cloak he lie on top of, shivering from the cold of the room that chilled his naked skin. It was a strange feeling, the way his desire for his master grew, the way he felt the pleasure pool in his body, how wonderful it felt as Obi-wan stroked him. How his body heat felt welcome, how he wanted to feel him everywhere, all over. At the same time he could feel the vengeful anger that danced beneath the mans surface, the mal-intent waiting just out of sight. Anakin was afraid to trust him, to give himself over to how his master was making him feel. It was a pain that cut through his heart, reminding him of how broken they had become. 

But Obi-wan kept on, encouraged by the quiet strangled moans and gasps he earned from his former student as he brought him closer to climax. Something that might have been a word, a question, sounded on Anakin’s lips as his arms that were folded up to his chest wound themselves in the fabric of the bedspread as he turned his neck farther from his master, trying to escape the darkness that leached out over him as his body came alive at the bliss Obi-wan was making him to feel. 

Anakin’s soft cries became louder, climbing an octave as he writhed, trembling from the orgasm that swelled in his body, leaving his master’s hand warm and slick. 

“Oh Anakin,” Obi-wan breathed into his ear passionately as he took advantage of the mess he had made, covering his own pulsing cock in the other man’s cum before pressing firmly against his entrance. 

“I’ve wanted you like this for so long,” he groaned softly, gently rocking against the man beneath him who lie there even more frozen than before. New silent tears trailed down the corners of his face as he craned away harder still, afraid for Obi-wan to take notice of his fearful reluctance. 

Anakin wanted to give his master everything, to be everything the man needed. He knew how Obi-wan had pined after him for so long, had been so patient with him, so loving and kind. But then he had worn out his master’s goodness, his purity. Now he had only one thing left to give him. In some ways he hoped it would earn his masters forgiveness, that he would become the man he once knew. Deep down within himself, he knew it would be fruitless.

Obi-wan continued on, pressing firmly yet gently on him, waiting for him to ease enough to take him. Anakin did try to breathe, to relax, but nothing seemed to work. All he could think about was how awful it all was, how he wanted him to stop. The guilt of his own misgivings made him feel pathetic, that he should hold back from his master.

Each time he tried to take a breathe deep, it felt like a weight was pressing in on him, a terrible pressure holding his ribs in a vice. He felt dizzy, nauseous, as his tears became less silent, small sobs began involuntarily escaping him on each breath he tried to take. 

Until the pressure of it all became too much to hold back. Suddenly, he burst into a sopping mess of tears and sobs, as he took to hiding his face behind his hands shamefully, afraid of facing the man who he continued to fail, even here, now. No matter how hard he tried. 

Obi-wan’s body went rigid as he quickly receded, looking on at his former student with horror, his own shame and self loathing winning over his sense of anger and betrayal. His love for the man, caught between the duality of it all. 

“ _I’m sorry master,_ ” Anakin cried out, disheartened, still hiding behind his hands as he curled up on himself. “ _I’m so sorry, I can’t, I-_ ” Anakin cut himself off, taken over by another wave of gun wrenching sobs that felt like his very soul was being slowly and agonizingly torn in half. 

He wanted to give Obi-wan everything, but he realized there was nothing left _to_ give. The thought of it made him cry even harder, completely inconsolable. 

His master would have been there, comforted him, told him it was all going to be alright. He would have told him that he loved him, that there was nothing that he could ever do to change that. His master at one time, had said all of those things. 

But now, Obi-wan hastily tossed his clothes back over himself, not even looking at him as he shakily keyed the door open. Not even looking back as the door whirred closed again, leaving him here. A prisoner. His master would have stayed with him, or at least said something.

Another wave of nauseous regret and sorrow swept over Anakin as the realization hit him, hollowing out his core. His master, was _gone._


	29. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-wan and Anakin reach their destination

Obi-wan rushed out of Anakin’s quarters hastily, gut wrenching at the things he had just done, how cold, selfish, wrong he had been to force himself on the man. He was ashamed of his very skin. Ashamed of how he had let the darkness take himself over so completely, without even struggling to stay it’s power. It felt like something else opened up inside of him. Like a monster lurked beneath his surface. One that was dangerous. One that couldn’t be trusted. 

As he stood, back pressed up against the steel wall of the corridor, he could still hear Anakin’s sobbs. Each one tore like a knife right through him. What made him feel even worse was the fact that retreating so hastily, without a word, was entirely selfish. He had been too uncomfortable to stay in that room, confronted by the sight of the man who lie naked on the sleeper. The one he had taken advantage of so ruthlessly. 

Obi-wan immediately broke into a cold sweat as he rushed into the quarters across the way, tearing off his clothes and stepping into the shower. He hastily washed himself, then searched the room for fresh clothes. Thankfully, there had been a set in the closet of the room, which was more like a locker than a closet. Within he found plain black leggings, black tunics, black robes. Although it wasn’t his favorite color, he pulled them on quickly, reattaching his belt and saber before he dared venture back out onto the bridge. 

The Chancellor would be waiting for him there. Nothing on this ship was hidden from him. He had undoubtedly sensed everything that had transpired. It made Obi-wan’s heart sink with a dreadful shame. 

The moment he stepped onto the bridge, the Chancellor turned to face him, amused look on his wrinkled features. “Obi-wan,” he exclaimed, mocking look of chastisement taking form for a moment. “You are indeed, a man given to passion. I see now, why being a Jedi is a poor fit for you.”

Obi-wan regarded his comment with a shameful glance followed by an uneasy silence. 

“Do not misunderstand, Obi-wan,” The Sith said understandingly. “Did I not tell you the path of a Sith is to do as they wish?” He said, snickering as he trailed off with his words, turning to face the blur of stars that shot past them as they rushed through hyperspace. 

There was another pause, before the man spoke again. “You know, you do very well in hiding what you really are. It flatters you, Kenobi.” He said in a voice that suggested this as a compliment. “The ability to mask your true self is, invaluable,” the Chancellor said more dryly, in explanation. 

In the next few seconds, they fell out of hyperspace. Obi-wan went to the viewport, surveying a reddish orange planet off in the distance. 

“We’re here already?” Obi-wan asked, surprised to have arrived so soon. Where ever they had landed couldn’t have been past the mid-rim territories. Though he couldn’t place a name for the dusty globe that stood before them. 

“Indeed, Obi-wan. We are here. Collect yourself. By the time you and Anakin are ready to depart, we will have landed. You two shall meet me at the landing ramp. Make with haste, Obi-wan. I am not a man to be kept waiting.” The Chancellor said with a tinge of impatience, perhaps even a warning, as he spun away to make his own preparations.

Obi-wan grudgingly straggled back to the door of Anakin’s quarters. He could sense the man inside. He was fatigued, probably cried himself to sleep, or until he was too exhausted to cry any longer. The thought sent a shameful guilt lancing through his chest. 

He knocked on the door. No response.

“Anakin,” he called out hesitantly. Still, no reply. 

“Anakin, i’m coming in,” he said cringing within himself as he hated intruding after he had left him in such a state. Again, Obi-wan cursed his cowardice. 

Obi-wan keyed the door open to find Anakin where he had left him, only the man had shroud himself in the cloak he had given him. He lay there, shivering, despondent, staring off into the empty space before him. 

“Anakin, you must get dressed, we are leaving.” Obi-wan said in a casual voice that made even himself feel disgusted. As if this had been any other day where Anakin had slept in, or loitered around too long. As if he hadn’t been so unusually cruel to him. 

In the midst of Anakin’s unresponsiveness, Obi-wan went to the dresser, rummaging for a set of new clothes which there happened to be. He couldn’t stand to grab the ones he had so thoughtlessly tossed to the floor. It was as if to touch them would to make everything he had done so much worse than it already was. 

With the fresh clothes in hand, Obi-wan sat beside Anakin on the sleeper, soul heavy with the weight of his regrets as he gently shook the man’s shoulder. Anakin continued to stare on into nothing.

“Anakin, we have to go,” Obi-wan said, more sternly this time, putting the usual authority in his voice. 

His casually strict tone made Anakin’s heart crumble. Whatever remains of it there still were, anyhow. He stirred slightly, before taking a breath to speak. 

“Where are we going?” Anakin asked plainly, empty, pulling Obi-wan’s cloak on himself tighter, clinging with a white knuckle grip to the fabric that wrapped around his naked body.

“To be truthful, I’m not entirely sure,” Obi-wan said, answering with equal parts honesty and shame.

Anakin grew upset, a distressed look on the young man’s face, though his eyes still trained on the air before him. “What do you mean you don’t know? You brought me here, to who knows where. And you don’t know where here _is?_ ” Anakin said, the ghost of frustration in his frail and empty voice. 

“No,” Obi-wan said hesitantly, gently, sinking further into the well of self hatred that grew in the chasm where his heart once lie. 

Anakin pulled himself up, mindful to cover himself as he did, moving to reach down, grabbing the clothes from off of the floor to put on. For a brief moment, Obi-wan nearly swatted them out of his grasp, horrified at the scene that unfolded before him. 

Instead, Obi-wan got up quickly leaving the fresh change of clothes on the sleeper as he fled nervously, a tremor in his core. “I’ll be waiting outside your quarters,” he said hastily as he moved for the exit, wishing to leave the uncomfortable situation as fast as he could. 

“No.” Anakin said dryly, shaking his head. 

“What?” Obi-wan said turning to face him, baffled at his meaning. 

“My _cell._ You’ll be waiting outside my cell.” Anakin corrected, weary eyes searing into his, heart torn by the perfidy of his master, evidence of it written loudly in his stare.  
Obi-wan swallowed hard as he turned to take his leave. He had nothing to say to the remark. Anakin was right, after all. It was another knife that tore right through his heart. 

As his former master left, Anakin watched him go. He wasn’t surprised at the man’s behavior any more. He may have earned it, but it was still painful to see the man Obi-wan was becoming. 

But still, he would get up, put on the clothes that Obi-wan had so savagely ripped off of him. He wouldn’t clean himself up. He didn’t care to. He would obey Obi-wan, follow his lead. He would trail behind him, even if it were off the side of a cliff. He had nothing else to live for, nothing else to give. Nothing left to lose. So why not just go with it? All the same, he wasn’t about to let Obi-wan have any illusions about the circumstances. These were most certainly not his quarters, as his former master had to so delicately put it. It was indeed, his cell. 

When Obi-wan along with his master Qui-gon had met him for the first time all those years ago, they had freed him from his bondage. Now Obi-wan had him locked up again, just as he had found him. There was a bitter irony to it, a sense of all things coming to completion. 

As Anakin dressed himself, he looked to the cloak that lie on the bed, crumpled up and soiled. He regarded it at a distance, the traces of the man he knew, no longer woven into the soft brown cloth. After a few moments of silent deliberation, he left it there as he moved to knock on the cell door, signifying that he was decent. 

The keypad chimed, soon after the door reeled open. Obi-wan stood with his back facing the opening door, taking to move forward down the hall without a single word, or glance in the man’s direction. Anakin, of course, followed. 

What else was he to do?

As he did, one thing stirred anxiously within his chest. The thought of finally laying eyes on the Sith, the one that had twisted his former master. The one who undoubtedly was mostly to blame, or so Anakin had hoped. It would be easier that way, if his master had been a victim, too. 

The two of them walked in a funeral march to the ramp that descended into an orange brown desert landscape. For a moment, Anakin thought they might have landed back on Tatooine, but the journey had been far too short for that. As he looked to the sky, there was only a single sun, instead of the twin suns that graced the horizon on his homeworld. Though Anakin noticed two moons were visible even now, during what looked like high noon. 

A soft wave of heated air blew against them as the descended down into the soft sand. Obi-wan lead him down to meet with the Chancellor, and the Chancellor alone. 

Anakin felt a wave of nauseous anxiety boil through him as he began to tremble, suddenly feeling weak, like might not have the energy to stand. His worst fears that he dared not even put words to were coming to life before his very eyes. 

“Anakin,” the Chancellor said, arms open towards him in greeting. His face was apathetically apologetic. 

“Chancellor?” Anakin said in question, slight quiver in his voice. He wanted so badly to be wrong. He scanned their surroundings, looking back to the ramp of the ship. There was no one else. Only the three of them. 

“I’m so sorry, my boy,” the Chancellor said shaking his head slowly, a dismal expression on his face as the three of them convened before the stone wall of a cliff. Carved within in it was a metal door. One with no means of entry, other than the force. The Chancellor, with a wave of his hand, opened the door. As it slid aside, it let out a horrid metal screech, made worse by the desert corrosion.

Anakin swallowed hard as he felt he might lose consciousness at that very moment. “What is this?” he asked, fearing he already knew enough. 

“Oh Anakin, you already know the truth within yourself, don’t you? I feel it. I know that you do.” The man said in a sorry voice, an expression that was significantly less so. 

Anakin’s face turned sour against the man’s words, as his entire world came crashing down on him in an instant. “You’re the Sith?” Anakin said against the tears that welled in his eyes, that made his voice crack as his face turned against the words he spoke, wishing they were not true. 

_Of course he was the Sith,_ Anakin thought. He should have seen it long ago. He should have known when they had been the only ones on that ship. Instead he had remained willfully blind. 

“Indeed, I am so sorry I had deceived you. It was a matter of necessity, I think you will come to understand.” He said, as he entered through the dark passageway, another wave of his hand bringing up lights that illuminated the narrow corridor that led down into more darkness. 

Anakin hesitated. “What is this? What’s down there?” He knew it was something of dark origin. He could feel something calling out to him now. Nothing that was alive, not in the organic sense anyways. It was however, very powerful. More powerful than the three of them combined. It made the light within himself curdle and turn, retreating from it. Whatever it was, it was composed of pure darkness. 

“Come my boy, you will see and understand soon.” The Chancellor beckoned with a wave of his hand, and Obi-wan took to follow. 

Anakin thought he could do it, he thought he could follow Obi-wan anywhere. But he was wrong. His whole body strained against whatever dark thing was kept in the depths of that cellar. He didn’t think he could take another step even if he tried. The fact that Obi-wan so silently obeyed the Chancellor, the Sith Lord, made his heart ache. Now he knew how far he had fallen. Now he knew there was no going back. 

“I don’t think I want to understand,” Anakin said as he began to break down, shaking his head. “I’m not going down there with you.” He stated firmly, looking back to the ship. 

“Anakin, don’t be this way. Soon, you will see. Just come with us. I know you’re angry, you’re scared. All will be answered if you come now.” The Sith Lord said in a kindly velvet voice. 

“No.” Anakin said more firmly. 

Obi-wan turned to face him, surveying the skies, their surroundings, before looking back at Anakin. “Anakin, please. I promise. Just come with me. We can be together again, just like before.”

“ _No!_ ” Anakin shouted, fists clenched at his sides. “Nothing can ever be like before! I don’t know what he promised you, but I’m not going to be party to it. I won’t. I can’t be the thing that keeps you in the darkness, Obi-wan. Don’t you see? You’re becoming someone else. _Something_ else. I don’t know who you are anymore,” He said, distressed, peering at his former master through his tears. 

“Anakin please, just give me a chance,” Obi-wan said, pleading in earnest. “I promise I will be better to you. We can start over,” he pleaded, through his words sounded empty. Like he knew they were lies. Anakin answered him with silence. 

“Just trust me, Anakin. It’s all going to be alright,” Obi-wan said, this time something familiar in his voice. Anakin glanced to the man, as his former master looked him head on. It didn’t sound like a lie. It was the reassuring tone he had always used with him. Anakin instinctually trusted it. In spite of all else telling him to run, he followed his master. Just like he always did.

In spite of the hot sun that burned brightly over head, the corridor was cold. As they descended down into the cellar, the door shut behind them, leaving only the dim fluorescent lighting at the corners of the hall to light their path. As they neared to the door at the bottom, the darkness felt louder, more pervasive. It was all Anakin could feel. Until it steeped into his bones like ice, making him shiver, feeling weaker as they neared their destination. 

As they reached the door at the end of the steep corridor, it opened with another wave of the Sith Lord’s hand. A splendid looking room was set out before them, full of glass cases with multiple crystals, holocrons, and artifacts on display. Mostly Sith of origin, yet some Jedi as well. 

Obi-wan seemed to be a tad bit shocked himself, at the sight of so many artifacts in one place. The Sith Lord chuckled darkly. “Do not fear, Obi-wan,” he said, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder. “The power here is of no threat to you. It only adds to _our_ strength.” 

There was a crimson red chair in the center of the room, restraints on the armrests and at the ankles. Suddenly Anakin was bound with fear anew. It wasn’t just where they were taking him. He was imbued with the sudden knowledge that they intended to _do_ something to him. He felt foolish for complying at all, stupid for blindly following the man who was once his master. He should have remembered. His master was gone. All that looked like reassurance, all that looked like truth, were only pretty lies. Pretty lies that he had wanted so badly to believe.

“Take a seat, young Skywalker.” The Sith Lord said darkly, motioning to the chair at the center of the room. 

Anakin began to retreat, shaking his head, tripping over the lip of the doorway as he walked backwards, aghast. He righted himself quickly, again to slowly retreat, unwilling to turn his back to his enemies, still shaking his head as he backed away. 

“No,” Anakin said, face turned to the color of ash in the dimly lit hall. 

Obi-wan drew his saber, holding it alight as he looked on at Anakin who gazed back at him with a look of fearful disgust. 

“What are you going to do to me?” Anakin said fearfully, terror wrenching his heart, adrenaline surging through his veins. 

Obi-wan took a step forward. The Sith Lord right behind him, hands held aloft threateningly. “Anakin,” Obi-wan said softly, pleading. 

“Stay back!” Anakin shouted, eyes darting back and forth between the two that loomed, nearing ever closer. The moment drew out, tense electricity building in the air. 

“Anakin,” Obi-wan said again, sadness, anguish in his eyes. 

“Come boy, sit in the chair. You don’t want us to have to make you, now,” the Sith Lord said smoothly, threateningly. 

“Anakin!” Obi-wan shouted, louder this time. A rumble followed by a loud thud sounded out overhead causing a tremor to shake through the corridor. Dust fell from the ceiling, burning his eyes. 

“Anakin, RUN!” Obi-wan called out, as he tossed the man his lightsaber, simultaneously catching the torrent of force lightning that bolted from the Sith Lord’s hands that had been aimed towards Anakin with his own saber, giving the young Jedi a chance to get further ahead of them as he stumbled up the corridor, trying to escape the dark Sith lair he had been lured into.

Anakin retreated hastily, saber ignited in hand. He was thoroughly confused, though he wasn’t about to ignore his master’s command. Not now.

Shakily, he rushed to the door at the top of the steep corridor. He desperately tried to open it, but it wouldn’t work for him. He glanced back towards his master, who now took to sparring with the Sith lord, clashes of blue and red strobing down the dimly lit corridor, growls and cries as they expended themselves in combat against one another. 

With all of his might Anakin plunged his saber through the metal, beginning to carve out an exit as quickly as he could muster. But he wasn’t fast enough. A crash echoed from the cellar below, his master letting out a cry of pain. Obi-wan was wounded, but not dead. Not yet. Anakin pulled even harder on his saber, halfway finished making an exit for himself, but it was too little too late. He had run out of time. 

The Sith Lord approached, as Anakin took stance to defend himself. The Sith only laughed. “Oh, Obi-wan, so foolish,” he shouted for his master to hear. “I warned you what would happen if you betrayed me,” he said darkly, bringing his crimson saber alight to face Anakin’s. “I told you, you would _never_ be together.” An evil smile graced the man’s face, sinking an even deeper chill into Anakin’s bones. “I will fulfil my promise, with Anakin's death!” He said, striking out at him, clashing full force, with an athleticism that he would have never suspected, one he most certainly had never observed over the years.

"It's a shame, truly," the Sith said between saber clashes. "Such a waste of potential," he growled, his attacks intensifying.

Anakin met his blows with equal force of his own. He could feel each strike intent to kill him. With each one failing to hit or maim, the Sith became even more aggressive, bringing Anakin quickly to the edge of his skills, testing every ounce of his strength, every second of his training. 

Just as he felt he was about to fatigue, nowhere to go, nowhere to run, the sound of a saber crackled behind him, a green light spearing through the metal where he had left off, another purble light joining it, making quick work of cutting the rest of the makeshift hatch open. 

As soon as the exit was made, Anakin was pulled with great force out of the dark hall, back into the glaring sun, as he fell on his back on the white hot sand that stung through his clothing.

“It’s over Chancellor, you’ve been captured. We know you’re the Sith we've been searching for. It’s over!” Mace shouted down at him, into the corridor. “Surrender now and face trial for your crimes. Resist and _die!_ ”

Anakin’s eyes adjusted to the glaring sun as he came to see the entire 501st and 212th standing ready behind him, blasters aimed and ready. A group of Jedi stood engaged at the entrance as well. Masters’ Windu, Yoda, Koon, and Fisto standing on guard among others who stood back behind them. 

Rex rushed over to Anakin as he tried but failed, to stand up in the soft sand. “General Skywalker, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he said, offering a hand to help him stand up. Anakin was lost for words to say, only given to more tears welling in his already red rimmed eyes.

A jolt of panic surged through him again, as he remembered, past the foggy haze of too much happening entirely too fast. Obi-wan still lie injured at the bottom of the hall, the Sith Lord standing between him and everyone else. Anakin immediately jolted forward, standing just behind the two lines of Jedi that guarded the entrance to the bunker. 

“OBI-WAN!” Anakin cried out at the top of his lungs, “he has him, he’s down there still. He’ll kill him!” He shouted frantically. One of the Jedi who took the second line turned towards him. 

“Anakin, it’s going to be alright. We aren’t going to let anything happen to Obi-wan.” Aayla said reassuringly in her gentle Twi’lek accent, employing a calm and soothing tone. One that didn’t match the current situation whatsoever. 

“You can’t possibly know that,” Anakin said, offended, a string of insults and demands on his lips halting before they could even begin, as he was startled by the sudden movement and commotion at the mouth of the bunker that stole away his focus.

“Any of you come near me and he dies!” The Sith Lord said, forcibly holding Obi-wan hostage in front of himself with an iron grip on the mans shoulder in one hand, holding the business end of his lightsaber firmly against Obi-wan’s chest with the other. It hurt Anakins heart to see his master already bloodied and bruised, leaking red from previous injuries his scuffle with the Sith.

“This is where your plan is flawed yet again, _Sith,_ ” Obi-wan spoke as the two of them emerged from the corridor. “I would gladly give my life for your capture.” He added spitefully. “And so would they.”

“NO!” Anakin shouted, just barely held back by Secura and Vos. 

Obi-wan looked over at him, giving him a glance of regret, of sorrow. That things, once upon a time, might have ended differently for them. It caused Anakin to struggle against his fellow Jedi even harder. “ _Obi-wan!_ ”

A detachment of clones, upon a silent order from master Yoda, moved to circle the Sith along with the Jedi who already held formation, closing in past them, all angling their blasters for the Chancellor. 

“Stand down, Chancellor.” Obi-wan said in a commanding tone. “Stand down and face a fair trial.”

“A fair trial?” Palpatine spat. “You Jedi would see me _dead!_ ”

“Only if that is what you deserve,” Mace added, angling his saber towards the Sith’s face. 

“And what do I deserve, Jedi?” he retorted in an ugly voice. 

“That would be for a jury to decide.” Plo Koon interjected, angling his saber towards the dark one as well.

“I will not be so _disgraced!_ ” The old man said, glowering at the Jedi who stood before him, eyeing the advancing clones just as wairily, then, a dark smile falling on his lips. “Commander,” he said, slowly, taking enjoyment at each word. “Execute order 66.”

“That’s a negative, Chancellor.” Rex spoke stepping forward from the encircling troopers. 

“It’s over, Chancellor. After Obi-wan told us about you, we did some thorough digging in your affairs. Some of your tracks were, less covered than you probably imagined them to be.” Mace said, savoring the moment of victory over the Sith and his machinations. 

An ugly sneer fell on the Sith’s lips. “You might get me, but you will not get Kenobi!” He shouted, as a single blaster bolt hit the back of his head, causing him to waver before he fell, dead. But it was already too late, the Sith's saber had pulsed a flash of red, hitting Obi-wan’s chest, as the two of them fell, tangled up in eachother. 

“NO!” Anakin screamed, this time neither Jedi attempting to hold him back any longer as he ran clumsily through the sand to his master’s side. “Obi-wan!” he shouted, pulling him up to hold him in his arms. “ _Obi-wan,_ ” he said more softly this time, brushing the man’s auburn hair away from his flickering eyes. 

“I’m, alright,” he whispered, wincing as he moved to sit. “It’s not as bad as you think,” he said a little bit more sturdy. Anakin held him steady, speechless, terrified. Obi-wan tapped at his chest. “Subdermal cortosis graft. I’m fine, skin is just a little torn up. The rest of me is, just fine.” Obi-wan said, wincing again as he moved. 

Anakin wiped the tears out of his eyes, as new ones came to rise. Sadness? Joy? Anger? He couldn’t tell. Although he was most certainly a mix of all of those things. At the moment, he was mostly just glad his master was going to be alright. 

“He could have put that saber right through your skull. Do you have a cortosis graft there, too?” Anakin said, angry, still wiping at the seemingly endless flow of tears that fell from his eyes.

Obi-wan shook his head. “No. I meant what I said, I would have gladly given my life for the capture of the Sith Lord.”

Anakin’s face twisted up against more wrathful tears, with nothing much to say. 

A few clones pushed through, cot in hand to help Obi-wan up and into the transport. Obi-wan held out a hand in refusal. “No, no- I’m just fine. I can walk.”

“Whatever you say, General.” The clones answered back, still waiting to give assistance. 

“Anakin, help me up?” Obi-wan asked. Anakin lept into action in an instant, helping his master to his feet. As the two of them began walking towards the transport, Master Windu approached. 

“Obi-wan,” he said in a sad tone. “We are forever indebted to you for your service, I hope you realize this.”

“I did what I had to do, Mace. Just as I will continue, to do as I must.” Obi-wan said. Anakin sensed there was something unspoken between the two masters, something just out of mention. Something that he ought to know, as well. He kept silent, anyways. There would be time for answers soon enough. 

As they reached the transport, Obi-wan turned to Anakin. “You need to go with your squadron, return to the temple. I’m reporting directly to the senate from here, along with the other Jedi masters.” He said, a grave look of sadness on his face, well hidden behind his usual mask. But Anakin knew better.

“Master, open up to me,” Anakin begged, not caring if master Windu was in earshot. “Please. There is no need for words if you just let me in.”

“Not now, Anakin,” Obi-wan said, looking quite distressed.

Anakin did not try to hide how he had become disheartened at his masters words, feeling the sting of rejection linger in his chest. 

Taking note of his sadness, Obi-wan moved to hold Anakin’s face in his hands as he came close to him, mere inches away. For a moment, Anakin felt embarrassed at the display, especially in front of the others. But after such an event, such things were warranted, he thought. 

Until his master spoke. “Anakin. Please,” Obi-wan said, tears stinging at his eyes, aura heavy with regret and heartache. “Know that I _always_ love you. And that I’m sorry, for everything.” A stray tear fell from his eye, that Anakin quickly wiped away. He could never stand to see the man cry.

Anakin’s heart sang loudly for his master, for he could feel the aura of darkness lessen, as the core of his masters light was revealed. Perhaps it had always been there, he thought. Though he swore he had felt more darkness than he could ever have hoped to abolish. He must have been wrong, he reasoned. 

Before he could say a word in response, to tell his master he felt the same, Obi-wan pressed in gently, meeting his lips in a delicate kiss as he moved his arms to wrap around him. Anakin hesitantly reciprocated, this time out of embarrassment for the audience of peers that were no doubt watching. Quickly, even that worry fell out of mind as his master held him sweetly, pulling a hand gently through his hair as he broke their too-brief kiss, then held Anakin by his shoulders at nearly arms length. 

“May the force be with you,” said Obi-wan, slowly bringing his hands away from Anakin, to rest at his sides. 

Anakin gave him a look of concerned confusion. “And with you, master.” Anakin took a breath as he was about to ask a question, though Mace cut him off entirely before he could speak.

“Now go, Skywalker. Your transport awaits.” He said sternly, still a look of sadness about him. But there was simply no time to dwell on it. 

Anakin bowed. “As you wish, master,” he said in the methodical Jedi manner, as he stepped away from the transport. Quickly, it took off, rising into the sky. Anakin stood and watched it as long as he could, before Rex came up next to him. 

“Transport awaits you, General,” he said in a somewhat sorry voice. 

“Alright, Commander, let’s go.” Anakin said distantly, only glancing at the Commander for a second before his eyes became fixed on Obi-wan’s transport again, until it became lost in the sunglare. “Commander, how do you find us?” Anakin asked in a conversational tone.

“Tracking nanites in your blood, General. Kenobi injected you before departure.” Anakin looked down at his arm, thumbing over a small defect in his skin in the crook of his arm. 

“Huh.” Anakin said, an interested expression on his face. “By the way, Rex, where in the galaxy are we?” Anakin asked, looking again to the scant surroundings, hills and flat lands full of nothing but sand as far as the eye could see. 

“Some backwater place called Jakku,” Rex said in contempt as he trudged through the sand. 

“Never heard of it,” Anakin added distastefully, as he relished the thought of washing all the sand off of himself. Suddenly he had the acute need to strip off his dirty clothes and take a long, hot shower.


	30. Holo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin returns to the temple

Anakin traveled along with the 501st and the 212th back home to Coruscant. For the first time in a long time, Anakin felt as if everything was returning to normal. _No,_ better than normal, he thought, as he vividly replayed in his mind how Obi-wan had kissed him, right in front of master Windu, without a single word or explanation to anyone. How he had been so unashamed, so kind, gentle. 

It made Anakin’s chest swell with joy, with happiness. That of which he had not felt in such a long time. It was like feeling rays of sunlight against his skin, after spending too long in the cold, unforgiving darkness. It was nourishment to his very soul, as the pieces of his broken heart took to mending, fusing together again.

In silence, Anakin watched out the viewport, gently brushing his fingers across his lips, where Obi-wan’s had pressed against him softly. His heart fluttered as he thought of it. He could close his eyes and still see the man, his beautiful smile, the one that always made his heart melt in an instant. And finally, after all this time, he had his master back for good. No more hiding, no more threat of Sith attack. No more disguising their love. Anakin didn’t much care about the repercussions of it. Let the council be furious. To him, nothing else mattered anymore.

The pain of all that he had gone through, that they had suffered together, how Obi-wan had slipped dangerously into the darkness, how he had his own brush with it as well, none of it was relevant. Although admittedly, Anakin was still puzzled as to how his master had managed to make himself appear so taken by the dark, while remaining on a path of light. The sting of how his master had come down on him back in that cell still felt fresh in his mind as he thought of it. But still, even that didn’t matter. 

He had so much he wanted to ask the man, so much he wanted to say. It felt as if the things that held him back, the blocks in his heart and mind, had all dissolved. Now all of the things that had gone too long unsaid, needed to be spoken. His heart demanded he tell his truth. How his heart sang with happiness, with light. How he wanted to share it all with the man he loved more than anyone in the entire galaxy.

His heart called out to his master, yearning, begging for connection. Perhaps it was the only way he was still left wanting. He desired to restore the bond they once shared, to let their minds and hearts commune as one. He thought it was only a matter of time. After Obi-wan was done with his senate meeting, he would come back to him. They would have time to spend together, to talk, among other more physical activities. 

So the very moment Anakin arrived at the temple, he hastily made his way to his quarters and waited. At any moment, Obi-wan would walk through his door, he thought. He just had to be patient and wait. 

As Anakin entered his chamber, a strange feeling came over him. Everything was in its place, untouched. As if nothing had happened at all, as if this were just any other day. But much had happened since he had left the temple, much had changed. The last time he stepped foot in this room, he had been another man entirely. Things had been different, _he_ had been different. Standing there now, was disorienting to say the least. 

But quickly, he tried to settle in. He brewed up a pot of Obi-wan’s favorite tea that he always had on hand in case of a visit. Surely his master would appreciate a cup when he came by. And the motion of it was a comforting one, helping him feel more at home in his quarters. 

As it had finished, and now was coming to be cooler, Anakin sipped on a cup himself, sitting up rigidly in a chair at the small table near to the window. The sun was setting, but it hadn’t crossed the horizon, yet. Surely by the time night fell, he would arrive. 

After he had emptied the entire pot himself, he took to pacing the living space until it grew dark outside. Then he took to pacing some more. A few more hours passed and he became tired. As much as he thought he couldn’t possibly sleep with his mind so alive, impatiently waiting now for his master’s arrival, his body was indeed tired. He decided to go to his bedroom and wait, rest on the sleeper for a while. The idea of his master coming to him at night excited him, as he hoped the man would come to him still.

As Anakin entered his bedroom, he didn’t have a moment to change into his sleep clothes before something small caught his eye. On his pillow, a data chip. Apprehensive, he took it in hand studying it for a moment before quickly inserting it into his pocket holoprojector and keying the device on. 

A ghost blue projection appeared. One of his master. Anakin’s stomach churned anxiously as he looked on at the miniature projection of the man flickering into existence. Obi-wan’s face looked heavy with sadness and grief before he spoke. 

“Anakin, if you are watching this, that means we have captured the Sith Lord,” he began, visibly pained as he spoke. “I will have gone to great lengths, as I’m sure you are already well aware, to catch him unawares.” Obi-wan added gingerly, perhaps a look of shame falling on his features. “I will have had to trick him into thinking me his apprentice.” He explained. 

Anakin felt his body tense as he continued to watch, uneasy about the reason for all of this. Surely his master could tell him all of this in person. 

“I am sorry, for everything. I know how hard this must be for you. I know you and the Chancellor were… close.” Obi-wan added. Anakin had the feeling the man was stalling, even in the holo he would dance around things of which he didn’t want to speak, Anakin thought with a fleeting smile before he quickly returned to a serious demeanor. 

There was a flicker in the holo, perhaps where there had been a pause in recording. As Anakin squinted down at the tiny figure, the man's eyes now appeared swollen. Had he been crying? Anakin’s chest filled with panic anew. 

“I’ve made a deal, that in exchange for helping capture the Sith Lord, that you would be forgiven by the council for our affair, and that you would keep your padawan. But I have made my decision. If I survive this mission, I’m leaving the order.” Obi-wan’s voice sounded strained by unseen tears. 

A mixture of rage and terror took Anakin over as he stood before the holo in shock. 

“I don’t belong in the temple. I’m a poor Jedi. I have desires that I can’t control, a darkness within myself that is too strong, too great, something i’m not sure I will ever be able to put aside. And there are things inside of me... that would hurt you.” Obi-wan took a pause, his voice growing dark, perhaps scared. “Things that I pray haven’t hurt you already.”

“No, Obi-wan,” Anakin said, blinking through tears that fell freely from his eyes, blurring his vision.

Another flicker in the holo. “I’ve made this deal, so that you may regain a sense of normalcy. Included in it, I made the council swear to me that you would be given the best care from the mind healers, to help you mend, to return to yourself. You are strong, I know you will pull through. Vokara Che herself has given me her word she will help you. I beg you, let her. Please, if not for yourself, for me. I can’t stand the thought of you living in pain for the rest of your life.” A tear escaped the man’s eye that he hastily wiped away as he continued.

“I’m not coming back,” he said resolutely, with great effort. “When the Sith tried to seduce me to the dark, he used the attachment I have for you. The… _jealousy,_ how the darkness wound itself around my feelings for you, he tempted me with it. Inside of myself, I wanted to take him up on his offer. My first reaction, was weakness.” Obi-wan said in self directed anger. “It made me realize… I’ll never be good for you,” he said, voice breaking. Another flicker. “Anakin, I love you, more than you may ever know. That is why, by the time you see this, I will have left for some far corner of the galaxy. Not even the Council knows where. At the moment, I haven’t even decided.”

“ _NO!_ ” Anakin cried out to the tiny projection of his master. All he wanted was to wrap his arms around the man. But he would never see him again. The sound of it felt like a knife to his soul, bleeding him dry.

“Please, don’t come looking for me. You won’t find me. Use this time to get yourself well. Train your padawan. She has much potential, and needs your guidance now more than ever. You have your whole life in front of you… Don’t throw it all away for me. Please, I’d never be able to live with myself.” Obi-wan spoke in earnest, this time not wiping the tears that fell down his face. Anakin moved a finger to trace them, as his own tears fell freely. 

“Know that I have treasured our time together. I only wish it could have ended differently. You will forever be in my heart, Anakin Skywalker. You’re the love of my life,” Obi-wan added with a sad chuckle, through more tears. “Make me proud. May the force be with you.” The holo flickered out of existence, as the recording ended. 

“No,” Anakin whispered in disbelief. “ _No,_ ” he said louder, more frantically, pulling his hands through his hair painfully. His heart began to writhe in shock, shattering and crumbling. He felt as if everything had been ripped away from him. He didn’t think he could go through this again. This time, knowing his master wouldn’t be there to hold him. He would never even see the man again. 

His blood began to boil with a trauma driven anger that rose of up fiercely in his veins. Suddenly he bolted out of his bedroom, through the doors to the apartment wing corridor, and ran out to the docking area, with every ounce of strength he could muster, bolstering himself with the force to get there quickly. 

_Maybe he hasn’t left yet,_ Anakin thought, though he knew better. If only he had seen the holo sooner, he would have a chance to find him before he went off world, to tell him how foolish he was. To tell him the only place he ever wanted to be was at his side. But still, he ran anyways, his terror fueling him, adrenaline surging through his blood, making his stomach sick. 

_No, he can’t just leave me…_

Hastily he ran through the hangar, searching through the landed speeders and transport vehicles, searching for someone, anyone, who might have seen his master depart. A stray clone would be enough. If he could point to the direction in which the ship had taken off, he might be able to deduce what hyperlane he had taken, perhaps track him down. It was a long shot, but Anakin was desperate. 

As he rushed through the isles in the hangar, he reached out, feeling for traces of his master, the residue that he would leave in places, on objects. Feeling a vague sense of the man's presence, he rushed over towards the front of the bay. Where he felt him the strongest, was an empty space, just large enough to fit a smaller vessel. Significantly larger than a troop transport, probably about the same size as the twilight, though that ship still rested a few spaces to the left. 

Obi-wan would have known better than to take that one, he would be too easy to track, to hunt down. No, he would have taken a nondescript ship, one Anakin had probably never seen before. One that he may never see. 

But the hangar was under surveillance. If he could access those records, he would be able to learn more. Quickly he stole off to the records room, which remained mostly empty at this time of night, aside from the usual guard. As he searched through the different cameras, finally finding the one he had been looking for, he took to buffering through the footage, in search of when Obi-wan had departed. 

Before he could come upon the frames he had been looking for, a guard stepped up to him. “Are you authorized to be in here?” The masked guard asked with caution, feeling the tempest of fear and anger that swirled about Anakin in the force. 

“Am I _authorized?_ ” Anakin asked back angrily. “I need to be here, I need to see where he went,” he said, trailing off as he came closer to the footage he was after. 

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the guard said sternly with an undertone of apprehension. 

Anakin shoved them away, as he continued searching. Eventually, he came upon the ship he had been looking for. Immediately he recognised the design- a FA-504s corellian freighter. Probably loaded up with enough rations and water for Obi-wan to reach the far side of wildspace. He hoped not, if he had any chance at finding him, the odds went down significantly as soon as he crossed the border into less charted regions. 

As he keyed the footage forward a few frames, he saw his master board the ship, Vokara Che bidding him farewell, and her alone. His heart ached. It wasn’t fair, that she should be able to say goodbye, and for him to never have the chance. 

But it was going to be alright, Anakin vowed, though he still felt himself in the throes of shock. He was going to find his master. He was going to explain. Then, he would never leave him again. It was the only way. 

Anakin stood, staring at the still frame, his master glancing at the camera for a moment. It felt as if the man knew that he would find this, like he was bidding him farewell with those sorry eyes. But he would not accept it. Could not accept it. 

Footsteps approached from behind, as Anakin gazed a few more moments, longing for his master. Tears of anger beaded at the edges of his eyes as his chest began to swell with fear. What if all of his searching would be in vain? What if he never saw him again?

“Yes, I tried to get him to leave. I asked for authorization, but he didn’t have any. He shoved me away when I tried to talk to him. Clearly, he’s in a state of distress…” The voice of the guard trailed off, mumbling something else to the Jedi master they had summoned, who now stood by guards side. 

A state of distress? Of course he was! Anakin spun on his heels, furious, force boiling around him dangerously, for the whole temple to feel. He didn’t care to try to mask his emotions. There was only one thing he cared about, and it was being ripped away from him. 

Mace walked towards him, while the guard hung back, body language speaking to the primal fear that Anakin was projecting onto him, onto everyone in the vicinity. He didn’t care, they should be afraid. He had just lost everything, now he had nothing left to lose. A man like that, was very dangerous. 

“Skywalker, you need to come with me. Let’s talk. I’m sure you have much on your mind you wish to discuss.” Windu motioned calmly, clearly trying to counter his violence through the force with calm waves of his own. It only made Anakin feel more wrathful. 

“There is nothing to discuss.” Anakin said, clenching his fists at his sides. “I just need a small freighter, with enough rations and water to last a few weeks. Send me on my way. That’s what I need,” he said in a calm yet ominous tone of voice. 

“Anakin, you know I can’t do that, not right now, Not like this.” Mace said, genuine apology in his voice. 

“I know you can. It’s that you won’t But I can take what I need and leave anyways. I don’t need _your_ help.” Anakin snarled at him, lowering his chin as he glared down at the man. 

“I feel your pain, Anakin. And i’m sorry. It was never supposed to be this way, but you don’t have to let this overtake you. You’re letting your fears control you, Anakin. Can’t you see that? It’s a path that leads straight to the dark side! Everything you have fought so hard against all this time.” Mace said, reaching a hand out to him in good faith. 

“Is it?” Anakin countered, brows furrowing in frustrated rage. “Or is it the Jedi dogma against attachments that cause such unbalance? You would prohibit what is right and good, what is natural. You and your council, tear people apart,” Anakin continued on, becoming more enraged by the second. “Children from their mothers, people whose only crime was _love,_ ”

“Anakin, we begged Obi-wan to stay. He chose to leave. We weren't going to expel either of you,” Mace said, shaking his head with sadness. “We wanted to help him. Just like we want to help you.”

“You would help me tear part of my soul from the rest, the part that dares to _love!_ ” Anakin shouted loudly, his voice echoing in the room around them. 

“You know that’s not true, deep down, you know it. You’re angry, you’re hurt. You’re not thinking straight.” Mace said sternly, hand in the air before him to add to his tone of warning. “This is the exact kind of thing we avoid, by being mindful of our attachments. Please Anakin, let’s talk someplace else, where cooler heads can prevail.” Mace begged him, eyes watching his form with caution, as if he expected Anakin to lash out at him. 

“I won’t let you take him from me,” Anakin shouted, angry, afraid. 

“We never took him, Anakin. He left.” Mace said, nearing the last of his patience. 

“No, you poisoned his mind with your Jedi dogma.” Anakin spat, hand hovering over his saber. 

“Anakin, i’m afraid i’m going to have to detain you for the safety of yourself and others, until you’ve had time to cool off.” Mace said, hand nearing his own saber. “Please, come willingly. I don’t want to have to make you,” he said warily. 

Anakin brought his saber in hand, thumbing it on as he readied himself for combat, glaring down at the man from the end of his blade. 

“The hard way then?” Mace said, stepping into his own stance. “Very well,” he said dryly, taking a few moments before he lashed out against Anakin, sabers clashing viciously, Anakin drawing on every ounce of anger he had to move in on master Windu. 

Though mostly, it seemed to be in vain. Every strike seemed to recoil back on him, as Mace skillfully dueled using the art of vaapad, turning all of his darkness back towards himself. 

“Anakin, just stop this madness.” Mace said, pressing on still, violet saber clashing with the glow of blue, lighting up the space between them with each blow. 

Anakin gave no reply, only more swings of his saber. 

“So be it.” Mace spoke sternly, before everything went black. 

…….

Anakin’s eyes slowly opened to survey the red of a rayshield before him. He reached for his saber. Of course it was nowhere to be found. He chuckled darkly to himself. He had on the wrong side of a rayshield too many times of late.

He moved to sit up on the slat, his head immediately beginning to throb and ache. Anakin wasn’t sure what it was that took him out. He suspected a blaster set to stun, or perhaps a swift blow to the back of the skull. Either way, it was an extremely unpleasant way to become unconscious.

Though there was another pain, the same ache that had been there before, now gnawed at him relentlessly. The place where his heart had crumbled, now felt black, empty. Like he would never be whole again. 

He felt the same anger as before, but now there was a shame attached to it. He felt wrong for lashing out as he did. Although he certainly held his reservations as to how much of the code he agreed with, it did no good to take his anger out on others.

Mace was right, it was letting the dark side win. That much, he knew he didn’t want. Just thinking about it put a chill in his bones. The memory of all of those dark artifacts, how they so pervasively poisoned all around themselves. The way the Sith took their anger out on people senselessly, it hardly made him better than Maul for how he had lashed out. He didn’t want any of it. 

All he wanted was to be with the man he loved. Hot tears of angry frustration fell from the corner of his eyes as he thought of it. He remembered his masters words. _‘Make me proud.’_

Anakin let out a gut wrenching sob. He had hardly begun to live up to what his master had wanted of him. But it all seemed so impossible. Obi-wan had left him here, alone. Hadn’t he known how much this would hurt him?

And there it was, the selfish nature. The one Obi-wan had spoke of. And he had been right. Anakin was being selfish. He wanted to be with the man he cared about so much, he wasn’t paying attention to what Obi-wan wanted. 

_But Obi-wan only left because he didn’t want to hurt me…_ he thought with guilt, another gut wrenching sob taking him over. Did that make it dishonorable to chase after him, when the entire basis of his leaving was unfounded? Anakin could hardly care if he had said something, done something that might have hurt him. He knew his master’s heart was pure, that he hadn’t meant to hurt him. He didn’t even have to ask, Anakin had already forgiven him. 

But Obi-wan wouldn’t forgive himself. 

Because the man had the frustrating tendency to always need to be perfect, nothing less would do for him. So any imperfection would bore into his skin and fester. Because Obi-wan had to be perfect, he had always tried so hard to be just that. Only Anakin wished he could have understood one thing. 

No matter what flaws the man had, no matter what he might have done, whatever misgivings there were, he was _already_ perfect. 

But Obi-wan didn’t think so. So he left. Now he was alone. In a cell, again. 

Sure, he caught a glimpse of the freighter he had left in, but that hardly was a starting place for him to find the man. And besides, what if Obi-wan truly didn’t want to be found? What if Anakin was able to find him, only to be rejected? The thought stung to his core. 

Anakin sat there, stewing in his own thoughts as his sobbing subsided. Then, someone approached his cell. He had hardly noticed a presence until they had spoken. 

“Anakin, what have you done now?” Che said chastising in a matronly tone. 

Anakin peered up at her, through his wet lashes, grief written all over his tear stained face. Suddenly all the words he might have said were caught again, a lump in his throat making it absolutely impossible to speak. Then another sob shook his frame as he held his knees to his chest. 

“Oh _Anakin,_ ” Che said as she disengaged the rayshielding, rushing into the cell where she took place by his side, holding him as he cried. “Shhh, there there. It’s all going to be alright,” She cooed as she stroked his hair. 

“He’s _gone,_ ” Anakin gasped out between sobs. “He left me,” he said as he erupted into another bout of cries and sobs. 

“I know,” she sad in sadness. “We all will miss him greatly. But none as great as you. I wish I could take your pain away, young Skywalker, but there is nothing I can do. I’m so sorry.”

Anakin cried harder, the reality of his situation coming the the forefront of his consciousness. It was over.

Che continued to hold him as he cried, for what might have been hours, he wasn’t sure. But eventually his sobbing slowed, and he began to breathe more normally. All anger had left him, perhaps drained out through his tears. He had no will left, he was empty. Just as before, Obi-wan had been his reason to live. Now he had none. The emptiness echoed inside of him uncomfortably.

“No.” Che said. “That is not how we are going to do this,” she went on, moving to be straight across from Anakin, so that she could look him in the eye. 

“What are you talking about?” Anakin answered back, hollow. 

“You place all of your value on your relationship with Obi-wan. Now that he is gone, you feel you have nothing left to live for. I do not accept it. Neither should you.” Che said sternly, yet softly. 

Anakin let out a dejected sigh. “Sure, alright.” 

“No.” Che said again, this time looking fiercely into his eyes. 

“What?” Anakin said, this time slightly irritated. 

“You know what. Obi-wan made me swear to him, that I would take care of you. That I would help you get well. You will let me fulfill my promise.” She said seriously. “I did not take the task on, lightly, Skywalker. And I do not break my promises.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint,” Anakin said apathetically. 

“No you are _not._ You are sorry for yourself.” She said, not letting up.

The comment tore right through him, bringing him back to silent tears that he fought hard against to no avail.

“Anakin,” Che added gently. “You have been through so much. More than what most go through in their entire lifetime. And you are still, so young. So much more ahead of you. Work with me, let me help you. You can get better, return to yourself. Your true self. Then, go and do as you wish. Follow whatever path you will. But first, please, let me help you.”

“But what if I decide to leave the order?” Anakin asked, confused. 

“Then you will leave.” Che said, matter of fact.

“And the council will just, let me?” Anakin asked. “After everything I just said to master Windu? After drawing my saber on him? Are you sure I’m not going to be locked up?” 

“You are no prisoner, Skywalker. You were placed in this cell for your own protection, and that of others. Do you still pose a risk?” She asked plainly.

Anakin shook his head, another wave of guilt rising up, for how rashly he had acted. For how Obi-wan would have been so disappointed with him had he known. “No,” he said quietly. 

“Then you are free to leave. Though you might want to apologise to master Windu, if you have the chance.” She added, rising up from the slat. 

“That’s it?” Anakin asked, look of confusion on his face. 

“No.” Che said again, looking down at him from the open cell door. 

“Well then what?” Anakin said, growing irritable again. 

“See master Windu, then report to my meditation room, in the halls of healing. We have much work to do, I don’t see why we can’t begin now.” She said bluntly, expectantly. 

Anakin was baffled for a moment. He never expected the council to be so forgiving and lenient, not after everything. After their love had been discovered, after he had drawn his saber against the head of the Jedi council of all people, talked so heriticaly, still, he faced no repercussions for his actions. None aside from his own shame and embarrassment, anyhow. But still, he didn’t trust it. 

“It will be done, master Che.” Anakin said solemnly, bowing his head as he rose from the slat he sat on, striding to exit the cell, and leave the detention hall where he would go to see master Windu. 

“I will be waiting, Skywalker.” She said as she made her exit for the halls of healing. 

Anakin sauntered shamefully towards Mace’s meditation chamber, where he sensed he was waiting for him. It was an odd feeling, one he wasn’t used to. One he most certainly didn’t like. The feeling of vulnerability. He had been completely laid bare to the council. They knew everything, no doubt. And to be treated so civilly, he could only suspect it was on his master’s wishes that it was so. 

As he neared the door to Mace’s meditation room, the doors slid open, allowing him to step inside. Master Windu sood with his back turned to the door, as Anakin entered. 

“Skywalker, I had suspected you would come here, sooner or later.” He said, turning to face him, arms drawn behind his back. 

“Master Windu, I’m deeply sorry. I can’t explain how much I regret my actions. While I may have my own reservations about the Jedi code at the moment, I was completely out of line to be so aggressive. I hope you can forgive me.” Anakin said, expecting no such leniency. 

“I accept that, Anakin.” Mace said, a silence drawing out between them. “I would say I understand, but, I couldn’t possibly understand. But I appreciate it.”

“Thank you, master.” Anakin said, feeling uneasy. 

“You know, when Obi-wan told us he was leaving, he told us you would react such as you did. He knew it would be extremely hard for you. But, he believed it to be for the best.” Mace said, striking a nerve with Anakin, who immediately found his patience being tested by the master that stood before him. 

“Yes, master.” Anakin said, in formality, through clenched teeth.

“I don’t mean to rehash difficult things, Skywalker. You misunderstand. I understand you wish to leave the order. If that is how you feel, I do not wish you to stay. I want you to do as you feel you must. The path of a Jedi, is not for everyone. It is also, not the only way to bring peace to the galaxy.”

“Master?” Anakin said in question, caught off guard. 

“Anakin, you and I have had a strained relationship from the beginning. You know I openly disagreed with your training. I had my reservations about you all along. But nonetheless, between you and Obi-wan, you brought both Sith to their knees. You have brought balance to the force. But that doesn’t mean you are Jedi, or that you have to be. For your service, we are indebted to you. And you don’t have to agree with the code. You don’t have to follow it. You don’t have to stay.”

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Anakin said, thoughts racing. “I don’t know what I want, really. I wanted to be a Jedi, but now I’m not sure. I wanted to be with Obi-wan, but he doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t feel I have much purpose, any more.” Anakin admitted, shocked by how much he was opening up with the man. 

“Obi-wan asked me to make sure you had all the resources you needed, before he left. He threatened to not give us the Sith Lord, if we did not agree to his demands. It was… an uncomfortable conversation, to say the least. At the time, we resented it. But now, I see his wisdom. The order has been forever changed, by his actions. He opened our eyes to the nature of the darkness in our midst. He opened our eyes to the weaknesses of our own, the flaws of the order.”

“What are you saying?” Anakin asked, confused. 

“I’m saying had you acted out like that two weeks ago, you would have been expelled. Had we discovered you two before all of this, you would have been expelled. Had you spoken to anyone in the temple as you had spoken to me, you would have been expelled. But to honor Obi-wan’s wishes as we are in debt to his service, we have withheld punishment. Part of me still feels it, odd. Yet, we have all been humbled by the revelations in our midst. It’s time the Jedi entered a new age. Too long we have lived in the past.”

Anakin felt a swirl of anger mix with frustration in his chest. “So if you had your way, I would still be expelled.” Anakin stated in question.

Mace took a few moments before he answered. “No. Not any more. Not after everything. You have been through much, Skywalker. More than many have. It weighs on you. If I had my way I would have you work with Che, heal your spirit. Then I would have you follow the path that which the force wills. That is the way of the _new_ Jedi.” 

Anakin felt weak, as if he were about to be sick. So much had changed in too little time. He wasn’t sure what was real any more. “You would still abstain from attachments, though. Still have people deny love.”

“Attachments are still dangerous. It is the need to possess something, that leads to jealousy, anger, poor decision making. The path of a Jedi cannot coincide with such things. But that’s not to say they are wrong. Just, not of the Jedi.”

Another wave of frustration. “I see.” Anakin said, taking in all he had just heard. 

“Anakin, you have much to think about. Please, take full advantage of the Che’s mind healing sessions, take time to yourself. Obi-wan petitioned for you to keep your padawan, but for the moment she has been placed in master Koon’s care, until you decide what it is you need to do. The council will fully support whatever decision you make.”

“Thank you, I don’t know what to say.” Anakin said again, finding himself at a loss for words as he turned to leave, heading back to the healing halls to meet with Vokara Che. 

“You are strong, Skywalker. You’ll get through this.” Mace said as he left. Anakin didn’t turn, or say anything in response, only paused for a moment, before he walked onwards. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Mace said, causing him to turn this time, seeing Windu with his saber held out in hand. 

Anakin reached out and pulled it to him through the force, clipping it to his belt. “Thank you, master,” he said, still feeling odd as he made his way to the halls of healing.

As he entered the space, Che sat ready and waiting, two mats on the floor of the room. She had already poised herself atop one, facing the door. “Are you ready?” She asked calmly.

“Yes.” Anakin replied, feeling a sense of calm soak into his body. 

“Wonderful,” Che said, a genuine smile pulling the edges of her mouth. “Then let us begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some of you might have guessed, this story is soon coming to an end in the next chapter or two, most likely just one more though. It has been extremely fun to write, and I have appreciated all of your comments and kudos throughout the whole adventure. Thank you for reading! See you soon in the next chapter.


	31. Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven months after Obi-wan leaves...

7 months later…

“Are you sure?” Mace asked Anakin, as he stood before the council. 

“Yes, master. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. The path before me is clear.” Anakin replied humbly, bowing his head. 

“I sense your conviction, Skywalker. Very well, then.” Mace responded. “We will make preparations for you, provide a sum of credits to fund your journey. Be sure to send word back, when you have made your final decision, as to whether or not you will remain in the order.”

“Yes, of course.” Anakin said in response, heart quickening slightly as he was about to set out on his journey. “Thank you for everything, masters,” Anakin said, in regard to the rest of the council that sat at the rim of the chamber floor. 

“By morning tomorrow, report to the hangar. A ship will await you. Now go, make your own preparations.” Windu said, dismissing him in a kind tone. 

“I will, master.” Anakin said, giving a slight bow as he left the council chamber. 

So much had happened in the last seven months. It had been disorienting for him back then, to come back to the temple. Now, as he stood more changed still, it felt even more odd, something like living someone else's life. It was the feeling of subtle dysphoria, while looking at one's own life, realizing you never could have predicted the outcome, even if you tried. There were things designed to blindside you, no matter how hard you tried to remain focused. 

At this point he came to embrace the fact that the only constant in life, was change. And that change was largely unforseen, even with the aid of the force. The only thing to do, was to embrace it. Embrace all possible outcomes, and the path that had brought one to the present. 

Being in such a state of mind, was not Anakin’s natural mindset at all. He had worked hard, tirelessly, in mind healing sessions with Che day in and day out. It had been exhausting, mostly. At times, he desired nothing more than to take his own life. He felt discarded, used, broken. Perhaps he had been all of those things, at a time. 

But as time moved on, he came to embrace his path, to embrace himself. To not only have compassion for others, but most of all, for himself, as well. It was a painful process, one full of tears, anger, frustration. Che had near perfect patience with him through it all. 

He was grateful for her, for all that she had done. In all the ways she had helped him, she had become one of his closest friends. With Che there was no need to hold anything back, she would listen without judgement, without restraint. It was a quality that many were lacking. It was one he vowed he would foster within himself, one he admired greatly. 

With all of the healing, all of the mending his soul had done in the last seven months, there were still lingering, nagging things that needed to be put to rest. This journey, was part of his closure to all of that. It would be the end of a chapter of his life, the outcome of it still unclear. It all had to do with one man, really. Obi-wan. 

He had thought long and hard about his master’s wishes. He had watched the holo nearly every day, several times for the first few months. He had been torn between going to him, and abiding by his requests. At the very least, he had respected him in some of his wishes. He had stayed, gotten well. That much he needed to do for himself, though he didn’t see it that way at the time. The only reason he agreed to it aside from Che’s relentlessness, was for his master, to honor him. He was glad he did. 

Because before he had been broken, empty. He placed no value on his own life, but he had learned that he did indeed, have value. Nothing that ever happened to him could change that. Nothing ever had changed that, only his perception of it had changed. 

While he had been so insecure, so helplessly needy for the validation of others, he had hurt the very ones he loved in the process. He had hurt Padme, by not being honest with her. He had hurt his master terribly, by being dishonest with him as well. All of it had been tied to his own fears of being alone, that if they disregarded him, he would have nothing to live for. But the truth was, he had much to live for. 

That wasn’t to say he didn’t still long to be with Obi-wan. He did. He wanted to be with him, to share life with him. That was his desire. But he had accepted the fact, that Obi-wan might not feel the same. If he didn’t, that was an outcome he had already made peace with, although he hoped it wasn’t how the man felt. But if it was, he would be alright. The trouble was, he wasn’t sure at all how the man felt, since the premise of him leaving had been so dubious. Such was the nature of his excursion. 

He would go out among the stars in search of him. It would be difficult, though he felt confident that he would be able to find the man. There was something inside of him that reassured him, something that told him he would see his master again. It was almost like a string tugging at his heart, pulling him in the direction that Obi-wan lie. He would follow it, trust his feelings. Anakin was sure it would lead him straight to him. Since he was of clear mind, it made it easier to focus on such things. 

Although he was calm, steady in emotion, something in his stomach churned with anxious excitement. He tried to keep it a bay, to temper it with his will. It helped slightly, though not entirely. How could he stay completely calm? He was on the precipice of great change, such that would guide the next several years of his life one direction or the other. He embraced his feelings, while remaining mindful. Things might not go as he had hoped. It would be painful, but he needed to remind himself of this. To put all of his hopes on the desires of a man who he had not seen in nearly a year, was a foolish thing to do. 

It was nearing night, though he thought it would be impossible to sleep. Besides, there were a few things he still needed to do, people he intended on seeing before his departure. He strode to the hangar bay, jumped on one of the temple’s speeder bikes, and headed off in the direction of the Senate apartment complex 500 Republica.

His stomach churned with a new anxiety, one different than the excitement that had filled him when he thought of seeing Obi-wan. This one, felt more like dread. Still, he centered himself. It was only natural to be feeling such things, with the task that lie before him. 

He hadn’t seen Padme since Varykino. The last time he had laid eyes on her was when Maul had used her as bait to capture him. It was a wretched situation all around, what ensued after even worse. He couldn’t stand the idea of that being their last correspondence. He felt he owed her more of an explanation. He _knew_ he owed her more of an explanation. 

He had wanted to talk to her sooner, but she had made herself scarce. Even when she signed the divorce papers, she had sent couriers instead of meeting him in person. Anakin knew she had gone out of her way to avoid him, and he hadn’t tried to press the issue, not wanting to cause her any undue pain than he already had. But now that he was about to leave, possibly for good, he wanted to at least have the chance to talk to her. Or at the very least, she would know he tried. That was worth something, to him anyways.

So he rushed over, not too quickly, but certainly not following the air traffic laws. He might not have loved her the way he once did, but he held no ill will towards her. He still thought of her fondly. She would forever be in his heart. He would always care about her, though not romantically. Not anymore. 

As he arrived, he parked his speeder out on the landing pad and walked slowly to the door, taking a few moments to compose himself as he did. When he felt centered enough, he keyed the doorbell, waiting for an answer. It was also entirely possible she wouldn’t want to speak to him at all. That, he also would accept. 

But the screen outside of the door buzzed to life, revealing threepio on the other side. “Master Ani, how good to see you,” he started out in his typical manner. “I’m afraid mistress Padme is not taking visitors at the moment, is it possible for you to come back another time?” He asked in his polite formal manner. 

“I’m sorry threepio, I’m about to go off world, I might not come back soon, or ever. Can you go tell Padme that, and see if she will talk with me?” He asked gently, sensing she could hear him, that she was most likely lingering near to the door. 

Threepio shot back instantly. “The mistress says she is still, not taking visitors at the moment, I’m terribly sorry.”

“May I leave a message then?” Anakin asked, hopeful.

“You may. What is your message?”

“Padme,” he began, feeling slightly sick to his stomach as he spoke, knowing she could hear him on the other side of the door. “I’m sorry for everything. The divorce was never about you, it was about me. I was selfish. For that, i’m truly sorry.” Anakin said, palms sweating. 

“I’m about to go off world, to look for Obi-wan. As you might have heard, he left the order. I love him, so I’m going to look for him, to try to make things right. If he wills it, I will stay with him, leaving the order as well. If he doesn’t want me to stay, I will return to the order, and continue on as a Jedi.” Anakin swallowed hard before he continued. 

“I just wanted to tell you before I went, that I hope you have a full and happy life. That I only wish the best for you, and that I’m sorry for hurting you. I should have never been dishonest, it was selfish.” Anakin trialed off, realizing he hadn’t much else to say. 

“I suppose that’s it, really.” He said, pulling a hand nervously through his hair. “I guess this is goodbye.” He said, furrowing his brows with sadness. 

“I will be sure mistress Padme receives your message, master Ani. And good luck on your travels, I do hope you are able to find Obi-wan.” Threepio added, as Anakin moved to walk away. 

“Thank you, threepio. Be good for Padme, now. Alright?” He said in a gentle tone. 

“Of course,” the droid said in a tone of offense. “I wouldn’t dream of being otherwise.”

Anakin let out a chuckle. “I know, threepio. I know.” He said as he walked towards his speeder bike, pausing for a moment before he went back to the temple. 

He could feel Padme’s presence, he knew that she heard him. He could feel her distress, her hurt. It stung a little, but mostly he wished her well. As he kicked off of the platform and entered the stream of traffic, he felt a sense of closure settle around their relationship. It was peace, at last. In time, she would heal. She would come into her own, even more than before. Padme was a strong woman. He had done all he could do to offer her peace. The rest was up to her. 

Anakin parked the bike back in the hanger, and headed towards his chamber, taking a side stop first at the halls of healing. He sensed Che would still be there, caring for the wounded and sick. He was right. 

Anakin waited patiently in the lobby for her to finish up with one of her patients before approaching her. As she saw him, her face lit up. 

“Anakin!” She said, coming over to embrace him in a quick hug. 

“Hi,” He said somewhat quietly. She always had a way of making him feel so small and child like in her presence. Though it wasn’t something that bothered him anymore, as it had in the past. “I’m going away, Che. Tomorrow. I wanted to tell you before I left.”

A look of sad happiness donned on her dark blue features, a genuine smile in the midst of it. “I’m so proud of you, Skywalker.” She said, examining his eyes. “You have conquered things, that even gives me hope, that all is never lost.”

Anakin’s eyes grew teary as he continued. “I wanted to tell you how thankful I am, for all of your help. For pushing me when I didn’t think I could go on. I owe you so much, I don’t think I can ever repay you.” He said, smiling back at her, wiping a few stray tears out of his eyes as they beaded. 

“You honor me with your life. Live in peace, and you will repay me. Remember our lessons, let your light shine brightly for others, that is all I ask in return.” She said resolutely, seriously. 

“I will.” Anakin nodded, wiping a few more stray tears. 

“And you are ready to accept the outcome, whatever it may be?” She asked, examining his reaction to judge his honesty. 

“It won’t be easy, but yes. I am.” Anakin said, furrowing his brow in seriousness.

Che lit up again. “I am glad to have gotten to know you, Anakin Skywalker.” She said, smiling brightly. “My life is better for it. If you do not return, I will miss you very much. But know my heart goes with you in your travels.” She said, more solemnly. 

Anakin smiled, words caught in his throat through the sob that lingered. It wasn’t that he was sad, though in a way he was. It was possible that he may come back, but also possible that he might not. It was the ending of something old, the beginning of something new. 

“Now, go, get some rest. You will need it.” Che said as a final goodbye, dismissing him. “I must return to my patients, and you have a path to follow,” she said, turning her back to him as she strode towards one of the patient rooms. 

Anakin turned away slowly, heading for the apartment wing. There was one more person to speak with, though they shared the same quarters so there was no need for any more detours. Ahsoka. Even though she had been training with master Koon this entire time, she had opted to stay in her shared quarters with Anakin, who she regarded as her true master, whether or not he actually was. 

She had changed much in the last few months as well, as the Clone War had dwindled to an end. Her along with Plo Koon had been on the battlefront of the war as it came to a close. They had presented before the Senate, been the poster Jedi of the war, as Obi-wan and Anakin had become scarce in the news cycle. It was for the best that she had her time to shine, not only did it draw the public away from the goings on between himself and his master, but it gave Ahsoka room to grow. Already, she was becoming a valiant Jedi. He couldn’t be more proud. 

As Anakin entered the living space, Ahsoka sat up, waiting for him at the table. “You’re home late, master,” she said casually. 

“Yes, it was a long day.” Anakin sighed, as he crashed down on the sofa. 

“So?” Ahsoka asked, coming over to sit beside him. “Did you make up your mind?” She asked non-expectantly. Surely she could already sense it.

“I did. I leave in the morning, to find Obi-wan. For better or worse, after I talk to him I will be able to make my peace with it.”

“But you still love him,” She said whimsically, giving him a playful sideways glance. 

“I do. But I can’t make him want to be with me. If he asks me to leave, I won’t protest.” Anakin said quietly. “And he might tell me to do just that.”

“I don’t think he will.” Ahsoka said, smiling. 

“It’s dangerous to get my hopes up Snips, to set my heart on something that is so undetermined. I can’t possibly know how he feels. It’s been a long time, his heart may have changed. He might have already found someone else. Those are all things, I’m willing to accept.” Anakin said, coaching himself just as much as explaining to Ahsoka. 

This was something that had been difficult for him to come to terms with. It had been like wrestling a beast, something large and powerful. Though he had come to rein in his once overwhelming emotions. However it was still a practice, one that was rarely easy.

“I’m sorry, master. I don’t mean to make it harder on you.” Ahsoka said apologetically. “You _are_ right.”

“It’s alright, Snips. I’m just looking forward to ending this chapter of my life. Whatever is next, I’m ready for it. If Obi-wan wants to be left alone, I’ll come back to the temple, finish your training. I’ll be a Jedi.” Anakin said, feeling his truth resonate with his heart as he spoke it.

“Will you really be alright with that? Jedi do not form attachments. Even without Obi-wan, could you live out your life like that?” Ahsoka asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yes. I could. Really, it wouldn’t be much trouble. There’s only one person I want to be with, and if he doesn’t feel the same, then I would easily return to the temple, return to life as a Jedi. It’s not about living without attachment, it’s living without _him._ He’s the only one i’ve ever truly wanted, my feelings for him are, powerful. Overwhelming. But I know I will never feel that way about anyone else. I couldn’t possibly ever feel that way ever again. That is something I know, I can _feel_ it.” Anakin tried to explain, though truly it was nearly impossible to really explain it at all. 

Though he didn’t agree with the Jedi sentiment on attachments, he knew Obi-wan was the only one for him. It was that string, pulling at his heart. Even if they weren’t together, Anakin couldn’t ever be with anyone else. It was as if his heart had been made to love Obi-wan, and Obi-wan alone. Anything else would pale in comparison. Anyone else would only be a substitute for the one he really wanted. And that wouldn’t be fair, not to himself or whoever he might find. 

“I understand, master.” Ahsoka said sympathetically. “I hope you find what you are looking for. Even though I’ll miss you.” She said sadly. 

“I will miss you lots, Ahsoka. You’ve been the greatest padawan anyone could ever hope for.” He said, her face lighting up with that childish excitement that seemed sparse these days, as she truly was no longer a child. 

“That means a lot to me, master. You’re not so bad yourself,” she added jokingly. A warmth crossed their bond. 

Anakin smiled. “I’m going to try to sleep now, although i’m afraid it will be impossible.” 

Ahsoka yawned. “Well i’m getting sleepy myself, I think i’m going to call it a night.”

Anakin rose from the sofa. “I might not see you tomorrow, Snips,” he said, furrowing his brow against tears. 

“Don’t be like that, Skyguy” Ahsoka said, rising as well to grab him in an embrace. “You’ll see me again. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” She said, reassuringly. It was enough to quell his unease. 

Anakin smiled. “Night, master.” Ahsoka said, retiring to her quarters.

“Night, Snips,” he said back, going to his own quarters to change and try to sleep.

Sure enough, he couldn't sleep if he tried. The next day was going to prove to be, very tiring, to say the least. He stared at the ceiling, city lights trailing through his window. He wondered where his master was right now, if he was thinking about him. Where he might be, what he might be doing. Hopefully, he would be able to answer all of those questions soon. 

…….

The next morning arrived as the sun rose slowly in the Coruscant sky. Sleep had proven to be fleeting, but he suspected he might have gotten an hour or two. By the time the sun had risen, he had already been dressed and ready, a small bag with what scant belongings he had packed to carry with him. 

Mace and Yoda were waiting for him as he walked out onto the hangar floor, near to the ramp of the Twilight. 

“Loaded with plenty of water, rations, fuel, your ship is. Enough to last a month, before more supplies you will need. Credits there are, in the safe aboard your ship.” Yoda said, motioning his gimmer stick to the freighter behind him. Artoo rolled up behind them. “Your astromech too, is ready to depart.”

“Thank you, masters. I don’t know what to say, truly, you’ve all been more understanding than I could have ever hoped for.” Anakin said in reverence. 

“Speak nothing of it, Skywalker. We exist to serve, to help others. You are one of us, whether you choose to remain in the order or not.” Mace said sternly. 

“Contact us after find Obi-wan you should. Tell us your decision, you can. Contact with you and Obi-wan, the council would like to keep.”

“I will do as you wish, master Yoda.” Anakin said, stomach filled with nervousness as he was about to begin his journey. “I suppose this is where we part ways,” Anakin said, eyeing his ship, then the masters that stood before him. 

“Yes, it is.” Yoda said sadly. “May your journey be a fruitful one, young Skywalker.”

“And may the force be with you.” Mace added. 

Anakin bowed. “And with you, masters.” Without another word, he climbed up into the small freighter, artoo beeping and chirping at his side. The little astromech was very excited to venture out with him, he could hardly contain himself. 

“Alright, alright, artoo” Anakin said, as he settled down into the pilot's chair. “Let’s go find my master.”

Another string of chirps and beeps. 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

…….

Anakin had journeyed for quite some time, following the pull, the string that had wound itself around his heart tugging him forward. He began by going straight to the outer rim, then traveling spinward, meandering through the trade routes, stopping by each planet as he did. When he stopped, he took time to meditate, to stretch out, feeling for his master. Looking for him through the force. 

Each time seemed to be fruitless, unyielding the results he had been trying for. Still, he willed himself to remain hopeful. The galaxy was large, and his master perhaps didn’t want to be found. 

Two weeks into his travels, he landed on Nar Shaddaa. At this point Anakin had began to feel rather dejected, the vigor that he had when he had begun his search starting to wane. He took to visiting one of the regions many bars, finding an isolated table to sit at by himself. It was odd for him to drink, but he had felt the situation warranted it. After so long on his own, he was beginning to feel lonely, afraid. Scared he might never find his master. 

As he sipped on the bitter drink, he began to think where his master may have gone. Certainly, he wouldn’t be on some lush beautiful world. Obi-wan had gone out here, essentially exiling himself. Wherever he had planted himself, it would have been a form of punishment to him. 

So there would be no cities, no people, or at least the population would be scarce. It wouldn’t be any place tropical, or plentiful. It would be a wasteland of sorts. One where he would be afforded privacy. Anakin began to think more clearly, as he emptied his glass. 

There were several planets that fit that description, but if he was able to follow the pull on his heart, combined with his newfound insight, he might gain an edge, finally find his master. 

Usually once he had landed, Anakin would stay the night on world, as he didn’t like the feeling of being in his ship, alone all of the time. Not that he ever had been very social on his planetside excursions, but just the feeling of other beings around him, helped him feel a little better. Though on this night, he couldn’t stay. His heart told him to leave. That even though he couldn't feel him, his master was near. Either in space, or time, he couldn’t tell. But his feelings told him soon, they would see eachother again. 

As he returned to his ship, he took time to meditate again, stretching out, looking. Finding nothing. He suspected Obi-wan had gone to lengths to not be found. The thought of it brought some guilt to his heart. Though, it wasn’t as if he would stay, were he not welcome. It was closure he was after, nothing more. Though, that wasn’t entirely true. 

Yes, he would go if Obi-wan told him to. But Anakin wanted him, in every way. He wanted to be with him, to hold him, to restore their bond- the one that still left the remnant of a void where it once tied into his heart and mind. Whether Obi-wan would have him or not, it would be settled. And that was the goal, not insisting he get his way, begging, demanding his master take him back, although part of himself would be reduced to such. Doing such a thing would be selfish. He held himself to a higher standard than to give into such desires. 

Focusing on his feelings, Anakin headed off for his homeworld, Tatooine. Once he arrived there a few days later, he headed down the ramp, on the fringe of his home town. A wave of dysphoria took him over, as he thought on where he was. 

It was here, so long ago he had been taken, brought to the temple, to begin his training. It was here, He, Ahsoka, Obi-wan, had set out on that fateful mission. The one that would have been the start to all of the suffering of late. That mission, being the beginning to all that had transpired. 

Anakin thought on it with interest, no longer feeling the deep veins of terror dig into his psyche. It had all happened. Now, it was all in the past. Even his life here as a slave, the death of his mother, how he had slaughtered all of those Tuskens, he felt at peace with it all. He had done much wrong, had been on the receiving end of much wrong as well. It was a cycle of pain that perpetuated itself. Now as he stood here, the heat of twin suns bearing down on his shoulders, he felt removed from it all. Not in the traumatic sense, but in the way that, all of that had ended. Soon, after he found his master, he would close the chapter on it entirely. 

As he stood at the edge of the ramp, boots in the sand, he stretched out again, a beacon in the force, calling to Obi-wan loudly. This time, he felt something come back to him. It was muted, most certainly through effort. It wasn’t here. 

_No._

As he searched into it, he found a frigid, cold wasteland. Scant trees on the horizon. And that was it, a flash of an image, paired with the feeling of his master frantically pulling at his shielding. Then, it was gone. As if it had never existed. 

His heart began to beat loudly in his ears, the rhythm accelerating as a rush of adrenaline pushed through his veins, making him tremble. He took a shaky breath, trying to bring him back to a more neutral state, but it didn’t help at all. Instead he tried to remain rational, instead of letting his feelings control him. Even in instances like this, if he let them loose, it would be harder to rein them in when an even more difficult situation arose. Like _actually_ finding his master. 

Before even stepping more than a foot outside of his vessel, he climbed back in. He was at the point where he should have refueled, gotten some more rations, but there was a feeling in his heart, he was close, very close to finding Obi-wan. He wouldn’t be sidetracked, not now. 

Quickly he keyed in the next hyperspace jump as he rose back into planetary orbit around Tatooine. 

“We’re getting close, artoo, I can feel it,” Anakin said quietly. The astromech chirped in return, a positive affirmation. 

A few hours later, they returned to realspace, in orbit above Alzoc III. Anakin didn’t have to step foot on the surface below to feel his master’s presence here. His heart swelled with shame, that his master should resign himself to this place. Such a barren landscape, no one here to talk to, no real community to speak of aside from the native Talz that spoke a language that neither Obi-wan or Anakin understood. 

Anakin came low over the terrain, flying slowly in search of where Obi-wan had set up camp. “He’s here somewhere, artoo. Do a lifeform scan, focus on finding isolated beings.”

Artoo chirped and beeped. He had found something, a lifeform a few miles away from where they currently were. “Let’s check it out, buddy,” Anakin said, coming in closer, nearing the site where Artoo had sensed the lifeform. 

Sure enough, outside a large dwelling sat a grounded FA504-s freighter. Anakin’s heart thudded against his ribs uncomfortably as he found it hard to breathe for a few moments, even becoming light headed. Quickly, he sat the twilight down a few yards away. 

Before he set foot outside, he suited up in his best ice gear, every inch of himself covered as he trekked down the landing ramp. Artoo trailed behind him. 

“Artoo, I need you to stay with the ship for now, send word back to Coruscant that i’ve found him on Alzoc III.” Anakin shouted loudly against the harsh wind, and the icy snow that pelted against him. The droid beeped in agreeance as the ramp ascended, leaving Anakin alone in the darkness that quickly took over the landscape as the sun set eerily fast. The only light being the one that came from the window of the dwelling off in the distance. Even that began to become faint as the snow picked up into a blizzard, nearly blinding him. The wind pushed against him, making it difficult to trek through the snow. 

It was shocking, how quickly atmospheric conditions changed. When he had landed, it had been perfectly placid weather. Cold, but still. Now, he couldn't see his hand when he stretched out his arm in front of him. And the wind seemed to grow even stronger, in gusts that threatened to knock him to the ground. That was a dangerous thing, considering even now the snow drifts grew around him, piling up past his knee if he stood still for more than a few seconds. 

And then as he trudged forward, his toe caught on something, bringing him face down, snow immediately covering over the top of him, burying him alive. Anakin called his saber in hand, trying to melt the snow around him as he thumbed it on, trying to push the weight of the snow and ice off of himself, but now it felt as if it were a foot thick. 

He tried to stay calm, to handle the situation at hand, but the wind seemed to pick up even more, burying him at a pace he couldn’t keep up with. As it melted in contact with his gear, some of it began to soak through, burning his skin with the sting of cold as it piled up around him. 

Anakin began to focus on steadying his body heat through the force, maintaining enough of a temperature to wait the storm out. Perhaps then he could dig himself free. 

He tried, in panic, realizing he could barely breathe through the thick snow that accumulated around him. He divided his focus, creating a space around him where the snow couldn’t penetrate, but the temperature dropped dangerously. His power would not be enough to keep him alive long enough to wait out the storm. 

A sense of sick irony settled over his heart, as he came to accept his current situation. He had accepted his master might not take him back, just as he had accepted his future if the man did. He had never imagined he would encounter anything like this, only yards away from his master, dying. So close to the man, yet so far away. 

He debated in his mind, which would be the worse way to go, asphyxiation, or hypothermia. Hypothermia felt just like going to sleep, after you stopped shivering. In this cold, he suspected it would take him fairly soon. Carbon monoxide poisoning would make him delirious, hallucinating before he died. But there was no discomfort associated with it. He decided to go with the latter. 

Letting go of the air he had trapped around himself, he focused solely of keeping himself warm. It was true, he could have just let himself go all together, but somehow that felt like committing suicide. It felt wrong. He had to try, even if he were going to die anyways. 

As he began to run out of air, toxic levels of carbon monoxide filling his blood, he lost the ability to keep himself warm. He hadn’t thought of that, though now he regarded it bitterly at a distance. Quickly his shivering quelled as his body began to lose sensation, his eyesight becoming dim. 

Just before his vision went dark, he saw a hand reach down for him. The hand grabbed on his jacket, yanking him up a few feet from the snow. It was another man, clad in protective gear. Anakin’s vision went darker. He saw the ghost silhouette of the man as he wrapped a steel cable around his torso, taking his dying body into his arms. Then, everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter coming soon, as things continue to close to an end.


	32. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin is rescued from the elements

Obi-wan had sensed it, his former padawan drawing closer and closer to him every day. It had been a challenge to keep himself hidden from the man’s relentless searching and probing. Anakin felt like a beacon in the force. His light, strong and pure, even from so far away. 

It made Obi-wan sick to his stomach. 

Each day he was careful to keep his shields drawn, his signature dormant. It felt like the imminent approaching ice storms that would come and ravage the land for weeks on end. It wasn’t a matter of if they would strike, only a matter of when. And once they did, life became very difficult. It was daunting, endowing a sense of dread to those who had to endure them, such as Obi-wan had come to learn. 

This, was very much like that. 

He had consigned himself to life on this frozen rock all those months ago, when he had resigned from the order. The trip had been long, to find a place worthy of his self imposed exile. Such a place was not easy to find. 

Because he didn’t have the heart to be around people, to even look at himself in a mirror. In fact, it had been several months since he had even glanced at himself. In his sizable dwelling, he hadn’t hung a single mirror, and he always took care to avoid looking at any reflective surfaces. He was afraid if he had to look on himself, he might just end it all. And that wasn’t something he was ready to do. Not yet, anyways. 

But this planet suited him. It was cold, harsh, unforgiving. Much as his heart had seemed to become. Each day he sank deeper into a wallowing self pity that dug ruts into his soul that became well trodden since he had arrived. 

But there was some solace in the isolation, some consolation at the very least. Because out here, he couldn’t harm anyone other than himself. He didn’t even have to venture out to any market off world, since he had learned how to harvest algae into ration bars. Every once in a great while he would go out and catch himself a snow slug. It wasn’t very appetizing, but it had been a matter of necessity a few times when he had come upon a bad harvest.

Besides, he wasn’t here for a pleasure trip or vacation. This was punishment. It was what he deserved. He was too dangerous to be left mixing in with others. Especially too dangerous to be around Anakin. The boy was fragile, and he was becoming too passionately inflamed with jealous love for the man. It was better, easier, to just stay removed from it all entirely. Anakin had the rest of his life in front of him. A padawan to train, a marriage to save. What did Obi-wan have? His legacy had been to train the chosen one, and he only managed to hurt him. So he had made peace with his misery, had learned to accept it. 

But Anakin had to go against his wishes and track him down out here. It made Obi-wan feel on edge, scared. He didn’t know what to think, how to feel. It was easier to be alone, besides. He didn’t deserve the man’s love. He never had. 

So he dreaded it, having to see him. He had no doubt Anakin would eventually find him, even if he tried his best to stay invisible. But even that, he had failed at. 

He had felt it when it happened, and now even that was days ago. Obi-wan had lie dreaming, rapt in one of his frequent nightmares where Savage would hurt Anakin again, while he was forced to watch hanging in his binds, helpless. The screams and cries from the man he loved, still as fresh as they had ever been. Just to think about it, seared through his soul.

Although thankfully, the dream had become significantly less frequent than it had in the beginning, but it still would occur nonetheless. Only this time when he awoke, he found himself reaching out in the force for Anakin. It was an instinctive reaction, one brought on by his nightmare. Only this time there was no force collar to mute his call. And this time, he felt Anakin reaching out only moments after. 

Quickly, hastily, as he began to tremble with terror, he pulled at his shields until they were impenetrable. But he had felt it, Anakin brushing against his aura. He could sense the man’s determination to find him, even at such a distance. That night, Obi-wan couldn’t sleep at all. 

And the days after that seemed to blend, one into the other, because sleep continued to become even more elusive as Anakin drew closer. Obi-wan would stay up all hours pacing, cleaning, organizing, doing anything other than sitting still. He was desperate to get away from the uncomfortable reality of what he would have to face. He didn’t want to think about it. But he had hardly been introspective of late, or at all since he had arrived. He hadn’t even meditated since he left the temple. Perhaps the fact that he had neglected the practice made all of this more difficult than it had to be, but he hadn’t had the heart to. He wasn't worth the effort. What would be the point? 

He had come face to face with the darkness that lie within in his own soul. He had examined it, become overwhelmed by it. He still remembered the feel of it take him over as he pushed himself on Anakin while the man had been so helplessly compliant. It made him sick, wrathful with himself to remember. How weak minded he had become to let himself be completely taken by the dark, for such jealous reasons. 

He didn’t feel anger towards Anakin anymore, though there was a vague sense of hurt where their connection once anchored to his soul. The jealousy, the bitterness, the betrayal had all burned out of him. It left him with an emptiness, a loneliness. If only he had been a better man, he might have afforded himself an ounce of comfort. 

If anyone else had done to Anakin what he had done, he would have gone mad with rage. The fact that he had done it himself, left him feeling disillusioned about who he was. 

Who was Obi-wan Kenobi? At times he didn’t even know. Because there were so many different parts of himself, all wanting different things. He wanted to be with Anakin though at the same time he never wanted to see him again. He wanted to be a Jedi, though he found himself at odds with the code, knowing he couldn’t even live up to it if he tried. Because he had indeed tried, and failed. 

He felt as if he didn’t know himself, what he might do. It scared him. At a time he had always been so careful to curtail any stray emotions. Though that hadn’t been entirely true, had it?

Because there was always that one thing he could never let go of. That one attachment that had relentlessly dug its heels into the fabric of his heart every time he tried to wrench it free. It was Anakin, how he wanted him. It felt like a curse then, even more so now. If only he could have chosen a different path. 

But loving Anakin never felt like a choice. It was hard, it had always been hard. But it never had been a _choice._ It was simply the way it was, a fact of life. He had tried desperately so many times to root it out. Admittedly he had never reached out to the Council for help, but they would have only taken him away completely. He couldn’t have lived like that, Anakin needed him too much. No, _he_ needed Anakin too much. It all sprung from his selfish desires, his treacherous heart. And that’s what Obi-wan Kenobi was, he decided. 

_Selfish._

But Obi-wan Kenobi was equally trapped. There was nowhere to go, not with the storm approaching. It was calm outside. Too calm. Such as it was before the blizzards would hit. Even going outside to his ship, he risked not being able to get back to his dwelling for weeks. And he only had enough fuel to get to the nearest fueling station. If he had to run the ship to keep warm, he would be stuck here without any options. Perhaps even die of the extreme temperatures, or lack of food. 

He was trapped, _and_ Anakin would be coming for him. Just the thought made his head dizzy with anxiety. Perhaps the lack of sleep compounded it, making him feel even worse. It certainly hadn’t helped him any, he thought in frustration. 

And then he felt something else, something terribly familiar. Anakin had just dropped out of hyperspace, only a few miles away. Now, not even his shielding would help him, though he did keep it held regardless. It had become more of a reflex at this point than anything else. 

And he came closer, closer, closer still. Then Obi-wan could hear the sound of the thrusters, the ones that unmistakably belonged to the Twilight. He could hear the ship settle, landing, cycling the sequence to turn off the engine. All transpiring while Obi-wan stood frozen in mid stride, panicking, thoughts racing. 

He wasn’t ready, if only he had more time. But he would never be ready. He didn’t want to have to be, he just wanted to be alone. As the inevitable stood only a few yards away from the door to his home, all of the alarms in his mind went off. All of the things he had done wrong, all of the ways he had become such a monster, on display in his mind. At the moment, it was all he could think about. 

And Anakin was here. _Here,_ in the place where he had come to be alone. Really, the place he had come to grow old and die. He had never intended on leaving. Though he did hold out some hope, or else he would have not cared to keep enough fuel in his freighter to leave the planet. It was another result of the different parts of himself, the voices that warred within, fighting for dominance, for agency. Perhaps were he left here alone another few months, the part of himself that had become jaded might have won out completely.

But now, he could hear the faint whirring as the ramp of the Twilight descend. Obi-wan was horrified, too frozen to go to the window and peer out at the man who intruded on his privacy. Afraid of the man that brought out things in himself that he didn’t know how to control. 

But then, the ramp sounded again, ascending as Anakin set out towards the door. He was only a short distance away, when the storm had finally arrived. And this one was a vicious one, Obi-wan could already tell. It picked up quickly, leaving the space outside of his window sheer white from the light that shined against the snow that filled the air, all else further becoming too dark to see in the moonless night. 

Now Obi-wan was torn. He didn’t want to see Anakin, but he loved him. He loved him desperately, entirely too much. And he was out in the middle of a storm, one he couldn’t possibly comprehend the severity of, or the duration as he foolishly kept on in spite of the ever worsening snow drifts that now even began to cover the window. But Obi-wan knew. He knew it would only get worse, that he would never be able to get out of the atmosphere in his ship, not for several weeks most likely. 

That meant they would be stuck here, together, for weeks. Obi-wan filled with an anxious dread at the thought, but something like excitement flitted around the edges of it. Adrenaline pulsed through his body, making his blood hot, face red, stomach sick. Anakin continued to trudge closer still, then Obi-wan felt a pause in his advancement.

There was a steady sense of determination, followed by a subtle panic. Followed by mortal acceptance. Then, his light began to dim steadily. 

_No!_

Obi-wan all but cried out when he felt the man’s life force wane, but he had found himself out of breath from shock instead. Hastily, he clad himself in his strongest weather gear before climbing up the ladder and out onto the rooftop of his dwelling, a coil of steel cable in hand. He rummaged through one of the top compartments, the one that housed a heavy duty drone. It had been designed for hoisting tons of cargo, and had been very generously left behind by the previous occupants. He anchored the steel cable to the drone as it rose up in the sky, holding onto the other end in his hand. 

And then, without a second thought as to his own well being, he jumped down into the snow which now had drifted evenly with the rooftop, but gave way a few feet as he landed. When he jumped, Obi-wan keyed the drone on to hover over him as he trekked onwards. 

It was extremely difficult to maneuver in the ever escalating storm, though he tried his best to keep the space around himself and the drone shielded from the worst of it. Unable to see well enough, or at all, he reached out through the force to hone in on Anakin’s dwindling life force. 

Quickly, he found him. Obi-wan trudged over as quickly as he could, plunging his fist into the snow, finding nothing. Frantically, he dug deeper, reaching again. This time he felt the edge of what he assumed was the man’s arm. Obi-wan gripped it firmly, and hoisted him up. 

Anakin was quickly dying, the temperature over fifty degrees below freezing, and his jacket had become sodden with melted snow, soaking through to the man’s skin. Obi-wan hastily tied the cable around himself, and brought the man into his arms. Keying on the drone to take them back to the rooftop, he was even more careful this time to still the storm around them so they weren’t delayed at all. If they were to lose even a minute of time, Obi-wan wasn’t sure Anakin would survive. 

Moments later, Obi-wan landed back on the roof. The drone took to landing back on it’s pad, compartment door closing behind it. Obi-wan quickly threw the roof door open, stowing Anakin over his shoulder as he swiftly leapt down to the floor of the dwelling, closing the roof hatch through the force and locking it behind them. 

Obi-wan immediately took to pulling all of the soaked garments off of Anakin, which included everything that he wore. Even his small shirt and undergarment had become dwrenched. As he pulled the clothes off of Anakin as he lie unconscious on the floor, Obi-wan became laden with guilt, triggered by the memory of the last time he had hastily disrobed the man. 

With a single stray tear and not enough time to dwell on such things, he pushed the thought aside, along with the pain brought with it. Obi-wan quickly moved to the hearth, stoking a fire quickly with some wood he had fell by his own hand several months back. He usually reserved using the hearth for cooking snow slug, or when the generators gave out. But Anakin needed to get warm, fast. Obi-wan could think of no better reason to burn through the firewood supply. 

Moments later, the start of a fire grew, and Obi-wan took to finding all of the blankets he could get his hands on, and placing a few of them in layers on the ground by the fire. Urgently he picked up the naked man, laying him out on the pad of blankets as close as he could safely be to the flames that licked up the sides of the stone hearth. 

Obi-wan stood back a moment, as he saw the scene before him almost at a distance from his own body, as he still hovered in shock at all that had just transpired. Anakin was as beautiful as ever, his face calm and placid, angelic even. Obi-wan regarded the rest of him with a veil of self loathing. Ogling at the man’s body as he lie unconscious seemed detestable, and perhaps it was. But it wasn’t his perfect figure that caught his attention, though it was rather attention grabbing. 

It was his skin. His perfect porcelain complexion that covered him head to toe. Not a bruise to be seen, not even a scar on his neck or arms. Obi-wan squinted hard, hand hovering over the areas where he noticed very well blended skin grafts covering all of the places the scar tissue had been. It wrenched his heart, bringing tears instantly to his eyes. It was the first time in too long he had seen the man without any evidence of abuse on his skin. 

Obi-wan reached out, sensing Anakin’s life force, dwindling slower, but waning nonetheless. His heart flashed with fear, as he remembered his exposure training back in the temple as a youngling. He disrobed gingerly, though quickly for the urgency of the situation warranted it. Once he too was naked, he pulled the remaining blankets atop Anakin, and settled in behind him so that the fire crackled adjacent to them. 

This way, the fire would warm him from one side, and his own body heat from the other. Obi-wan tapped into his own life force, and that of the living force all around them, feeding it into Anakin’s light, giving his body energy to heal. It wasn’t much. At first, Anakin seemed to barely respond to it, as his temperature still hovered dangerously low. 

But then, slowly, it rebounded. His life force began to brighten. His temperature began to rise. Slowly, but he _was_ beginning to recover. That was enough for Obi-wan to feel relieved. Though he was still deep in the throes of shock. 

He felt guilty, repulsed with himself. _Dirty._ He didn’t feel worthy to press up against the man, and he was deeply ashamed as he felt himself enjoying the feeling of the contact. After all of these months alone, it was more overwhelming than ever. Not even sexually, although he was very attracted to the man. 

It was the feeling of holding him, being with him. Just the feel of Anakin’s skin against his own was wonderful. But even as he reveled in the feeling, it was all countered with an equal amount of shame as he reminded himself adamantly that this was medically necessary. Were it not, he wouldn’t be allowing himself the luxury of being so close to him. He didn’t deserve it.

But Obi-wan held him in his arms anyways, giving the poor man warmth. He couldn’t help but wonder what Anakin had been through in the last several months. He hoped that life had been a little kinder to him, that maybe he had taken his advice and worked with Che. Anakin was so stubborn, it didn’t seem a good chance. Though, he hoped he had been wrong. 

Obi-wan pressed himself against Anakin for hours, eventually falling asleep. It had been so long since he had slept, _really_ slept. And there was no better feeling than being next to the man he loved. While a great portion of himself still disagreed with letting him feel so soothed by the man’s presence, the other part of himself delighted in it. It was as if finally, he could really rest. Even with the ever nagging guilt that gnawed at him, it was better than being alone. Not that he deserved relief from his loneliness. 

Besides, he had intended on waking before Anakin, clothing himself so the man wouldn’t know the difference. Having the man wake up like this would make for an awkward situation that Obi-wan didn’t want to even think about navigating. Even though it was for strictly medical purposes. 

But when Obi-wan fell asleep, he fell deep. He didn’t notice when Anakin had awoken, turning to face him, head buried deep in his chest, legs intertwined with his own.

…….

When Anakin woke up, it took him a few moments to realize he wasn’t dead, as he had thoroughly expected to be. He may have been shivering to the bone, but he felt a body against his own, arms wrapped around him, as he gazed out at a small fire. 

As Anakin turned over, he saw the face of his master. The man was sound asleep, but was as beautiful as ever. Anakin wanted to reach a hand out and trace his features, but was still too chilled to move other than to huddle closer into his master’s body heat. 

Besides, he knew Obi-wan only held him like this because he had been deathly hypothermic. This was only standard procedure. The thought sent a chord of sadness in his heart, that this might be the last time he lie skin to skin with the man. But quickly, he willed himself to accept it. Even this was more than he had dared hope for. He didn’t want to be greedy, expecting more, when the man might not be willing to give any more. 

Anakin simply drank in the sensations of it all as much as he could in his state. He wanted to lay like this forever, but all too soon the fire died out. It left him feeling colder, uncomfortable. He would have gotten up to start it up again, but even peeling the covers back made him shiver violently, racking his entire body with convulsions. 

Regretfully, Anakin turned back towards his master, sinking in under the blankets as much as he could, trying to stay warm without the fire to help him. As the moments drug on, he didn’t think he could stand it. He was going to have to wake Obi-wan, though he thought he would rather die than to disturb the man, who looked so peaceful as he slept. 

“O-Obi-wa-wan,” Anakin choked out, voice choppy from the chill that racked his bones. His master still didn’t stir. “M-master,” he said, trying to be a little louder as he moved to put a shaky hand on the man’s side. 

This time Obi-wan stirred sleepily, slowly awaking from his deep, much needed sleep. Lethargically, he blinked his eyes open, and Anakin waited patiently for him to come to. When he did, his master donned a look of horror, a feel of fear and anxiety in his aura, his body going rigid with unease. Instinctually, Anakin countered it with soothing waves of his own. Though it didn’t seem to help the man at all. 

“Th-the fire,” Anakin said, still convulsing, his body struggling to bring his body temperature back up to acceptable levels. 

Obi-wan’s eyes darted between Anakin and the hearth a few times before his shock ridden mind caught up with what the man was trying to tell him. 

“The fire, right,” Obi-wan said as he quickly and somewhat shakily rose up from the wrapping of blankets around them to stoke the fire back up. 

Anakin’s shaking worsened as his master got up to fix the fire, nearly breathless from the cold. Though even in his state, he couldn’t help but turn to watch his master as he rose up. The man was too handsome for his own good. 

The fire was quickly restarted and Obi-wan moved back to get under the blankets behind Anakin. He glanced at the man as he lie there shivering, noticing that Anakin had been looking over at him. Anakin did not avert his eyes, though Obi-wan quickly did, a fierce blush rising up in his cheeks as he shyly looked down at the floor. 

A thought entered Anakins mind, that perhaps he shouldn’t be so ravenously devouring the man with his eyes. They had much to talk about, before they might resume any physical relationship. A small pang of guilt entered his heart as he regarded the thought. This was one of the problems with love and attraction, often times the strong reaction was quicker, more immediate than any logical follow through. And it was certainly his weak point, to be given to his baser instincts. It would be something to be aware of, something to work on, Anakin thought. 

As the fire radited it’s warmth, and Obi-wan settled back behind him, his shivering began to lessen. Instead of violent convulsions, it had abated to what he would consider normal shivering. Though the bone chill was still deep within him, and his skin felt like fire as it continued to rise to a more normal temperature. 

Anakin turned to face his master again. The man looked blanched, clearly out of his element. “I-I’m s-sorry, master,” Anakin said through clenched teeth as he tried to get himself warm.

“What are you talking about?” Obi-wan asked, that adorable look of confusion on his beautiful face. 

“I-I d-didn’t mean to stare at y-you.” Anakin said, his eyes boring into his masters as the man he huddled against blushed even more. 

Obi-wan had become clearly flustered as he took a moment before giving a reply. “I think it best if we wait to talk about anything until we are both fully clothed.”

“Y-yes m-master.” Anakin said, shivering still as he huddled against Obi-wan’s chest, feeling his master’s arms hold him in response. It was a very mechanical way, how his master held him. Anakin could feel the hesitancy in his movements, the reluctance in his aura. It did make him sad, but he still couldn’t help but take in all of the moments he could. Every second he got to lay next to his master was one he would cherish forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, as I keep writing, I'm really unsure how many more chapters there will be. But thanks for reading, as always! This chapter is shorter than usual, so sorry for that. More to come very soon, though. ;)


	33. Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin recovers from hypothermia

As Anakin’s shivering slowly ceased, his skin returning to its normal sensation, Obi-wan withdrew from him quickly. Just as fast, he clothed himself, giving a heaving sigh when he was fully covered. Anakin felt slightly devious that he hadn’t said when he had started to feel better, although the fact that he was no longer shaking from the cold might have given him away. Still, he didn’t want his master to leave him, especially now that his skin had stopped with the incessant burning sensation, giving him the ability to better feel the man against his skin. It was an intoxicating feeling, especially being without him for so long. 

It also didn’t feel real. None of it did. Not his master, not this place. Finding Obi-wan should have felt different, he thought. In what way, he wasn’t quite sure. He had fended off the idealization of his master accepting him with open arms, though he hadn’t quite managed for the sentiment to sink into the depths of his heart. Perhaps that’s why something felt odd, off, nagging at him in the back of his mind. Though it was equally possible that he had just become overly fatigued between many sleepless rotations of travel and fighting off hypothermia. He was indeed worn out to say the least. 

While Anakin had been rapt within his internal deliberations, Obi-wan had gone to fetch him a set of dry clothes. Just a simple plain tunic and trousers, with a fur throw to pull around himself. Anakin appreciated it, since he did still feel chilled to the bone. 

Obi-wan set the clothes down next to him without a word and turned to go into the kitchen just as silently. Anakin smiled as he heard the kettle and tea cups clinking, the soothing sound of boiling water as his master prepared a pot of tea. Even in the midst of this frozen wasteland, his master would have brought a lifetime supply of his favorite blend with him. Just another one of those things that added to the mans adorable charm.

Or now, was it a sad reminder of the man he once was? Maybe that’s what was lingering at the back of his consciousness. As tightly as his master had pulled his shielding, he could feel remnants of darker things leach from beneath. Things not as wicked as he had felt before all those months ago, but dark all the same. 

Mulling over the new thought in his mind, Anakin dressed himself quickly as possible in his exhaustion, then walked over to sit at the table near to the kitchen as he watched his master work methodically. Everything about the man seemed to be strained; robotic. It looked as if everything took great effort, or as if he had been in deep concentration while working and moving. Whatever it was, it was something that seemed to usurp all of his energy, leaving him with very little left to function. 

Had he been this way since he had arrived here? Or was it his presence that was distressing him so terribly?

As the tea finished brewing, Obi-wan brought the kettle to the center of the table, then two small cups and saucers. Nearly ceremoniously, he set a saucer before each one of them, then placed the cups on each one gently, nearly making no sound at all. Gracefully he took the teapot, pouring Anakin a cup first, then one for himself, before he settled down in the chair opposite the man. 

He looked restless, timid. He didn’t dare make eye contact, and his body shrunk away, slumped down in his chair. But he was still clad in his jedi robes, the ones Anakin had always seen him wear. Only now, his saber was not at his side. His belt? Nowhere to be seen. His cloak shroud his shoulders loosely, as clearly he had lost weight. Anakin hadn’t noticed before, but now as he had time to study the man more clearly, it was obvious. His cheeks were gaunt. Eyes, sunken and avoidant.

Anakin’s heart wrenched, as his gut reaction to reach out and hold the man was stifled by the fact that he knew better than to do such a thing. They hadn’t really spoken face to face since before the Sith Lord had taken them to Jakku. That seemed like a whole lifetime ago now. They had both changed since then, very much. 

“This place,” Anakin said, motioning to their surroundings as he searched out his masters eyes, trying to make light of their circumstances, trying desperately to ignore how jaded and frail Obi-wan had become. “It’s really great, how did you find it?”

Obi-wan took a breath, visibly switching gears mentally as he took a glance at the dwelling around them, then took on a, only slightly, more nonchalant demeanor. Anakin’s heart cried out for the change. Even if it was barely noticeable, it was a change nonetheless. That meant there was hope. 

“By the time I had come upon it, it had been long abandoned. I suspect it had been a base of operations for some type of scientific excursion, but I couldn’t be sure.” Obi-wan spoke quiet and empty, studying the cup he held in his hands. 

“Lucky find,” Anakin remarked, equally casual, though gently. 

Obi-wan grunted in agreeance. A silence grew between them again, as Obi-wan grew more and more restless with each passing second. Something coming off of him, muted through his shielding. Perhaps if Anakin were any less fatigued, he might have been able to place it.

Then Obi-wan’s eyes darted up to meet Anakin’s gaze. Within those tortured blue orbs lived an agonizing pain that made Anakin’s chest fill with a heavy sadness. His need to hold the man, knowing he couldn't, was the worst form of torture that only tore at his heart more as the moment drug on.

“Why are you here? Why couldn’t you have just left me alone like I asked?” Obi-wan said, eyes flitting down again as he fidgeted with the cup in his hands, squirming restlessly in his chair. 

For a moment Anakin’s soul flared with passionate anger at Obi-wan’s words. _Why am I here?_ He had to take a moment to rein in his emotions, the ones that threatened to overturn all he had worked so hard to cultivate within himself. 

Because the answer to the question was so obvious, for him to even ask it was an insult. He still heard his master’s words echo from that overplayed holo he had left him all those months ago. 

_Anakin Skywalker. You’re the love of my life._

But Obi-wan assumed he couldn’t possibly feel the same. Perhaps Anakin had earned that. He hadn’t been the best to him in the past and had always been so helplessly needy. The fact that he was here now did little to attest otherwise. He had been selfish, thoughtless. He had hurt his master. _Of course_ he didn’t think he could possibly feel the same. He would have to show him different now, make things right.

Instead of lashing out, as his emotions would have brought him to do, he laced his answer with tones of gentle loving kindness. His reply, one that aimed to unarm the growing tension between the two of them. “I was never very good at following orders, I guess.” Anakin said with a small smile on his lips. Unfortunately, it did little to quell the tempest that grew around his master. 

Obi-wan smiled sadly only for a second before his face twisted against looming sobs that wanted to take over. A vice grip tore at the remnants of the man’s weathered heart. “No, I suppose not,” he said, voice breaking as he spoke in a whisper. He took another deep, shaky breath, trying to still himself after the fact. 

“But I _did_ listen, master. I worked with Che everyday after you left. I wanted to get well. For _you._ ” Anakin said solemnly, tentatively reaching out, his hand hovering over that of his masters, only inches away before he pulled back. 

Another shaky breath. Another tortured whisper. “You shouldn’t be here,” he said breathlessly, heaving again after he spoke, nearly hyperventilating to keep from being taken by the sobs that lingered in his chest. 

Because as he reached out, he could feel it. Anakin didn’t hide himself within his shielding; the rays of his inner light poured out of him. It was pure, beautiful. The edges of his psyche, healed and whole. The aura of the man, as large as it had ever been, if not more so. For Anakin to pull through, to have come so far, made his heart sing. 

But it was not a song only of happiness, though he was happy Anakin had listened to him in this regard. It was a song of things lost. Things that would never be. Things he would long for, forever. 

Because for how wonderful Anakin was, how unblemished his light had become, he was here- witnessing the one he called master, sink to his lowest point. Just the feel of his aura felt like acid to his soul. It was a taunt, the reminder of where he had fallen from, in the skin of the one who had been his ruin. Though he wasn’t angry at him, not in the slightest. 

He was mortified for Anakin to see him in such a state. He was disgusted with himself. But Anakin was an angel. Lovely, perfect, good. And he… he had become something else. He couldn’t be trusted. He wasn’t good for the man, even more so now that he had climbed to such great heights. Obi-wan couldn’t stand the thought of pulling him back down with him, into his own personal hell. 

“I’m sorry, Obi-wan. I didn’t mean to intrude.” Anakin said softly, sadly, sensing the turmoil within his master. “But I hope you understand, I _had_ to come and find you,” he added with more conviction. “I needed to know how you really felt. If you really wanted it to be like… like _this._ ”

Of course he didn’t want it to be like this! But what other choice did he have? This was the only way Anakin would remain safe, unharmed. Already, it was dangerous to have the man be so close. “I’ve quite made my peace with all of it,” Obi-wan bit out harshly, defensively. Perhaps more so than intended. “You must learn to do the same,” he added just as fiercely as he rose up from the table, setting the cup down on the surface shakily, loudly, spilling some of the hot liquid onto his hand causing him to recoil from the harsh stimulus. It only added to his aggravated demeanor. 

Anakin felt a stab of pain at his tortured heart. It wasn’t so much from the man’s words, but more so how his master had become. He could see it now, feel it with more clarity. Obi-wan’s aura felt wounded, filled with self hatred and insecurities that ran rampant. It was the gnawing he had sensed earlier, only now he could put words to it. 

There was something else that lingered there, stifled and oppressed. It was a sense of love. The one that he recalled being so brilliantly pure and unadulterated as he had proclaimed it for the first time. Once upon a time it had become twisted with jealousy. Now it had become riddled with fear, denial, pain. It was a love he wouldn’t allow himself, something he deemed not deserved. It felt as if he thought Anakin a fragile thing that he couldn’t be trusted with. 

Anakin’s heart fractured as he sensed it. 

“Master, please just wait,” Anakin called out, rising as well to follow after the man that had began to walk away. Obi-wan paused, but didn’t dare turn to face him. “I love you just how you are,” he said, stepping forward to place a cautionary hand on the man’s shoulder. 

Obi-wan’s posture reflexively stiffened. 

“You said you didn’t want me to live the rest of my life in pain, but can’t you see how much it hurts to be so far away from you?” Anakin said, feeling himself slightly give into his emotions. He was afraid once he let them loose, he might not be able to rein them in again. “Even now. You’re right here,” he swallowed hard against the tears that beaded at the edges of his eyes. “But you’re so far away. Living without you is like living with a piece of my soul missing. I can’t _stand_ it.” Another pause, as tears began to fall down the sides of his face. “It hurts _so much._ ”

Obi-wan spun around to face him, look of anger on his face as he shrugged Anakin’s hand off of his shoulder. “I’m just a crutch to you, nothing more,” he said cutting yet dejected, with empty eyes. Anakin could tell his master believed those words, that they spoke to his dwindling self value. Only nothing could be further from the truth. 

Anakin took a step closer. “No. That’s not true,” he said with absolute certainty, shaking his head ardently as he spoke. “You’re the man I love. I would do anything for you,” Anakin said softer, reaching a hand up to softly caress the side of the man’s face. 

Obi-wan jerked his head away from the contact, snarling back at the man. “No. You don’t want me. You just want someone, _anyone._ ” Then he paused for a moment, sadness falling on his features. “And you will find someone far better than me. Someone who will be good to you,” he spoke this time with frustrated assertion, almost as if he were trying to convince himself as much as Anakin.

“Those are all _lies!_ ” Anakin said louder, hot tears in his eyes as he became frustrated, frantic. “There’s only one person in the entire galaxy that I want.” He said, eyes gazing down lustfully, desperately into his masters as he blinked the tears out of his eyes.

Obi-wan hid behind a placid mask as he rejected Anakin’s declaration. “Those are just your insecurities talking.” He spat angrily, eyes challenging as a bitterness rose up in the man’s soul. The very words he spoke were iron shackles on his ankles, weights on his shoulders. But it had all been earned. He had done this. He had fostered Anakin to form such a reliance on him, such dependance. Even if he had worked with Che, it did little to deprogram a lifetime’s worth of codependency. 

Anakin clenched his fists, taking a shaky breath as his tears began to dry in crusty trails on his cheeks. His master was being so spiteful, so unfair. He wouldn’t see him for what he truly was, for how he really felt. But all for good reason, he reminded himself. Obi-wan had been stung badly the last time he opened up to him. He had reason to be reluctant. Trust had to be earned. 

So he decided that he trusted his master fully. It wasn’t so much of a decision, as it was a realization. Something that had been true for as long as he could remember. So he took a breath, closed his eyes. Then, despite all of his training and past trauma telling him to never do such a thing, he dropped all of his shields. 

Now, he was completely open, vulnerable. It wasn’t the most comfortable position to be in, especially not after Maul had sunken those dark cords into his mind all those months ago. But he breathed, pushing past it. He let his thoughts, memories, deepest desires and emotions come to the surface of his aura, open for all to read and examine. Because he needed his master to understand one thing. 

Anakin grabbed Obi-wan’s hand with his own, pressing it against his heart, where it beat beneath his ribs. Obi-wan’s gaze shot up to meet his in fearful awe. He was speechless. 

Right where he had expected to find a heap of selfish insecurities, lie something different entirely. A selfless love, a cord woven deep into his core. One that led back to his own heart, to the love that he denied himself. That he couldn’t allow. But he couldn’t deny that Anakin loved him, just as he had loved Anakin so long ago. But things were different now. And it all felt so much more bitter. If only Anakin had never come, then he wouldn’t have been confronted with any of it. He couldn’t have lived out his days in peace. But with Anakin, nothing was ever so simple. 

“I know you feel it, master. Look in my heart and tell me again, what it is that you think I want.” Anakin taunted softly, yet commanding. 

Obi-wan’s vehemence left him as he trembled, trapped between his fear and anger.

With Anakin there never was peace, only passion, desire, and all of the intoxicating things that went along with it, things that left Obi-wan without the ability to think straight. Without the ability to speak, just as he was reduced to cowering before the man that looked winsomely into his soul as he bared his own, digging up desires, desperate urges that Obi-wan had tried so hard to forget. 

Obi-wan was frustrated with himself, how easily he unraveled under his former padawan’s inescapable gaze. But it was too tempting to give in as he was locked in place, helplessly entranced. Even in those few moments, he could feel all of those dreaded things within himself rise up to the surface of his mind, tainting his thoughts. 

They were unpredictable, all consuming wants- _needs_. They had hurt Anakin before, but they still wanted more, begged- _demanded_ more. It felt as if all of the months of denial had only made the beast inside of himself that much more ravenous. Obi-wan shivered as he thought of all the things he still wanted to do to him, hating himself for harboring such desires at all. 

“I feel your conflict,” Anakin said softly, coming closer, lips nearly brushing his masters. “You won’t hurt me, master.” He came closer still, their foreheads resting against one another as Anakin pressed his master’s hand harder into his flesh, guiding him down to hold him at his low back. 

“You’ve always tried so hard to do what’s right, to do good. To _be_ good.” Anakin removed his hand from Obi-wan’s, smiling as the man didn’t pull away. 

“But what you don’t see is that you _are_ good. You’re a good man, Obi-wan,” Anakin said, gently draping his arms around his master’s torso. 

Obi-wan’s trembling continued, growing worse as he spoke. “You have no idea who I am,” he whispered under his breath. “What i’ll do, I don’t even know.” How could Anakin trust him after all he had done? Obi-wan certainly didn’t trust himself. He felt like a wild animal trapped in a corner, taunted by his prey, his victim. The one who didn’t know better, who couldn’t possibly comprehend the raw instinctual savagery that lie beneath the deceptive exterior before him. 

But Anakin smiled anyways, genuine and heartfelt, pulling his master closer until their bodies pressed against each other, their lips grazing as their breaths became hot and shallow, rapid with anticipation. 

“ _Show me,_ ” Anakin whispered slyly before he moved in, pressing his lips against his masters, eagerly exploring the man's mouth with his tongue as Obi-wan reciprocated with equal enthusiasm. Both of them let out small moans of excitement as their hands took to frantically wandering over each others bodies. 

Anakin’s brazen demeanor had finally broken down the last of Obi-wan’s will that had clung steadfast. His iron resolve now crumbled by the promise of what he had longed for, for so long. As the man ravaged his mouth, gripped and caressed his body, Obi-wan’s heart cried out in a mixture of relief and fear. He didn’t want to hurt him, so many things inside of him were telling him to stop, but the beast inside him had been unleashed. As much as he tried to, he _couldn’t_ stop.

Already he had begun corralling the man back towards his quarters, not breaking from their kiss as he did so. His erection began aching painfully for attention, weeping precum that stained his undergarments. 

Anakin obediently followed his masters pushes and pulls, smiling as he continued to kiss the man, pull delicately at the edges of his clothing so that it might come off easier when the time came to start undressing. As they stumbled past the door to Obi-wan’s quarters, Anakin had just worked his way down into his master’s trousers and began generously stroking him with want. 

Obi-wan broke from their kiss with a gasp as Anakin looked down into his eyes longingly, biting his lip as his own girth began to throb, begging for attention. Anakin couldn’t help but be taken by the feeling of his master, so firm, his girth impressive, the feel of it hot in his palm as he stroked the man more, studying his features as pleasure pooled quickly between his thighs.

Then quickly, Obi-wan reached down, pulling Anakin’s hand up from his trousers, clamping tightly around the man’s wrist as he looked salaciously into Anakin’s confused stare. 

With only a few seconds worth of an internal struggle, Obi-wan’s mouth turned up into a lusty grin as he pushed the man backwards onto the sleeper in front of them. Anakin climbed up onto his elbows as he looked back up at his master with a look of intense want as his clear blue eyes went wide with a seductive vulnerability. 

Obi-wan slowly climbed onto the sleeper, crawling towards Anakin who did not move away from him, but waited patiently for him to climb on top. Once Obi-wan was, he sat up, looking over the man that squirmed beneath him, writhing with desire, a need to be taken. Obi-wan took a hand, moving under Anakin’s tunic and smoothing over the skin of his abdomen, then his chest, grazing each nipple teasingly sending currents of sensation through the man that made Anakin buck his hips up against his master. 

Obi-wan smiled rapaciously, then took to unbuttoning Anakin’s tunic one clasp at a time, with agonizing slowness. Anakin gazed up at him helplessly all the while, slightly grinding his hips up against the pleasant weight of the man that straddled him. 

As his chest was bare, Obi-wan ran a single finger down his midline playfully, trailing down from his adams apple to the top of his pants, hooking his finger into them to unfasten the clasp. All in at a torturously slow pace. 

Gently, Obi-wan coaxed the trousers off of Anakin’s legs, leaving the man’s form beautifully bare. Obi-wan let his eyes rove over his figure for a moment before he moved down, laying on his belly between Anakin’s thighs. Still, the man said nothing, completely and helplessly taken by his master that took to kissing the insides of his thighs. Anakin let out small gasps and moans at the feeling of his masters lips on his skin. But what happened next he hadn’t expected. 

Obi-wan pushed up on his legs until Anakin took hold of them, bringing his knees up, baring all of himself for his master to examine. Then, Obi-wan pressed his lips even lower, dragging his tongue over his entrance gently as Anakin let out a startled moan. No one had ever done such a thing to him before, though as Obi-wan continued licking and teasing, he decided he liked it. He would have never anticipated the way it felt, though admittedly anything his master would do to him right now would be welcome and wanted. 

A few minutes into his ministrations and Anakin had become a trembling writhing mess. All he could think was how much he wanted his master, needed to feel the man inside of him. Finally, here, alone. No audience, no pretenses. Just them, their love, their bodies tangled up together. He could feel how much his master wanted it, too. How much he still resisted giving into the need. 

Anakin pulled away from his master gently, beckoning him to lie at his side, which Obi-wan did silently, a look of fearful unease in his eyes- very different from the seductive prowess he had embodied only minutes ago. For how much he had let go and given in, he still held back. And Obi-wan would see himself as selfish, dangerous. Anakin gave a small gentle smile at the thought of it as his master settled down beside him on his back. 

Anakin helped him out of his tunics and trousers, gently pulling them over his head and limbs until the man was bare, the two of them completely naked. Anakin crawled over his master, licking and sucking on one of his nipples as his hand roved downwards, gently teasing his cock until he heard soft moans escape his masters lips. 

Then, Anakin left a trail of kisses down lower, until he had moved between his master’s legs, positioning himself to take the man’s cock into his mouth. Anakin closed his eyes, savoring his master’s flavor, the way the man moaned and bucked his hips driving himself deeper into his mouth and throat taking him over like a powerful aphrodisiac that made him suck on the man more fervently. When Obi-wan reached down to pull a fist through his curls, Anakin felt a wave of satisfaction light up his body and mind. He loved driving his master crazy like this, feeling the sensation of what it was to be wanted in every way. What it was like to want in return, in all the same ways. 

Just before his master crested, Anakin pulled back, smiling as Obi-wan gave a sound of disapproval for the loss of sensation, for the orgasm that lingered on edge, taunting him with its release. As Obi-wan’s pleasure waned, Anakin moved to sit atop the man, placing his tip firmly against his entrance. 

Obi-wan looked up at the man in awe, in question, in wanting. Anakin knew it was what he wanted so badly, that his master couldn’t take himself. But Anakin wanted it too, so much. This time he wouldn’t be held back by anything, he could let his master know how good it felt. 

As Anakin relaxed with ease, he gently settled down on the man’s girth, looking down at Obi-wan with hooded eyes, soft sounds of pleasure coming low from his throat. Then finally, he had taken the man stem to root. He shivered slightly, as the sensation of his master filling him was a powerful one. 

Obi-wan looked up at him still, this time with more longing than alarm. Anakin smiled again, as he began to spear himself slowly on his master’s girth, unrelentingly gazing down at the man who made him feel so wonderful. The way he fit inside of him was perfect, sending electric pleasure thrumming through his body with each thrust. His master was going to make him cum, quickly, from his cock alone. 

The thought of it drove Anakin mad with passion as he worked his master harder. Obi-wan had taken to gripping Anakin’s hips, guiding him on his length, thrusting up hard into the man as he did. Both of them were taken by it as they approached orgasm, taken by the feeling of their flesh as one, sweat dripping off of them as the space became heated with their bodies. The sweet sounds of pleasure falling from their lips in an erotic chorus of moans and cries, inaudible pleas and strings of praise filling the air. 

As Anakin moved on top of his master, Obi-wan was lost. The man was so tight, hot, wet. The feel of his hands on the man’s hips as he thrust into him was overwhelming. How Anakin whispered softly between moans and gasps was helplessly erotic, driving Obi-wan even more wild, completely ravenous. A fire lit behind the man’s eyes as the last bit of willful resistance to what he truly wanted snapped. 

In one swift motion, Obi-wan put Anakin on his back as he moved to be on top of him, pumping rapidly into the man who still writhed and moaned with pleasure. Anakin smiled at his master before reaching up to catch his lips in a kiss, pulling a hand through his masters overgrown gold locks, now matted with sweat. 

Anakin’s hands roved over his master’s back, pulling him closer, wrapping his legs around the man’s hips to spear himself harder on his master's cock. Anakin’s length hardened, pulsing hot with pleasure as his master continued to work him. He began to chant something softly, growing in volume, voice trembling with pleasure. It took Obi-wan a few moments to hear what it was. 

“ _Don’t stop, don’t stop,_ ” he cried out now, “Kriff me _harder,_ master, harder, harder, _harder,_ ” Anakin begged. Obi-wan’s body felt electric at the man’s words as he quickly moved Anakin to be on all fours, gripping his hips hard as he drove his cock into the man who now was reduced to incoherent moans and cries. 

Obi-wan pushed harder, as Anakin collapsed flat on the sleeper, hands gripping the sheets tightly as he writhed and shook with the orgasm that grew in his body, pulsing in his cock. Obi-wan put his lips to Anakin’s neck, kissing and sucking, biting gently. Anakin shivered at the sensation of it, as his moaning became more fervant and heated. 

“ _Oh master,_ ” Anakin said between cries, a few tears beading at the edges of his eyes. 

Obi-wan grunted low in the man’s ear. “Is this what you wanted?”

“Yes, master. _Ah-_ ” Anakin groaned, taken by another wave of pleasure that threatened to push him to orgasm. “So _good, mmmph,_ Oh master you feel so _good,_ ” Anakin cooed seconds before he came powerfully, Obi-wan holding him down with force as his body convulsed with pleasure, calling out his masters name. “Oh _Obi-wan,_ ”

Obi-wan came next with a low grunt, coaxed by Anakin’s muscle clamping down on his girth, cum spilling hot and slick inside of him, cock pulsing, orgasm ebbing in his body. 

Anakin rolled over to lie on his side, wrapping his arms around his master as their shared orgasms filled their bodies with warmth. Anakin suddenly realized the bone chill had left him, replaced by the hot feeling of the seed his master had spilled inside of him, spreading warmth throughout the rest of his body. He smiled, embracing his master with a slightly firmer embrace as he relished the feeling. 

Obi-wan lie there still, in shock of what he had just done. So many parts of himself contending. There was a voice telling him he had taken advantage of Anakin’s loneliness, that it was a grave mistake. Another voice told him he had been selfish, only chasing after his own wants, his own pleasure. Then there was another voice, one that was soft, kind. 

“Obi-wan,” Anakin said as he brushed the hair from the man’s eyes. He looked alarmed, as Obi-wan suddenly realized he had grown despondent. “Are you alright?”

Obi-wan’s heart stopped, as he noticed strings of fresh tears on Anakin’s angelic face. “You’re crying,” Obi-wan said, breathlessly, feeling terrible. He had probably hurt him. As Obi-wan looked down at the man’s hips he noticed faint purple pinkish marks where he had gripped him so posessively. Now as the beast within him had been temporarily sated, he lie there aghast, in the wake of what the savage within himself had done. 

Anakin looked back at him seriously. “I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me.” The man’s mouth curved up into a beautiful smile. “I’m just happy,” he said, a few more tears escaping his sapphire eyes. 

Obi-wan sat up, disillusioned with himself, with what he had allowed to transpire. “Well now that you’ve gotten what you wanted, you can leave,” Obi-wan said distantly. 

Anakin sat up as well, confused look on his face. “What?”

“The storm should be over in a week or two. Until then you won’t be able to leave here, but as soon as it’s passed I’m going to have to ask you to go back to Coruscant.” Obi-wan said, quickly rising and clothing himself. Hating himself intensely. 

Anakin’s eyes shed a few more tears. “I… I don’t understand,” he said, pained. He had told himself he would accept being turned away. And perhaps, he would have. But after what they had just shared, how his master had made him feel, he never imagined anything like this. He had opened his heart, only to be rejected. “What did I do wrong?” He asked, a sob lingering in his chest. 

“You didn’t do anything _wrong._ ” Obi-wan said coldly. “We just… This just isn’t going to work.”

“Why not?” Anakin said angrily. “Because you won’t allow yourself to be happy? I know how you feel-”

“Don’t you dare say you know how I feel!” Obi-wan shouted, tears welling in his eyes. “You can’t possibly know!”

Anakin shrunk back. “I know you love me.” He said quietly. “I know I love _you._ ” He paused to take a shaky breath. “I don’t see why it has to be so complicated.”

Obi-wan reeled with anger. Of course it was complicated! Obi-wan had spent his life training Anakin, teaching him how to be a Jedi. He wasn’t going to allow the man to throw it all away to chase after a lost cause. Obi-wan had been selfish to let himself give in to the man’s advances. Now, this would be so much more difficult. But it was only a testament to his own dark nature, how he was not to be trusted. 

“It’s time for you to grow up, Anakin. Nothing is ever simple.” Obi-wan said, as cutting as he could muster. If he could get the man to hate him, he would be able to leave him behind. It would be better that way. 

Anakin only answered him with a teary silence. 

“Get up and get dressed, then get out of my quarters.” Obi-wan said, turning to leave, heart breaking in his chest. As the door closed behind him, Obi-wan rushed into one of the unused rooms of the dwelling, slamming and locking the door behind him as he sank to the floor, silent sobs wrenching his chest, tearing his soul apart. 

He loved Anakin so much, but he was bad for him. At any cost, he had to get the man to hate him. Even if it killed him in the process. It was what was best for Anakin. And he loved the man far more than he cared for himself. So he would do what was necessary.

Just as he always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I may have been mistaken as to how many more chapters there will be. At this point, I have no clue. I'm not even going to try and guess anymore. Although, we are in the final stretch for sure. Thank you for all of the continued support and all of the awesome comments as always. See you soon in the next chapter. ;)


	34. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm rages on.

As Obi-wan stormed out of the room, Anakin sat in shock. Though, he surprised himself. Yes, there were tears, a continuation of the ones that had once sprung from happiness, a sense of fulfillment, now turned to bitter lament. Though they did not overtake or incapacitate him as he had expected they might. 

It was not for lack of pain, as he gingerly raised his shielding back in place, guarding his scathed soul from any more hurt. Obi-wan’s words, his cruel and unfeeling demeanor he held towards him, it stung at his heart badly. He had bared everything to the man to see, touch, feel both mentally and physically. He let his master have him in every sense. He had been thrown away all the same. 

Che’s voice reminded him that what he was feeling was temporary. That emotions were driven by chemical reactions and hormonal releases in response to stimuli. That soon, the pain would fade. Then, the pain would only be a memory- that of which he could decide what to do with, whether it served him or not. 

_The past is the past. You cannot touch it, it cannot touch you. The only power it has over you, is the power you allow it._

But this was not yet the past. His master’s seed was still hot inside of him, now a scorned reminder of the moments they had shared. He could still feel the ghost of his master’s hands on his body, the faintly sore spots that began to bruise where Obi-wan had gripped him passionately. 

Anakin traced out the small marks, relishing them with a bittersweet sadness. His master would look on them and see evidence of abuse. But Anakin hadn’t felt abused. Everything Obi-wan did to him made his heart sing, every second of it felt right, like he was wanted. And it felt wonderful to be wanted, to be taken, cherished, loved. For those few moments, everything felt perfect. 

Now, he felt empty. He didn’t understand his master. He felt his heart, knew that Obi-wan did love him. But still, he pushed him away. He wouldn’t allow himself any ounce of comfort or love. It was as if all Obi-wan could see was his own self imposed misery. It felt like Obi-wan’s sole purpose was to remain as depressed as possible. For what reason? Anakin couldn’t guess. 

Not at the moment anyways, though he wasn’t thinking very clearly himself. All he could feel was the pain, the void that formed where his master had filled the chasm in his soul only to tear it out of him again. Maybe the pain was only temporary, but the emptiness from a life lived without the man he loved would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

But that was Obi-wan’s choice. It always had been. Anakin had hoped that he would take him back. He tried his best to remain as neutral as he could possibly be about all of it. Truly, it was an impossible pursuit. How could he remain emotionless under such circumstances? His emotions had gotten the better of him long before he set foot on the planet. Even more so as he pressed his lips against Obi-wan’s, and his master kissed him back. 

It was at that moment, he had been certain. Their lock of lips had been a promise, that Obi-wan would stay with him forever. Their intimacy had been a covenant, that they would grow old together, perhaps even raise children. Anakin had planned it all out in simple seconds.

But it was all fantasy. Obi-wan had never given him any indication of such things. He had been here, alone on this planet for several months on end, without speaking to or even seeing another friendly face for perhaps just as long. He was lonely, in hiding, actively trying to cloak his force presence from Anakin the entire time he had been looking. 

But he didn’t stay hidden, Anakin had found him- intruded on his privacy. He had been pushy with him, perhaps even almost aggressive. He had moved in on his master, who had no human contact for seven months. The man, who had been starved of sensation or contact the entire time. Everyone had needs and desires, Anakin had played on Obi-wan’s neglected state, tempted him with flesh. So the man caved. For him, it was just _sex._

But had it been? Anakin had sensed the man’s feelings, though he did keep most of them hidden well. He could feel the love he had for him, how he didn’t want to give into it. How he didn’t trust himself with it. Anakin could have sworn for a moment when they were tangled up together, that Obi-wan had nearly reconnected, a flicker of a pulse bringing life into their bond. It hadn’t been much, but Anakin swore he had felt it. Or was he so wrapped up in what he had been feeling, he was painting things as he had wanted them to be?

None of it mattered, really. The reasons as to why Obi-wan wouldn’t have him back didn’t change the fact that he still had asked him to leave. So, Anakin decided that he would. He couldn’t beg his master to care for him, to be something, someone that he was not. And truly, the man that existed in Obi-wan’s body was not the one he had come to know. This man, was someone different. If solitude was what he wanted, he would have it. 

Anakin rose up from the sleeper, cleaning himself off a bit in the fresher before he put his clothes back on and walked out of Obi-wan’s quarters. His body felt heavy with sadness, his soul laden with unrest. As he slowly wandered throughout the dwelling, his master was nowhere to be found. Although, it was just as well. He didn’t particularly feel like enduring more of the man’s presence at the moment. And Anakin wasn’t about to reach out in search for him. He was done trying to find a man who didn’t want to be found. 

Instead he mindlessly meandered through the boxy open space, studying all that was left behind by the former residents, which was not much. Aside from some sparse living room furniture that was situated at a distance from the hearth and a kitchen and small dining area that was separated from it by a small wall that jutted out between them, there was just more empty space. A few Vats in one corner with readouts on holo displays that had long since broken and obsolete by age. A slimy green sludge filled them, kept warm by the heated walls. Anakin regarded it with both disgust and interest as he wondered what purpose it might have held. 

The walls were tannish grey, and empty. The floors curved up into the walls, equally vacant, only worn with tread patterns and scrapes from many years of use. The ceilings likewise, curved down into the walls, and were the same hollow color. Sickly fluorescent lighting shone out of small rescesses from the structure from many points, creating an overall soft light, through in a harsh tone. 

Anakin noticed a few doors on the far end of the dwelling, perhaps leading off into more private quarters? He sensed his master’s aura in that direction and instinctively walked closer, halting a few feet away. Pain, suffering, heartache thrummed through the air loudly. 

Anakin furrowed his brows and walked back towards the main living space. Truly, Obi-wan made no sense. Anakin felt exasperated, tired of it all. He wanted to be at peace, but there was none to be had in this place, with his master so out of sorts. And what could he do to help the man, who would never ask or accept any help to begin with? He could hear Che’s admonition echo in response.

_You cannot help those, who do not wish to be helped, or who do not help themselves._

He wished he could talk to her now. Che always knew what to say to help him feel better. She had guided him out of the darkest of times, just as his master once had. She had become one of his greatest friends. Just the thought of her friendship gave him a little strength, just enough to keep himself level. He was grateful for it. 

Anakin settled down on one of the sofas, sitting cross legged as he did. Then he began the breathing exercises that they had rehearsed so many times. Quickly, it helped him feel at ease, as much as he could given the circumstances. Then he descended into meditation. It came much easier to him now than it had in the past, made better through practice. 

As he let his soul dissolve into the force, weaving himself through with pure light, he felt his spirit renew. There was still a deep sadness as his heart cried and wrenched, his mind finally coming to terms with the reality of everything. The light soothed his pain, but did not take it away. Perhaps it was a resistance on his part, from letting it go entirely. If he let go of the pain it would be letting go of his master. Although he knew it was not the truth of it, he couldn’t help but feel it was such. 

Instead of dwelling on all of it, he let himself sink further, until he only existed as light, pure and whole. It surrounded him, filled him, became his essence. It took the parts of himself away that hurt, cleansed and refreshed them. It was still there, but no longer dug cancerous roots into his sense of self. 

Obi-wan’s decisions did not reflect anything about himself. They only showed was was in his master’s heart, the torture and pain that he let himself wallow in. It made Anakin feel sad for the man, wishing he could take every ounce of hurt and suffering away from him, so that he might know what it was to be at peace. He simply wanted the man to be happy, even if it wasn’t at his side. If Obi-wan was happy, that would be enough. Even if he never saw him again. It would hurt terribly, the thought of parting ways for the last time. But he would sacrifice anything for Obi-wan’s happiness. 

Anakin was too deep in meditation to notice when Obi-wan had emerged from the abandoned quarters. Obi-wan was thankful that he hadn’t noticed him. His face was tearstained and swollen, as tears continued to trickle down his sunken cheeks. 

Obi-wan had felt when Anakin began to meditate. If there was any force sensitive being within a fifty mile radius, they might have felt it as well. Just as Anakin had always been loud through the force, his meditations were equally so. 

Really, it was beautiful. The way Anakin seamlessly merged into the living force, the light of it unifying him, weaving him into the fabric of life that existed all around them. Only when Anakin sank deeper, fusing himself even more, his own light lit up the air around them. It was a surge of energy that pulsed through the fabric of time and space, as his soul brightened the force around himself, giving strength and vibrance to the space around him.

It was reverse of what usually happened when a force sensitive meditated. Whatever being meditated and merged with the force, drew their strength from the force around themselves. Anakin was different, like a catalyst to all around him, charging the space with light and love, with selflessness. Obi-wan could feel it, like electricity in the air humming and pulsing. 

As Obi-wan hung back several feet behind the sofa where Anakin meditated, he couldn’t help but notice the raw irony of it. Anakin had been impossible to train at times, especially when it came to meditation. Yet now, Obi-wan felt as if he had some things to learn from _him._

Another wave of sad resignation took him over as the thought came and went. Anakin was to leave as soon as the storm had passed. He would leave him behind. It was what he wanted, so he told himself. He wanted Anakin to be happy, successful. That would only happen if he left him behind in the past. 

…….

The next two days went on mostly in silence. Anakin had learned with horror on that first day, what the purpose of the green vile liquid brewing in the vats was. Now he sat eating his homemade ration bar in the morning, alone at the table, sipping on a cup of his masters favorite tea as Obi-wan had decided to take breakfast in his own quarters just as he had done with each meal since Anakin had arrived. 

It nearly drove Anakin mad, the silence. It truly grew to be deafening at times, but Obi-wan refused most conversation, just as he tried his best to be in separate rooms at all times if he could manage it. Even when they did speak, for whatever reason there might have been, Obi-wan refused to make eye contact while talking curtly each time. All of it made Anakin feel sad. He could feel how miserable Obi-wan was. The man was made for more than resigning himself to this. He only hoped Obi-wan might agree with him by the time the storm had passed. And Anakin hoped every day that it would be a lengthy one. 

Eventually Obi-wan would be forced to talk to him- _really_ talk. Then, maybe he could see reason. Even if not to be with him, leaving this frigid rock would be an improvement to his circumstances. The lack of sunlight and fresh air couldn’t be helping his mental health. Even Anakin had noticed it taking a toll on him as well, and he hadn’t even been there a week. 

Anakin mostly had taken his time to run through his meditations, intermittently practicing saber drills. Thankfully the space was large enough that he hadn’t been too restricted in that respect. He might have lost his sanity with silence and lack of ability to practice. 

Soon after Anakin had finished up eating and took to cleaning his dishes in the sink, he moved over to the large empty space in the center of the dwelling to begin his training. There was nothing better to do so he would train for as long as his body would allow before he felt like collapsing on the floor. About an hour into his practice, he heard a door open and close as his master moved to the kitchen, cleaning off his own dishes before he moved to the vats. Every day he would monitor the algae cultures in silence. 

This day, Obi-wan took to doing something different, draining and straining, was what it looked like. Anakin tried to ignore the man, as Obi-wan very much wanted to be left alone. He found it the most difficult practice of all. 

All of a sudden, Anakin heard Obi-wan make a distressed noise, as he slammed his fist down on the edge of the vat. Even more shocking was the string of curses that followed. 

Anakin couldn’t help but turn to look at the man with disbelief. It was very rare that a foul word ever fell from the lips of Obi-wan Kenobi. Anakin had just heard at least five different exclamations in under ten seconds. He didn’t mean to, but he caught himself staring at the man, mouth agape at what he had just heard. Something must have been terribly wrong for him to be cursing like such a _pirate._

“...Is everything alright master?” Anakin asked quietly, hesitantly, immediately regretting calling him ‘master’, as it clearly only raked on the man’s nerves more. 

“Oh sure, everything is just _perfect._ ” Obi-wan said harshly as he leaned, pressing his hands on the sides of one of the vats. “I’ve just lost two months worth of rations is all.” He said, eyeing the green sludge with contempt. 

“We can make more,” Anakin offered up, turning to face Obi-wan more directly but maintaining a polite distance. That word, _‘we’,_ sounded dangerous as he said it. He wondered how his master might respond. 

“Yes, only we will run out long before the next batch is ready.” Obi-wan said not even acknowledging the forbidden word he had spoken, running a hand down his face as he did when he was distressed. “I would have had enough if it were just me. But with the two of us, we’ll never make it.” 

“I have plenty of ration bars on my ship, enough to last both of us at least two weeks. Even longer if we do half rations. And the storm should lift before then, right? I can fly back some supplies to you before I go back to Coruscant.” Anakin tried hard to suppress the glimmer of hope that sparked to life within his heart at the notion that there was even a ‘we’ to speak of. He knew better than to assume such things. 

Obi-wan took a breath, frustrated. “That’s very kind of you,” he said on the edge of sarcasm. “But that will hardly help since we couldn’t get to either of our ships right now even if we tried. And there’s no telling how long this storm will actually last. A week? Two weeks? Longer? It’s just a guessing game at this point.” His voice was as harsh as ever. But Anakin couldn’t get himself to feel upset or even frustrated. His master was talking to him, and that beat silence any day of the week. 

“So what are we going to do?” Anakin asked, wishing he could do more to help. But his master had been the one on this planet for so long. Obi-wan would be much more knowledgeable with what the best course of action would be. 

“The last time this happened, I had to go out and catch a _snow slug…_ ” Obi-wan said, palpable disgust in his voice. 

“A snow slug? Just one?” Anakin asked, confused. 

“Oh yes. They’re quite, _big._ Don’t let the name fool you.” Obi-wan said, voice less cutting than before. Almost as if this was one of those missions they might have gone on before. Anakin suppressed a smile, as well as any hopeful thoughts, willing himself to remain as neutral as possible.

“So I guess we go catch ourselves a snow slug?” Anakin suggested, hands upturned, offering no better options. 

“It’s not that simple,” Obi-wan said, more harshly this time. “I’m not entirely sure we would even be able to get out of this place if we _tried._ The snowfall was much heavier this time than during any other storms. I feel as though we’ve been buried beneath quite a large amount of it.”

Anakin reached out with the force, as he sensed what Obi-wan spoke of. The top of the dwelling was absolutely covered in snow, eight feet under at least. “How are we even still alive then?” Anakin asked with urgency. “The vents are totally covered, how are we breathing right now?”

“Air recyclers.” Obi-wan said dryly. “I hadn’t understood why this place had been outfitted with them. Now, it’s clear the people who built it knew the climate of this world much better than myself.”

Anakin reached out, sensing the mechanics of the place, the oxygen recyclers whirring, working hard. Just like the vats, and everything else in this place, they were _old._ It was a miracle they even worked at all. He sensed not all of them were opporational, but there was enough to keep the two of them alive at least. “I don’t like it.” Anakin said, quelling his impulse to share with his master the fact that he had a very bad feeling about all of this. 

“Well it hardly matters.” Obi-wan spat back enthusiastically, nearly glad at a chance to throw scorn Anakin’s way. Though, the younger man took no offense.

“If we both focus our efforts, we could clear a way out of here. We've survived in the face of worse odds more than once.” Anakin answered back with a nostalgic comradery that even made himself sad with fond memories. It clearly had effected Obi-wan similarly as he took a breath in pause from his insistently corrosive attitude, falling into his own reminiscent melancholy, but only for a moment.

“This is _much_ different.” Obi-wan insisted, arms crossed before him stubbornly. 

“How is it any different?” Anakin asked, ready for his masters sure cunning retort. The man was nearly all wit, even if the jolly humor had been sucked out of him. 

But instead Obi-wan took another pause, sadness inscribed on his weary features. “Things have changed. I’m not the man I once was.” Obi-wan admitted in a sullen tone. 

_You’re exactly the man you were before. Only hurt, wounded, isolated so that you can stew in it all, out here, alone._

“I see.” Anakin answered, withholding. “I still think we can make things work. Won’t you just try? Together we can get through anything, just like we always have.” He added, with dual meaning. 

Obi-wan’s face went blank, just as it always did when the man was blocking out all of his warring emotions from reaching the surface. Though he couldn’t fool Anakin. Even through the tightly clenched shields around the man’s mind, Anakin could feel his conflicting emotions leaking out.

“We can at least try to clear a path, climb out to the top. Then, we can catch some dinner.” Anakin suggested in a lighthearted manner, attempting to pull his master out of the rut he had fallen in. 

Still, a silence. 

“How hard can it really be?” Anakin asked, glancing up at the ceiling hatch, and back at Obi-wan. “Unless you think you’re too, I don’t know, old and frail to take the challenge. I suppose I could just do it all myself.” This time Anakin was blatantly bating him, waiting for Obi-wan to pull back into his cutting witty remarks. 

“I am _not_ letting you go back out there to freeze to _death!_ ” Obi-wan nearly shouted, fear and vehemence getting the better of him. Even Anakin was slightly put off at the sudden change in the man’s expression. His fists were clenched, trembling at his sides, his chest rising and falling rapidly. 

Suddenly, Anakin felt slightly bad for putting his master in such a state. Although, part of him was excited for the man to still so obviously care for him, not that it changed a thing. He _knew_ Obi-wan cared for him. He dared to believe the man might have even loved him. But he had told him he didn’t want him all the same. It stirred up a mixture of frustration and longing in Anakin that he immediately worked to silence within himself. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” 

“No, of _course_ you didn’t. Please, don’t even _start._ ” Obi-wan said, cutting him off with anger now transmuting the fear that had briefly shown in his face. 

A few more moments of silence passed before Anakin dared to speak again. “So what’s the plan then, we just sit here and wait to die?” The worst part of it was, it didn’t seem like such a bad way to go. They would have each other till the very end. And he figured nearing death, Obi-wan could only keep him at bay for so long. Perhaps he might even open up to him, even if it was in their last moments. 

A look of accusatory guilt donned on Obi-wan’s face as the man swallowed before he spoke. “No, of course not.” Of course Obi-wan cared very little if he lived or died. Anakin was another matter entirely. 

“So what then?” Anakin said, this time more persistent, aiming to irritate Obi-wan. It worked. 

“Today, tomorrow, hardly matters. It can wait for now. Perhaps a better solution will present itself.” Obi-wan suggested fiercely, interjecting anger in his voice where he could. 

“Okay.” Anakin said, satisfied with his answer, but only just. The two men stood across from each other still, the silence this time growing uncomfortable as Obi-wan began to squirm. 

For as resentful as the man tried to act, between the bitter words and harsh tones of voice, he seemed rather small, shrinking back and unsure. His body language spoke to someone who was timid, fearful, anxious. His words were wrathful, angry. _If only he would allow himself some happiness,_ Anakin thought. But first Obi-wan would have to want such a thing. He wasn’t sure if that was ever going to happen. 

…….

“You just have to clear your mind,” Anakin reminded his master- the one who had reminded him of the same so many times in his youth. “You can do this. _We_ can do this.”

Obi-wan grumbled with frustration as he tried to reach out with the force to clear a path out of the dwelling. He had never been particularly strong in the force naturally, though with practice he had become very powerful. Now, he had clearly been out of practice for quite some time, as his abilities had dwindled some. Anakin’s on the other hand, had grown beyond what he had ever thought possible. 

And perhaps Anakin was being slightly devious again, because he was positive he could clear a path all on his own. He had told his master as much the other day, not that the man believed him at all. But what use would that be, if his master was still stuck within the confines of his own mind? 

He had decided he would use this circumstance to the fullest, to get Obi-wan out of his shell, outside of his anger and pain. If the two of them could work together as a team as they once had, perhaps Obi-wan would remember how to be happy. How to want to be happy at the very least. Even that would be a start. 

“I can’t do it,” Obi-wan said, voice straining with effort as his eyes were closed, clenched hard as he expended himself through the force, draining himself to move the heavy snow that had piled atop the dwelling. 

“Yes you can,” Anakin encouraged as he feigned effort, helping only slightly, just enough to make it seem he too was trying his best. “We’re almost there, just keep trying,” Anakin said, voice thin. 

At this point, Obi-wan had begun to sweat, giving the man a beautiful glistening sheen of exertion. And indeed, they were clearing a path. More accurately, Obi-wan was doing the bulk of the work. But he needed the practice. It had been too long since his master had done any such thing. The lack of it was showing loudly in his abilities, or lack thereof. Anakin wouldn’t have any of it. 

The building creaked and moaned as the last of the snow was cleared off of the rooftop. Obi-wan sank down to his knees with exhaustion, panting and heaving for breath. Anakin tried to act winded as well, and hoped his act would work. Thankfully, Obi-wan was paying little attention to him at all. 

“I didn’t think we could do it.” Obi-wan admitted breathlessly as he continued panting. “I thought we were going to die in here,” he added in a shameful admittance. 

“I told you, together we can do anything.” Anakin said, hands on his hips as he looked down at his master with pride. “You know, you’re quite out of practice, Obi-wan. When was the last time you even meditated?” Anakin added as innocently as possible. 

He knew well enough that his master hadn’t meditated at least as long as he had been here. That was completely out of character for him. Back in the temple for as long as Anakin could remember, Obi-wan meditated multiple times during the day if possible. At the very least once in the morning and once at night. Now it was almost like he had been afraid to even try. 

“I told you, i’ve changed. Meditating is for Jedi. That is one thing I am not.” Obi-wan said, defeated. 

“That’s bantha fodder and you know it.” Anakin said in a stern tone. “Jedi or not you are force sensitive. Meditating is hardly reserved for the likes of Jedi.”

Obi-wan rose back to his feet, wiping the sweat off his brow. “What would you know of it?” He said, grumbling, clearly upset. Though there was some improvement at least. The cutting and harsh demeanor he had used the day before seemed to soften. Though he was still far from his usual self. 

“I’m hardly a Jedi myself. I meditate everyday.” Anakin said, simply, trying to level with him. 

Obi-wan instantly went sheet white, a change to the leaking emotions that steeped through his shielding. Then, turbulent anger, rage. Directed towards who, Anakin couldn’t quite tell. Obi-wan met his gaze fiercely. “You _are_ a Jedi,” he said in a demanding tone. “You belong in the temple. You should never have come here.” Obi-wan added in a quieter voice, as his stare wandered to examine the air before him. 

“But I _don’t_ belong at the temple. The Jedi hold values and beliefs, that of which I don’t entirely share. The title of Jedi doesn’t change a thing about who I am, or who I’m not. Even if I go back to the temple, live the life of a Jedi, it won’t change the fact that i’m not. I’m not lesser or greater for it. I have my own path.” Anakin said calmly, though with strong conviction. 

Obi-wan blanched again, something like terror filling the air around them. Anakin spoke again, trying to explain himself, sensing his master’s unease. “Jedi. Sith. They are just two extremes on the same spectrum. I don’t see any reason to hold myself to things I don’t believe in. I still meditate, practice, I believe in doing good, helping others. I want to follow the will of the force. But it’s so much bigger than the Jedi would believe. The countless rules, they just get in the way so much of the time.”

“Without rules and law, there is only lawlessness.” Obi-wan countered with an empty voice, now looking at the ground beneath him with uncertainty. 

“I believe in laws and rules.” Anakin said, frustrated. He was sure that his master had caught his meaning, only meandered around it. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Please,” Obi-wan said in a painfully tortured voice. “Don't.” _Don’t tell me your misplaced attachment for me keeps you from being a Jedi. I have failed you. I know I have. I opened the door, couldn't contain my own feelings. Now they have tainted you, pulled you from your path. Me. My treacherous feelings and desires. They’ve ruined you._ “I don’t want to hear it. I can’t.” Obi-wan added after a long pause, trembling in his voice. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Anakin said carefully. “I can’t stand to see you so miserable, master. I just don’t want to see you live out the rest of your life like this. Even if I don’t get to be a part of it, I just want you to be happy.” Anakin confessed, his light reaching out to surround his master in an attempt to soothe him. 

But Obi-wan already knew. Without Anakin, he would never be happy. He didn’t deserve to be happy. All that was left for him was the sense of peace he might have when his former student was living the life he had trained him to live. The life of a Jedi. But now, even that might never happen. 

But still, Anakin’s selflessness abounded, his soul pure, shining brightly. It hurt to feel the contrast of his own conflicted heart against it. “Please, don’t concern yourself with my own affairs.” Obi-wan bit out harshly. “They are hardly your business.” 

Anakin answered back with a silent nod. He wanted to say so much, but even if he did, Obi-wan couldn’t truly hear him. Not right now. “Well, should we go out there and get that snow slug?” He said in what he had meant to be a cheery voice, but it had clearly been colored with sadness. 

“I’m quite tired, actually.” Obi-wan said, shoulders slumped. “Tomorrow,” he said as he turned to the sofa, crashing down to lie looking up at the ceiling. Anakin smiled for the fact that his master hadn’t chosen to retreat back to his quarters like he had for the last two days constantly. It was an improvement. A small one, but it was progress all the same.


	35. Terminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technical troubles befall our two beloved heroes.

Anakin sat on the sofa across from Obi-wan as the man lie still on his back, looking up at the ceiling with an unnerving vacancy in his eyes. He had thought to retreat back to his own quarters to give his master some space, but decided against it. Instead Anakin settled in a polite distance away from him. 

It was nice to be close to Obi-wan, even just being in the same room was preferable to the unwanted isolation he had been subject to during his stay. These might be the last days he ever got to share with the man. Whether Obi-wan was going to be agreeable or not, Anakin was intent to enjoy the time as much as possible. 

As the two of them sat in silence, Anakin reached out again to feel the structure around them and all of the near ancient tech that kept them alive for the time being. The thought of Obi-wan being out here all alone for so long made him feel anxious. So many things could have gone wrong, so easily. Obi-wan was hardly sufficient in fixing machines or anything mechanical for that matter. If the heating elements were to go out, or one too many of the oxygen recyclers were to fail, he could have been dead long ago. Long before Anakin would have been able to find him. His heart flooded with a desperate panic at the thought. 

But it hadn’t come to that. He had found him. But Anakin couldn’t say how much longer the building’s electrical components would hold. As much experience as he had repairing these type of things, he wasn’t even sure he would be able to fix any of them if they were to fail. Some of the tech was so old, he didn’t even know the basics of how it operated. And that was saying something, considering some of the things Watto would have him work on and tinker with would be well over a hundred years old. 

“You know it’s a miracle this place is still up and running,” Anakin said with fearful wonder. “You wouldn’t believe the state of some of the mechanics of it. It’s on its last leg of existence.” _And you could have died along with it months ago,_ Anakin added internally, his heart giving a thud of fear at the thought. 

“Well it’s kept me alive this long.” Obi-wan said critically, not caring for Anakin’s commentary on the topic. 

“I’m not so sure it will keep anyone or anything alive for much longer.” Anakin answered back. “Maybe when I leave for Coruscant, you should leave too. I don’t mean for you to come with me,” Anakin added to clarify, not wanting to seem pushy. Although he would be overjoyed for the man to join him. Even if not as lovers, and only friends. “I just mean to find a new place, somewhere slightly more habitable at least.” 

“Perhaps,” Obi-wan answered flatly, mostly to shut the man up about it. He had no intentions of leaving. He wished he could say the thought of this place dying around him was frightening, but it wasn’t. It was comforting, the thought of things finally coming to an end. How fitting, the place he had come to die, dying with him. He only wished for the place to stay running just long enough for Anakin to take his leave. 

“If you do stay, I’ll have to come back with a haul of extra parts. Although I’ve got no idea where I’m going to find any of that, seeing how it’s all well over a hundred years old, maybe even two hundred or more.” Anakin said, searching his mind for ideas as he examined the space around him with thoughtful regard. If Obi-wan was intent to stay, then Anakin was going to make sure he had what he needed to survive. Even if Obi-wan didn’t seem to care. 

“I think I recall telling you to stay out of my affairs,” Obi-wan said in an annoyed voice, placing his hand over his eyes to shield from the lights that suddenly seemed to become too bright. 

“I’m not leaving you to die here, Obi-wan. Even if you do have some sort of deathwish. I won’t allow it.” Anakin said, stubborn as ever. It aggravated Obi-wan even more. Then, Anakin also shielded his eyes against the light, as they seemed to grow even brighter. 

Before Obi-wan could come back with a retort, the lighting above them became blinding, just before blinking out of existence. “See what I mean?” Anakin said, frustrated and annoyed. He reached out, sensing the heating elements still working away, along with the oxygen recyclers. 

Obi-wan’s heart pounded in his chest with panic as the darkness descended on them. At the sound of a mechanical click, dim red emergency lighting came on in a solid line a few feet above the floor. Obi-wan shot up to stand quickly, eyes straining to readjust to the blood colored darkness. 

“You shouldn’t have said anything. You’ve cursed us,” Obi-wan said under his breath, feeling silly for being so easily frightened. But he wasn’t really scared for himself. He just couldn’t bear the thought of Anakin dying here with him. 

“It’s alright, all other systems are working. Just the lighting went out. I think it blew a circuit. Is there a control panel in this place? Where is the powersource? If you let me have a look I might be able to fix it.” Anakin said, voice calm and collected. A stark contrast to how Obi-wan was feeling. 

“I honestly have no idea what the powersource is, or where it might be.” Obi-wan said, feeling foolish for not knowing after all his months of living here.

“Are there any flashlights?” Anakin asked. “Any other light sources?”

“Not that I know of,” Obi-wan said. He had been here for seven months and all he had managed to do was stew in his own self pity. He became even more enraged with himself and his behavior in the midst of their current circumstances. He had let himself become so blind to so much- _too_ much. 

“It’s alright,” Anakin said kindly in an assured tone as he pulled his saber from his belt and brought it to life, using it as a light in the dark room. “I’m going to see what I can do.”

Obi-wan stood to look at Anakin a few feet away. His face looked so beautiful lit by the glow of his saber, angelic in contrast to the crimson darkness around them. Even more so now that the man took charge to fix the situation. There was something so alluring about a man who knew how to solve a problem with such graceful composure. 

Obi-wan cursed himself, stifling his reaction, but had a hard time reaching back to the anger he had been calling on to help him keep the man at bay. There was too much admiration in his heart to quell all at once. 

“What can I do?” Obi-wan asked as Anakin took to scanning the walls of the dwelling, looking for power conduits and access points. 

“For now? Nothing really. Unless you want to look for some sort of power box or control panel.” Anakin said, continuing his search.

“It’s too dark to see anything,” Obi-wan said in apology. 

Anakin smiled slightly, sensing the man’s changed demeanor. “Where’s your lightsaber?”

Obi-wan took a pause, embarrassed with himself for his former padawan to ask him such a thing. Were he feeling any less distressed, he would have laughed at the irony of it. “Oh, _right._ ” He said in a small voice, as he moved towards his quarters to go retrieve it from the bottom of his most unused dresser drawer. As he did, he could feel a familiar shame falling heavy on his shoulders. 

When Obi-wan reached out for the cold metal bringing it into his grasp, the saber felt odd as he held it in his hand. It was foreign to him- an artifact from another life, another time. He stood there, holding it in his hand, disillusioned with himself, with who he had let himself become. It had been months since he had touched it, or even thought about it. 

The kyber within held so many memories. So many had died at the end of his blade. Some lives he hadn’t wanted to take. Others he had been glad to. So much war, too much suffering. They kyber crystal within was tainted by all of it, stained by the life he had lived; a mirror of his own heart. The one thing that might have soothed the ache of it all was the one thing he couldn’t allow himself. 

“I’ve found something,” Anakin said loud enough to reach Obi-wan’s ears, bringing the man out of his daze. Obi-wan shook off the flood of distracting emotions and memories and rushed over to him, nearly stumbling over his own feet in the darkness as he did. 

“It doesn’t look good, master,’ Anakin said as he studied the control panel he had found tucked away behind a storage shelf. This time his voice held a respectful amount of fear towards their situation. 

“What’s happened?” Obi-wan said, his heart accelerating even more this time, frantically pounding against his ribs.

“The lighting circuit is completely blown. It looks like there was a power surge, it already blew all accessory power, who knows how long ago. It’s probably the reason your harvest went bad. The lighting is just the second in sequence. The next surge will blow the heating. The one after that will kill the air recyclers. It looks like the emergency lighting is drawing off of some sort of power reserve, probably a battery of sorts. Seeing how old everything is, even that probably won’t last more than a few hours. To be honest I'm surprised it's working at all.” For how grave their situation was becoming, Anakin’s voice did little to give the dire life and death nature of their circumstances any justice. 

But Obi-wan was feeling enough raw terror for the both of them. His chest felt restricted already, like he couldn’t breathe. His body felt damp with a cold sweat. It was all his fault. They would both die here, because Obi-wan had run away. Of course Anakin would try to come after him at some point. He had expected it. But Obi-wan had to choose this place, this cursed place of all places. It was his fault they would both die here. 

“So we’re _doomed._ ” Obi-wan said vacantly, stomach dropping and churning with restless fear. 

“Not necessarily,” Anakin said in a voice that held question. “If I can find the power source, fix what’s causing the power surges, we can keep the other systems online at least long enough to ride out the storm.”

Obi-wan’s heart fluttered with hope, but he was afraid to put too much emotional stock in the prospect. “How do we go about finding the power source?”

“Well, that’s the thing. It’s either going to be up top, or someplace outside. Perhaps even underneath the building. Before the snowfall, did you ever recall seeing an out building, or some other structure near here?” Anakin asked, hopeful. 

“No, there aren’t any other buildings in sight. I know there’s nothing up top, ether. Nothing that would be a power source anyways.” Obi-wan said distantly, feeling panic yet again rise up in his veins. 

“So it’s underneath of us, then.” Anakin said, thoughtfully. “That’s actually, probably for the best- potentially anyways. It would be harder to work on if it were outside or above us.” Anakin’s face turned up into a smile as he looked at his master, one that he quickly stilled, bringing himself to a neutral state. 

Obi-wan wanted to say something cutting, something to keep him from looking at him in such a way, but he found himself with nothing to say. Instead, he thought of how beautiful his smile was, how warm his aura felt. How he would never forgive himself if Anakin died here because of his own short sighted behavior. 

“There’s got to be some sort of hatch, something that leads underground. Have you seen anything like that?” Anakin asked, glancing down at the floor beneath them, scanning it over with his saber. 

Obi-wan answered back in a grim tone “No,” _The only thing ive seen in the last seven months has been the abundance of my own selfishness and single mindedness. My own pain and suffering, and lack of self control._

“It’s fine, we’ll find it. It has to be around here somewhere,” Anakin said with resolve, nearly energized by being met with a challenge. It seemed his thirst for danger hadn’t changed much since the war. The more deadly the circumstances were, the more fun he seemed to have in solving whatever problem there might have been. Obi-wan had always been much less enthusiastic about such things. As much as Anakin seemed to crave danger, Obi-wan had been perfectly content with safety. 

Anakin went to the living space, pushing one sofa aside. “If you haven't noticed a hatch, its it's probably under something. Let’s just keep on moving things till we find it.” Anakin suggested, as he pushed aside the other sofa, sweeping his saber over the floor. 

Obi-wan silently obeyed, moving to the kitchen, setting the table and chairs aside, moving anything he could possibly find. Still, he found nothing. After Anakin had moved everything in sight, he paused. Perhaps some frustration in his voice. 

“Nothing. Maybe we check under the sleepers? In the closets?” Anakin suggested as kindly as possible while muting any frustration or anxiety that came up inside of himself.

“Worth a try,” Obi-wan agreed as they headed into Obi-wan’s quarters first, pushing the sleeper out of the way, searching the closet. Still, nothing. They rummaged through Anakin’s quarters next, with no luck. 

“There are those three doors clustered at the back of the living space. What’s in those?” Anakin asked, brows furrowed. 

“Two other private quarters, then a storage room, I think.” Obi-wan said, cursing himself for not looking in the storage room first. It would have been the most obvious place to start. 

“Storage room it is, then. I’ll check that out, you search the other rooms.” Anakin said as the two of them trekked back to the other end of the dwelling. Before they could reach the other end, a loud click sounded, followed by an electrical buzz dimming, the emergency lights dying with it. 

Both men paused, Obi-wan’s stomach churned with dread as the red tinged darkness tuned to absolute all consuming black against the white blue of their sabers. “This just keeps on getting better, doesn’t it,” Obi-wan said in his witty sarcastic demeanor. He almost sounded like his old self. Even in their dire situation, Anakin couldn’t help but smile at it. 

“We knew the batteries would die, eventually. It has nothing to do with the power surges, so not much has changed.” Anakin said encouragingly as he continued on towards the other end of the dwelling still, only slower now since his field of vision became even more limited in the pitch black. 

“I suppose,” Obi-wan said skeptically, still disliking their situation more and more with each passing second. If only he could go back in time, pick some place else to run off to. Or perhaps, never leave at all. Not that it had been an option. The Council would never have let him stay. Not after everything he had done. 

“It will be alright, Obi-wan. We can do anything. I _still_ say we’ve faced worse odds before.” Anakin said lightly as he opened the door to the empty storage room.

“Well I’m glad _one_ of us feels that way.” Obi-wan said sarcastically, opening the door to one of the empty quarters. Before he could get to searching much, he heard Anakin’s voice from the other room. 

“I’ve found it,” he said with excitement in his voice followed by a metal creaking. Obi-wan carefully made his way over to Anakin, trying not to trip on anything he might not have seen. The last thing he wanted to do was fall with his saber alight in hand. 

By the time Obi-wan made it to Anakin’s side, he had already pried the rusty hatch open. “It was hiding behind these empty shelves,” he said as he brought his saber through the door, lighting a steep stairwell that continued on past his field of vision. 

“I don’t like it,” Obi-wan said, a feeling of dark foreboding sinking into his skin. Suddenly, his heart and mind were filled with regret. He couldn’t help but feel the two of them were reaching the end. That they might never see the sun again. That they might not even fully see each others faces ever again. That they might die in this wretched darkness. 

With the thought of their own mortality hanging like a lingering scent in the air, Obi-wan felt foolish. He had pushed Anakin away so much, tried to get the man to hate him. He had told himself he had done it all to protect Anakin. Now he could see it for what it really was. He pushed him away to protect himself, because it was easier than trying to be a better man, or trying to curtail his own wry emotions.

There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to tell the man. How sorry he was, for everything. How he loved him, truly loved him, more than he could ever say. How selfish he had been for being so overcome with jealousy, for putting his own needs and desires over that of the man that he loved. He had hurt him badly, then abandoned him- more than once. He had held him, loved him, been inside of him, only to throw him out like a cheap whore. He treated the man he loved more than anyone else, like _that._

And still, Anakin accepted him for who he was, where he was at. He didn’t try to change him, to force him to be someone that he wasn’t. He just loved him instead. Obi-wan’s eyes became glossy as he came to fully appreciate the man Anakin had become, how strong, kind, wonderful he was. How he would never get the chance to be with him, _really_ be with him. Because Obi-wan was certain, he could feel it in his bones.

This place was death. No wonder it had pulled him in when he had set out to find a place to die. He only wished he didn’t have to drag Anakin down with him, too. But things were too far gone for all of that. He cursed himself for being so blind, for so long. 

Before Anakin could fully step foot into the stairwell, Obi-wan reached out to grab the man’s arm. “Anakin,” Obi-wan said softly, as the man turned to face him. He had a gentle sadness on his features, deep and true love etched in his eyes. “I-” Obi-wan started, but was cut off as Anakin placed a finger of his free hand gently on his master’s lips. 

Anakin didn’t need to hear Obi-wan’s words to know what he was going to say. His aura, his force signature had been wavering this entire time. Anakin had felt the bloom of love, the sting of regret, the feeling that everything was over. But he refused to hear it.

And it was a challenge because within himself, Anakin’s heart was onfire, set ablaze for his master in new ways as his love for the man deepened still. All he wanted to do was hold him like nothing else mattered. And really aside from their love, nothing much did matter to him. But they had to survive first, to have a future at all. And their circumstances were indeed looking grim, more so than Anakin would admit. 

“No,” Anakin said softly, as his eyes seemed to gloss over as well with tears that remained unspilt with effort. Then he smiled. “We _are_ going to get out of here.”

Obi-wan furrowed his brow against the tears that trickled down the sides of his face as he took a deep breath. Anakin moved his hand from his lips, wiping the tears from his face sweetly. “Please-” Obi-wan started, but was silenced as Anakin pressed a beautifully chaste kiss to the man’s lips as he brought his master into a gentle embrace. 

Anakin pulled away, as Obi-wan stood shocked, helplessly taken by the simple sweet gesture. “Right now, I need your help,” Anakin said softly. Obi-wan found himself completely entranced as his heart sung with gladness and regret. “We need to find that power source, and fast. We are going to fix it, then we are going to figure out how to get out of here as quickly as possible. I can’t do it without you.” 

Obi-wan shook his head in agreeance. “Then,” Anakin said with a smile, “we will have as much time as we need to talk.” Another frantic nod. Another angelic smile. “Alright. Follow me and watch your step, these stairs might not be too stable.” Anakin said in a more commanding tone, still with the gentle kindness woven in his voice. 

Obi-wan’s heart ached and cried out. Anakin seemed so certain that they could make it out of this place alive. Obi-wan wasn’t so sure. He prayed that Anakin’s instincts were right, that he would have more time to explain to the man how he felt. 

He wanted to hold him, to tell him he would never leave ever again. But now wasn’t the time for that, Anakin was right. He could feel the man set aside his own boiling emotions, the ones that seemed too much to possibly be able to look past. All the same, Anakin seemed to manage it. Another swell of appreciation took over Obi-wan’s heart as he vowed he would at least try to do the same. 

If they were going to get out of here, they would have to do it together. They had faced much more trying circumstances and survived. This didn’t have to be any different. Obi-wan promised himself that he would pull through, that _they_ would pull through. That there would be a future for them past all of this. It gave him a sense of life, something new flooding his veins. Something he hadn’t felt in so long. It was _purpose._ The feeling brought another wave of tears to his eyes that he silently wiped away as the two of them descended down further into the depths of the tunnel. 

The first few minutes of stairs were shaky, or perhaps it was Obi-wan’s legs that had been trembling with the conflicting elation and fear that consumed his mind. With each moment it was a battle to keep his mind focused in the moment, and not on his emotions. But as time went on, a new set of worries took the forefront of his mind. 

They had been descending now, for quite some time. What if once they found this power source, there was no way to fix it? Perhaps it was all falling apart too rapidly for them to have anything left to salvage once they got there? What if they got trapped down there? Obi-wan shook his head as if he could dislodge the unwelcome thoughts from ruminating in his mind. 

“That’s not helpful,” Anakin said in a graver tone as he continued to lead the way. “Besides, I sense we are close to the bottom. There is something down here, but I can’t tell what it is.”

“Sorry,” Obi-wan said apologetically. He still hadn’t taken the time to reform their bond. It wouldn’t help either of them stay focused so he stayed the urge as much as he wanted to go ahead with it anyways. But his worries had indeed been so loud that even through his shielding they leaked terribly. “However, you have to admit it is a rather ironic reversal of roles.” Obi-wan added with a smile in his voice. 

“That it is,” Anakin agreed. “But you’re still the master, just to be clear,” he added with a chuckle. 

Then suddenly, Anakin tumbled forwards a bit, as he had expected to land on another stair but was caught off guard to place foot on rocky ground instead. He braced the wall to steady himself as he squinted past the light of his saber, trying to see what lie beyond. 

Then, bright white flood lights came on all around them, blinding them for a few seconds while both men took to disengaging their sabers and clipping them to their belts. 

Once his eyes adjusted, Obi-wan could see a well lit corridor that wound around. A few buttons beneath brightly colored symbols lie ahead of them on one side of the hallway, a stark contrast against the bleach white wall. Though at one time it might have been a darker shade, as at the edges where the paint cracked, Obi-wan noticed it was the same placid brown color as the dwelling above. 

“These lights must be on a different circuit. Thank the force for that. Now i’ll be able to see what i’m doing.” Anakin said as the two of them began to walk slowly through the corridor, hesitantly. 

“So have you got any ideas as to what we’re dealing with?” Obi-wan asked, still squinting against the harsh lights, but more than glad to see Anakin’s face and form again. 

Anakin had clad himself in his Jedi robes that morning. Obi-wan had been annoyed with it at the time. But now, he looked at him with veneration and longing. Anakin was extremely handsome, even more so as the dark crimson and black of his robes contrasted the porcelain of his skin. At least if they were going to die, he would be able to see the man he loved. It was a slight consolation, though it did little to help him feel any better. 

“Not quite. A reactor of some sort I assume. What type, I’m unsure.” Anakin said back, still examining every inch of his surroundings. “But there’s something about this place, it feels, _empty._ ”

Obi-wan stretched out. Anakin was right. There was something odd about it. “I feel it too,” he said in an echo. “It’s as if the force itself is afraid to exist in this place.” Another thrum of terror struck at his heart, one that he tried to quell the best he could. 

“Whatever it is, we can still do it. _Together._ ” Anakin said, sensing his master’s unease. Obi-wan kept silent, as he didn’t want to disagree with the man’s sentiment aloud, though admittedly he did not feel the same. 

“ _Anakin,_ ” Obi-wan said in a frightened voice as he grabbed at the man’s hand with a desperate grip, his palm sweating. 

“Obi-wan, I told you this has to wait,” Anakin said firmly, turning to face his master, only to realize the man’s eyes were fixated on something else entirely. 

Adjacent to them, there was another short hallway. Strewn about it were bodies, ones that had been dead for a long time, not a single piece of organic tissue hanging on their bones. They had indeed been human, or at least very close to it, as much as Anakin could tell through the red and yellow suits their remains were encased in. 

In that instant, Anakin understood their situation far too well. Here in the hall, lie the previous occupants of the outpost. All of them clad in protective gear. Although he couldn’t make out the symbols on their suits as they were not in any language he had ever come across, he understood the purpose of the garbe they wore. He understood the power surges, why the force was so scarce in this place. 

His heart sank when he realized there was very little he could do to help fix this situation. Just by venturing down here, he most certainly had only quickened their deaths.

This was ancient tech indeed. So much so that he hadn’t even expected it, though he should have. Nuclear reactors were the standard for many hundreds of years in the old republic. Only the containment designs were sloppy, didn’t have near enough failsafes in place to be even close to what current galactic standards dictated. Over time they would leak. As they neared terminal, they would surge, killing entire systems before the reactor would overload causing a devastating explosion. Entire worlds had been decimated by tech such as this. 

There was no way to fix it, no way to even try. Just by venturing down this far, Anakin suspected they had received a near fatal dose of ionizing radiation. Usually it would have been a quick fix, something easily dealt with using modern medicine. But they were too far from anything modern at all. 

The moment they entered that corridor, their very attoms began to break apart. By the time they would be able to feel its effects, it would probably be too late. Even their force abilities would be muted and deadened by it. Suddenly his heart sank as he realized his master’s dwindling abilities were more likely than not, the direct result of long term exposure to the radiation. 

But he couldn’t just give up. They had come so far, been through so much. They had their whole lives in front of them, didn't they? He just had to get them out of there, and fast. Every second they stayed here, they came closer to death. 

Anakin turned to his master, his stomach twisting horribly to see the man with a stream of crimson leaking from his nose. Obi-wan touched a finger to the wet warmth that he felt on his face, looking at his blood stained fingertips with a worried confusion. 

“We _have_ to get out of here,” Anakin said, ushering his master to turn around towards the stairwell. Obi-wan stumbled as he followed the man’s prodding, heart quickening as he began to panic. 

“What’s happening?” Obi-wan asked in a heartbreaking innocence as Anakin continued to push him up the stairs. The man was growing scared, as Anakin no longer possessed that calm stillness from before. He now was nearly frantic, definitely trembling as his mind mulled over the likelihood of them surviving the next hour without help or medical attention.

“We have to get to my ship. We have to leave, _now._ ” Anakin insisted as he climbed the stairs as quickly as he could in the pitch black, shoving his master almost violently to keep him going as fast as possible. He wasn’t about to let the man lag behind. 

“That’s impossible, it’s buried beneath who knows how much snow.” Obi-wan answered in a confused shock still. Then, his pace began to lessen. “Anakin, can we slow down please, I don’t feel well,” Obi-wan said as he grew nauseous. 

“No, we have to keep going as fast as we can, there’s too much radiation down here, if we stay we won’t make it.” Anakin said, giving another shove, nearly plowing into his masters shoulders to keep him going. 

A sense of acceptance settled over Obi-wan. He had known, he had felt it when they ventured down here. He had known something was wrong. Mortally wrong. “It’s over, isn’t it?” Obi-wan said in a sad voice as his body began to move even more slowly. Then, he noticed his legs refusing to hold up his weight as his knees sunk into the grate of the steps below them, his arms trying but failing to keep him from landing face first into the edge of a step. 

_So this is how it ends._

With a heaving grunt, Anakin slung the man over his shoulder, summoning as much of the force as he could to help bolster his ebbing strength. He would have more energy left in him simply because he hadn’t been exposed to the radiation for the last seven months, but he could feel his life force fading, being eroded and devoured by the radiation that beamed right through them. 

“It’s not over. I told you, we can get through anything.” Anakin said stubbornly, unwilling to accept anything less. “After all the battle droids and Sith we’ve fought, how sad would it be for the two great war heroes of the republic die on a frozen rock like this?” Anakin laughed as he spoke, perhaps a little too hard as the probabilities weighed like cement on his shoulders. 

“Everything has a time to live, to be, to die,” Obi-wan said as he felt his bodyweight go slack on Anakin’s shoulder. 

“Sure, sure. But you and I, this is _our_ time, right _now._ There’s still more for us out there, Obi-wan. Don’t you dare start talking like that, not now.” Anakin said with a tinge of angry fear in his voice as he ignored his tired limbs as he pressed on more fervently. He sensed he was at least half of the way to the dwelling by now. 

He might have been able to come to terms with death, even asked for it seven months ago, but he couldn’t- not anymore. It was the same feeling he had while he had been stuck, freezing to death in the snow storm. To give up would be like commiting suicide, just throwing it all away. He couldn’t do that. He knew it wasn’t his time. It couldn’t be, not when he had just finally found his master, and the man had finally opened up to him. He refused to accept it. They still had so much life left to live.

“I’m sorry Anakin,” Obi-wan said in a tired voice. “I love you so much. I’ve done a terrible job of showing it.”

“I _told_ you, we can talk later,” Anakin said fiercely, tears welling in his eyes as he forced himself to remain objective. Becoming incapacitated by his emotions would only mean death for both of them. 

“I need you to hear me, Anakin, in case we don’t make it,” Obi-wan said quieter, voice quivering with effort. 

“We are going to make it, just hang on,” Anakin said, straining harder now to haul his master up the steep staircase. Now he had broken into a sprint, propelling the two of them upwards as fast as he could. It became slightly easier as they got further away from the reactor, the force becoming more accessible as they rose to the surface. 

“Please,” Obi-wan said desperately. Still, Anakin would have none of it. 

“You need to focus your efforts on staying alive, Obi-wan. We’ve both been dosed with a lethal amount of radiation. Focus your mind, it will help you survive while I get us some help.” Anakin said resolutely as his path became clear in his mind. 

“It’s too late,” Obi-wan croaked out as they reached the top of the stairwell. 

“No.” Anakin said as he sensed his way through the dwelling, placing his master gently on the sofa as he rushed into his weather gear. Then just as quickly he pulled his master’s gear over Obi-wan’s clothes as well, getting them both as ready as possible to face the elements. They couldn’t stay, not even a moment longer. Anakin could already feel the heating had gone out, as the room became rapidly cooler. 

“What are you doing?” Obi-wan said groggily as Anakin finished dressing him, then slung him back over his shoulder. 

“I’m saving our lives,” Anakin said in a low breathless voice as he trod up the ladder to the roof, hoping the snow was still cleared off. As he threw the hatch open, the blinding sunlight refracted hundreds of times over on the ice glazed snowscape flooded down into the dwelling, burning Anakin’s retinas. 

It was a miracle the blizzard had ceased, although the piles of snow had grown mountainous in size. At least he wouldn’t be fighting the snow and wind all at the same time. 

Anakin closed his eyes, pushed past the cold and the pain, past the weakening of his limbs and the fading of his life force as he climbed to the roof, then searched out the place where his ship would be. Setting his master down gently against the rooftop shed, Anakin reached out. 

Quickly and smoothly, he sank into the force. His essence was fading, faster than he would have liked. But he found it, he could sense the ship buried under the snow and ice. R2 had kept the habitat warmers on, he could sense the heat of the space. Now he only had to find a way to get to it. 

Anakin bound himself with the force, reaching out, lifting the snow and ice up and away from his vessel. It took everything he could muster, as he even drew on his own life force to hasten the process. But the radiation sickness had made him weaker, frustratingly so. It felt like fog in his meditation, a film coating his essence that made connecting with the force feel hazy. 

Still he strained himself, falling to his knees, trembling with effort as he carved out space around the twilight. In the backdrop of his consciousness, he could hear a mechanical snap, the sound of the last circuit overloading. Fear wrapped tendrils of doubt around his heart as he continued to work, unearthing his ship from the ice. 

What if they were only seconds too late? What if the reactor went terminal before they reached the ship? What if he had wasted their last few moments, when he could have spent them in peaceful acceptance, in the arms of the man he loved?

_No, you had to at least try._

_No._

_Do or do not. There is no try._

A new flood of determination hit Anakin’s veins like a spice rush, filling his body with heat and fire. They would get out of this. They would survive. Just like they always did. Another push, another ounce of his life force drained in exchange for a quicker exit. 

Finally, the ship had a clearing around it. Anakin couldn’t see it over the hedge of snow bank that formed at the top of the building, but he could sense it all well enough. He reached for his comlink, clicking it on to connect to the ship. 

“Artoo, come in, do you copy?” Anakin called out, no reply. 

“Artoo I need you to prime the engines, do you read?” Still, nothing. The com wasn’t working. Perhaps it had shorted out when it had gotten soaked. It hardly mattered, there was no time to even try to fix it. 

Anakin threw open one of the sheds, recalling the drone that his master had used to hoist him out of the snowstorm. Quickly, he found it, and the steel cable still attached. Anakin keyed the drone on, fastening the cable to his belt. Then he turned to get his master. 

Anakin’s heart sank as he felt Obi-wan’s life force nearly depleted. His breathing was labored, skin a sickly yellow. Even more blood escaped his mouth, nose, ears. Anakin grabbed him up in his arms quickly, they keyed the drone to fly them over to the ship. As they made their way over to the twilight and descended down to the ground, Anakin felt a warm trickle run down his own face. Something else, an iron taste filling his mouth. Obi-wan’s life force dwindled even more still. 

The ramp to the twilight descended with a familiar whirring, Artoo at the top of the ramp giving worried beeps as Anakin tried hard to carry his master up into the ship without collapsing. It took every ounce of force enhanced strength to do so. 

“Artoo get us out of here, find the closest hospital fast!” Anakin shouted, or tried to shout, but his voice refused to cooperate as it trembled, his lungs failing to give enough air for him to really yell, let alone speak. 

Anakin clutched Obi-wan closer to his chest hard as he walked with shaky knees over to the autodoc, laying Obi-wan down on the table as he felt the ship rise up from the ground below as it began to take flight. 

A med droid holo appeared before him, shivering as the ship shuddered with effort. “He’s sick, radiation poisoning.” Anakin explained. “Help him, _please,_ ” he begged as his legs gave out from beneath him, falling to his knees, clutching the table for dear life as the autodoc scanned his master with a blue med ray. 

“I’m afraid he’s terminal, there’s nothing I can do. He needs higher medical care immediately if he is to survive.” The mechanical voice answered back in what was supposed to be a sorry tone. 

“No, you have to help him. Give me a hypo, anything to keep him alive just a little bit longer.” Anakin gasped out, trembling at his core as he strained to stay upright as he clung to the table. 

The med dispenser ejected a single syringe full of a purple viscous liquid. “Inject this directly into his vein. Although I can’t say how much it’s going to help someone in his condition.”

Anakin raised his hand, shaking violently against his weakening body as he tried to grab the Injection from the dispenser. Finally he had it, now he just needed to steady himself enough to find a vein. A wave of helplessness crashed over him as he thought he might not be able to make it. 

Obi-wan lie there, long unconscious, nearly dead, and he following shortly after him. Anakin barely had enough strength to stay upright on his knees. How could he stay his hand enough to hit a vein?

No- Anakin refused to give in to such thoughts. This was the only way. He wouldn’t fail his master in his most desperate hour. 

Anakin reached deep, drawing upon his life force for another surge of energy, just enough to quell his trembling and stand. He took Obi-wan's arm and pulled up at the sleeve. Upon finding the most prominent vein he swiftly injected the serum. Immediately after he collapsed on the floor, even more diminished than before.

His life force was now reduced to a dull glow, slowly waning out of existence. Part of him felt at peace, he had helped his master. He had done all he could do. Even if he didn’t make it, Obi-wan would. He had to, or else it would all be for nothing. 

Anakin tried to speak, to ask the autodoc for another vile to inject himself as well, but before he could open his mouth, there was an ominous rumble that grew louder as the Twilight was met with turbulence, more than would be expected while exiting orbit. Though they hadn’t been in the air nearly long enough to be close to orbit. It was the reactor failing, and they were still dangerously close to the epicenter of the blast. 

Then another shock wave hit them, jarring the ship violently, skewing their flight pattern. Only seconds later, solid debris made contact with the metal hull of the ship. Sirens sounded as the hull was breached by the shrapnel. More hits, more shaking. In the midst of it all, Obi-wan’s unconscious body was flung from the med table, landing down the hall from where Anakin had collapsed. 

Anakin’s heart sank as he recognised the unmistakable sound of thrusters failing, as their ship began to tumble in air, making a quick and clumsy descent for the planet below. His master had been right, they were never going to make it. And he had squandered their last moments together. The thought of it ripped right through him as he took every last bit of strength he could muster to crawl closer to Obi-wan. 

Another hit tossed the ship aside, sending Obi-wan sliding further down the hall, away from him. Anakin crawled even more still, fighting everything in his body that ached and complained as he did. 

He hadn’t quite made it to him when their ship made impact, falling in a smoky metal heap to the icy terrain below. Anakin had little time to dwell on it, as their bodies thrust upwards, slamming painfully on the metal ceiling before crashing back down to the floor, or the wall, whichever metal surface ended up beneath their broken bodies. 

The last thing Anakin felt before blinking out of consciousness was the want in his heart, the desire to hold his master. The sense of loss, at all that they might have shared, the life they might have lived. Now, it was all out of reach, just as the man he longed for so much lie only inches away from him, so was the life they could have had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I haven't broke any of your lovely hearts... I do love to torture those poor boys especially when they don't deserve it... Another chapter very soon, as I promise I'm not just going to end things here! Thanks for reading as always!


	36. Create

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and her new master Plo go to Christophsis

“It’s certainly very pretty, master,” Ahsoka said fondly as she looked down at the crystalline cityscape. Even though it was still marred and tattered from the long war, for all of its fractures and broken pieces, it looked beautiful. But this time instead of coming here to wage war, Ahsoka and her new master Plo had come to help rebuild. It was a strange feeling after spending so much of her time growing up during the clone wars. It nearly didn’t feel real. Now that the conflict was settled, the galaxy was at peace perhaps more so now than it had ever been. Maybe someday it would also take hold in her mind; the truth that it was all really over. 

“I suppose from a certain point of view,” Plo said gently as he looked down at her slightly worried, then back to the ravaged scape beyond. “There is a certain aesthetic quality to broken things,” he added in a more approving voice as he examined the dazzling colors that shone off of the fractured glass spires that reached towards the skies. 

Though admittedly, Ahsoka’s mind was far removed from Plo Koon’s comment. She had found herself suddenly lost in wave of familiarity that stole her focus as they approached the city below. It was here on Christophsis, that she had met her master for the first time. Her _real_ master. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t care about Plo, as she did indeed share a special bond with him since he had been the one to find her, to bring her to the temple. But there was simply no replacing Anakin. He had been a special soul, to say the least. One that she had been proud to serve beside, even more so to grow under his guidance, regardless of what the other Jedi in the temple had to say about his methods. 

Plo looked back down at her as they descended to the landing pad. “Your thoughts dwell on your former master,” he said observantly, but not at all in the chastising manner she might have expected. 

Those words, _former master,_ still stung at her heart. “Yes, master.” She acknowledged, averting her gaze. She knew there was nothing else she could have done to keep him with her at the temple. It would have been wrong to even try. His path was set elsewhere. Ahsoka was just glad their paths had crossed at all. She couldn’t imagine life without all of the adventures they had shared. “Master Yoda had sent me here to meet him for the first time, when I was assigned to him as a padawan. This world reminds me of him very much.”

“I suppose it would.” Plo said understandingly. 

“I still can’t get over the fact that we are here to help rebuild, instead of fight. I’m not sure i’ll ever get used to it,” Ahsoka added in a tired voice. “After constantly living with so much war, so much destruction, to create anything feels so _different._ ” She might have added how empty it left her feeling, in the void where there was no violence to be had, no droids to cut down, no separatists to war against. The fact that Skywalker was no longer with her only compounded the dysphoric feel of it all. So much had changed in such little time. 

“It is a sad scar that many of our young ones now bear. Growing up during such a devastating war, so much death and suffering, being thrown into the middle of it without an inkling of what to do, how to be, so many forgot what it is to be a Jedi. We were never meant to be Generals. We are peacekeepers. The damage this conflict has done is much more than physical.” Plo said in a sad voice as he placed a comforting hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder. 

“I know it all too well, master Plo.” Ahsoka said, feeling even more sad for his remarks. 

“Don’t fret, ‘Soka. You will adjust to this new way of life. With the war no longer ravaging the galaxy, now we can do what we were truly called to do. We can keep the peace, protect the innocent, help people.” Plo said with an enthusiasm in his voice. “It has been too long since we Jedi have been able to focus on our true duties.”

“Yes, master,” Ahsoka said in monotone as they emerged from the transport with their clone escort flanking on either side. Even though it was peacetime, the clones that were still alive were utilized in the rebuilding efforts, as well as to guard the Jedi against any unknown threats they might face from any faction or unrest. 

For now, the clones hung back at the transport as Ahsoka and Plo Koon walked further still, meeting with the local leaders who awaited them in the street. Shortly after greeting them, they all walked into a building nearby, into a large conference suite. Within was a long ovular table where all of them sat and began to talk about rebuilding, and aid that might be offered, if the local government were to accept it. 

The rambling that ensued was bland and boring, as Ahsoka tried to force herself to remain engaged in the conversation. The longer the talks drug on, the harder she found it to stay engaged at all. 

Was this the life of a Jedi? It certainly didn't feel like what she had trained for. Not at all. She had been taught the art of combat, strategy, direction and leadership. Although diplomacy was a part of the latter, she found this whole affair entirely too dull for her interest.

Then she felt something enter her consciousness. A wave of distress, a cry for help. Someone was dying. But it wasn’t just someone, it was her master- her _real_ master. A striking fear lanced across their bond as she immediately jolted up from the table. All eyes in the room looked to her as the proceedings grew silent. Quickly without a moment to lose, she bolted for the door, running to the transport without a word to be said. 

With a word of apology to the room, master Plo followed after her in haste. “Ahsoka, what do you think you’re doing?!” he shouted, confused. 

Just as she reached the transport, she turned to him. “I don’t have time to explain, but Anakin is _dying,_ he’s close by I can feel it. I have to go save him!” She pleaded, not so much asking for permission as she was asking for him to understand. Plo looked at her with an empty stare for a moment, perhaps in shock. “ _Please_ master, I have to go and help him.”

“Yes, of course you do,” Plo said empathetically, head bowed. Quickly he turned to the detachment of clones that stood guard around the shuttle. “Wolfpack, fall in!” Plo shouted, troops forming up in the transport quickly in response. “Wolffe, we’re most likely dealing with someone who is severely injured. Have your medics ready for anything.”

“Of course, General.” Wolffe nodded, fist over his heart reverence. Though the war had concluded, the Jedi masters still held the rank of General, though largely only in name. 

Wolffe turned to the squad behind him as they took hold of the rack, steadying themselves while the transport lifted in flight. “You heard the General, be ready for anything!”

“Sir yes sir!” The clones cried out in unison, comradery abounding amongst them. The space between them felt charged with excitement, a sense of urgency as they looked forward to some action, anything but the droll proceedings as of late. It was what they had been made for, and they took pride in that fact. Plo’s wolfpack perhaps even more so, as the closeness between them had been forged strong through many difficult battles. All fostered under the firm yet gentle leadership of master Plo, who always took care to appreciate each one of them for who they were as individuals, not as tools, or as a means to an end as some Generals had regarded them.

Ahsoka, much like the clones that surrounded her, felt better while in action rather than standing by in wait. Though she wished it had been something else other than her master being in mortal danger that prompted her to act. 

Ahsoka looked down at Plo as they gained altitude, the words of a silent _thank you_ falling on her lips, crossing their bond. Although she was going to leave whether she received permission or not, it meant the world to her to have master Plo not just understand, but support her as well. 

“Where are we headed, Commander?” Wolffe asked her as they rose quickly into orbit. 

Before she answered, Ahsoka closed her eyes, reaching out for her master. Now, his force presence felt weaker than before, dangerously near death. She could feel someone else familiar- _Obi-wan._ So he had found him, she thought with a smile in her heart. Though a fleeting one at best, for his signature was even weaker than that of Anakin’s. Her gut wrenched with fear, as she immediately stilled the useless reaction. She reached further, in search of a location. 

Her eyes snapped open in an instant as she came upon the approximate area in which she felt their presence. “Alzoc system. Top speed.” Ahsoka said, eyes piercing the dark black space before her, as if she could see her master through all the distance if she tried hard enough. 

“You heart the Commander, punch it Comet! Top speed!” Wolffe shouted to the cockpit, more vivacity growing within the men who stood ready, itching to serve.

Immediately, the stars dissolved into fine lines of white before them as they bolted through hyperspace. Ahsoka kept her master tight on the end of her tether, listening, waiting. Each moment they drew closer, his life force dwindled, his light dimming. Then there was a flash of blinding pain, followed by nothing. 

The overwhelming sensation of it caused Ahsoka to gasp for breath as her heart pounded thunderously in her chest. Only seconds later they dropped back into realspace. Immediately she saw it, the aftershock of a massive blast that was very visible, even from high orbit over Alzoc III. 

“Take us in as close as we can get to the epicenter of the blast!” Ahsoka commanded, the pilot responding without a moment of hesitation.

As they flew in closer, she could see the skid of something smoldering against the melted snow and ice a mile or so out from the epicenter of the blast. A pile of shrapnel ridden metal sizzled and burned hot in a crater of snow and soil. “Move in closer to that object there,” Ahsoka said. Yet again, her words were heeded with silent obedience.

As they came in viewing range, Ahsoka realized with fear that the hulk of misshapen metal was indeed her master’s ship. Though now it had been welded and twisted by the blast so badly, that it hardly resembled a ship at all. 

“Commander, we’re picking up dangerously high levels of radiation in this sector. Looks like the blast was either a dirty bomb, or maybe an old reactor gone terminal.” Said one of the clones who sat in the co-pilot's chair, shouting out over the sound of the ship against the atmosphere.

“We need to get an extraction team to that crashed vessel _fast._ General Skywalker and Kenobi are down there dying as we speak!” Ahsoka shouted out, terrified. Though she did her best to keep it hidden, she was sure the clones could sense her fear. If she didn’t know any better, she could have sworn she felt the same in all of them. 

“Suit up!” Wolffe shouted, as the troopers donned their helmets in unison. Then quickly, the squad leader took to reaching into a locker for a bunch of med hypos, handing one to each man. “Dose up, it will hold the radiation sickness at bay until we can get medical attention. It’s going to be rough, but we were made for this! Besides, the lives of two Generals depend on each and every one of you to step up. I know I can count on all of you.” Wolffe regarded his men with a respect and admiration as he spoke. 

Then, he turned to Ahsoka, speaking in a quieter tone. “One for you too, Commander. We’ve already been hit with too much radiation.”

Ahsoka nodded, taking the vial and quickly injecting herself. The transport readiy descended, hovering near to what was left of the Twilight that lie mangled in the snow. 

“The ground is too unstable to land. Prepare to drop in!” Comet shouted from the helm.

Quickly the men took to mounting cables and descending to the terrain below. Ahsoka turned to give Wolffe a silent nod as she leapt from the ship, landing gracefully atop the heap of hot metal. Wolffe landed by her side only moments after. Ahsoka grabbed both of her sabers, making quick work of cutting through the hull, carving a piece out large enough for her and her men to climb through. 

The inside of the ship was in total disarray. Though in spite of the mess, she quickly found her masters. The sight of them stabbed at her chest painfully, as they lie broken and unconscious on the floor of the main hall. She didn’t have time to say anything before the clones took to hauling both men out of the makeshift hatch and up the cables to the transport above. 

Just before she took her leave, Ahsoka noticed a sad muted beep trilling down the corridor. She climbed up into the bridge, what was left of it anyways, and saw Artoo mangled and torn apart, pieces of him strewn about all over the place. 

“Artoo!” Ahsoka shouted in terror. “I need two troopers to extract this droid, stat!” She yelled loudly down the passageway. Again with complete obedience, the men complied, swiftly piling the pieces of the little astromech together as best they could before hauling him up and away as well. 

Ahsoka followed closely behind, meeting Wolffe outside on the top of the ship. “It’s time to get out of here, Commander,” Wolffe said wearily. “I hope we’ve gotten all we came here for. If we stay any longer we might not make it. The radiation from that blast was substantial, even _with_ the hypos.”

“We’ve got all we need, lets get off this force forsaken rock,” Ahsoka said, scanning their surroundings once over with dread. 

“Yes sir!” Wolffe answered back as he cabled up to the ship. In one bound, Ahsoka followed after him. Immediately she took to hovering over the clones that knelt over her master and grandmaster as they tended to their wounds and injuries. 

Then seamlessly, they had entered hyperspace again, heading back to Christophsis to meet with Plo’s cruiser the _Triumphant II,_ to receive higher medical care. At this point it was obvious from the broken bones, ruptured organs, all compounded by acute and quite deadly radiation poisoning, that the men were going to need much more than a simple field medic to survive. 

Ahsoka hung back a short distance, feeling a hazy veil between herself and what was unfolding before her. She was in a sick fixation of the sight of her master so broken, and how Obi-wan seemed to be even worse for wear. She stifled her tears for their pain, for how she might have lost them both, how they might still be lost already. She was afraid to ask the medics if they would make it. But still, whatever their answer would be, it would do little to change their fate. 

Soon they came back to realspace, hastily docking with the cruiser. At this point the clones around her began to move sluggishly, as she herself noticed a weakness in her own bones. They had been met with a large dose of radiation. How much, she didn’t ask. Really, she didn’t care. They might get sick, but she knew that they would all pull through. 

It was the two men who lie on the floor, now being quickly put onto stretchers and rushed out to the ships med room whose lives’ were at stake. She could handle whatever sickness awaited her. She only hoped that Anakin and Obi-wan would pull through, too. She had the feeling that if they were to die, she would absolutely blame herself. Even though it sounded like a silly thing to believe she had anything to do with the reason they found themselves in such a state, she couldn’t help but feel the weight of it all fall on her shoulders. All she could do now was pick of the pieces of them the best she could. It was all she knew how to do.

As two fresh clones pulled the stretchers away, running down the hall to the ships med room, the rest of the clones long with Ahsoka sauntered off of the transport, walking slowly to the med room as well. “Alright men, time to get some medical attention,” Wolffe said, a queasiness to his voice. “Report to medical.” A few more fresh clones rushed past the tired aching squad of irradiated soldiers, hauling out the scrap parts and remnants of Artoo that lie beeping sadly in the corner of the transport. 

“Yes sir,” the cones echoed together in a fatigued chorus. Ahsoka walked along behind them, dragging her feet, willing herself to move. She could sense the clones doing the same. 

As they all arrived at the med hall, she could see several medics and doctors working behind curtains, where she suspected her two masters lie. She reached out, still feeling their life force in their bodies. Though both of them were very weak and faint, they were alive. It was enough, she decided. So she let it go, focusing her efforts on keeping her own body from discentegrading on the atomic level. Mostly it was in vain, but it did some to slow the radiation sickness from advancing as much as it might have.

Then she saw master Plo enter the med room, as she collapsed against a wall along with the squad of sick clones that had followed her into danger to rescue her masters. Plo knelt beside her, placing a kind hand on her forehead. “You did well, Ahsoka. I’m very proud of you.”

She could feel him send healing waves through her body, helping fight the effects of her sickness. She smiled back at him in response. “Thank you for believing in me,” Ahsoka said, heartfelt and greatful. “I hope I didn’t muddle affairs on Christophsis by making such a quick exit,” She added with a tired laugh. 

“Hardly. Many don’t see the Jedi as real beings with emotions and needs. Actually, your display helped enable them to see us as beings with compassion and empathy. Had you been paying attention to the proceedings, you might have known their reservations about us.” Plo added in a gentle chastising manner. 

“I’m sorry, master.” Ahsoka said genuinely. “Diplomacy is just so… _boring._ ”

“Yes, it is quite void of blaster fire and danger, most of the time.” Plo shot back in a gentle laugh. “But in a galaxy now at peace, i’m sure you will be able to adjust.” He added in a more serious yet calm and soothing voice.

“I suppose I will have to,” Ahsoka said wearily, then paused. “Do you think they will be alright?” She asked vulnerably, knowing all too well she wouldn’t be able to deal with a negative answer. 

Plo paused, contemplatively. “I can’t say.” He said honestly. “But there is no death, only the force. If they pass on, they live on within us, in the force, all around us.”

Ahsoka felt herself break, tears falling down her face. “I don’t _want_ them to be gone,” she said, suddenly feeling very small and childlike. 

Plo drew her into a hug. “I know, ‘soka I _know._ ” He said gently in a fatherly manner. “Perhaps they won’t be. But it’s possible that they might not make it.” 

Ahsoka began to cry harder, pulling into her masters embrace. Nothing had ever been quite so terrible as the prospect of the two people she cared most about in the entire galaxy ceasing to exist. Her heart broke for them, crying and wrenching. They didn’t deserve this. Both Obi-wan and Anakin had always been largely private men. Rightly so, they deserved their privacy. But they also deserved to be happy. She had seen both of them dance around it endlessly, never allowing themselves to be truly happy. She had hoped that they would find it together. Maybe they had, in their final moments. She hoped and prayed it was so. 

But she had to remind herself, they still might make it. As she searched the force, she could see their future was uncertain, not clearly written. Though she could sense something that she had never noticed before, something that made her heart both happy and sad all at the same time. 

The two of them were coiled about each other, wound tightly in the force. Their lives, past, present, future either living or dead, were bound together. Whatever their fate was, it was one in the same. 

They had spent their lives trying to deny it, trying to reject what the universe had already destined. She sent a loving intention to their auras, that they might get to live to accept the gift they had been given, the gift of knowing true love within each other. 

…….

The doctors on board continued to work on the two men hidden behind the curtain the entire time they were enroute back to Coruscant. They had arrived sooner than later, thanks to the state of the art hyperdrive that had been recently installed in the cruiser. Ahsoka and all of the clones were happy to arrive to wander off to their respective medical facilities, as they hadn’t received much in the way of medical help, other than another hypo to stave off their looming sickness from taking hold entirely. As for Ahsoka and her two fallen masters, they were headed straight for the halls of healing. 

Ahsoka wanted to stay close to them, but was ushered off as a group of the most highly skilled healers rushed in to work on Anakin and Obi-wan as they were transported to the healing halls. Leading them all was Vokara Che. Ahsoka had always been observant, so she could see the well hidden worry and fear in the woman’s gentle mask. The sight of Che being even slightly out of sorts was not helping Ahsoka feel any better. But there was no one else better to lead the effort than her. Ahsoka knew she would do all there was to do. If they would pull through, if there was any way, Che would be the one to help get them better. 

Ahsoka was led to the halls as well, at a slight distance as the other healers rushed with the gurneys down the corridor at a brisk pace. All those that might have been in their way knew instinctively to pull back to allow them through. Nothing needed to be said, it was the feeling in the air. The lingering sense that death might be just around the corner if they lost even one second of time. 

And Ahsoka walked behind them as the other Jedi stayed near to the edges of the corridor. It felt like a funeral march, and she the one to escort her loved ones into the realm beyond. A tear fell at the thought as she quickly wiped it away, frustrated with her too strong emotions. She was attached to her master, it was no secret. Although most masters and padawans did form a bond over time. Usually it was a particularly strong one, not easily matched by any others. 

It was so hypocritical for them to embrace such a culture, simultaneously preaching that attachments were forbidden. Although ever since the fall of the Sith, the Council had taken a much more lax stance on the idea altogether. That wasn’t to say the dangers of attachment were not spoken of. Indeed they were.

Because attachments clouded one’s judgement, skewed one’s thinking- if you allowed it. They were things to be kept in perspective. But also, they could save lives, give strength. Just as her own bond with her master might have saved his life and that of her grandmaster. Or just as Anakin had saved his master countless times in the past, sensing through their bond when the other was in danger. 

She took solace in the thought, as she continued on marching behind the trail of parted hallways that the two dying men left in their wake. Ahsoka could feel all eyes on her as she moved through, onward to the healing halls. Every emotion or lack thereof was on display. It made her feel angry, frustrated, with herself, with everyone else. 

It was this culture that drove her masters to such extents, such lengths to deny themselves what they should have embraced with gladness. She tried not to harbor anger for it, but right now as she thought she might lose them both, she couldn’t help but blame the order. It made her feel guilty for even thinking such a thing, as she could hear the voice of her grandmaster chastising her for it even now. 

But the eyes looked at her still, grazing her skin, stoking a deep burning fear laced anger to the surface as she tried even harder still to quell the flood of emotions that overwhelmed her. But all of it surfaced as grief and sadness, as tears of pain and anguish freely fell from her eyes. 

Finally she had arrived to her destination. Ahsoka felt relieved when the healers sequestered her off into a room, one of the many she had become familiar with over the course of the war. She knew the drill, to change out of her Jedi robes, pull on the stark white medical gown. Now she sat and waited for whatever healer would come back in to tend to her. 

The motion of it all felt rather monotonous, strangely so considering nothing about life had become so routine anymore. Or perhaps, it had become too mundane. The carefree days of living under her master, constantly on the run or in danger, were all over. 

It was always a begrudging thought, the fact that she had liked it. She loved the danger, the sense of purpose such dire moments brought to her heart. She loved saving people, saving her master- which had become more of a habit than he would ever admit. Without it all, she felt aimless. The thought of life without her master living made it all feel even more lost. She would be consigned to live out a boring life, void of adventure, absent of anything that brought her meaning. 

And it was a shameful thought, because being a Jedi was far from a meaningless existence. It made her feel ungrateful for the life that she was able to lead. So many others would have given up anything to trade places with her. But what did it mean to be a Jedi, if it only felt empty inside?

Ahsoka gave an exasperated sigh as she flopped backwards onto the med sleeper in her room. She was letting herself be given to such emotional and treacherous thoughts entirely too easy. It was hard to stay strong, but she owed it to both of the men who might never make it. They would want her to be the best Jedi she could possibly be. She promised them silently, that she would try her best to live up that, to honor them. 

Another string of tears escaped her silently as she caught herself again, thinking as if they had already passed. They hadn’t, not yet. But what was it worth to hold out hope when it could only be dashed in an instant?

The endless tug and pull of the two sides of herself made her feel tired, along with her tear swollen eyes that just wanted to close, to rest. Or perhaps it was the radiation sickness finally beginning to manifest itself more fully. Ahsoka crawled up under the covers, shivering as she realized suddenly just how cold she really felt. Just then she could hear the sound of a healer entering the room with an IV rack of fluids. Ahsoka sat up to see who it was, heart thudding as she saw Che walk over, preparing a needle for her IV.

“How are they?” Ahsoka asked, panicked, though not feeling as if she needed to mask herself before Che. If she could be herself around anyone, it would be her. 

The woman wore a morose look on her dark blue features. “They should be dead, for all of their injuries, and for how bad the radiation sickness is. We cannot explain what keeps them alive.”

“So they will make it?” Ahsoka said, feeling hope light up her chest. 

“They might. However since there’s no telling what is keeping them alive, they might not survive all the same. If they make it the next three days, the will live. That is all I know.” Che said, a glow of something like suppressed hope deep in her eyes. 

“They will make it.” Ahsoka said resolutely, wincing as Che buried the IV deep in the vein of her wrist. “They have to make it. I know they will.”

“I hope you are right, young one.” Che looked at her with a worried crease in her brow. “Nothing but trouble, those two.” She added in a more gentle demeanor, nearly reminiscent. 

“I know it.” Ahsoka said with a sad smile. 

“Now you must rest. Your own radiation sickness is significant.” Che said in more of her usual commanding tone. 

“Yes master.” Ahsoka said, crawling back under the blankets and resting her eyes, following orders as she felt her grief settle. 

Finally for the first time, she allowed herself to hold hope without restraint. _They will be just fine._ She said to herself, as she drifted quickly into an exhausted sleep. _They have to be._

_Right?_


	37. Promise

“ _Obi-wan._ ”

Kind gentle blue eyes stared down at him, as he suddenly realized his own eyes were open, listlessly gazing up into a bright white, though soft light. 

Then his heart slammed in his chest, gut wrenching with a mixture of fear and exhilaration. “I-I don’t understand,” Obi-wan stammered, moving to sit up. The kind face he had missed for too many years drew back to give him room. Though the man wasn’t completely how he remembered. His long silver hair had become a mousy brown. His pronounced wrinkles had been smoothed over, though not gone entirely. “You’re-”

“Dead? Yes.” Qui-gon said apologetically with a sad smile. 

Obi-wan felt tears of grief well in his eyes. “Then I’m dead, too…”

“No. Not yet. Though you will be soon, if you don’t fight hard enough.” Qui-gon said with a gentle warning in the cadence of his voice. 

Obi-wan let out an exasperated sigh of surprise and relief, then turned serious again as he remembered. “Anakin,” he said, both a statement and a question.

“He is alive for the moment, but just barely. Same as yourself. Though his fate will be the same as yours.” Qui-gon said matter-of-factly though not at all harshly or unkind. Everything about the man was gentle and fatherly. 

“I don’t understand,” Obi-wan said, the sorrow of his entire life falling from his shoulders, piercing the depths of his heart. Every bit of it, felt a hundred times over. A tear spilled delicately over the rim of his eye. “Master, I’m scared,” Obi-wan confessed. 

Qui-gon gave one of his soft knowing stares. “I’m sorry Obi-wan,” he said in sorrow. “I wish I had time to tell you everything. But if you and Anakin are to live, you must leave this place. Besides the two of you still have much work to do.”

“What do you mean, the Sith are all dead, aren’t they?” The Sith had been slain. Surely Anakin had brought about the balance to the force, as was prophesied. 

“There is still much darkness to contend against.” Qui-gon said grimly. “In time you will come to understand. Though I wish it were not so.” His words were shaded with a color of remorse and pain. 

But hadn’t they already done enough? Obi-wan had given everything he had to give. The rest had been taken. Anakin, he could hardly bear the thought of the man having to endure any more at the hands of evil. 

“But I’m not a Jedi anymore. Even Anakin has given up on the order. We’re failures,” Obi-wan said, his words laden with self directed guilt and shame. 

_We’re failures and it’s all my fault._

“The war of light and dark is bigger than the Jedi,” Qui-gon said with strong conviction. “The role you and Anakin play, is perhaps even more important. Without your and Anakin’s sense to stray from the code, you would never have caught the Sith lord in time. That much I have seen.”

 _Straying from the code._ Yes, his master must have seen everything. All that he had done, how low he had fallen. The sick yellow gold in his eyes in that horrid place. The way he enjoyed taking the lives of the ones who had hurt Anakin so badly- the ones who had made him watch while his love suffered. He would have seen how weak he had been, to be overcome with lust for his own padawan learner. How he hurt him so terribly. 

“No,” Obi-wan said. It was reflexive. But his master had to be wrong. Not only was he unworthy, but he didn’t have any more fight in him. “I can’t do anymore. I can’t face any more darkness without being taken by it myself. I’ve come too close to the dark already. You’ve _seen_ it.”

“Obi-wan, you’ve never disappointed me. I’m proud of you. Your path has been wrought with pain and suffering. I know it’s hard, but in the end, at every turn you choose the light, even while tempted by darkness. Any lesser man would have fallen.” Qui-gon said gently, lifting up Obi-wan’s chin to meet his gaze. 

The words cut through straight to the hollow core of his pain and regret. “But after all the things i’ve done… how can you say that?”

“Because I’ve seen your heart. I know you’re a good man, Obi-wan. You do what’s right. Just like you will continue on to do so. I’ve seen that, too.” Qui-gon said, a full smile gracing his kind features. “Now hurry, you must go. Our time is running short.”

Obi-wan’s eyes spilled more tears. “I’ve missed you so much,” he lamented, heart breaking. “I don’t want you to go again. Since you’ve been gone everything’s been so _hard,_ ” he said, feeling once again like the padawan he had been all those years ago. 

The pain of his master’s death still weighed heavy on his heart. It had been something he never really let himself feel. Because there was no death, only the force. But his master had been gone all the same. He had been left alone to train Anakin, he had hardly been ready for it. 

“I know Obi-wan, I _know._ I’ve been with you through it all. Just as I will continue to be.” Qui-gon said kindly, sadness in his eyes. “We _will_ meet again.” 

Then, the white lights around them faded to black, until the darkness was all he could see. “Qui-gon,” Obi-wan called out frantically, “ _Qui-gon!_ ”

He heard nothing, only the sound of his own voice. Then, even that ceased to exist as he drifted back, a heavy fatigue falling into his spirit. Suddenly now he came aware of his body, how he had become broken and lacerated. He felt, tired. Though he remembered what his master had told him. 

_His fate will be the same as yours._

So he would try his very best to stay alive. For Anakin. Though Obi-wan wondered what that really meant. He had heard something similar once before, from the lips of that dreaded Sith lord. 

_The two of you, your fates, they are woven into the fabric of the universe. For better or worse, you will never escape one another._

_For better or for worse..._

Though he had little time to contemplate it, as he felt himself fading fast. With every ounce of strength he had, he tethered himself to life. He could feel other forces aiding him, crystals placed on different parts of his body, the soft presence of his master, guiding him back to life. He focused his efforts on staying alive, sinking into his healing trance with detrimental intention. 

The next time he opened his eyes, he saw his surroundings; one of the small med rooms in the hall of healing. He had no sense of how long he had been there, or how he had even ended up there at all. Anakin must have gotten then out somehow, he thought. 

He was grateful to be alive as he stretched out his limbs, feeling weak, but no pain in his body as he moved. Obi-wan slowly sat up, looking around for a change of fresh clothes. Thankfully, a set of his Jedi tunics had been laid out on the small dresser across the room. 

As he tore off the white med gown and donned his familiar garbe, he breathed deeply, taking in the scent of freshly washed clothes, ones that had been laundered in the temple. They had a distinct aroma to them, the same scent that would have been on his bed sheets. It was comforting, giving him the feeling of being safe. 

Once he was totally clothed, he wandered out into the main hall. Clearly it was late at night, or very early in the morning. Whichever it was, the space was empty, all but for two healers who wandered the hall, checking on various patients who might have needed their attention. 

He didn’t have to ask to know which room Anakin was in, as he could feel his signature in the force. Just like always, his aura was huge and overwhelming. Though now he eminated the steady calm of peaceful rest. The thought of it brought a smile to Obi-wan’s face. 

As he entered Anakin’s room, he wasn’t surprised to see Ahsoka sitting, slumped over in one of the chairs asleep. Another smile graced his lips as he put a warm hand on her shoulder. For the moment, things felt like they had so long ago. Ahsoka alongside himself, waiting for Anakin to break out of his healing trance, just as if it were any other day during the war.

Only war time was over now. For how long, Obi-wan wasn’t sure. He had thought that after the Clone wars, after the death of the Sith, the galaxy would be at peace. How long? He hadn’t guessed. One hundred years? At least long enough for him to grow old and pass on into the force. Though from what his master had warned, there was something new awaiting them. He could only hope and pray it would be far enough in the future for them to regain some sense of normalcy in their lives. Whatever that might be, if it even existed for people like them. 

But for now he wouldn’t dwell on it. After all, his master had always tried to get him to stay in the moment, to focus on the here and now. In the soothing company of Anakin and Ahsoka, it was an easy task. 

“Obi-wan!” Ahsoka shouted as she had slowly came to awareness, throwing her arms around his torso in a joyful embrace. “You’re awake!”

“Yes, indeed I am.” Obi-wan let out a small laugh, giving the top of her head a pat. 

“I’m so glad. For a while things were looking pretty grim. Vokara Che even said you might not make it. But I knew you would.” She said drawing back from their hug and standing next to him. 

“I am grateful for your faith. I’m even more grateful that you were right,” Obi-wan said in a dry chuckle. “How long have we been here?” He asked, not having the slightest inkling of how long it had been. 

“Nearly a month, and a long one at that. Now that the war is over, I’ve just been sitting in here with you two, spending nights in this chair at Anakin’s bedside, hoping for you both to wake up. It’s been quite boring to be honest,” she said, feigning a yawn. 

“How did we get here? How did anyone even know where we were?” Obi-wan asked, suddenly very curious. 

“I felt Anakin was in trouble, thankfully I happened to be close by. Master Plo lent me a squadron of clones to go and find him. We found you both crashed in the twilight a mile or so out of the epicenter from a radioactive blast. We just barely made it in time.” Ahsoka said in a more grim tone as she wandered over the memory of seeing both her masters lie out on the crumpled up durasteel floor of the mangled ship. 

“You’re always coming to our rescue it seems,” Obi-wan said in an upbeat tone, a gripping feeling taking over his stomach only moments after as he remembered her rushing to their aid on that separatist cruiser all those months ago. How she had called in support for them back on Naboo, when he had all but been overwhelmed by his rage and lust for revenge. Now it felt like another life. 

“Yeah well someone’s got to. Both of you are just magnets for trouble.” Ahsoka chided in a friendly tone. 

Obi-wan looked down at her in seriousness. “Thank you,” he said, fleeting tears glossing over his eyes for a moment as his brows furrowed against them. 

“No need to get so sentimental,” Ahsoka said, giving him a playful punch on the arm. “It’s just what you do for family.”

_Family._

In a sense, it’s what they were, wasn’t it? They were an odd bunch, but it felt right. Anakin. Ahsoka. Family. 

Suddenly Obi-wan’s throat constricted, feeling all to close to giving into a bout of sobs. He couldn’t understand why. Was he sad? He didn’t think so. Was it happiness? After so long living void of the emotion, it was overwhelming to him. True unadulterated happiness. The people in this room with him right now were the ones that mattered most to him in the entire galaxy. He would do anything, for either of them. 

And that’s all that mattered. He vowed he would honor that, to care for them as they had cared for him during his time of need. It was all he could do. It was all he wanted, all he needed. If he had his family, he would be alright. Just as it always had been, only now for the first time he could see it, _really_ see it. Appreciate it for how wonderful it was, how beautiful and precious. He promised, he would never let them slip through his fingers again. Never push them away.

Too long he had been afraid of it, the attachment he felt. So long he had been told it was wrong to harbor such emotions. So he tried, he tried so desperately to stifle it, to quell how he felt. But that was no way to live. He couldn’t do it anymore if he tried. There was no reason to. 

“Obi-wan, are you alright?” Ahsoka said, looking over at him worried, as a few rogue tears had escaped the carefully held pools that welled in his eyes. 

He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t breathe. All he could do was shake his head _yes,_ and bring her into an embrace, as he was so thankful. Thankful for all that he had, for the ones that had loved him when he didn’t know how to love anymore. Thankful for the ones that taught him how to love, when he didn’t know how anymore. 

…….

Two days after Obi-wan had awoken, Anakin still lie comatose in his healing trance. Obi-wan and Ahsoka sat by his bedside religiously each day, waiting for him to return to them. As midday neared on the second day, Obi-wan began to feel anxious. 

Obi-wan twiddled his thumbs in his lap, looking over at the beautiful man who lie on the sleeper across from them. “I don’t know Ahsoka, maybe I shouldn’t-”

“Why not? Don’t be crazy Obi-wan you have nothing to be afraid of.” Ahsoka scolded him softly. 

“I’m just so _kriffing_ nervous,” Obi-wan chuckled, wiping his sweating palms on his leggings as he sat on the edge of his seat. 

“Language!” Ahsoka said, laughing and surprised. It was a rare occasion to hear Obi-wan Kenobi use a curse. “Wow you must be really nervous to be talking like that!” She continued laughing for a moment. 

“Yeah well I feel like my chest might explode,” he said uneasily. In fact as the moment drug on, he was beginning to feel rather nauseous as well. 

“You’re going to be just fine, Obi-wan,” she said as reassuring as she knew how. 

Obi-wan took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. It did little to help, though it calmed his stomach for a moment. 

“Oh force, I don’t think I can do it,” he said, standing up and pacing the floor of the small med room. 

“Yes you _can,_ ” Ahsoka said on the edge of annoyance. 

Obi-wan turned to her, face contorted with fear. “But what if-”

“I’m going to stop you right there. That’s not going to happen and we both know it.” Ahsoka said, standing and crossing her arms before her chest.

“What if it’s too soon?” Obi-wan countered in a heartbeat, the words ruminating in his mind endlessly, driving him mad. 

“You’re worrying yourself sick for nothing, Obi-wan. It’s not too soon. And if it is? So what. Then you wait. Nothing changes, really. You’re overthinking it.” Ahsoka said matter-of-fact.

Obi-wan took another deep breath, pulling his hand over his face. She was right, he knew it. But it did little to still his nerves. “You’re right, you’re _right._ I still feel like i’m going to die,” he said, letting out a nervous laugh as a few tears of fear welled in his eyes. 

Then Anakin stirred in his sleeper. _Oh force he’s waking up,_ Obi-wan thought, heart pounding uncomfortably against his ribs as adrenaline coursed through his veins making him tremble and feel short of breath. 

“You’ve got this,” Ahsoka said quietly with a sly smile as she settled back down in her chair. 

As Anakin continued to stir under the covers, Obi-wan forced himself to settle back down in his own chair. It was incredibly difficult to do, considering how he felt he might die of a heart attack at any given moment. 

Anakin’s brilliant blue eyes slowly flickered to life, looking up at the ceiling with confusion. Obi-wan held back tears as a joyful smile forced itself onto his lips. He couldn’t hold back the wave of emotion that was sweeping over him. It was too much. It was perfect. _He_ was perfect. 

Anakin’s eyes adjusted to the light and swept over the room to see Ahsoka and Obi-wan sitting adjacent to him. Immediately he sat up, breathless. His stare full of hope, love, longing, so much more, as his eyes trained on his master. 

“Obi-wan,” he said as the man rose out of his chair, rushing over to meet Anakin as he had already taken to try to stand not realizing how weak his legs had become as he lie unconscious for the past month. “You’re alright,” Anakin nearly whispered as Obi-wan moved to hold him tightly, steadying him against his body. Obi-wan relished the feeling of the man leaning on him, holding him so tightly in response. 

Suddenly all of the restless anxiety that had Obi-wan rapt with uncertainty had fled as he held Anakin in his arms. Everything was right now. This was how it was supposed to be. Anakin was his calm, his center. His everything. 

Obi-wan drew back from their embrace, and took a breath as he was about to speak, but Anakin cut him off before he could begin. 

“I’m never letting you out of my sight, Obi-wan,” Anakin said, visibly upset, nearly angry. “You don’t get to run off like that again. I don’t care what you say about it. You’re wrong-”

“But Anakin-”

“ _No._ I love you and I’m staying with you whether you like it or not. I’m not letting you go try to find some place to die again.” As Anakin continued his words grew from upset to angry, from angry to nearly wrathful. 

“Anakin, I-”

But Anakin wouldn’t be silenced, as tears beaded in the corners of his eyes with vehemence. “No master I won’t lose you. I won’t allow it. You almost died in my arms. I felt you dying, I can’t do-” 

Since he seemed to be unable to listen at all in his emotional state, Obi-wan cut him off with a kiss. It was one readily accepted and reciprocated as Anakin leaned into him more, wrapping his arms around him greedily. 

“Ahem, I hate to break it up, but I’m right here you know,” Ahsoka said, clearing her throat. Anakin pulled back for a moment, slightly embarrassed as he glanced over Obi-wan’s shoulder at her then back into his master’s eyes. 

“Now that I have your attention,” Obi-wan began, looking rather amused as he gazed into his lover’s eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you,” he added more seriously, taking Anakin’s hands between his own, holding them gently. 

“I know things have been complicated between us, and difficult at times to say the least, but if there’s anything I’ve learned through it all, it’s that I love you. That I can’t imagine life without you.” Obi-wan took to kneeling in front of him, hands still clasped between his own as he began to tremble slightly. A look of shocked realization fell over Anakin’s face sweetly. All Obi-wan wanted to do was kiss the man, but he couldn’t, not yet.

“I haven’t always been good to you, but you make me want to be a better man. I don’t deserve your love, but I can’t live without it.” Obi-wan moved a shaky hand to the pocket of his cloak, retrieving a small box that he hinged open, revealing a simple golden band. 

“Anakin Skywalker, will you marry me?” Obi-wan said, unspilt tears welling in his eyes as he looked up at Anakin, eyes begging, pleading. 

Anakin had covered his mouth with his hands as tears fell silently down the sides of his face. He couldn’t speak, so he nodded his head frantically up and down in acceptance instead as he pulled Obi-wan back up onto his feet and into his arms. Tears still fell, soaking into the fabric on Obi-wan’s shoulder. 

“I love you, I love you so much,” Anakin mumbled in the soft cloth of Obi-wan’s robes before he pulled back, looking straight into the man’s eyes. “Let’s do it today,” Anakin said boldly. “Let’s get _married_ today,” this time he spoke with a smile. Obi-wan’s heart sung with gladness. 

“Where?” Obi-wan asked softly, smiling as their noses brushed up against one anothers. 

“Here, in the temple.” Anakin answered simply, nuzzling his nose against Obi-wan’s gently. “In the room of a thousand fountains. In front of that waterfall that you love. It’ll be perfect.”

“Who shall we ask to do the ceremony?” Obi-wan asked, taking every ounce of will to keep from whisking the man away to their quarters that very moment. The thought of Anakin being his husband the next time they lie together excited him, almost too much. 

“I would be honored to,” Che answered, as both men looked towards the doorway, surprised to see her standing there. “Congratulations to the both of you, by the way.” She said, smiling wide. Obi-wan looked over at her and back towards Anakin with a shy expression, as he was so rapt by the circumstance that he hadn’t noticed her presence. 

“Yes we would love that,” Anakin said, pulling out of their embrace to give Che a quick hug. 

Obi-wan turned to Ahsoka, handing her the ring box. “Can I entrust you with these until the ceremony?”

“Of course,” Ahsoka said, absolutely delighted. 

Then Obi-wan turned back to Anakin, standing there in his white med gown, suddenly looking very alluring and innocent. And he was to be his husband. He could barely contain himself. “Meet me at the waterfall, just after sunset.”

“I’ll be there.” Anakin said, entranced by Obi-wan’s clear blue eyes as he leaned in for one final chaste kiss before leaving the small room, trailing out of the healing halls. 

…….

Night had finally fallen, entirely too slow for Obi-wan’s liking. He waited at the bottom of the falls, Che standing in wait behind him. Ahsoka stood by with the rings, masters Yoda, Windu and Plo standing by to witness, all of them beaming as they waited for Anakin to arrive. 

Obi-wan hadn’t planned on wearing anything fancy, only his usual robes. Freshly cleaned and pressed of course. Ahsoka had insisted they wear flower crowns that she had braided together herself. Indeed they were quite lovely; simple white flowers laced in with greenery. Though Obi-wan wore his with a certain amount of tolerance. 

When Anakin arrived, he looked like an angel, something out of a dream. The flowers that graced his golden brown locks only added to his angelic look. Though nothing about him was really different. He wore his darker colored tunics and leggings, the maroon undershirt, leather jerkin. Those _eyes-_ for a moment Obi-wan was left breathless.

Anakin’s eyes were sparkling, full of life. His lips were a perfect soft pink. How could this man, this perfect beautiful man love him? Was he good enough? Certainly he wasn’t, was he? Because Anakin was perfect, too perfect. He would never be good enough. But Anakin didn’t care. And that was all that mattered. 

As he stood across from him, Obi-wan stifled the urge to pinch himself, to be sure he wasn’t dreaming. Anakin met his gaze without falter, passionately, eyes brimming with love and hope. Hope that after all they had gone through, that they could be happy. It was something that neither of them would have ever imagined only months ago. 

“We are gathered here today, to witness something truly amazing, special, and without a doubt, unique.” As Che began, Obi-wan reached out for Anakin’s hand. He needed physical contact to tether him to reality, to stay in the moment instead of drifting away in this living dream. 

“And that is the enduring love of Anakin Skywalker, and Obi-wan Kenobi.” The room fell silent. Or had it been silent already? Surely now, it felt hushed Obi-wan thought. Those words, those words that would have been the curse of their existence only months ago, now celebrated before three highly esteemed council members no less. In such a sacred place as this. How could so much change in so little time?

“Anakin, Obi-wan,” Che said, addressing both of them. It took a few moments for them to pry their eyes off of each other and look at the woman who stood between and slightly behind them. 

She gave a wide smile as she spoke. “To be married, is to promise each other that you will love one another, honor each other. It’s an oath that you will always be there to help and encourage, to take care of one another through anything. Through everything.”

“To be married is to have a safe place to go, to help both of you nurture each other, and grow to be the best versions of yourselves. To be married is to be committed to someone forever. To never give up.”

“Not only shall you love, but you shall trust. You will share a deep companionship unmatched by any other. Through anything and everything. The hardships you may face, let them be things that bind you together. Hold onto one another for strength, for warmth, for hope.” She smiled kindly in a pause. 

“Anakin, do you take Obi-wan to be your husband?”

A glimmer of something deep, a spark, a flame burning inside of his eyes as he answered. Two words, a promise. “I do.”

“Obi-wan, do you take Anakin to be your husband?”

In so many ways, yes. He wanted him heart, mind, body soul, spirit, everything. How could two words ever explain how he needed him? “I do.”

“Would either of you like to exchange vows?” Che asked, nodding to Anakin first. 

Taking a shaky breath, he began. “Obi-wan, you’ve always looked out for me, been my better half. You’ve saved my life more times than I could count. In more ways than you know,” Anakin paused, taking a breath to still the welling tears in his beautiful blue eyes. “I love you. I’m going to be here for you. I want to be a part of your life where you can truly feel safe, and loved. Nothing is going to come between us.” 

_Nothing is going to take you from me. I won’t allow it,_ Anakin thought, leaving those words unspoken. It was better that way. It was the dark side of attachment, to hold onto people as if they were objects. It wasn’t that he thought of Obi-wan as an object, but he simply couldn’t stand the thought of losing him again. Surely it was enough that the room would have felt the possessiveness in his aura cling tightly to Obi-wan. It wasn’t becoming of him, but he couldn’t help it.

“Obi-wan?” Che nodded over to him. But the man was speechless, taking a moment to breathe before he could make a sound. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he said just above a whisper. “I’ve never done anything to deserve you. But I love you more than anyone or anything. I promise to do my best to be the kind of man you deserve, though I’ll probably fall short of that more often than I might succeed. But I promise to be here for you, I’ll never leave you,” Obi-wan said, voice breaking. 

_Not again. Never again._

As Ahsoka stepped forward with the rings, Obi-wan’s pulse quickened, palms beginning to sweat. The young Togruta gave him a gleeful smile as she handed the twin gold bands over. 

“Let these rings symbolize your undying love for one another, the promise you have made to each other.” Che spoke as Obi-wan moved a shaky hand to place one ring on Anakin’s hand. Then Anakin moved, slightly less trembling in his movements as he did the same. 

“I now pronounce you married. You may now kiss your husband.” Che said, as the small group erupted in applause. 

Anakin leaned in first, his hands on either side of Obi-wan’s face as he kissed him delicately. Obi-wan’s heart sang with a happiness he didn’t know was possible. For the sake of the audience, he pulled away sooner than he truly wanted to, giving a blushing smile to the room. 

With a few small conversations, and many iterations of congratulations from those in attendance, Obi-wan and Anakin quickly stole away from the lingering wedding party. The two of them rushed down the temple halls towards the apartment wing, hands interlaced, both of them glancing wildly into each others eyes as they hurried, running like younglings who might have been chastised about frolicking about in the temple where they ought not. 

Without a word, they sealed themselves off in Obi-wan’s old quarters, the one he had sequestered himself off into after Anakin had become a Jedi knight. It had remained untouched when Obi-wan had taken leave from the temple, mostly in reverence to his service and his memory. Though Yoda had never been thoroughly convinced that Obi-wan had left for good, so in spite of the insistence of others, he had ordered it kept as it had been. 

Once the two of them were behind closed doors, the world felt smaller, like it only existed around the two of them. The stood there for a few seconds, catching their breath from their short sprint over, giggling and gazing into eachothers eyes happily. 

Suddenly Obi-wan felt shy, embarrassed. He wasn’t entirely sure as to why, after all Anakin was now his husband. He knew him better than anyone else in the entire galaxy. Perhaps it was part of his old self lingering, telling him this was all wrong, that he had taken advantage. That Anakin deserved better. 

Anakin smiled at him, pulling him by the hand to the sleeper in the next room over, a soft look of affection in his eyes. Obi-wan let himself be guided over, let himself be pulled down, as Anakin slowly took to removing his garments one by one, planting kisses on his neck and shoulders as his skin was revealed at a torturously slow pace. 

As he took to pulling down his leggings, Anakin gently kissed his hip bone, then across to the other side as his hands pulled him free of his clothes entirely. Obi-wan felt paralyzed by the soft gentle touches and kisses, his heart singing a song that felt like both delightful and painful all at the same time. 

Anakin stood to quickly shed all of his layers before he lie down next to Obi-wan, nestling in next to him closely, placing his flesh hand over the man’s heart to feel the strong steady pulse. He smiled at him, eyes boring into his soul, searching, begging for connection. For the bond they once shared to be brought to life once again. His kind eyes suddenly felt like a knife through his heart. 

Obi-wan sat up against the headboard, a feeling of unworthiness taking over his chest, heavy and sick. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his head in his arms to hide the tears that slid down his cheeks. Anakin deserved so much better, it felt selfish to trap the man in as he had done. Now they were married, and Obi-wan felt like a monster. 

Anakin sat up beside him, placing a warm hand on his back, rubbing in soothing circles as he kissed his master’s forehead sweetly. It made Obi-wan feel even worse as his tears became quiet sobs. 

“Obi-wan,” Anakin said gently, consolingly. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t deserve you Anakin,” Obi-wan bit out shakily, “Even here, now, I feel…” _I feel like a monster for wanting you so badly._

“Open up to me,” Anakin commanded softly. “Let me in.” He now nestled into his masters hair that fell over his face. “Let me show you how I feel. You’re the only person in this galaxy I want.”

 _If I let you in, you’ll see me for what I am. You’ll never love me again._ Obi-wan cried harder, shoulders shaking with sadness. 

Anakin wouldn’t have it, as he gently maneuvered Obi-wan to lower his knees so that he could straddle his hips, pressing their faces up against one another. Obi-wan still cried, warm wet tears falling down, now being wiped away by Anakin’s hands as he softly kissed his cheeks, the corners of his eyes, all places touched by his tears. Then delicately, he planted small kisses over his lips, his chin and neck. Slowly, Obi-wan’s tears began to lessen. Though he felt just as awful. How could he allow himself to be happy? He had thought maybe they could be happy together. He didn’t want to leave Anakin again, but he didn’t deserve to be happy, or so he felt. 

“Please, let me in,” Anakin said in a hushed whisper, lips brushing against his master’s ear, his flesh hand still pressed up against the man’s chest, pushing a warm sense of love and acceptance into his aura. 

“I can’t,” Obi-wan gasped, pulling arms around his husband shakily as his heart ached and writhed, tearing itself apart with regret and grief. For as much as Anakin had forgiven him without a second thought, he couldn’t forgive himself for all that he had done. It felt like a stain on their love, one that would never wash clean.

Anakin wrapped his arms around him in response. “Trust me,” he said earnestly, “I know it’s hard. But let me prove to you that it’s going to be alright. Just trust me.”

Obi-wan shivered, pressing his head up against Anakin’s shoulder. “I’m scared,” he confessed, “You won’t look at me the same if I let you in.”

“Oh Obi-wan,” Anakin said gently, pulling back from their embrace to look his husband in the eye, “you know that’s not true. Nothing is going to change how much I love you. Or how beautiful you are to me.”

Obi-wan shivered under his husband’s gaze, letting out a sound of surprise as Anakin pressed his lips up against his, tongue gently finding a way past his lips, tangling wonderfully with his own. Obi-wan could feel Anakin pushing through their bond, prying at the edges of where he had walled him off. He could feel a sense of how it hurt him, that he wasn’t opening up. But Anakin wouldn’t show it, not even a fraction of how his own heart hurt in response. 

Because his soul was beautiful, selfless. A brilliant white glow against any darkness that might contest against him. He was strong, kind, more than Obi-wan could have ever hoped for. Somehow it made the sting of his own shortcomings even harsher. 

But he would try. He _had_ to try, to open up. To let him in. Because Anakin made him want to be better. In the end, there was nothing he wouldn’t give the man. He would give or do anything for him. 

Obi-wan slowly broke down the wall, one brick at a time. He could feel Anakin gripping him harder, kissing him more frantically, the heat of his skin growing warmer on his own as their bond came alive. He could feel it, like a salve to Anakin’s soul. It was everything he had been wanting, been yearning for, for so long. More than anything else, he needed to feel the light of their souls intertwining, comuning as one.

Obi-wan could feel Anakin’s heart flutter, his mind come alive as his essence wrapped itself around his heart and soul. Small moans of excitement came deep from within him as he pulled a hand through Obi-wan’s hair, pressing their lips against each other harder, wanting to feel as close as he could. Obi-wan could feel the desire, the deep burning need his husband felt for him, both in his body and soul. 

_I want you need you now, now, please master,_ Anakin begged through their bond. He smiled in their kiss as he felt a pulse of electricity spread through Obi-wan, who held him tighter now. 

_I don’t know how to control myself, you stir up things in me I don’t understand. I’m afraid,_ Obi-wan confessed, feeling himself dangerously at the edge of his self restraint. 

A shiver of exhilaration prickled down Anakin’s spine at Obi-wan’s confession. The animal want, need, the desire to possess him, to have him, to hold him made Anakin’s stomach churn with anxious desire. It made every inch of his skin feel sensitive and alive. Obi-wan was such a gentle precious soul. The fact that he could make a man like that so become unhinged and wild sparked a flame of passion in his chest. 

Obi-wan was like this for _him._ Anakin was much more acquainted with such base desires and emotions, he had been his whole life. Only now had he come to better manage such things. Obi-wan had been a man of practiced discipline as long as he had known him. But for him, and him alone, he harbored the basest of instincts and desires. 

_Please, please, please take me, do what you want with me, I need you so badly it hurts master, it hurts. Inside, I need to feel you inside please Obi-wan please…_

“Oh Anakin,” Obi-wan whispered breathlessly as he leaned forward, putting the man beneath him, a pulse of excitement trilling down his limbs.

Anakin reached out, pulling a small bottle of lubricant over, thoroughly and quickly getting himself wet enough to take his husband’s cock. Then he pulled his knees up and to the side, presenting himself for Obi-wan who drew back, placing himself gently at Anakin’s entrance as he pressed into him slowly. 

Anakin gazed up innocently and unfaltering into Obi-wan’s eyes, biting his lip as he quelled a smile. He could sense how irresistible he was becoming to the man, how wild he was becoming. Though when he gasped, throwing his head back with a soft moan of pleasure, it was equally a show for his husband, as well an expression of how he was making him feel.

Obi-wan buried himself gradually, gripping one hand on Anakin’s leg, the other smoothing over his stomach and chest, trailing up to gently grip at his collarbone. There was a mixture of feelings clashing inside of his mind and body. He didn’t feel good enough, but he loved him, he loved him so much. All of it was beautiful. Their hearts, minds, bodies, all passionately twisted up together. His heart ached at how he could feel Anakin so full of love and want for him. It was more than he had ever hoped for. 

He leaned down to meet Anakin’s lips in another kiss, small soft moans escaping him as he thrust gently, reaching down to tease Anakin’s throbbing length. _You’re perfect, wonderful, good, beautiful. Oh force, Anakin, I love you so much._

 _I’m yours, Obi-wan. All of me,_ Anakin whispered across their bond, wrapping his legs around his husbands hips, meeting with thrusts of his own. 

_Take me, I want to feel you cum inside me, feel you warm, wet, hot, good, so good,_ Anakin fed the words into his master’s mind, the words he might not have ever had the nerve to say, but all things that he felt, that Obi-wan could feel were true, that he wanted him. He could feel the pleasure welling inside of him, pulsing, throbbing, begging, on the edge, so close to orgasm. Pushing Obi-wan closer as well, his tantric words and thoughts making him feral, low grunts sounding in Anakin’s ear as his husband pinned his wrists overhead, his body pressing in hard as he worked him feverishly, sweat slicking his body as he pounded him with his cock. 

Obi-wan’s mind was blank with pleasure, lost in the sheer sensation of their bodies nearing climax mixed with the whispers Anakin sent through their bond, sweet words of affirmation along with erotic suggestions and praise. It was more than Obi-wan could handle. 

Anakin came first, seed spilling hard over both of their chests, orgasm racking his body as he trembled under the hold of his master, crying out with pleasure as he crested. In the same heartbeat Obi-wan gasped, tensing as he tightened his grip on the man below him, spilling hot seed inside of him with a low moan. 

Anakin nestled into the crook of his master’s neck, breathing heavy, a wide smile on his face. Obi-wan moved to roll off of him, but Anakin trapped him with his legs. “No, not yet,” he breathed out as Obi-wan looked down at him inquisitively. “It feels so _good,_ ” Anakin added in a seductive voice, eyes gazing up into his husband’s with a desperate yet commanding stare. 

Even more gratifying was the way he could feel the man grow harder inside of him again at his words. Obi-wan drew back, kneeling between his thighs as he pulled out almost entirely, before sliding back in slowly, prodding that spot that made Anakin gasp and moan. He looked over the man’s body rapaciously, thumbing gently over his nipples. He smiled, saying one word, a declaration, a promise. “Husband.”

Anakin’s eyes bore into his, shifting his weight over to push Obi-wan back up against the headboard while he straddled his hips, the man’s cock still buried inside of him. “Yes my love?” Anakin asked, lips brushing against Obi-wan’s as he worked the man’s shaft, earning a string of soft moans from him. 

Somehow the feeling of being inside of him felt even more wonderful, as Anakin’s tight muscle was now slicked with his cum. His heart sang with a sense of ownership. Anakin was his. It was an animal instinct to lay claim, to have, the feeling of his cum inside of him was gratifying in those ways. There was a feeling of jealousy from the animal part of his mind, no one else could have him. 

Anakin gave him a sultry smile, one laced with pleasure as he stroked himself, simultaneously fucking himself on Obi-wan’s fully engorged cock. He could feel the darker feelings inside of the man who he mercilessly prodded to orgasm. It was an aphrodisiac to him, enhancing his own pleasure. He loved the feeling of being wanted, so completely needed. All of it intensified by the duality of their love, how selfless Obi-wan was. But Anakin held that power over him, to turn the man into a pleasure fiend in seconds. 

Obi-wan took Anakin’s face in his hands, bringing their foreheads together. “I love you, I love you,” Obi-wan said breathlessly, the high of his possessiveness melting into a heartwarming thankfulness. Anakin wanted _him,_ loved _him._ He still couldn’t believe it. 

“I love you too,” Anakin whispered, gently meeting his lips in a soft, passionate kiss. Obi-wan wrapped his hands around him, placing one at his low back and another between his shoulders, feeling through their bond how the touch made him feel whole, loved, cherished. And he was, completely. 

Anakin kept on riding his master at a gentle pace as Obi-wan touched a hand down on his cock, moving his hand away so that he might pleasure him instead. Anakin let him, bracing his hands on Obi-wan’s lower legs instead, looking at his husband who was quickly losing himself to another orgasm, his body trembling as his pleasure began to quickly grow, releasing as he threw his head back, a soft strangled moan leaving his throat. 

The feeling of Obi-wan’s throbbing cock inside of him, the hot wet feeling of fresh cum being spilled pushed him over the edge as he cried out prettily, watching his master with hooded eyes as pleasure swept over him. He wanted the man to drink in just how wonderful he made him feel, every ounce of the delicious pleasure that pulsed inside of him. 

“I wish it could always be like this,” Anakin sighed, putting his head down on Obi-wan’s chest in his glowing exhaustion. 

“It could be,” Obi-wan answered back, wiping his hand off on a nearby towel and holding Anakin around his shoulders. “We can go anywhere, do anything.”

“Where do you want to go?” Anakin asked, yawning, feeling rather sleepy. 

“Someplace warm, but not too warm. Lots of green.” Obi-wan said distantly as he tried to visualize where they might go.

“You could be a teacher. You would be a wonderful teacher. I could have a shop, fix things for people. We could live a simple life. Maybe even raise children.” Anakin said wistfully, drifting off to sleep. “We can grow old together. Be happy. As happy as we are right now.”

“Let’s sleep now, dear one. We can talk about it all tomorrow,” Obi-wan said, feeling glad Anakin was less aware, so that he didn’t sense the feeling of unease that churned in his heart. He couldn’t forget what Qui-gon had said. That it wasn’t all over. That there would be more darkness to face against. The thought of raising children with his beloved sounded wonderful. But their path was hardly that of one safe enough to raise younglings. 

“Goodnight, husband,” Anakin said with a smile. 

“Goodnight my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I do believe in happy endings. For all of the things our poor boys have been put through, I just didn't have it in me to have it any other way. One more chapter after this, an epilogue really. It will be on the way very soon. Thank you for all of your kind comments, kudos, and support through the whole story. I don't think I could have written all this without your encouragement!


	38. Epilogue

After a short while of searching, Obi-wan and Anakin had come upon the small world of Tenara. It was a beautiful place with friendly locals. Immediately they had become all but enamored with the locale. 

With its lush forests and endless planes, both of them felt more at home than perhaps they ever had. They settled in the off skirts of the world’s major city, buying up a small farm where they grew enough crops to get by. Anakin was able to open up a small mechanic shop. It just so happened that the town had been in dire need of someone with his kind of technological expertise. 

Even more alluring about the place, was the fact that it had been nearly untouched by the war. They had not allied themselves with the republic, nor did they have anything the separatists truly needed. Apart from the occasional scuffle with pirates of which the locals had taken to be adept in defending against, the place was balance personified, shining with light. 

Even better yet, no one here knew who they were. It was a difficult task, to find a place where they could achieve this level of anonymity. For much of the war they were the talk of too many holo casts- the negotiator and the famous hero with no fear. Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker had been names on the lips of nearly every republic citizen at one time or another. But here, they were able to leave their old lives behind, taking only their love and each other with them into this new place. 

Anakin had known instantly what he wanted to do, and he excelled at it. To the townsfolk he quickly became a local hero, fixing things that would have bankrupt small farm owners to replace. Often times all he asked in return was a future favor that most likely would go unpaid, or even to share a meal as friends. 

Obi-wan had been less decisive on his future career. It was somewhat ironic, how he tended to their garden with such care most days. Once upon a time he had been assigned to the agricorps, all those years ago when he had been an overly proud youngling. Now as an adult, quite humbled by experience he was back where his journey had started, tending a garden just as Anakin was off tinkering in his shop, this time as owner rather than slave boy.

Anakin had insisted he had been the best teacher, and encouraged him to open a small school. The thought had terrified him, to be honest. Shaping young minds was something he had thought he was rather poor at. In spite of the happiness they had found together, he still felt a twinge of blame. He didn’t want to taint any young minds, although Anakin had encouraged him and repeatedly expressed that he was overthinking it. After all, it was completely within his character to do so. 

It might have been easier if he were able to outwardly use the force in whatever pursuit he might have taken, but it would have frightened the locals. Both men took to only visibly using the force within the closed doors of their home. There were tales all around town about the evil Jedi, how they ruined entire star systems, stole people’s children. 

Obi-wan and Anakin were not jumping at the bit to reveal themselves. Even though they were not truly Jedi, the townspeople would not discriminate. In a place such as this with such simple minded people, it would sooner be that their home was torched and that they would be driven out of the town, than for anyone to change their long held beliefs. Simple people such as these feared the unknown. It was not so much something either of them held against the locals, but such was the life of any commoner. They could hardly hold it against them. 

So when Obi-wan had set his intent on a career, Anakin had been nervous to hear of it. 

“Are you sure?” Anakin asked, dishing up both of them a portion of that nights dinner as be brought both plates to the table. 

“Yes, I’m positive. I don’t have to use the force to be a healer. I want to help people. Besides, there is a need. The nearest doctor is a day’s ride away.” Obi-wan explained, pouring the both of them a cup of his favorite tea. He was now able to grow the tea leaves himself, leaving the product even better tasting than he ever imagined. Though now as they had been settled here for nearly three months, he had become accustomed to it.

“But you _will_ end up using the force. Someone is going to notice eventually.” Anakin said, stabbing one of the cooked vegetables with a fork with a worried expression on his face. 

“I will be careful. You know me, master of caution.” Obi-wan said sarcastically, making his husband laugh for a moment before he spoke in earnest.

“Obi-wan, i’m serious. I know you love it here. I do, too. I know we would survive if the town found out we’re force sensitive, but you would be devastated.” Anakin said compassionately as he shot his husband a warm look of concern from across the table. 

“You use the force all the time when you fix things. How is this any different?” Obi-wan said, captivated by the other man’s gentle gaze. 

“Inanimate objects can’t tattle on me, can they?” Anakin said in a chastising manner. 

Obi-wan took a breath. “I promise, no one will find out.”

“Well there’s no talking you out of it, is there?” Anakin sighed, then smiled. “Perhaps you should be called master of determination instead.”

Obi-wan raised one brow, then looked over at Anakin passionately. “I can think of other things I would rather be master of,” he said with a small smile that made Anakin bite his lip. 

Obi-wan stood up, rounding the small table as Anakin watched, then leaned down to kiss him. A stray hand reached down, brushing between his thighs causing the man to gasp. “I would call you master of distraction then,” Anakin said between kisses. “Because as much as I like what you’re doing right now,” another kiss, another more invasive hand gripping him through his leggings. “I still don’t approve of your choice.”

Before Obi-wan could come back with a witty remark, there was a brisk knocking on the front door. Obi-wan drew back a bit, fixing his clothes and hair to be presentable as Anakin did the same. 

“At this hour?” Obi-wan remarked. “Who could it possibly be?” He glanced out the window, seeing no one, only a small space craft a few meters out. 

“Only one way to find out,” Anakin said, standing, crossing over to the front door as Obi-wan hung back in the kitchen, listening. 

As Anakin opened the door, Obi-wan could sense his shock through their bond. Hearing no words, only a breathless silence, he rounded the corner, looking on at who might be standing at their front door so late in the night. 

“Hi, masters,” Ahsoka said both happy and sad all at the same time as she presented a small bundle in her arms. Aside her, master Plo also holding something equally small and fragile resting in the crook of his elbow. 

They were children. _His_ children. Anakin didn’t have to hear them say it to know the truth of it. He could feel them now, strongly through the force. They couldn’t be more than a few months old by the size of their small bodies. Through their bond he could feel Obi-wan instantly understand as well, without a word needing to be said. 

“Their mother died shortly after a speeder crash,” Plo said in sorrow. “There was simply too much internal damage.”

“Padme?” Anakin asked, a certain amount of guilt in his chest at the thought, though he already knew. 

“Yes.” Plo confirmed. “They had no father on record, though she insisted they were yours on her deathbed. Since their force presence is so strong, the council thought it most likely to be true.”

“I-I don’t know what to say…” Anakin stammered, tears beading in his eyes for the news, for the children, _his_ children. He didn’t even know their names. For Padme to meet with such an untimely end. He always did feel guilty about the way things had ended between themselves. He had hoped they might come to have some closure in time. Clearly now that would be impossible. 

Obi-wan placed a consoling arm around his waist, providing a strong yet gentle and soothing presence. Anakin was thankful for it. Ahsoka handed over the small thing in her arms to Anakin. Wrapped with care in several layers of blankets was a peacefully sleeping little girl. 

“Her name is Leia.” Ahsoka said softly, not to wake the child. 

Then Plo handed over the other bundle into Obi-wan’s arms. The man was clearly flustered, he had no idea how to care for a child, let alone a newborn. But the tiny life that had been placed in his arms immediately melted the reservations in his heart. Instantly he was in love. 

“This one is Luke,” Plo said. 

“Well perhaps I won’t be going to work as soon as I had thought,” Obi-wan said softly, a few tears beading up in his eyes. Anakin had always talked about having children. Obi-wan was never so sure he would be any good at it. 

But the small precious things that had just been handed over to them were absolutely perfect in every way. They looked like their father, also like their mother. As much as Obi-wan had nearly hated her at a time, if she could bring something as wonderful as these children into the world, the children of his husband no less, he could only thank her. 

“If the time ever comes that they wish to train at the temple, or if you ever need someone to watch over them, don’t hesitate to contact us.” Master Koon said, donning the hood of his cloak over his features. 

“We’ll keep it in mind, master.” Anakin said with thanks, looking back down with wonder at the two small infants they held in their arms. 

Ahsoka and Plo turned back to their ship with a polite bow. “You’re welcome to come inside and have a bite to eat if you want,” Obi-wan offered. “We’ve just finished making dinner. And there’s tea. I’ve grown the leaves myself,” he added with just a hint of pride. 

“Thank you for the kind offer Obi-wan, but we must decline. We have urgent business that calls us to be elsewhere.”

“As you wish, master.” Obi-wan said acquiescently. “We hope to see you again sometime soon. Come visit us sometime, won’t you?” Obi-wan added, mostly speaking to Ahsoka. She turned to give a smile, one undercut with things unspoken. 

The two Jedi walked off into the night, as Obi-wan and Anakin closed the door to their home, two precious little souls in their arms. Both of them completely stunned by how their lives had completely changed in the span of an instant. 

As the twins still slept, Obi-wan handed over Luke so that he could devise a makeshift crib from a small basket and blanket. Once he had, Anakin set down the two of them aside one another. Both of them still sleeping soundly. It nearly made Anakin nervous that they should be so still. 

Once they were all tucked in, Obi-wan placed the basket on the low sitting coffee table that sat at the center of their simple dwelling. The two of them sat back in silence on the sofa as Obi-wan had brought them both their cups of tea to sip on. 

Anakin felt slightly uneasy, afraid to ask Obi-wan how he was feeling, _really_ feeling. The fact that his ex-wife had been pregnant with his children felt like a slight to his husband.

Before he could motivate himself to form words to ask the man anything, Obi-wan put a warm reassuring hand on his knee. “Don’t think like that,” he said, a shade of hurt in his voice. 

Anakin looked over at his husband with a sorry expression. “Please, I may be incredibly in love with you, and slightly jealous at times, but these children are a blessing. I’m not such a monster that I would be jealous of innocent younglings, no matter who their mother was.” Obi-wan said on the edge of offense. 

“I’m sorry,” Anakin said, suddenly feeling a little guilty. “It’s just after all that we’ve been through-”

“Stop,” Obi-wan said, the stir of old painful memories churning in his heart. “I love you. You are always talking about how much you wanted to raise children, and here they are. They’re a gift. I can only feel thankful for them. Even thankful for Padme, bringing them into this world.” Obi-wan said sincerely, not an ounce of malice in his beautiful heart. “It’s incredible how much they look like you. They’re perfect. Just like their father.”

Anakin was struck by Obi-wan’s words, as he had nothing to say in return. Instead he curled up next to him, looking on at the twins who lie sleeping so peacefully. 

“They’re ours, Obi-wan.” Anakin said warmly with a smile as he nestled into his husband’s shoulder. 

“Yes,” Obi-wan answered. “And they’re beautiful.”

-Fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you. To the people who have read this far, all of this is for you. I write this stuff for you guys and I've truly enjoyed doing so. So thank you for all of the comments and the kudos, thank you for reading. This story has been my baby for the last 8 months, and now that it's over I'm having a bit of a crisis. Though I'm hardly done writing, so i'll see you soon in the next fic :)
> 
> Blu3sc0rpion


End file.
